jmapodaca

This is the sad truth in Thailand. Mom's (not all but many in the poorer areas) will allow there kids to be sexually molested by Farang with the plan of eventually getting dollars; or getting the Farang to marry their daughter in the hopes of getting both dollars and land from him.

I know of a 42 year old man living in Phetchabun who recently married a 14 year old girl. The police will do nothing unless and until the mother fails to get money and decides to retaliate against the Farang by pressing charges. Lucky for him he provided dollars.

For most of us, we would like to see both the Farang and the mother go to jail. The kids are the victims from every side of the issue. Neither the parents nor the police protect them from these despicable predators.

How does a (presumably) OLD, WHITE, man get a 10 year old Thai girl into a guesthouse alone? And not once, but multiple times? Isn't anyone at the front desk, or a cleaning person, or another guest, or anyone else at all around who asks what their deal is? I mean, everywhere I go people ask me where I'm from, where I'm going, how long I'm staying, if I'm married, anything and everything about my business.... So how does an old white man with a little Thai girl not set of any alarms?

And where were the child's parents/caretakers? Do they normally just not know where she is for substantial periods of time?

Really strange.

I mean, if the guy nabbed the girl on her way home from school once, then maybe it's a little more likely to have gone un-noticed. But this happened multiple times. You would think someone would notice.

With the consent $$ of her mother.

poor kid.

220 deaths and 2,658 injured in first four dangerous daysBANGKOK: --

Road casualties climbed to 220 deaths and 2,658 people injured as 2,658 accidents were recorded nationwide in the first four of the "seven most dangerous days" of the Songkran festival.

Anucha Mokhaves, directorgeneral of the Disaster Prevention and Mitigation Department, said provincial authorities and police were instructed to warn motorcyclists and passengers to strictly follow traffic rules and regulations, as Songkran travellers were expected to start returning to Bangkok today.

I am here in Thailand for Songkron and see this death issue not so much as motorcyclist driving poorly. How about the people throwing water AT motorcyclist after the sun goes down. I can follow all the so called rules and regulations to the letter of the law. I cannot stop an idiot from throwing huge buckets of water onto me and my wife while traveling down the road at night.

Huge buckets of water are not even fun during the day; it's simply dangerous. These types of people are completly missing the point of Songkron. Even Thai people dislike these types with huge buckets of water. IT IS ALTOGETHER RIDICULOUS WHEN YOU CANNOT SEE THE WATER COMING AT YOU.

Let's have the police stop with the ridulous focus of warning motorcyclist to follow rules and regulations and start imposing some rules and regulations on those who are throwing the water; how about...,don

Any information on the timing it takes to get an interview date after packet 3 info has been sent in to the US embassy would be helpful in understanding the process. Another question, can my fiancee get a one way ticket to America or does it need to be round trip ? We have already been together for 10 years so I am 99 % sure we will be getting married and living happy ever after.... Thanks for any help.

Just arrived here in the US with my Fiancee 3 weeks ago. I purchased a one way ticket for her on Thai Airways (38,000 Baht); premium economy. I heard prices are going up by $300 or so. I would buy now. Cost $100 to get a full refund.

I don't know if you plan on being at the interview with her...but I highly recomend it!!!! She stood at the window fielding questions for ten minutes or so on how and when we met. Then they called for me up to ask about the Afidavit of Support. Five minutes later they approved the Visa. I think they really like to see the Petitioner there at the interview.

Good luck.

As a by-the-way, I hope you're in an area that has a lot of Thai food. My Fiancee is very reluctant to eat anything other than Thai food. It's been a real pain in the $%# to get her to try different foods. So far, Italian and a good steak has been a success

To the OP JM I have learnt from your mistakes so if it turns pear shaped for you, rest assured you have educated me a little on how not to approach the situation.

To JayJay, last time I was in Bangers I was chatting with a lovely lady who had a similar deal going, Rich German guy, comes to Bangkok once every three months for a week or two when he comes he brings a couple hundred thousand baht for said lady, he has bought her a brand new car as well, all she has to do is spend that short amount of time with him, she tells me that she gets board easy and that he was no fun and she flicked him, I am like you are crazy, she responds there are plenty more who are willing to do the same thing and I will find a new guy. So JayJay when are we going into business.

