JK-Trilly

This post is about the question of marriage, which comes up quite often in conversations about expats in Thailand. I’m obviously referring to a possible marriage to a woman who works in the sex industry, specifically the ones offering short-term sexual services for money. While I have also indulged personally, I can’t imagine ever marrying one of them. When one sits down and speaks with these girls, it doesn’t take long for the average dude to realize what he’s dealing with. Many of them are skilled manipulators, adept at lying, and are very calculating in their overall approach to money extraction. They also know how to push a man's buttons to get what they want, whether it’s money, gifts, travel and/or marriage. These aren’t qualities I’d associate with someone who would make a good wife or genuinely care for you, your needs, or even be a trustworthy and reliable life partner. Another thing I consider is their background. Many short-time girls come from impoverished, rural, peasant-class environments. Their education is often minimal, and they generally know little about the world beyond their own limited life experiences in Thailand. Many come from broken homes where they’ve had to fend for themselves from an early age, which understandably shapes their worldview, survivalist instincts and agendas in ways that don't align well with what men seek in a life-partner. Emotionally, these women can also be challenging to deal with on a daily basis. Arguments over trivial matters can become frequent, as their level of emotional maturity and lack of intellectuality can get them stuck in a cycle of insecurity and jealousy. They may hold onto strange superstitions, have beliefs in old wives’ tales, and ghosts which can lead to further misunderstandings or clashes in perspective. This isn’t to say they’re “bad people” in any way, but rather that their life experiences and upbringing may not have prepared them for the type of relationship foreign men are hoping for. Another important consideration is the impact of their past work on their ability to form healthy relationships. If someone has spent years engaging with men purely through transactional relationships, where money is the driving factor, it can be hard for them to understand or value other aspects of a male-female partnership. Concepts like trust, emotional intimacy, and mutual respect might take a backseat to financial expectations. Additionally, working as a sex worker for an extended period can leave emotional scars or cause anger issues and psychological trauma that could become irreparable. The constant need to mask true emotions, deal with rejection or exploitation, and navigate an environment centered around money and power dynamics can make it difficult for them to trust, connect, or even open up fully in a long-term relationship. This emotional baggage usually weighs heavily on both partners, often creating friction and misunderstandings that become evident over time. So why do men fall for them? Is it loneliness, the thrill of saving someone, or simply the charm and beauty that these girls exude? Many short-time girls are experts at creating the illusion of affection and love. They are good at making a man feel special, even if it is just for a fleeting moment. Perhaps for some men, this simple hoax becomes addictive, and they mistake it for something real when it is not. Another factor could be a lack of understanding about the cultural and social realities that these women come from. Some men may feel a sense of responsibility or even pity and think they can “rescue” these women from their perils. But, more often than not, these relationships don’t end with the fairy tale type ending they envisioned. For those who marry these girls, the question remains: do they truly believe they’ve found love, or are they happy to settle for the bits of attention and care they feel they can’t get elsewhere? And then what happens if and when more serious financial dynamics of the relationship come into play? Many of these marriages seem to revolve around money, with the man acting as a provider and the woman expecting continued support for her and, often, her family. In my opinion, marrying a short-time girl is a gamble at best where the odds are rarely stacked in a man's favor. While there are exceptions, and some relationships do genuinely work out, the majority seem fraught with issues. These women, by the nature of their work and upbringing, are often ill-equipped to handle the demands of a long-term partnership in the way many men might have hoped for.

