Mark Wild

Thank you all for your contributions. This was a very useful and interesting exercise. Many different experiences, many different opinions so it definitely worked. For those of you who were interested... at some stage of a relationship is was my idea for her to quit her not very well paid, not entertaining and without any career prospects job. It allowed us to spend more time together, travel to South America together last year and have a home being taken care of by her this year. I'm more comfortable with this than sending her to a similar job she had with similar conditions and salary. Better ones are probably out of the question. More education/experience in the fields she started to pursue would not probably change much and even if... I mentioned before I'm happy with a natural, historical division of duties between sexes. She mentions every now and then she'd like to run her own business, a restaurant maybe. I am open to the idea. It could be a hobby, her own money stream if she makes it profitable... but she always wants to travel, have a dog, and have babies in a not so distant future so I am threading lightly on any potential investment ideas. Women don't know what they want or they want everything even if what they want is contradicting (running a restaurant and travel?). Young women even more so, but let's leave it as it is. We will see how all of this develops. Yesterday more drama unfolded. Basically she sent 15,000 as a standard to the family in the beginning of the month plus 2,000 for Chinese New Year. Two days ago they asked for another 2,000 to open a new bank account because the old one is no good (WHAAAAT?). When I questioned the narrative, it turned out that it's 1,500 for this mysterious insurance and 500 to open a bank account. I couldn't be bothered really as it's still within her 20,000 allowance. I advised not to send this 2,000, but she did anyway. So they came back yesterday. Now the door is broken and it will cost 10,000 to fix it. In other words buffalo is sick and it looks like a door. I told her to say "no". She is considering spending the rest of her little savings from last year to have it done. Again, I advised "no" but I also told her that it's up to her if she always wants to be broke and send every baht to them no matter what. This way or another, I am not giving more. Not now, not ever unless like some. of you said - there is a major emergency and I'll have a proof of that. The situation is a bit tricky because in the end it's not even about the amount. I could give her more so she could send more. But what would be the point? Where would be the limit? I am trying to make her aware that greed of Thai villagers have no limits. Send 20,000, they will want 25,000. Send 25,000 and they will want 30,000. And the limit will never be there in my opinion. The tricky part is that we have a great lifestyle and they can probably see/sense that. In my view, however, the fact that we can have it does not automatically entitle her parents to have it too. I don't want them to be poor or suffer, but I am also not going to buy them a villa with a swimming pool if you know what I mean. And they probably will never be ok with that especially if one day we buy one for ourselves. Last, but not least... her father was of course already thinking about coming back to work but on his own terms. If only he had a van or a car for a taxi... well, yeah, to hell with that. I am not buying let's say a 1m baht car just to pay for its insurance, gas and service later on top of my gf's allowance just because he can't find enough clients to make his new business sustainable. The conclusion for me is that I'll keep giving her what I committed last July as long as the relationship works. What she does with it is her choice. I won't give more and if that's not good enough - here is the door. If there is any funny business (like a second "boyfriend) on the side to get more money - here is the door. Love is great and all but my life would be equally good without her. Just different. Thank you again for all your contributions. I am checking out for now.

Thank you, appreciate your thoughts.

She gets 20k. Sends 15k. Not enough. No more demands from them to me or even from her to me. She's just unhappy that whatever she gives is not enough. I convince her that it's way more than enough. I started this thread to actually show her later a number of opinions that she's giving way more than people usually do. Well, ok, I wasn't sure that would be the case but now I know after I received a few answers between 5k to 10k.

Very useful, thank you!

I don't know about the others but I am happy with my gf not working for 6 days/week, 10h+ days for a slave wage. She's studying, she could get better jobs over time but what for? I'd rather have a good girlfriend/wife and a possible mother of my children. A woman should have only one boss. ????

My gf has her monthly allowance for me as she quit her job to take care of me and the house. She is sending a part of it to her family and now is concerned that whatever she sends is not enough and they always want more, more and more. No one is asking me for anything more. She can be sending whatever she wants from her money. I just appreciate the fact that she shares these concerns with me instead of "buffalo sick" stories. She's young, inexperienced. I'm trying not to be bitter like many here. ????

I'm an old fashioned dude. Men work. Women take care of men and the house so for me it's pretty natural and the way I like it. How much I can afford is a tough question here. I am actually giving my gf her monthly allowance and she decides how much of it she wants to give to her family. I could probably do whatever my gf wants or they want but that's precisely why I am asking here. I want to find a right balance. Do what's reasonable instead of making anyone feel that they are entitled to a percentage of whatever I have or could afford. I am asking foreigners to see what they do in practice. My gf asked me for help to deal with this "never enough" situation as she feels the greed coming at her from all directions and is not very comfortable with that either. Yeah, it's rare, I know :-).

Thank you for this. Very useful. She has been already sending more than that but as you mentioned it's up to the people. And in this case it's never enough so your numbers are very useful for further discussions.

Hey Guys, I have lived with my girlfriend for over six months now. Her family is small for Thai standards and consist of 3 people - her parents and a 12-year-old sister. They live in their own small house in Ratchaburi province close to Damnoen Saduak. Her father used to work as a Japanese-speaking van driver. He has been unemployed for a while due to C-19. Her mother doesn't work. Naturally we support them every month, however, no matter what we do it never seems to be enough. Luckily my girlfriend sees that and is probably even more unhappy about this than I am. We would like to get your opinion on what would be a fair monthly support amount in this situation to provide them with a decent Thai lifestyle. We need some information for my girlfriend to have some "negotiation power". What she wants to do is to declare that she will be sending XX amount every month and that's it. "Don't ask more. You will not get more and so on". For now we have a situation in which no matter how much she sends they will always ask for more. "Oh, I have to open a new bank account and need to deposit 2000 there". "Oh, I need to pay annual insurance." "Remember about the New Year... Remember about the Chinese New Year". With this speed soon they will discover their Indian roots and ask for the money for Diwali as well! ;-). I'd love to hear from as many of you as possible. Cheers, Marc