mark henry

John Smiths...bloody awful stuff

Hi Mark: Others here have givin some very good advice. Sometimes a 3rd party standing back and viewing the big picture can see more clearly.

Firstly, if the wife does not love you any more, there is really not too much that you can do about that. In your post you had mentioned that she does not –

“Want a loving/sharing/equal relationship.”

“I don't ask anything from her (affection, sex, sharing of feelings ect) and continue to provide for her (and family) then no probs.”

It is my gut feeling that she just might have never really loved you and that you were the way to a better life. You mentioned that you are “not a high earner” but I would just bet that what you do earn provides a way higher standard of living than she had back in Thailand.

You have been a meal ticket for both her and her family, as you send money back home.

Her talking about “loosing “ you once you are back in Thailand, my, how convenient for her? Again, why are you returning to Thailand? There is nothing for you there. By packing up you family and traveling back to the families door step so to speak, just makes it very easy for your wife to then just dump you and send you off on your way ALONE.

More gut feelings; I would then guess that she would then once again be in the “market” for a rich falang.

Most of your money is wrapped up in your home as you are now in the 8th year of your mortgage. You will now have a very nice chunk of money in equity. I would re-finance your home and take just as much money out as you possibly can and “hide” it in a place that she or the law can’t get it.

I would as previously suggested, gain control of you child’s passport.

I would then allow her to return to Thailand ALONE. You need to keep very tight control of you money so as he could not buy two plane tickets and try to run off. If she has any credit cards, get them and cut them up.

Bottom line, Don’t take the trip back to Thailand

Sorry, your a little off line here. She ain't married to me for finanacial gain, i work for the local authority, compared to some of you guys it's really beer money what i get! Besides which i send home only what she gave to her family when she was working in BKK + she gets no pocket money from me!

I think she has/does? love me but love for most (all?) Thai's is very, very different from love as we (most) westerners would perceive it..romantic that it is'nt thats for sure.

As for sex, well she simply says it's not important for her! I have heard mentioned a Thai women in general consider sex after kids and into their late thirties/forties as bing scorned on, dirty even? Only what i heard , on this forum i thinks.

Feelings, i think this is fairly common amongst Thai's they just don't share them much, particularly, oddly enought, with their Husbands!

I will without hesitation be taking my Sons passport and hers + airline tickets pretty much as soon as we land in BKK.

p.s she got no credit cards and as far as i know no savings.

I reckon that after 20 years of marriage to a Thai and nearly 30 years experience in Thailand, my experience would indicate that 90% of the marriages of Farang men to Thai women will end in disaster. Play the odds and keep the kid either home or in your sight 24/7 when in Thailand. And make it clear that if she splits with the kid, there will be no financial support in the future unless the child remains with you.

A Thai woman going to a marriage counselor,

Thanks, this is the best advice i'v had or at least the best advice i wanted to hear!

My wife has never had a counsellor but our Mid-wife recognising we had problems got a Thai woman who worked as a counsellor/interpreter ffor various organisations to come and talk through some "issues". But me thinks it went through one and out the other!

yeah go for it.

a holiday in LOS is what you need.

I can post stoopid 1 liners about you being a <deleted> when they find bits of your body laying around

P.S. got any pics of ya wife ?

Got some pics on my yahoo photo file but would'nt know how to put them on here?

Mark, Kurgen is just winding you up... What he is saying this that if you are found out that you had been found dead then he would "take care your wife if she was a nice bit of totty"

But of course he is only joking

Oh..i'm just a tad slow! Sorry she ain't a stunner, at least not for Thailand, over here she still turns heads though!

Dont close it, this is very valuable info for future guys heading over to Thai

Plus lets hear how it all turns out

thanks

nam

I will. Thanks

Why can't i think of anything witty?

Why have'nt i got a high IQ same as Alex?

Are the above related?

i like to believe/hope she'll realize what she got here in the UK compared to what she had in BKK and perhaps she may make some changes

This isn't going to happen if you make the trip to Thailand, and why she needs to make the trip alone. The old cliche rings true- you don't know what you have until it is gone.

If you and son go with her to Thailand... what will she see as missing from her life, and need to change?

The other cliche- If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it is meant to be.

Of course i also need to show some fexability, understanding towards her.

Why? She has used you / lied to you / cheated on you. Have you gotten screaming mad over it yet? Maybe smashed a little crockery on the floor? Or- have you just been Mister flexible and understanding..... her lap dog?

Reakon there's always an inbalance in a relationship and perhaps one of you needs to be the "adult" and lead the way?... maybe.

