FranklyNoMore

The Gay Forum Post of the Month on ThaiVisa goes to Rainwalker. Who ever said that a low post count always denotes a no-nothing who couldn\'t express himself?

I just love the cut and paste function

<br />Thanks Peace you seem to understand my situation. I\'m not in denial. I\'m happy about my weakness for my young man but don\'t wish to embrace the gay lifestyle and all the baggage that comes with it.

Brucie there is no more baggage in a gay relationship than in a straight one. Actually I would say there is more in a straight one if anything as kids are ofen involved. It appears you are as confused about being gay as you are about educating your daughter in Thailand. Of course you are in denial but you are going to denty that too. Your wife and kid will find out oneday. Its obvious because you cannot control your feelings. It just depends how they find out. The honest way or not. The fear you must live with must be such a burden to carry. You will know when the time is right to free yourself.

FranklyNoMore, I am wondering why you continue to teach here, as you are clearly unhappy with your work situation?

I was talking about most Thai students attitudes and the Thai education system.

Dont confuse the students attitude to mine. Its very easy to draw the wrong conclusion on thaivisa and most on here are good at that.

I get my rewards, I have a great job and probably earn more than most teachers apart from those in international schools. Two weeks ago some my students won a provincial speaking competition. These are the kind of small rewards that do make it worth while. Ive been teaching at the same school for four years and many old students come back to say thank you to me for helping them. Actually, I would say I care too much which is why the system really gets me sometimes and have gone out of my way on many occasions to help the students when they have a problem with the school or their study. But am I going to say the system here is great? No and would I educate my kid here? No way. Brucie, im afraid you either have no idea about the Thai education system or you are deluding yourself. Pity your kid. But good luck anyway. im sure you are doing your best and your kid is learning to copy and cheat as you read this.

I come from a place and time where homosexulaity is frowned apon and don\'t consider myself to be gay. However I do on occasion like the company of a young man. I\'ve become rather fond of a fine young fellow but being a happily married straight man makes it difficult to continue seeing him. Has anyone else ever been in this situation? Any advice to give?

Sounds like you are in big time denial. Happily married? Yeah right. How can you be happy when you want some c*ck now and again but cant get it? And from where i come from people who like c*ck are gay and those who dont like the label gay live in denial of the truth. I would suggest some honesty wouldnt go a miss in your life, then you might understand happiness. Sadly youve been brainwashed and riddled with guilt by your lovely parents but its never too late to change your thinking. Imagine if your wife found out.

Go on be a man....a gay man!

Young, is 29 young?, so called good looking single guy not dating girls = gay all around the world. Im sure your family think you are but you are just denying it. Sad to hear you say being gay is your dark side. Time you started being you and living your life for you instead of worrying what others think of you. Be brave young man. Open the closet door and run free........The hills are alive............

Good luck.

I know its easy to generalise on here and I agree that some students really try and are motivated to learn. Out of 500 or so that I teach, I think I have around 20 who really try week in week out. And of course some farang parents have little choice but to educate their kids here.

IMHO Bruce is correct in worrying about how his education dollar is spent. I have been teaching English in Thailand and neighbouring countries for close to 10 years and it is a business riddled with corruption. Here are my observations of the A,B,Cs of the biz. First you have \\\'A\\\' the demand and \\\'C\\\' the supply who are not going to connect without \\\'B\\\' the greedy business person who knows nothing about teaching and often nothing about English. Mr. B prefers the unqualified populist teacher because the students do too. He goes out of his way to keep the students happy. I had one Mr. B tell me that I must observe Tom because he is a good teacher and the students are lined up to register in his class. Tom did everything that I was told not to do in my two TEFL courses. When trained teachers make lesson plans they are focusing on what the student will learn and not only if the student will enjoy this and will they like me. Although learning a language is an inexact science there exist empirical methodologies that one can only learn by attending a TEFL course. Tom informed me before the class that using contractions in his class was strictly forbidden because he \\\'felt\\\' that the students should use full words. He started the 50 minute lesson by asking each student what they did that day. They spoke for 30 seconds and his comments were 3 minutes. He felt that the air should constantly be filled with English because they are learning to listen. Finally, he had a reading exercise where each student stood and read a paragraph aloud and Tom corrected their pronunciation. The students had no idea what they were reading. Tom was a hard working man and the students loved him.

Most students dont care about studying and are forced to learn English. Most cheat their way through school and university. Most are as thick as sh*te with little or no motivation to try and improve themselves. Its who you know rather than what you know that gets a job here and they know it. Education is rotten to the core in this country and having a go at Tom is pointless. Tom isnt the problem. Tom is a bandaid doing his best. Not the best teacher but certainly not the worst. The Thai cultural system / way of life simply doesnt allow for any productive learning to the masses. Therefore most ideas learned on courses simply dont apply to Thai students. Most would switch off and would probably learn as much with Tom as they would with you and your theories but at least they would have had fun with Tom. Fun is big here, studying isnt. Cutting out the tumor isn\'t going to happen anytime soon. So id suggest you do your best and let Tom do his.

