pimmel

Next time someone asks why you drink so much beer, don't just mumble and

turn away. Tell them this story.

In the days of the old west buffalo-hunters knew that a herd of bison could

only travel as fast as the slowest buffalo. They reasoned that when they

hunted the giant beasts they were actually helping the herd because they

were harvesting the slowest and the weakest of the animals, improving the

herd via a form of natural selection.

They also knew the human brain worked the same way: it can only operate as

fast as the slowest brain cells. So while sitting around the campfire

downing their Lone Stars, they knew they were killing brain cells. But they

knew they were killing only the slowest and weakest brain cells. Drinking

beer was eliminating the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and

more efficient machine.

The story also explains why you feel so much smarter after a few beers.

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background

> checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists...

>

>

> Two men and a woman.

> For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large

> metal door and handed him a gun.

>

> We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what

> the circumstances. Inside of

> this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!!!"

> The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."

> The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job."

>

> The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and

>

> went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes.

> Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't

> kill my wife." The agent said,

> "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

>

>

>

>

> Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same

> instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into

>

> the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard

> screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all

> was quiet.

> The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the

> sweat from her brow, and

> said, "This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death

> with the chair."

A radio station in Australia recently ran a phone-in

competition to

find

the most embarrassing moments in listener's lives. The

following are

the

final four placegetters:-

4th Place

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler

decided to release

some pent-up energy and started to run amuck. I was

finally able to

grab

hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and

annoyance from other

patrons. I told her that if she didn't start behaving

herself right

now,

she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in

the eye and said

a

voice just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go

right now, I will

tell

Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's willie last

night!' The silence

was deafening, after this enlightening exchange. Even

the tellers

stopped

what they were doing! I mustered the last of my

dignity and walked out

of

the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing that

I heard as the

door

closed behind me were the screams of laughter.

3rd Place

It was the day before my 18th birthday. I was living

at home, at my

parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my

girlfriend over

for

a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making

love, we heard

the

telephone ringing downstairs. I suggested to my

girlfriend that I give

her

a piggy-back ride to the phone. Since we didn't want

to miss the call,

we

didn't have time to get dressed When we got to the

bottom of the

stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd

of people yelled

'SURPRISE' My entire family...aunts, uncles,

grandparents, cousins and

all of my friends were standing there! My girlfriend

and I were frozen

to the spot in a state of shock and embarrassment for

what seemed like an

eternity. Since then, no-one in my family has planned

a surprise party

again.

2nd Place

A lady picked up several items at a discount store.

When she finally

got

up to the checkout, she learned that one of the items

had no price tag.

Imagine her embarrassment when the checkout chick got

on the public

address system and boomed out for all the store to

hear 'Price check on

lane 13 TAMPAX, SUPERSIZE.' That was bad enough, but

somebody at the

rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word

'TAMPAX' for

'THUMBTACKS' In a very business-like tone, a voice

boomed back over the

public address system: 'DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH

IN WITH YOUR

THUMB

OR THE KIND YOU BELT IN WITH A HAMMER?'

and the winner is........

1st Place

This one happened at a major Australian University in

October last year

in a biology lecture, a professor was discussing the

high glucose

levels

found in semen. A young female, raised her hand and

asked, 'If I

understand what you are saying, there is a lot of

glucose in the male

semen as in sugar?' 'That's correct.' Responded the

professor, going on

to add some statistical data. Raising her hand again,

the girl asked,

Then why doesn't it taste sweet?' After a stunned

silence, the whole

class burst out laughing. The poor girl turned bright

red and as she

realised exactly what she had inadvertently said, she

picked up her

books,

and without a word walked out of the class, and never

returned.

However,

as she was going out of the door, the professor's

reply was a classic.

Totally straightfaced, he answered her question. 'IT

DOESN'T TASTE

SWEET

BECAUSE THE TASTE-BUDS FOR SWEETNESS ARE ON THE TIP OF

YOUR TONGUE AND

NOT

IN THE BACK OF YOUR THROAT.'

A very attractive lady goes up to the bar. She

> gestures alluringly

> to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he

> arrives, she

> seductively signals that he should bring his face

> closer to hers. When he

> does, she begins to gently caress his full beard.

> "Are you the manager?" she

> asks,

> softly stroking his face with both hands.

>

> "Actually, I'm not," says the man.