Seems like she is the one doing the leading / in control of this situation! Has you right where she wants you..... by the short hairs!

Already done what you have suggested, year+ ago sent her home for a couple of weeks. Yes maybe i am being a "lap dog" or you could say i'm trying to to show her by example?

Anyway i think some folks are gettin irritated by this post and perhaps it's gone as far as it can? So can i request it's a closed topic now?

Thanks again.

yeah go for it.

a holiday in LOS is what you need.

I can post stoopid 1 liners about you being a <deleted> when they find bits of your body laying around

P.S. got any pics of ya wife ?

Got some pics on my yahoo photo file but would'nt know how to put them on here?

If she gets all fruity one night and says she wants to kink up your sex life up by cuffing you and putting a bag over your head, take my advicemate, RUN LIKE <deleted> !

Thanks for that, made me laugh. some way off hand cuffs and the like she still insistis on the light being out!!

Hi guys

Just read the last few posts (don't have a computer, use works!). Bit harsh are'nt you? I am listening to your advice and take on board your concerns (if thats what they really are?). Apologies too if you think i'm wasting your time, i don't consider i am, of course if you do then go read another post!

I have made my descion in that i'm going to go to LOS and i'll be careful and get out if it looks threatening in any way. My goal is to try and save my marriage if i can for the sake of my child (and my happiness). Despite everything i'v said about my wife's behaviour i like to believe/hope she'll realize what she got here in the UK compared to what she had in BKK and perhaps she may make some changes, can but try. Of course i also need to show some fexability, understanding towards her.

Reakon there's always an inbalance in a relationship and perhaps one of you needs to be the "adult" and lead the way?... maybe.

Poor you...!

If you ask me... I would tell you that you got the wrong woman. You probably married her out of pity and she, out of the potential wealth you have. Seems like she is in it so you can help feed the entire country...

Plenty of you guys are into it that way, so it seems. So, you are not the only one, definitely not the first and wouldn't be the last. Just bear with it then.

Keeping giving...

Your so sweet, thankyou, sympathy at last!

My wife and her family in BKK are the same, no affection at all, even when we said good bye at the airport last visit knowing she would'nt see them again for a couple of years.

In fact it goes deeper than just lack of hugs/cuddles, couple of months ago my wifes Daughter got hit by a taxi resulting in a hospital admission. My wife would not even ring her, said she did not know what to say? Very difficult to get your head around.

Don't think we should keep using "cultural" as an excuse think it's just plain ignorance!

There may be an alternative to sort it out 'Thai style'.

Get a local Thai who is respected by your spouse to listen to both sides, you may be able to work out a settlement far more equitable and less acrimoniously than the legal pathway (not to mention cheaper and quicker).

Of course this depends a lot on who the Thai is. I have in the past been contacted by the someone from the consulate (yes I almost fell of my chair in amazement) wanting to sort out a clients marital problems quote 'thai style' rather than go through the courts.

Are there any fair minded local Thai friends, you can speak to it about? If so if might be advantageous to put the situation to them.

You are the only one who can sort it out, think strategically and clearly before you make any moves. Having a friend with some nous to speak to might clear your mind.

Accepting a bad relationship for the childs sake is very noble, but usually is either not necessary or leads to bad outcomes.

best of luck

Thanks for that, can't think of anyone who can mediate right now but i'll keep it in mind.

Your last point is spot on i think i'm delluding myself by claiming i can stay in the relationship on her terms for the sake of our son. chances are he'll grow-up screwed.

This does though limit my choices though.

It's interesting I am just reading a book regarding parents staying in the relationship for the childrens sake. It makes the point any break up is going to more damaging the older the child is. At 18 months they are less aware and less likely to blame themselves. This is not my field, but the book is by a supposedly well known psychiatrist.

Anyway, it may be the best value of these forums is simply to vent, get it all off your chest, clear your mind and later come to your own conclusions?

Your right thats what i love about this forum you can say pretty much what you like, very cathartic (i believe to be the right expression), although i do occasionally cringe at what i'v written afterwards!

Quick thought regarding this subject; i still don't know for sure if my wife is bad'un or not or just very misunderstood by myself?? This is what is preventing me from doing anything rash.

Women are hard to understand at the best of times but Thai women....i just don't get her.

Love is Blind

That it is.

In case any ones interested i'll let you know how it turns out end December time when i get back from LOS, assuming of course i'm around to tell the story ho ho

There may be an alternative to sort it out 'Thai style'.

Get a local Thai who is respected by your spouse to listen to both sides, you may be able to work out a settlement far more equitable and less acrimoniously than the legal pathway (not to mention cheaper and quicker).

