cavallerio

4 hours ago, Celsius said:

No need. Everyone here knows the end.

I know I shouldn't react, but <deleted> it. Learned a lot from the responses on this thread, mostly about what I don't want to be, and if I ever end up as bitter and cynical as some of you guys, I hope there is someone around to put me out of my misery. 

Time to call it a day.

10 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

It's nothing to do with them per se. It's that your relationship will NEVER be about you and her, It will ALWAYS be about them. Everything you do or don't do will be dictated by their needs, not yours.

If you are happy to always be second ( actually third as there are two of them ) go for it.

 

I am talking from actual experience, not some theory.

I get the point, and I appreciate the point. Nothing is going to happen quickly so I'll see how things develop. Realistically I wouldn't expect to be prioritised over her kids, and I'd be wary of anyone that said they would do this, or actually did it.

Anyway, thanks to everyone for all the input. I'll try to post updates as things progress.

Being played is always a possibility. All I can say is I have no cause to suspect that is the agenda, but I'm not going to pretend I would see it coming if it was. What I don't want is to be sat here in 5 years time regretting what might have been. I've already been there. Worst case I'll lose some money I can easily afford, best case I get to spend the rest of my life with a wonderful woman.

I don't get referring to kids as 'baggage'? They're great kids, and a credit to their mum, and I'm more than happy to support them. I wouldn't want to be with a woman who didn't put her kids first 

I suppose at the end of the day we're all a product of our experiences, and maybe I'll be back here in a few years making sick buffalo jokes. Either way, I don't want to regret what might have been 🙂

Just got home yesterday. Really good visit, we get on way better in person than online. Learned a lot about Thai/ Isaan culture, some of which made my jaw drop, and got to see some bits of Bangkok maybe tourists wouldn't normally get to. We're planning to meet again later in the year, in the UK if we can get a visa to include the kids, Thailand again if not. I'm well aware that I'll be expected to foot the bill for this stuff, and to be fair she's never sugar coated that. Having spent a week together I think I'm getting the best of the deal whatever 🙂

A few random thoughts after my first visit to Thailand/Bangkok:

1. The heat and humidity....and this is the winter??

2. Cruising down the Chao Praya river at night, and watching the fireworks...just magical 

3. Weaving through rush hour traffic on a motorcycle taxi - petrified

4. Thai massage...already looking for a place near my home

5. How nice and helpful everyone was, everywhere 

6. The food. I don't think I had a bad meal once, although a somtam dish with a crab in it was whipped away from me, as it would 'make sick'

13 hours ago, SAFETY FIRST said:

I'm seeing more and more of these threads asking for help regarding relationship on AN forums.

 

I reckon Admin should create a DEAR ABBY section within the Thailand Chat Forums, be good weekend reading after mowing the lawn. 😎

Always happy to entertain. It's a shame you weren't able to share your wisdom on the topic, I'm sure it would be immeasurably helpful.

Thanks again to everyone that left constructive comments, really helpful to hear the different viewpoints. I'll post an update when I get back.

8 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Mrs Palmer and a porn DVD

Heh...must be the modern version, it used to be Rosie Palm and her five daughters

10 minutes ago, hotandsticky said:

Please send details.

Register on AdultWork and take your pick

4 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

4 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

. I was on medication for depression at one stage of my life. I had to wean myself off

 

Me too... congratulations on getting through it. The black dog is tough to beat 👍

3 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

If "companionship" was all he wanted it would have helped if he made that clear in the OP.

However that puts a different spin on everything and my advice would have been completely different

It's a bit both, I'm not ready to hang the pecker up for good just yet...but I am looking for a proper relationship, if I was just looking to get my end away there are cheaper and easier ways than flying to Thailand - thanks for your input mate, it is appreciated 

8 hours ago, Banana7 said:

encounters. There is no benefit for you to send money. Most Thais don't celebrate Christmas and don't exchange presents, so why send Christmas presents? - Did they send you a present?

She's a single mum raising two kids on a low wage, I'm a single guy with no commitments, earning a decent wage, house paid for, money in the bank, final salary pension...I don't expect reciprocity. If I can help out a little, I'm ok with that. It's not going to bankrupt me, and no plans to transfer assets from the UK anytime soon

1 hour ago, Celsius said:

No it is not. Otherwise they would not need to see a doctor and get choked on viagra. Give me a break

Side effect of medication...happy to sacrifice some libido to keep my heart in good shape 🙂

Apologies if this point has already been made, but there are a lot of young people out there struggling to come to terms with their sexuality and gender. It helps to see gay and trans people portrayed in normal situations so they can see it's a viable lifestyle choice.

If I'm being honest I feel uncomfortable watching movies and TV shows with men kissing, probably like a lot of men of my generation, but that's down to the time and place of my upbringing. 

Just to add, the Tinder pickings in the UK were diabolical... overweight, tattooed, bad plastic surgery, photos filtered to high heaven...not claiming to be an oil painting myself, but boy was it depressing.

1 hour ago, Banana7 said:

Lots of good advice in this thread before my 2 bits here.

 

The different viewpoints are interesting. For me, it's like I'm listening to two voices, one saying pull away before I get in too deep, and the other saying I don't want to be sitting here in 5 years time regretting the road not taken. The second voice is winning at the moment...I guess it helps that losing a few grand isn't going to make a massive difference to my situation if it comes to that. I'm really not someone who's going to enjoy dating multiple women - no judgement against those that do, it just isn't me.

I was contacted by loads of Thai women on Tinder, probably because I got my settings wrong. Most were obvious crypto scammers, some seemed genuine, but this was the only one that actually showed a genuine interest in me and my life. I realise that could mean she's clever and playing the long game, but I don't want to mess things up by being too cautious. I have sent relatively small amounts of money for Christmas and birthday presents so far (about 14K baht in total) but she's never actually asked or even hinted for any yet.

Again, thanks for the replies, all of them...good to have a spread of opinions to ponder.

20 hours ago, BigStar said:

True, and so I pointed out to the OP that Thais are individuals. I've agreed elsewhere that relationships w/ bar girls etc. can be successful. Unquestionably true. I've known a few.

That's my thinking....I've visited quite a few countries over the years, and I guess I'd summarise my experience as people are people, wherever you are. Most are good, some exceptionally so, with a minority of pricks. I get that cultural differences matter and money matters a lot more in countries without social security and state funded healthcare. Trust but verify.

7 hours ago, GinBoy2 said:

So don't write off those family ties they can be powerful emotions, especially as you get older 

That's a good point...it's a way down the road for me yet, but I'd certainly think long and hard before cutting ties with the UK. Financially I should be ok to keep my house here and travel back and forth reasonably frequently, but definitely something to bear in mind.

Not sure how to quote posts, just to explain I'm in the UK, posted before bedtime last night and reading responses now, hence the delay.