Within Thailand's cosmetic surgery industry, one of the most popular procedures is rhinoplasty, also simply known as a "nose job". It’s understood that many Thai women seek a more defined bridge or a pointier tip, whilst usually they seem to be chasing a look that aligns with Western or Korean beauty styles. But to be honest, it appears that not all of these procedures turn out exactly as intended. You may have seen it yourself. A petite Thai woman with delicate features suddenly has a nose that looks like it was borrowed from a Western princess. Or worse, they display the overly sharp, unnaturally elevated bridge that shouts, “Look at me! I’ve had work done!” Some might feel that a little enhancement is nice, but what about when the nose doesn’t blend well with the facial structure, then is it still such an improvement? On the other hand, would you call it a fail? Beauty is subjective, right? Perhaps the women who get these surgeries truly like the results, even if they look noticeably artificial to others. Or maybe they see it more as a status symbol, another way of showcasing that they can afford to undergo a cosmetic procedure and the look of authenticity becomes less important. That said, it’s hard to ignore how some of these nose jobs seem to miss the target on proportion and natural shapes. Are these cases of people pushing their surgeons for a certain look, even if it doesn’t suit them? Or is it more that some clinics aren’t as skilled at matching features as others? And what about the cultural aspect? In Thailand, beauty standards are all about whiter skin, a taller and slimmer build, and a sharp, pointy nose. So this may have created a demand for particular aesthetics that don’t necessarily suit every individual's face. Thus, are Thai women being pressured into looking a certain way at the cost of losing their natural beauty? And when a nose job is overtly fake or doesn’t match the rest of the face, is it a fail? Or should we simply accept that it is their choice, that cosmetic surgical beauty is in the eye of the beholder, even if the results make you raise an eyebrow? Perhaps we need to also view the objectives and outcomes of these surgeries from an Asian perspective rather than just a Western one.

To the true champions of life, those 75 and older, living the dream in Thailand, and still kicking it like you’re 45: do you look in the mirror and think, Yep, I’ve won the game of life? Or maybe you don’t think it, but deep down you suspect maybe it’s true because, well, you’ve lived a long life already and obviously things could have always turned out much more pear shaped. So you made it this far, happily and hopefully healthily, and you’ve done it in Thailand, no less. That’s seemingly not just winning; that’s more like winning with a cherry on top, isn’t it? Or maybe it’s not for you? But if it is, then what’s the secret sauce to making it work? Is it the spicy som tam with runny fermented fish? The tropical weather? The ridiculously good/bad beer? Or is it simply the notion of knowing you’ll never have to shovel snow again? There’s got to be some wisdom to be gotten from it. What choices do you think got you to this golden stage of life, where everything feels comfortably on track? And for the rest of us still in our 50s or 60s, what advice would you give to help us get to where you are now? It’s probably not luck. Presumably you’ve made some good or great calls along the way. Was moving to Thailand one of them? Did it change your life for the better—happiness, health, wealth, romance or maybe all four? Then is it the people, the culture, the laid-back vibe, or maybe the healthcare that helps you sleep better at night? Or is life in Thailand something completely different for you than any of the above?

Aging is something we can’t avoid, but how we deal with it varies wildly. Some keep moving forward, adapting, and continuing to enjoy life as always, while others seem to get stuck, endlessly complaining about every ache, pain, and limitation. For those aging in Thailand, the dynamic takes on an even more unique flavor. For many expats here, growing older doesn’t mean slowing down. You’ll find men in their 60s and beyond who still go out to the bars, chase the same things they did in their 30s, and dive headfirst into everything life has to offer. Whether it’s maintaining an active social life, exercising, meeting new people, or traveling, these folks refuse to let age dictate their pace. They embody that classic “mind over matter” approach, embracing the here and now and staying engaged with the world around them. On the flip side, there are those who seem to have hit a wall. Instead of adapting, they focus on what’s going wrong—the health problems, creaky knees, back pains, and chronic ailments. You’ll often hear them sitting around, talking about their blood pressure, cholesterol, wanting to lose weight and all the things that they feel they can’t do anymore. For them, life in Thailand has shifted from adventure to a growing list of limitations. But here’s the question: Is it just a mindset, or do circumstances play a role? Thailand offers unique advantages for aging expats—relatively affordable healthcare, easy access to good food, warm weather that’s easier on the joints, and a culture that generally respects elders. Yet, it’s not all roses. Some face visa headaches, financial challenges, or feelings of isolation as they grow older without family nearby. For those who’ve spent more than 20 years here, it’s worth asking: Was aging in Thailand part of the plan? Or did time simply pass faster than expected, leaving you as a senior citizen in Thailand? For some, staying here into old age feels like a natural extension of the life they’ve built. For others, the question of whether they’d be better off returning to their home country looms large. The truth is, everyone approaches aging differently. Some lean into the physical realities of getting older but refuse to let them define their lives. Others see those same realities as walls that block the way forward. Where do you stand? Are you still pushing forward with life, doing the same things you did in your younger years? Or have the physical aspects of aging shifted your focus, making you feel more limited than liberated? Stoic or whinger—what’s your approach?

