Saiyan

Bring-a-hot-water-bottle-warrel.

Say this slowly frirst.

Then say it aloud in a low tone and see what it sounds like.

Enjoy.

An English gentalman arrived home one late evening and instructed his butler , Warrel , to run him a bath.

" Make sure to test the water with your elbow to ensure the correct temperature" he said.

Warrel ran the bath and tested it with his elbow and then called for the gentleman telling him that the bath was ready.

The English gentalman then unrobed and setteled into the bath. As he was relaxing he felt a sudden pressure within and allowed it to exit.

Shortley afterwards Warrel appeared with a hot water bottle.

"What the h-ll are you doing with that hot water bottle." Said the Englishman.

"Sir" said Warrel "I distinctly heard you say , Bringahotwaterbottelwarrel"

He left his wife but kept the dog.

Now he only picks up shit once a week.

Irrespective of position, an accidendent can change the way the legal system applies the law.

Bail will be given in most cases where an accident occurs.

In this case the shooter claims the gun was fired accidentaly.

One shot fired hitting no targets - accidental.

Two shots fired hittig no targets - accidental - maybe.

Three shots fired no targets hit - not accidental any more.

Three shots fired all hiting the targets - Now way. Going to have a hard time justifying this.

The fact the he was a cop and has been trained to use a weapon makes hs case worse.

In most countries. Prehaps the officals would do well to re-consider thier bail decision.

There are more facts in this case to be considered in court before punishment is handed out if any.

For every ones sake may justice be carried out.

Congratulations BambinA

We went to visit the inlaws this weekend,who lives in the Sa Keo area.

They have a small farm there,and a pound for there watering system.

Every time they are finished pumping water from this pound they have to bring the El.motor with them as it got stolen before,but now they are going for the cable (approx 200m long) that have been replaced 2 times,due too theft.

How common is this around,and is there any trick to avoid this?

Thanks

We live not too far from that area and it is very common for cable and motors to be stolen. Apparently the black cable is not worth too much and is not really worth the theft risks as apposed to the white cable which is worth much more. Cable that is run along the ground is also easy to steal. We have a pump near a canal on the property, but it is bolted to concrete and is bricked in. Very difficult to steal. Our cable is run quite high through and around the trees which have thousands of red ants in them.

So far no problem any more for over a year. A year witout a theft, very unusual.

Brilliant posts and have to admit that I too howled at Serpentine's misfortune!!! It must have been horrible. While driving on the motorbike a bat flew smack into my son's face and then gor tangled in his hair - that was pretty funny too cos obviously no one was hurt

Our Tucky family used to come out (they lived in an old speaker in our bar) at exactly 6pm every night as the sun went down. First one would stick its beady eyes out (usually daddy) and venture out - all the time looking down at us - and then the whole family would follow. I often got tucky poo on me or in my drink and like you guys said, they are scared of nothing

Thanks seonai. Wish you good health and keep the sunny side up.

There's a restaurant opposite the Windsor Suites Hotel in Sukh soi 20 in bkk that has a family of Tokays hiding behind the strip lights. Nobody seems to mind, and gives me something to look at while waiting for the food.

Nice one. I also am easily distracted.

That's one thing that can always be said about a tokay. "Always on time". They live like clock work. Same place everyday. They wait by the light globes at sunset knowing when I'll get home to turn the light on. A globe is like a Mc Donalds to these things.

Anyway. Fot the person who want's more.......you can have mine. All of them. We usually masacre them at the end of Oct before we go away on holiday. Send us yu address. Rather than choppin them up I'll put them in a box and post them to you. They won't need any training because they are already hardened from a year of me smashing them with brooms and our dog stomping them when they fall. On the subject I got a few interesting observations about the gecko family (of which the green spotted tokay is the largest member).

The mystery of their gravity defying foot pads has only recently been solved. There was speculation amongst scientiests for years that they could actually charge particles on the surface they stuck to creating a sort of magnetism. This is a genuine theory and is still been studyied.

When you belt them with a broom they fly thru the air.......but they can actually change direction mid flight, as I observed last week. Papa was cruising at an altitude of 4m a foot from the house wall outside and managed to actually turn mid flight and grip onto the curtain inside the house. I was flabbergasted. The dog was pissed off because she was waiting below the balcony for her part in the action. When I eventually thumped it off the curtain from the inside in abruptly feel onto the dog attaching itself to her nose. It was hilarious as the dog is a big tough wild thing and not used to losing battles.

On a similar subject, the golden monitor (water monitor) has a very interesting place in thai folklore. Known as "tor nong-tor tong" these freaked out lizards are held very auspiciously by thais, but not in a nice way. They are believed to be bad ass. They bring bad luck.

Don't make the mistake of taking one into a thai business as I did recently. I caught one living in my closet (we never worked out how it got there as these creatures are wild and prefer jungle). Apparently they destroy businesses. My wife is not incredibly superstitious and refused to believe me that there was just no way a lizard could bring bad luck to a business.

Anyone got any info on the history of the fear thais have for tor nong tor tong?