Foreign Parents educating their kids in a Thai school are doing so because they are selfish and want to live here and not because they care about their kids education. If you really cared about them you would go back home and give your kids a proper education, unless of course you can teach them yourself.

Yes, Thai education really is that bad.

I think Pattaya is more your level of expertise. Can\'t help you out there. Good luck

I wasnt asking for your help. I was merely suggesting the idea that, as you seemed so concerned, you could be using your energy and connections in the trannie world to motivate the katoeys of Thailand, whether they be from Pattaya or Chiang Mai or any place in between, to take some form of action. After all most ladyboys are attention seekers who love the limelight. It would be a perfect opportunity for them to do something positive for the gays and lesbians of Thailand. Can you imagine if they all protested at Sanam Luang? I can see the headlines....Freaky Frock Friday!

The embarrassment to the country would be so great that the powers that be would surely have to amend the constitution in favor of Thailands gays.

Go for it!

Great, then I guess we wont be hearing from you about this subject again will we?

And why do you think that?

I was merely pointing out what a Thai lesbian and gay guy thought of their new constitution with regards to it. It appears that most gay Thais are not moved enough to do something about it. Maybe your ladyboy thinks differently or maybe you can ask the katoeys in Pattaya to stop hassling tourists and start hassling their so called government. That would be a good start for you as you seem concerned.

And Maestro your concern is touching.

Are the Thai gays and lesbians out protesting?...I don\'t think so. Do they care?.... I don\'t think so. One sec i\'ll ask my lesbian receptionist....no couldn\'t give a rats ......, she\'s watching a Thai soap. and my b/f of 3.5 years doesnt care either.

Unfortunately the problem is now HIS and HIS feeling about HIMSELF and particuaryl HIS sexual life. For me a nice example that not everything is so relaxed in Thailand and that perhaps we Westerners are much easier

This story doesnt really ring true. If you are indeed b/f\'s with a porn actor, I don\'t think one movie makes him a star, then I reckon your b/f probably thinks you might leave him so he is now acting out a guilt complex to make you feel better. This country is full of sex workers who just get on with life. I mean what is the big deal for him? I don\'t think his mum and dad are going to see the movie, are they? Surely he knows other guys who have sold themselves and could talk to them if he really has a problem with doing a porn movie.

Congratulations for keeping this thread going. I\'m sure you must be chuckling to yourself.

Why has it not occured to Thai managers/directors/principals. .the people who have put the ads out and who are acively looking for farang teachers. . .to treat the good ones they aleady HAVE as human beings and keep them?

Thai admin make decisions without rhyme or reason. That’s the way it is here. That’s the Thai management style that’s preferred because it allows for corruption. Didn’t you know corruption is a very big thing in Thailand? That’s why so many ridiculous decisions are made. Very rarely a decision is made for the good of anyone or anything. The norm here is that a decision is made because someone is making something from it. Once you understand that philosophy, then life will become easier for you as you will then understand why something so obvious, like keeping good teachers, becomes a problem to you.

I\'ve seen quite a few Thai porn movies, There have been a few stories in the news reporting on Thai porn stars too. I remember reading one, a few years ago, about a female named Nong Nat. She was very popular! So i wonder why anyone would think Thais wouldn\'t do porn. Porn movies have even been shot in places like Chakran sauna. Thais buy a lot of porno both gay and straight even though it\'s illegal. My bf has a large collection of Thai porn most of which was bought online and some in silom.

As for your bf, accept his past or move on. I see no difference to selling yourself to any Tom dick or Harry in a bar or making money in a porn movie. All Thais know when you are walking with a bar guy but less would know when you are walking with pornstar. Personally I wouldnt want to be seen out with either, but that\'s me.

Astonishing to read the replies above either accepting the fake degree position with a \'mai pen rai, TIT\' attitude, or even going so far as to say \'if the classes were ok, then theres nothing wrong.\' Unbelievable.

If you dicovered that your financial advisor/Doctor was working with false credentials would the reaction and reasoning be the same?

Children, and my daughter in particular (obviously!) are our future, like the cliche says. As they spend more time in school than with their parents, then we are entrusting the better part of their education to those teachers. We are basically entrusting their future lives to those same teachers to some degree. I know that i will only entrust the education of my daughter to truly qualified and gifted teachers. Indeed, she goes to a cheaper school here in Bangkok because after grilling the teachers, and observing classes from the exterior of the classroom i found the standard of teaching to be much greater than the very beautiful (facility wise) and better equipped school that is 100m from our home.