Of course this depends a lot on who the Thai is. I have in the past been contacted by the someone from the consulate (yes I almost fell of my chair in amazement) wanting to sort out a clients marital problems quote 'thai style' rather than go through the courts.

Are there any fair minded local Thai friends, you can speak to it about? If so if might be advantageous to put the situation to them.

You are the only one who can sort it out, think strategically and clearly before you make any moves. Having a friend with some nous to speak to might clear your mind.

Accepting a bad relationship for the childs sake is very noble, but usually is either not necessary or leads to bad outcomes.

best of luck

Thanks for that, can't think of anyone who can mediate right now but i'll keep it in mind.

Your last point is spot on i think i'm delluding myself by claiming i can stay in the relationship on her terms for the sake of our son. chances are he'll grow-up screwed.

This does though limit my choices though.

It's interesting I am just reading a book regarding parents staying in the relationship for the childrens sake. It makes the point any break up is going to more damaging the older the child is. At 18 months they are less aware and less likely to blame themselves. This is not my field, but the book is by a supposedly well known psychiatrist.

Anyway, it may be the best value of these forums is simply to vent, get it all off your chest, clear your mind and later come to your own conclusions?

Your right thats what i love about this forum you can say pretty much what you like, very cathartic (i believe to be the right expression), although i do occasionally cringe at what i'v written afterwards!

Quick thought regarding this subject; i still don't know for sure if my wife is bad'un or not or just very misunderstood by myself?? This is what is preventing me from doing anything rash.

Women are hard to understand at the best of times but Thai women....i just don't get her.

Just been speaking to my Mum, reakon she's been speaking to you guys tells me i'm crazy to be going to Thailand (she's convinced the wife will have me bumped-off cos "there like that in them third world countries"!). Problem is i know i'll go for reasons i'v already stated.

As with any relationship on the rocks you never really know how much of whats going around in your head is fantasy?

Was it a fantasy when she tried to stab you the other day??? (as per your description on another thread)

Mark, what you do is your business, but when you sit back and see the general advice from people who are over here and have had good and bad relationships with Thai girls, then the common denominator is DONT COME!!!! until you have resolved the problem. The reason I am so persistant is that for some reason, you are NOT thinking of the welfare of your child

No it was'nt fantasy and your quite right.

I do consider the welfare of my child. If he were to grow up in LOS i don' know what will happen. My wife has a Daughter from a previous relationship, she's 18 now and soon to start Uni. which is great and she's a nice kid if a little cold and withdrawn.

There may be an alternative to sort it out 'Thai style'.

Get a local Thai who is respected by your spouse to listen to both sides, you may be able to work out a settlement far more equitable and less acrimoniously than the legal pathway (not to mention cheaper and quicker).

Of course this depends a lot on who the Thai is. I have in the past been contacted by the someone from the consulate (yes I almost fell of my chair in amazement) wanting to sort out a clients marital problems quote 'thai style' rather than go through the courts.

Are there any fair minded local Thai friends, you can speak to it about? If so if might be advantageous to put the situation to them.

You are the only one who can sort it out, think strategically and clearly before you make any moves. Having a friend with some nous to speak to might clear your mind.

Accepting a bad relationship for the childs sake is very noble, but usually is either not necessary or leads to bad outcomes.

best of luck

Thanks for that, can't think of anyone who can mediate right now but i'll keep it in mind.

Your last point is spot on i think i'm delluding myself by claiming i can stay in the relationship on her terms for the sake of our son. chances are he'll grow-up screwed.

This does though limit my choices though.

Just been speaking to my Mum, reakon she's been speaking to you guys tells me i'm crazy to be going to Thailand (she's convinced the wife will have me bumped-off cos "there like that in them third world countries"!). Problem is i know i'll go for reasons i'v already stated.

As with any relationship on the rocks you never really know how much of whats going around in your head is fantasy?

My wife usually makes these rather hurtful comments ("i'll loose you in Thailand") when she's pissed with me and i being a bit soft take it to heart.

Anyway i take on board whats been said and think i'll just be careful and look for signs that might be of concern (like a knife in the back) and if things don't look good i'll grab the passports/tickets and get out with my son early back to Blighty.

cheers again.

Thaks all for your advice. Re; the holiday. As i said i'm not a high earner it's taken two years for me to save the money to go to Thailand and despite our problems i'm kinda looking forward to it! i do see it as an opportunity to get our marriage back on track. My wifes Sister is having our son for a week so we can go to Phuket together. I want this opportunity to see if my wife really wants to be with me/loves me and i'll act according to how that goes. Well thats the plan anyways.