For those who don't know what I am talking about they are clawed lizards that grow to 3 meters here. Related closely to the australian goanna and distantly to the Komodo Dragon. They can run at about 50 kmh. Very scary critters. Beautiful too.

Been reading on Tv for about 10 months now and have fond some posts amusing, but I had to read this one in segments to wipe away the tears so much I was splitting my sides. You're gifted. Definitely give up your day job.

Excellent observations re the dreaded tokay. They infest our houses here in the islands. The have got bigger, stronger and more intelligent over the years. I believe this is due to the proliferation of electric lighting. More light-more bugs-bigger feasts for our little green and red spotted friends.

I have no doubt the species will mutate and form a government soon.

I once cornered a specimen so large that we mistook it for a crocadile. It escaped and roams the jungles here. I still freak out when I hear it's ominous call.

In my experience they are to be feared. They are smart and vicious when cornered. I have chased them around my walls for hours. If they fall onto the floor they will defend their territory. I have watched my dog fight for ages with them, and come off second best. I was bitten years ago and once one stuck itself to my face. it was like that face hugger thing in the film Alien. My friends were screaching with laughter and fear and I was simply taken so my by surprise that i didn't know what to do.

One or two is a nice number to keep the home free of too many bugs, but my home seems to attract a colony (at least 14 presently).

I know of no mystical way or ridding the house of them, apart from beating them with brooms. Even this can have little effect. Once the posse expands to more that half a dozen they get really out of control and tend to take over. They shit everywhere which is pretty disguisting. Unfortunately we have been forced to have a tokay massacre every year to try to keep the resident family at an acceptable number.

They are sold in Hong kong restaurants along with cobras and are considered a delicacy. I believe munching on a chunky tokay there is the poor mans cobra. They were surprisingly expensive considering they seem to be everywhere in S E Asia.

And no they don't taste like chicken.....

I think the magic number of tokay chirps is 8. If you ever here more you are very lucky. Sort of the thai equivalent of finding a four leaf clover.

There is an unusual thai myth involving a fight between a tokay and a long nosed flying green tree snake. Apparentley if the snake jumps down the tokays' neck it rips out one of it's vital organs, and if you witness the event you are somehow cursed or something. I have been trying to find an accurate account of this legend for years.

Anyone know?

Hi serpetine

Thought my post was unique ( how naieve) and thought that it would bring a smile to some faces but your post has me in stiches of laughter. Thanks. I'l let you know if I hear more than eight chips although I think about 3 or 4 is the norm.Have'nt heard about the myth but I will ask around.

We move in with the father-in-law for four weeks while they were building our house on the farm. His house was tiny but very clean.

He also had an outside toilet (the subject of this story) made from tin sheets loosely slaped together, with a big bowl inside with water to shower with. The door was made from tin sheets and made a racket every time you opened or closed the door.

Interesting little building this, as it was inhabited by various creatures such as spiders, frogs, centipedes, the ocasional snake and three resident Tokay's (about 12'' long). I was always on high alert mode when going there and at night even more so, as the light was actualy on the outside but enough light would shine in so you could just see what you were doing. This was the time that the three musketeers would also be sure to gaurd the entrance of the building. Once you enter the little building they would turn around and watch you in the inside from between a loose sheet of tin and when you left they would swing around and make sure that you left. So going in and leaving was a challenge in itself and done with a fair amount of caution as they took up station right next to the door. The noise that the door made when opening and closing did not phase them at all. This led me to believe that they truely belived that this was thier building and anyone entering was trespasing, especially with the way that they watched every move, from the time that you entered until the time that you left.

One night while I was showering (if you can call it that) and aslo keeping an eye on the three Tokays I seemed to feel that they were almost my friends in that they had seen me do every thing inside there. I was also thinking about the builders who warned about a Tokay bite and said that it was very painfull, that they carried poison, that your skin would start to rot and fall off after a while and that it was extreemly unlucky if one bit you. Convincing myself that the builders were being overly melodramatic I grew in confidence and really started to see tham as totaly harmless.

So, as I left the building with confidence for the first time I had a sudden rush of blood to the brain and thought it was a good time to test the theory of the builders. I turned around and approached the one on the extreem left, closest to the door and put my finger quite close towards it. At the very last second, reality hit home and sanity prevailed and as I saw him move in that instant I jerked my hand away.

Three shocks.

1) The first shock was that these seemingly slow moving creatures are incredebly fast when in attack mode.

2) I could not believe that he actauly missed my hand and that I was a milli second from being bitten.

3) The excrutiating pain I felt in my shoulder when I almost ripped my arm out of it's socket and tore every ligament and muscle in that area. Two weeks later I was still nursing my shoulder.

Obviously I did'nt tell the buiders what happened to my shoulder. I only told my wife and made her promise she would not tell anyone.

The problem is that I still don't know of anyone that has actualy been bitten by one.

Therefore, has anyone been bitten by a Tokay or do you know of someone that has.

All coments are welcome.

PS. Newby and fist time user.