Bottom line here is that our kids are special, and i want only special (read qualified in educational practices, enthusiastic, honest and caring) people to be around me daughter. Im sure other parents feel the same.

So, for those guys posting above (maybe the fake qualification topic hit a nerve??) i think that might outline the OP\'s feelings somewhat for you.

For other parents concerned, i suggest you do the same as i and subtly grill your kids teachers. They are freely available whenever you need to meet them, and getting into personal conversation after/while discussing your kids latest homework can reveal much.

I dont condone anyone for using a fake degree and if they are caught then they deserve to have the book thrown at them because they are breaking the law. But you are in a dreamworld if you think your daughter is getting a quality education at her Thai school from quality educated Thai teachers, especially the Thai English teachers. You actually have to be working at a school to really appreciate what goes on and much of it is quite laughable, corrupt, uncaring with little enthusiasm unless money is to be made. This IS Thailand and this IS the way it is for most students at school. A caring teacher using a fake to stay in the country is better than a abuser with a real degree. The one teacher i knew using a fake only did so to be legal and I think many teachers were forced down that route and not because they were criminals. To me If you really care you would educate your daughter outside of Thailand but you choose to stay for what ever reasons you do and like so many other parents you are trying to do the best for your daughter in an extemely flawed education system. Take a reality check!

Of course its very easy for TV posters to say move on but in reality it can be a different ball game. Saying it is over to him and moving on depends on how willing he is going to accpet it. If he is then you will have few problems except dealing with your own emotions. If he isnt willing to let go then you could start making problems for yourself. Once he realises the goose that laid the golden eggs has gone then maybe he\'ll come knocking again. If he does beware. If he doesnt then hopefully you can move on and learn another of life\'s lessons. Good luck

Obviously your expectations and the guys you are choosing to date are not in sync. Havent you realised that yet?

If you want an educated bf who can stimulate you intellectually then he probably has to be older and educated. Amazing that really. My bf\'s 28 with a Masters in English. I wanted to communicate with a guy out of the bedroom and my Thai is limited. Change your expectations or the guys you choose to date!

A teacher at my daughters rural school has been caught with fake qualifications. He has been given two weeks to leave the country. However I am worried that other teachers at the school are working illegally and have not been though any of the checks now demanded by the Thai government. What can a concerned step father do to ensure no more criminal teachers find work at my daughters school? I have met with the Kru Yai to discuss this issue beofre but she seemed not to understand the laws and regulations that apply to foreign teachers.

Before I begin my reply I will say that I dont really believe the OP. It sounds a bit far fetched to me. Possible, but unlikely to have happened. Anyhow, that said a rural teacher probabaly didnt need to have a degree to work at the school especially if it was a govenment school. The fact that he submitted a fake degree doesnt mean he was a criminal before hand. How do you know the school didnt encourage him to do this? Of course that doesnt mean his actions were right, as he knows the law im sure, but they may have asked him to submit it. And finally if you are REALLY worried about your daughters education, as you say you are, then you wouldnt have her educated in a Thai school, would you now? I'm sure there are far worse things going on at the school than a native speaker using a fake degree. Get real and open your eyes. Most of the Thai teachers at her school will have degrees that are worth as much as his fake one. As for the Thai teachers that are teaching your daughter English well i'm sure they are pretty useless too. Again his fake would be worth more than theirs. The questions you should be asking are, was he doing a good job? Were the students happy? etc etc. The need for a degree to teach in rural Thailand is complete doodoo. Infact, why anybody would need a degree to teach conversation is beyond me. Just a reasonable amount of common sense and a Tefl would suffice but thats be done to death. Most westerners wishing to teach have atleast that. As for the Thai teachers and common sense well thats another story of course! Concerned parent? Your concerns seem to be mis directed IMHO. But good luck with your daughters education. You probably doing a better job than the school.

Anybody having unprotected sex really has no excuse if they get hiv unless they are raped. It is up to them to insist on a condom. If they don\'t well how can they blame someone for infecting them? Even a 17 year old should know better, im afraid, and probably money was more of a lure to him than his own health. very sad but it depends how much you value your life.

This is another whatever works for you thread. For me I wouldnt date a guy who couldnt speak English to a high standard. My ex b/f and now my current b/f can speak to a very high standard. They can crack jokes in English and are both very funny. They both know sarcasm and innuendo. I think our relationship is better for it and im sure far fewer problems arise because of any misunderstandings that often occur due to the language barrier.

That\'s what works for me but I know others who are equally happy and communication is very limited in English. Again everyone is different but you find what works for you.