I reakon a lot of our problems are to do with my wife having to take care of our son full time, she just ain'nt used to doing stuff for herself. She is basically a very sefish woman, now thats not a critisisim its just a fact. as i'v said on previous threads her life was get up go to work from 10am till 9/10pm 6 days a week, Sunday lay in bed go shopping thats it with little/no deviation! She's never really had to think about anyone else other than herself her Mum did pretty much everything at home.

I always remember her saying that she thought Paris was in America! Maybe a stupid comment for me to say but for me it tells me a lot about her view of the world/self/others.

Paris , Texas

Stupid me..of course thats what she meant!!

Thaks all for your advice. Re; the holiday. As i said i'm not a high earner it's taken two years for me to save the money to go to Thailand and despite our problems i'm kinda looking forward to it! i do see it as an opportunity to get our marriage back on track. My wifes Sister is having our son for a week so we can go to Phuket together. I want this opportunity to see if my wife really wants to be with me/loves me and i'll act according to how that goes. Well thats the plan anyways.

I reakon a lot of our problems are to do with my wife having to take care of our son full time, she just ain'nt used to doing stuff for herself. She is basically a very sefish woman, now thats not a critisisim its just a fact. as i'v said on previous threads her life was get up go to work from 10am till 9/10pm 6 days a week, Sunday lay in bed go shopping thats it with little/no deviation! She's never really had to think about anyone else other than herself her Mum did pretty much everything at home.

I always remember her saying that she thought Paris was in America! Maybe a stupid comment for me to say but for me it tells me a lot about her view of the world/self/others.

To answer some questions i'm still here in Blighty and my son does have a passport.

I'm confused myself as whats best to do. The choice's i have are: 1/ Keep my feelings inside (Thai style!) and make the best of the marriage for the sake of my son. This is not so difficult the problems largley stem from me in that i want a loving/sharing/equal(ish) relationship, she don't, as long as i don't ask anything from her (affection, sex, sharing of feelings ect) and continue to provide for her (and family) then no probs.

2/ Let her "loose" me in Thailand and/or grab her and my sons passport/airline tickets and come back to UK early alone (at least i'll have a home to live-in). Then perhaps i could bargin with her;ill send money to help her support our son if i can visit once a year?

3/ Continue to try for the marriage i want and risk loosing everything?

Bit grim a?

As a side issue we are off to Thailand end of this month for a holiday/see the inlaws. My wife has mentioned "loosing" me in Thailand resulting in me coming home alone!!

What does this even mean?

That she is afraid she will loose you to another woman, or that she will acidently 'loose track of you' in a tiger reservation park?

The latter me thinks!

I hope she hasn't taken out any life insurance for you.

If you're worth more dead than alive to her she may lose you for good.Wouldn't be the first time it had happened in the LOS.

Don't stand to close to the balcony

funny..but it has crossed my mind, she has got a "hot heart"

My family are concerned about me, there are aware of the situation and have told me to be careful in LOS!

Hi all,

would really appreciate some advice; my marriage is looking a little rocky and i'm pretty uncertain as to where it's going. Need to know where i stand if it all goes wrong in terms of our 18 month old son and my home.

This is the situation; Married my wife in Thailand x2, official "office" ceramony (well hardly that really just signed some papers) which i believe is recognised here in the UK and Buddist ceramony.

Married nearly 3 years, she now has her permament visa.

She does not work, so cannot contribute to the mortgage ( which i'v had for about 8 years) or anything else.

We have a son, 18 months.

I am not a high earner, i work for the local authority. What happens if we split? My worse fear is i get kicked out of my own home as i know my son is legally entitled to a roof over his head.

As a side issue we are off to Thailand end of this month for a holiday/see the inlaws. My wife has mentioned "loosing" me in Thailand resulting in me coming home alone!! Sure this would solve the financial stuff but may mean i don't see my son no more, i thought i cannot do not want to even imagine.

Any advice appreciated.

Mark

Lighten-up guys i'm going through a bad patch with the wife and needed to vent my anger/frustration. It's more how i feel rather than really meaning what i say if you get me.

My Thai wife tried to stab me not so long ago, she's not rich and educated, or a bar girl rather a poor girl if that has any relevance. We'd had a row and i lost it and slapped her face! which i deeply regret. However, i was totally stunned at the response, ornaments of variouse descriptions hurled at me culminating in a kitchen knife being thrust at me several times. Fortunatley for me the knife struck the door and wall and not me. Perhaps too much information but the point being i'd caused her to loose face or something like that. Crazy bitch. Moral of the story is DONT MARRY A THAI GIRL!