ASEANTraveler

I am curious about this Thailand dynamic of “if you don’t get married before 25, then you are out.” I don’t know much about this…. Are you saying that basically a Thai man will not marry a “left-over” woman in her late 20s-30s. What about a divorced woman? What is their status here? Are the never married Thai men over 25 “out too” (for their gender)? Ultimately, seems to me you have a very large group of men all pursuing a very small group of women 18-25., for which there clearly cannot be enough supply to meet the demand.

Frankly, I am surprised this post got so much traction. ???? And if the replies keep coming, all the better! But here at the 48 hour mark or so, I wanted to say a big thank you to everyone for all the replies (even those of you who ridiculed me a bit). I read all the comments, picking little morsels of knowledge and insight from each one. There’s a lot of collective wisdom here in terms of “man hours” lived and experiences logged in the “man/woman” logbook. And, of course, we all pretty much have — to one extent or another — struggled with the challenge of “thinking with the wrong head” from time to time in our lives. So, solidarity with all of you and thank you for the advice and feedback.

I will plead guilty to your one charge that “woman might also have been up for it.” Even the “good girls” seem to have desires and wants. I forget that sometimes

The “gentleman” in me kind of feels like a jerk if I don’t respond, but that’s more a problem for me than for them. I agree with you…one or two dates is not a marriage and they probably don’t give it a second thought (even if I do)

Truthfully I do like dinner dates. ???? Look: I’m no angel — especially in my younger days. There have been plenty of “let’s have dinner” dates that were just a formality for the main event. She knew it and I knew it. But I am not 27 anymore. I know it almost seems foreign these days, but having a nice meal with a woman (good food, nice ambiance) can itself be a wonderful experience — just living in the moment, being in the presence of the “feminine” form without expectations of sex, financial support, future relationships, etc.).

Some good points here for which I need to be more accountable for my own behavior

This maybe the most practical advice yet. Perhaps I need to just converse a bit more before asking out to dinner. Dinner to me is not a big deal — I eat out everyday anyway, usually alone — but “dinner” might have a committed, romantic connotation to some Thai women, I guess. The woman I met last night (which prompted me to write this post today) I met while waiting for the Songtaew. It was starting to rain, I ordered Grab, and knowing that our destinations were close, I had her join me for the ride. Dinner invite was fourthcoming from my lips within about 7-8 minutes. And when Grab let us off at the night market, that’s precisely what happened.

Just to be clear…as I said in my original post: “I want to handle the situation in a dignified manner that does not unnecessarily hurt anyone’s feelings.” It is not that I am annoyed with any of these women’s behavior. I am somewhat confused by them, but not angry or annoyed. Bottom line: I just don’t know how to communicate to these women that hey: “you are an attractive lady, I had a nice evening with you, and I would like to do it again to get to know you better and see if we are compatible. (But FYI — you are NOT a girlfriend)” That is the message I want them to hear, but (either because of cultural issues or I am saying it wrong), it does not seem to be what they are hearing.

You’re right. It is. I would be “open” to the idea of a potential relationship (down the road) with any of these woman. I would not have asked them out to dinner in the first place if I thought they were not “possibilities.” But the whole process of “dating” — effectively getting to know each other BEFORE commitment — is what I am struggling with here in Thailand. It’s like the “let’s see if we are compatible” phase is missing. Going out with a lady 5-8-10 times BEFORE you make her a girlfriend seems important to me. How does she react to different situations? What are her interests? How does she react and solve a small disagreement? Is she even tempered? Does she seem responsible with money? Do we have a shared sense of humor? And on and on….

No women in their 20s, TYVM! This dynamic about being “past their prime” in Thailand if they are mid 30s or whatever is a strange one to me. These women I meet are attractive ladies: slim, long healthy hair, no tattoos, nice smooth skin, eat right, don’t smoke/drink, dressed feminine and look great.

You know..I am “open” to the idea of a GF, but that takes time to develop organically. Same as in my country, I have to date/get to know a woman for 2-3 months before going down the road of “okay, I want to be more serious with this woman.” Here - seems second “date” and they think you are looking for something permanent.

A fair comment and appreciated. However, even if you “date” just one at a time, they still all “act/imply/nudge” toward girlfriend status after just one date.

So, the rules of the “dating” game are clearly different here in Thailand. I need some advice on how to handle a situation that keeps occurring to me. Here’s what is happening: Me: age 46, based in Thailand, not a bad looking guy, I come across as polite and a gentlemen (which is mostly accurate). I personally do not drink alcohol or go to bars, but I do meet a variety of Thai women when out and about. Examples include: An Accountant, age 36 Hair Salon Owner, age 42 Dental Assistant, age 37 Retail Worker At A Mall, Age 43 When I meet these women, if I have a nice little conversation with them, I always invite them to dinner. This is usually fairly quickly…often during our initial conversation or after a short second conversation. I enjoy the company of a woman for dinner and always happily pay for our meals. Dinner usually turns into a walk around the night market, a park, etc., some dessert, and more conversation into the evening. I have made it a point to avoid sexual relations with the these women. There has been some going back to my place and “snuggling”/“touching,” but no sex — so I am not using the women for sex. The dinner dates have been great: laughing, smiling, good conversation to the extent possible given the language barrier. I think the woman have enjoyed the evenings as much as I have. NOW comes the challenge. These women seem to get “very attached” after just one date. They say things like “will I see you tomorrow.” They text me on LINE, etc. I genuinely enjoy the dinner dates with each woman. I would like to continue to take them out to dinner. However, I definitely DO NOT consider them “girlfriends” right away as they seem to want, imply, and act. I want to handle the situation in a dignified manner that does not unnecessarily hurt anyone’s feeling. So, how do I handle this is Thailand?