For foreigners dipping into Thailand’s nightlife, there’s a curious question of intent: Are most simply out there for short-term thrills, or are some genuinely seeking a life partner—even possibly marriage to a bar girl? For many, the answer is obvious. The allure of casual, no-strings-attached fun with a beautiful Thai partner is a huge draw. A lot of punters aren’t looking for anything serious, a possible bed warmer during a business trip, some are also already married back home, while others are in it purely for the moment: the excitement, the laughter, and maybe a story or two to share later (or not). That said, there’s also a well-established trend of foreigners over the last 40 years forming serious relationships with bar girls, with many even tying the knot. The dynamic is often complicated, not least because many Thai women working in the nightlife scene send financial support to their families, creating added pressures in any future potential relationship. A 2020 study by Kasetsart University revealed that around 15% of foreign men marrying Thai women had initially met their partners in nightlife settings. Anecdotal evidence suggests this figure could be higher in tourist hotspots like Pattaya, Phuket, and Bangkok. For every serious connection that develops, however, there are countless others that fizzle out after a night, a week, or a month. The motivations on both sides vary widely. Some foreigners arrive with romanticized notions of “rescuing” a bar girl from her circumstances, hoping to play the role of a savior. Others are drawn to the cultural authenticity and charm many Thai women exude. On the flip side, many bar girls are savvy professionals with clear goals, whether that’s financial security, a chance at a new life, or just a good time. So, what’s the dominant story here? Are most foreigners in Thailand’s nightlife simply enjoying the fun and variety, or is there a larger group seeking something deeper, like marriage or long-term companionship? Are these unions quite common or does the scene still lean heavily toward casual connections over commitment?

I’ve been considering something that I think a lot of people in Thailand’s unique environment often ask themselves: Is it better to stick with short-time encounters or to invest in a more traditional girlfriend setup? Short-time has its obvious perks. It’s simple, transactional, and straightforward. No drama, no misunderstandings, no emotional roller coasters, and no navigating a woman's biological monthly ups and downs. Just a direct exchange that lets you enjoy the experience and the moment and then move on. Plus, the variety is a big bonus—you’re not tied to one person, and there’s always the excitement of someone new. From a practical perspective, it’s also much lighter on the wallet when paying per serving when compared to the ongoing running costs of maintaining a girlfriend or a regular partner. Meals out, trips, gifts, all that stuff. That said, short-time can also occasionally feel too transactional. Sure, it’s convenient, but there’s also something appealing about having a deeper connection with someone—something that feels less commercial, even if it’s not a full-blown relationship. A girlfriend you see regularly might offer some added benefits, like greater passion, intimacy, or simply a sense of familiarity that you don’t always get in short-time encounters. But then again, with a girlfriend comes the flip side: the costs, the time commitment, sacrificing some of your freedom, having to please another person, and the potential for drama or misunderstandings. Even the day-to-day effort of keeping a relationship going can feel like a grind. If your goal is to keep things simple and focused, as well as problem free, it seems a girlfriend might not be the best choice. For those of you who’ve experienced trying both sides, what do you think? Do you say stick with short-time arrangements for their simplicity and low stress? Or do you think there’s some merit in having a girlfriend, even if you’re not looking for a full-fledged relationship?