>

> "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,"

> she says, running

> her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

>

> "I'm afraid I can't," breathes the bartender. "Is

> there anything I can do?"

>

> "Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message,"

> she continues,

> running her forefinger across the bartender's lips

> and slyly popping a

> couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing

> him to nip them

> gently.

>

> "What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to

> say around her

> delicate fingers.

>

> "Tell him," she whispers, "there is no toilet paper,

> hand soap or

> paper towels in the ladies room."

If they wanted to see funds, and you had traveller Cheques etc, but they were refused, then something is wrong.

If it comes to the Philippines, palm grease will help.

My gf saw the $ signs in the eyes of the helpful staff. Just to ask: How much? but do it the Filipino way!!

I'm using TOT internet service since 2 months. Sometimes slow, but what can You expect for 3 Baht for 2 hours. For e mailing and reading newspapers it's okay.

I contacted TOT service center, gave them my phone number, they gave me username and password and 2 minutes later I was on line.

Obviously this is not an individual case. My Gf, a Filipina, tried to get a tourist visa in Cebu, Philippines last year. Same s....!

They didn't ask for money, but they let her know that she can be happy to get a 14 days tourist visa on arrival.

In Bangkok she got 30 days without any problems.

Get your minds out of the gutter....

A bus stops and two Italian men get on.

They sit down and engage in an animated

conversation.

The lady sitting behind them ignores them at

first, but her attention is galvanized when she

hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first.. Den I come. Den two asses come

together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come

together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I

come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted

the lady indignantly. "In this country....we don't

speak aloud in public places about our sex lives!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who

talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda

how to spella 'MISSISSIPPI'."

(I BET YOU'LL READ THIS AGAIN! i did!)

>In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to hold

knowledge in high esteem.

>One day an acquaintance met the great philosopher and

said, "Socrates, do

>you know what I just heard about your friend?"

>

>"Hold on a minute," Socrates replied. "Before telling

me anything I'd like

>you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple

Filter Test."

>

>"Triple filter?"

>

>"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk

to me about my

>friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and

filter what you're

>going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you

made absolutely sure

>that what you are about to tell me is true?"

>

>"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it

and..."

>

>"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know

if it's true or not.

>Now let's try the second filter, the filter of

Goodness. Is what you are

>about to tell me about my friend something good?"

>

>"No, on the contrary..."

>

>"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me

something bad about him,

>but you're not certain it's true. You may still pass

the test though,

>because there's one filter left: the filter of

Usefulness. Is what you want

>to tell me about my friend going to be useful to

me?"

>

>"No, not really."

>

>"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell

me is neither true

>nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?"

>

>This is why Socrates was a great philosopher and held

in such high esteem.

>

>

>It also explains why he never found out his best

friend was screwing his

>wife.

Sheila, the Aussie housewife got out of the shower

>>>and slipped over on the bathroom floor. Instead of

>>>slipping over forwards or backwards, she slipped,

>>>did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor.

>>>She yelled out for her husband Bruce.

>>>

>>>"Bruce, Bruce" she yelled. Bruce came running in.

>>>

>>>"Bruce, I've bloody suctioned myself to the floor"

>>>she said.

>>>

>>>"Strewth" Bruce said and tried to pull her up.

>>>

>>>"You're stuck fast girl. I'll go across the road

>>>and get Cobba" (his mate).

>>>

>>>They came back and they both tried to pull her up.

>>>

>>>"No way. We can't do it, let's try Plan B." Cobba

>>>said

>>>

>>>"Plan B?" exclaimed Bruce. "What's that" ?

>>>

>>>"I'll go home and get my hammer and chisel and we

>>>can break the tiles under her and that will release

>>>the vacuum." replied Cobba

>>>

>>>"Spot on" Bruce said. "While you're doing that,

I'll

>>>stay here and play with her tits."

>>>

>>>"Play with her tits"? Cobba said, "Not exactly a

>>>good time for that mate ?"

>>>

>>>"No" Bruce replied, "But I reckon if I can get her

>>>wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where

>>>the tiles aren't so expensive".

A tough moral choice

>>

>>With all your honour and dignity, what

>>would you do?

>>

>>This test only has one question, but

>>it's a very important one. Please don't

>>answer it without giving it some serious

>>thought. By giving an honest answer you

>>will be able to test where you stand

>>morally.