Your b/f's financial independence and happiness is relevant if his earnings, or lack of, bothers you so much that it takes you away from happiness. So how one can say it's not relevant is beyond me unless your financial status is such that you can pay for anything your boy wants and it never bothers you, but this isnt the case for everyone. As i said before there seems to be 2 categories of bf's, those bought and paid for and those who dated. The second group some b/f's worked but were pulled out of their jobs by the farang. Either group can find happiness. it's up to the individual relationship to find what works for them. Every aspect of the relationship is relevant, including the financial one, if you want to find happiness.

Oh Princely One...many thanks for your comment...just get a little tired of reading all the stuff about we farangs who have a realtionship with a thai man...that we have one is enough, dont need to have threads that go on and on and on ad nauseum dessicating every nano second of our existence....one should not ask why, but rather, when, with regards to many of lifes issues...mindfulness is the key, and hapiness of course which comes from the NOW...less stress on the suffering issue, the being happy is the key in my humble opinion, and if that comes from ones relationship with a person whose mother tongue or whatever is not your own, well then just get on with living, the alternative aint all that appealing..

Of course mindfulness is the key but not everyone is mindful and living in the moment are they? infact very few living on this planet are in that state of mind. So what do they do? They find a way to share experiences, find insights, talk about problems they may be having, go to church or temple. Of course there are numerous outlets to try and find your way to happiness.

If one is being mindful they really should\'nt be bothered about what they read on a forum. If what you read affects you so much then one should look at the reasons why. If reading something takes you away from your happiness then do something about it. Blaming the messenger isnt the answer here. I always think talking and typing is cheap and actions speak far louder than any words. Anybody complaining on a forum or who are unduly affected by it really arent helping themselves. Infact they are far from being mindful and need to start asking questions about themselves rather than complain about what is being written by others. Those who talk about being mindful and happy are more often than not unhappy with their life. That\'s why they keep going on about it!!!

It\'s an obvious point, but im going to make it anyway, not all gay thais are uneducated and therefore prejudiced against in the country and lacking real opportunities, resulting in their poverty being exploited. There are also, just like anywhere in the world, gay thais earning their own money and not \'seeking\' a rich boyf (farang or otherwise).

I know a couple of Thai guys earning over 40,000 a month and both are seeking trophy boyfriends, someone they can show off. The bfs they seek have to be ok looking and rich. One dated a Thai who drove a Honda CRV and was a potential bf until he found out he had 10 million baht of debt. He was then dropped like a lead weight. The other is seeing a guy who drives a Merc. They wont entertain a younger guy unless its for sex. I do wonder where love fits into the equation but i dont think its high on the list. I think bfs for many Thais are trophies and it all comes down to the size of their bank balances, what cars they drive etc etc. It\'s all about the look but then again thats are very Thai buddhist thing, isnt it?!!!!

i also seem to know a different group of Thai people than the ones being generalized by others here. They all seem to have strong work ethics.

Similar to me. Thai chinese certainly have different work ethics. I encouraged my bf to stop working and it lasted a month. He wanted his own money to do as he wants even though we have a business together as well and he could take from that.

I do know one farang who is being taken care of by his bf. Running a house is a full time job in my opinion and one should not begrudge paying an allowance for that. However he still encourages him to find work which is not easy to find because he has no qualifications and he has next to no motivation to find work now as he is being kept at home. Why would a guy want to suddenly work. As has been mentioned many farang pull Thai guys out of work. Many then complain that they dont contribute. Many want to change their bf to suit their own selfish needs.

I told mine, that I\'m not interested in guys that don\'t work. He very quickly found employement in a top hotel with the only assistence from me being the payment of his employement security deposit which I said I wanted back if he ever decided to leave this well paying job. He now has the option to send as much or little cash home as he decides. He still tells me the sad (and it is sad) stories of how much mum & dad get paid. I explain to him that he can only do what he can do and shouldn\'t feel guilty that they still do it tough. They are (afterall) adults and have some say in their situation. Bottom line, I\'ll never be his cash cow, but I\'ll always be there to help him advance himself and encourage his ambitions in life. (as long as he keeps a "respectable" job, and doesn\'t feel the need for another farangs affections).

Makes perfect sense to me.

I think there are two groups on here, well maybe three. A group who has paid for their b/f\'s and a group who dated their b/f\'s oh and the group who are in relationships with trannies but they dont really count as they arent gay. Those who dated generally have independent working b/fs or have stopped their b/f from working to take care of them. Then there are those who paid and in general have to keep paying because it\'s extremely difficult for their b/fs to find face saving jobs. Now I wonder how many of them have persuaded their falang b/fs to build or buy land in their village? Probably all of them have tried.

I think Issan boys have a very strong commitment to look after their family. Not only are you marrying them, you are marrying into their family - abeit an extended one.

What a very degrading thing to assume such a generalisation. I have found Isaan boys and girls very focua on family life and very hard working for it also