Got a call from John this morning. He knows that Lek reached out to me yesterday, and he just wanted to thank me for everything I’ve done to help him so far. But he also made it clear he thinks it’s best if I step back from the situation and let him handle things himself from here on out. He asked me not to speak to Lek anymore, and if she does contact me, he wants me to tell her that he doesn’t want me involved. I asked him what he’s planning to do now, and he admitted he’s still undecided. He mentioned he’s considering going back to Australia for a bit to spend time with his siblings and clear his head. Apparently, he’s been smoking some weed to help him relax, which he says has helped, but he doesn’t want to get back into drinking. He told me he struggled with alcohol for about five years before we met, then got himself sober, so he’s trying not to go down that road again. He also confided that this whole situation has been a hit to his confidence—not just in relationships but in his own instincts. After working so hard to stay sober and get back on track, he thought this relationship was a fresh start. Now, he feels like he’s back at square one, unsure of himself and his judgment. I tried to encourage him and said it’s really not the end of the world. These things happen, and when they do, you just pick up the pieces, move on, and start over. I reminded him he’s still young at 44, and there’s still time for him to meet someone else, maybe even a nice girl here in Thailand if that’s what he wants. At this point, I guess it’s out of my hands. Part of me feels relieved, but there’s also a lot of concern about how this will end up for him. For now, I’ll respect his wishes and stay out of it, but I’m hoping he finds some peace with whatever he decides.

Got a bit of a shock today—I got a call, and the caller ID showed it was John. Naturally, I thought it was him, so I picked up, only to hear Lek’s voice on the other end. Turns out John had gone out for a run and left his phone behind, so Lek used his phone to reach me. Apparently, John confronted her after our talk, and it sounds like her cover is blown. John’s furious with her for hiding things about her past, and from what she told me, he’s talking about ending the relationship altogether. If that happens, I guess John would lose the money he already invested in building that house for them. Surprisingly, Lek wasn’t angry at me for telling John the truth. Instead, she’s asking me to help her fix things with him. She’s clearly desperate to keep him, and now she wants me to convince him to give their relationship another shot. I told her I’d consider it, but to be honest, I don’t want to defend her after the way she deceived him. Still, there’s a complication here. If I don’t step in, this situation might escalate. Lek now has my phone number from using John’s phone, and she knows where I live because she and John came by my place once before we went out for dinner. The last thing I want is her showing up unannounced, especially if my girlfriend’s around. That could make for a seriously awkward situation, and I’m not sure how far she’s willing to go to try to win him back. What would you do if you were in my shoes? Should I get involved for the sake of keeping the peace, or is it better to stay out of it and deal with any fallout if it comes?

Well, I went through with it. I sat down with John over coffee and told him directly what I thought. It wasn’t easy, and honestly, I could barely find the right words, but I knew I had to rip the bandage off at that point. John’s reaction was a mix of acceptance and devastation. He took in what I said about Lek potentially being trans, or as he put it, a “ladyboy,” and after a moment, he nodded. He said something like, “This is Thailand, right?” as if he’d half-expected something like this could be the case all along. But then the reality hit, and he just looked completely gutted. Knowing that having a family with Lek might now be off the table really shattered him, and that part was hard to watch. I could see he’s very much in love with her, so it’s complicated. At one point late in the conversation, I told John that if he really had doubts, he could ask to see Lek’s Thai government ID card. The ID would still show Lek's real gender at birth, so that would confirm things for him. When I mentioned this, I could see it sink in for him that what I was saying wasn’t some mistake or misunderstanding on my end. I think that is when he really accepted that it was all very likely real—and that I hadn’t just misread the situation. But here’s where things get even stranger. During our conversation, John started questioning if this means he’s been “gay” for being with Lek, which I think shows just how confused and shaken he is. He asked me outright if I thought it made him “less of a man” that he’d been in a relationship with someone who was born male. He kept saying things like, “Does this mean I’m into men now?” and even mentioned how it would be “humiliating” if anyone back in Australia found out. And then things took an even weirder turn. Apparently, John and Lek sometimes have a third person join them—Lek’s close “girlfriend” from Bangkok. Now he’s wondering if he’s been having group sex with two men this whole time, which he admitted is making him feel sick just thinking about it. I don’t know what to tell him; I can barely wrap my head around the whole enchilada myself. It's such an unusual situation. On top of that, John admitted that he’s in the process of building a new house for them to stay together part of the time down in Lek’s hometown of Songkhla. Lek's mother will stay in the house too and help to look after it while they aren't there. He’s already put quite a bit of money into it, and now I suspect Lek is benefiting financially from the relationship in more ways than one. Part of me worries that this house investment could be a big mistake, knowing she’s not been fully honest with him and that financial gain might be a big part of her motivation. And here’s where it gets really unpredictable. John wants to confront Lek directly and get the truth, but he’s already thinking of ways to “test” her before the conversation. He mentioned he might ask her about kids again to gauge her reaction, but to me, that just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen and avoids the point. He also hinted at some strange ideas he’s seen online for “proving” if someone is trans, which makes me worry he’s too emotional and losing focus on the real issues here. He just has to confront her now directly. At this point, I’m really not sure where things will go. I want to support him, but I feel like he’s heading into dangerous territory in more ways than one. I wish I could help him get a grip on his own identity after all this, but to be honest, I’m starting to wonder if it’s best to step back from this friendship with John, as things may only get more chaotic from here.