>>

>>The test features an unlikely, completely

>>fictional situation, where you will have

>>to make a decision one way or the other.

>>Remember that your answer needs to be

>>honest, yet spontaneous. Please scroll

>>down slowly and consider each line - this

>>is important for the test to work

>>accurately.

>>

>>

>>You're in Florida...In Miami, to be exact...

>>

>>There is great chaos going on around you,

>>caused by a hurricane and severe floods .......

>>

>>There are huge masses of water all over you....

>>

>>You are a CNN photographer and you are in the

>>middle of this great disaster. The situation

>>is nearly hopeless.

>>

>>You're trying to shoot very impressive photos.

>>There are houses and people floating around

>>you, disappearing into the water.

>>

>>Nature is showing all its destroying power and

>>is ripping everything away with it.

>>

>>Suddenly you see a man in the water, he is

>>fighting for his life, trying not to be taken

>>away by the masses of water and mud.

>>You move closer.

>>

>>Somehow the man looks familiar.

>>

>>Suddenly you know who it is

>>- it's George W. Bush!

>>

>>At the same time you notice that the raging

>>waters are about to take him away...forever.

>>You have two options.

>>

>>You can save him or you can take the best

>>photo of your life.

>>

>>So you can save the life of George W. Bush,

>>or you can shoot a Pulitzer prize winning

>>photo. A unique photo displaying the death

>>of one of the world's most powerful men.

>>

>>And here's the question: (Please give an

>>honest answer)

>> >

>> >

>> >

>> >

>> >

>> >

>> >

>> >

>> >

>> >

>> >

>> >

>>Would you select colour film, or go with

>>the simplicity of classic black and white?

everywhere else you just show your credit card, but not so in Thailand, it seems.

Sunny you are right. 30 years ago the Spanish immigration accepted Euro cheques as a proof that you can finance your stay as a "tourist"

US $, Euro and traveller cheques should be accepted as well in the year 2004.

[ the crackdown is aimed at the penniless, visaless lowlives anyway.

It's absolutely correct that 30 days tourists have to furnish proof for their solvency!

10.000 Baht for 30 days is very generous!!!

30 years ago I travelled as a backpacker to Spain and I had to answer questions about how I want to finance my stay in Spain.

I was told that the German embassy in Madrid was fed up with backpackers asking for a loan for going back.

Fair enough!

Have also a look at topic title

"Legal Status Of A Baby Born In Thailand" Page 5

Dr Pat Pong, chuckd and Whitey

Thanks a lot for your help, now I'm rest assured.

Whitey,

Thanks! What I'd like to know. Is it it somewhere stated that kids under the age of 7 or 13? have the right to stay here or is it more an act of grace not to be fined?

Yes, a Philippine passport like his mother.

Manfromoz

Thanks. My son got his own passport and up to now his mother took him always for a visa run and he got his stamps in his passport.

I only hope that there will be no fee for overstaying if the next visa run will be done without him.

He got a Thai birth certificate, but he is not registered.

My son is 10 months old, Filipino citizen, born in Thailand. My question about his legal status: His mother is here on a tourist visa and up to now she took our son with her for a visa run. Is this necessary?? According to the Philippine embassy there is no need to do a visa run with him, because he can stay in Thailand as long as his mother's stay is legally and he can only leave the country together with his mother.

Who can give further information?

Thanks

Dave Yo

You are right when you write:

They are not supposed to do that. But they do!

I have to go for a visa run within the next 10 days, I have also a Houston Texas non immigrant B visa and I was officially in Malaysia when I obtained the Houston visa. When I did my visa run in August, they gave me my 90 days, but I’m not sure about this time.

I think it makes no sense to start a discussion with them about legality, doing this you will be the second winner, or let me say you’ll be the looser.

Like i- kwai said, it is a game of chance, having a Houston non immigrant B visa.

Is there someone who did the visa run recently having a Houston Texas visa ?

Would like to know more about what happened to them?

Pimmel

Source: Bangkok Post

Visa runs: Thousands cross at new checkpoint

Thousands cross at new checkpoint

Alternative point of entry to Cambodia

SI SA KET: Thousands of people living on either side of the Cambodian border crossed paths on Tuesday as a permanent checkpoint in Phu Sing district was opened to the public.

Is there someone who did a visa run to Si Sa Ket? How to go there from Bangkok.

I think about going there next weekend. Need some info.

Thanks

Pimmel