Thanks for the feedback on my post. After considering everything, I’ve decided that I should tell John about Lek. I feel like real friends step up in challenging times, and I owe it to him as a friend to tell him what I know. It hasn’t been an easy choice, but I believe he deserves to know before things get even deeper for him. Now that I’ve made the decision, I’m struggling with how to approach it. I’d appreciate any advice on the best way to go about this. Here are some approaches I’m considering: Direct Approach: Sit down with him one-on-one and tell him directly what I suspect. I’d make it clear I’m only bringing this up because he’s talked about having children, which makes me think he’s unaware. It’s straightforward, but I worry it could come across as blunt or even feel like an ambush. Indirect Approach: Instead of stating that I think Lek is trans, I could ask if he and Lek have discussed topics like family planning and her past. This could lead him to consider the possibility without me explicitly saying it. But this approach might end up being confusing or causing more misunderstanding. Suggest He Talk to Lek: I could encourage John to have a deep, open conversation with Lek about their future, making sure he’s aware of everything important. This way, the truth would ideally come from her, which feels less invasive. However, it’s risky if he doesn’t pick up on the hint. Casually Drop a Hint: Another approach would be to casually mention how common it is to meet trans women in Bangkok or talk about how accepting Thailand is of trans people. It might spark a conversation without me being too direct. But this could go sideways if he doesn’t connect the dots or if he feels I’m trying to plant ideas. Point Out the Children Issue: I could bring up the idea of adoption or other options if he and Lek do want kids, mentioning that pregnancy might be a challenge. This might prompt him to reconsider Lek’s ability to conceive, but it feels a bit bold and could come off as too intrusive. Any ideas on what approach might be best? Thanks again for the support—this is really weighing on me a lot, and I appreciate any useful feedback.

I just saw some photos of the two of them together in Phuket on the beach in swimsuits on my friend's Instagram. I'm sure of two things now. His partner is definitely a post-op lady boy. And I'm still sure that he doesn't know that she is a he as I said in my first post.

I’ve got a bit of a situation that I’m hoping to get some advice on, especially from others who’ve navigated life and friendships in Thailand. About 8 months back, I met a fellow expat here in Bangkok—let’s call him “John.” We get on really well; he’s got a good sense of humor, we have a lot in common, and over time, we’ve become good friends. We started meeting up regularly for drinks, sometimes for a meal, sharing stories about our experiences in Thailand, and just talking about life in general. After we’d known each other for a while, John opened up a bit about his personal life and mentioned that he’s in a serious relationship. He seemed really smitten with his girlfriend, saying he’s planning to marry her and even start a family someday. Naturally, he wanted me to meet her. I was looking forward to it, as he seemed genuinely happy, and it’s always nice to meet the people who mean the most to your friends. So, we all met up for dinner. His girlfriend, whom I’ll call “Lek,” was charming, confident, and seemed like a genuinely lovely person. It was clear they were really into each other. But as the night went on, I started to realize that Lek might be a ladyboy. She had a couple of subtle mannerisms, and through our conversation, there were a few strong cues that raised my suspicions. From everything I observed, it seemed likely that Lek has had gender-affirming surgery and presents now fully as a woman. But I’m quite sure that John doesn’t realize this. He talked about having children with her and seemed so confident about their plans for a family, which makes me certain he has no idea. So here’s the dilemma. I’m torn—do I say something, or do I keep quiet? On the one hand, it feels like it’s none of my business. Their relationship is their own, and everyone deserves the chance to handle these things in their own way. Maybe Lek plans to tell him when she’s ready. Outing someone is a serious breach of trust, and it could end our friendship if he feels like I’m meddling in his personal life. Plus, there’s always the chance I could be wrong, and I’d hate to create an issue where there isn’t one. But I'm 99% sure she was a he. On the other hand, I worry about the future he’s envisioning. John’s thinking about marriage, and he’s openly planning for kids, which makes me think he’s not aware of her situation. If that’s the case, then isn’t it better for him to know sooner rather than later? If he finds out much later on, after he’s committed to her for life, it might be a much bigger blow. He may end up resenting Lek or feeling blindsided, which could lead to a messy and painful breakup down the line. But again, maybe it’s up to Lek to disclose that information, and I’d be crossing a line by interfering. I wouldn’t want to ruin what seems to be a good thing for him right now, especially if they’re genuinely happy together. So, expat friends, what would you do in my position? Do you think I should tell John what I know, or should I stay out of it? I’d love to hear from anyone who has been through something similar, or just anyone who has an outside perspective. Thanks in advance for any advice or insight. It’s a tough one, and I’m really struggling with deciding what’s the right thing to do.

Well, that’s one way to drop in for a high score! Imagine the gamers’ surprise when a mystery leg burst through the ceiling—quite the immersive experience, though perhaps not the kind of “first-person shooter” they had in mind. Props to the man for showing true grit; despite a leg-down, he came out almost unscathed. That’s some serious durability stats right there—who needs armor when you’ve got a little liquid courage? While authorities investigate, I’d suggest installing a new achievement for the café: “Survived Random Encounter with Stray Leg.” And if our friend ever returns, hopefully next time he’ll remember the classic gamer rule: always mind your step.

Alright, I’m struggling to keep it together in this relentless Thailand heat. It’s one thing to break a little sweat now and then, but this is getting ridiculous. I’m talking about the constant, tickling sweat trickle down the lower back, then further in between the cheeks, pooling into… areas I’d rather it didn’t. It’s like no matter where I am or what I’m doing In Bangkok, I can’t escape this awkward drip-drop action running down my backside, making its way south to drench my jewel pouch in an unasked-for bath. And by the time all that sweat reaches that spot, it doesn’t exactly have the most endearing of smells. Don’t imagine I’m gonna be getting anyone wanting to go down for a taint reconnaissance after I’ve been out and about for a few hours walking around in Yaowarat. And I’ll be honest—once it starts, there’s no stopping it. It’s like a tiny river running straight down the crack, adding to the unfortunate swamp collecting down below. Sitting, standing, walking—it doesn’t seem to care. Even my local partner started giving me looks after we go outside together for a while. I can tell from the stares that my unique wet “glow” isn’t exactly appealing. I’ve tried everything I can think of—wearing lighter fabrics, powder, even sneaking in extra public bathroom trips to dry things off. But nothing seems to work for long, and I’m left feeling like I’m just doomed to a life of… let’s call it crack drips and sack puddles. At this point, I’m just looking for some sympathy or maybe a miracle trick to feel semi-normal in this heat. Anyone else battling the “cheek trickle”?

I drop wet farts regularly. Must be all those greasy English breakfasts. The farts often leave some massive hershey squirts in my boxers. My missus is a really good sport though and always deals with it. Lucky for her I only change boxers once every 2-3 months.