Rick75, sorry, I was quiet for a couple of days, been busy with the business plan. I figure is could be a dollar millionaire by Christmas and Euro millionaire by Easter 2008 and have enough to retire on by mid year 2009. I'll let you know when co's registration is done. Still can't think of an appropriate name......... ........... .................... .................

............... suggestions welcome..........

Another business idea could be to host a website that list all the names of Thai women ripping of the Farang. A modest payment to Farang's that participate by providing con artists names and a larger fee for Farang that would like to do a background check..............

If this is as big as folks say, it could be a winner.

"I won't comment on the implications of this (his miscalculating NPV of his spending) for someone who allegedly was a former CFO and has an MBA...and the implications for the thread... "

I know one thing for sure... I'm not hiring him to prepare my income tax returns this year!!!!!

That would be wise of you. I don't do taxes, nor do a majority of CPA's !!!

Okay, I'm the OP......

Yes, I am giving this young lady $500 a month to help her and her parents. But let's look at like this way....I have dated women here in the US (Accountants, Doctors, normal every-day women, etc.). One thing I can say for certain. Women in the US (perhaps particularly in Los Angeles) have expectations that are considerably higher than this young Thai lady (at least for now) and have cost me in real dollar terms an enormous amount of money.

This young Thai lady is very nice and treats me well. So does her family. Blinded or not, after 42 years on this planet, American women aren't my first choice for marriage and kids. $500 a month to this Thai young lady is nothing in comparison. Everyone one of us guys out there is paying money to women in one form or another. If you're not, she won't be around long……

There are certainly differences in culture. You either accept them or you don't. If you plan on marrying someone from onother culture then expect to learn different ways of livng.

The two sentences I have highlighted are fundamental to understanding what's wrong here. What you would spend in the US on dating a doctor, accountant etc with US salaries bears absolutely no relation to their professional equivalents here in Thailand - not even in Bangkok let alone in the rural provinces........ let alone an "ordinary" family in the rural provinces. You are comparing the cost to yourself as the giver - completely missing the key point that the main comparison needs to be about the impact on the recipients. It's easy to do and many have made the same mistake - including me albeit on a much smaller and shorter-term scale. I learned from it - you need to do the same.

"This Thai young lady" and maybe even all her family and all the family's neighbours could be the salt of the earth, have hearts of gold etc - but you have sown so many seeds of temptation by parachuting in such disproportionate amounts of money on a monthly basis and at such an early stage of the liaison. Would it be so surprising that someone in that family/village now wants to explore what your limits are? Couple that with a (far from universal) Thai tradition of expecting the suitor to show the measure of his status and commitment by the value of his "giving" and it seems clear that you have now unleashed a volatile mix that makes it all but impossible for you to know where you really are in this relationship.

The second sentence highlighted suggests that you now think you are taking good account of the radical differences in cultures. Sorry to be so harsh, but the $500 per month payment and your continuing defence of it makes it very clear that you are nowhere near understanding even the basics of those differences. $500 per month is not "helping a bit" - it's swamping them with surplus cash. As the cliche goes............. "A little knowledge is a dangerous thing".

Others have talked about the payment "for" this girl in the same terms as for negotiating to buy a used car. That is also wrong - but you should not let your recoil from that kind of attitude blind you to the importance of the first point above. You brought yourself, your thinking and your money into Thailand and into this situation - you have the responsibility to think on their behalf as well as your own. So far, IMO, you're still only doing the second part.

If I'm going to be honest with myself and others, you're right. From the beginning, I have approached this relationship in error by throwing money around and not considering the impact on her, her family and the neighbors. I don't need to speak fluent Thai to see and understand the impact this has had on the family and her neighbors as it relates to impressions and now, expectations. It has indeed given everyone the wrong impression, which I have had to address - hence the start of this thread. Given the high monthly amount provided her, expectations were high when she thought I may give her mama a lot of Sin Sot money. Perhaps, if I didn't allow the perception of available money the Sin Sot issue may never have come up. Now I'll never know. I believe (hope) the Sin Sot issue is resolved, as noted above, and we can move forward.

I guess to some extent I am trying to justify the amount. I wish I could take it back. If I could do it all over again I would do it much differently.

As someone correctly pointed out above, let them think you have no money and take it from there. Great advice!!! Perhaps, the guy or gal reading this post who is early in their relationship can learn from my mistakes I will have to live with the suituation......

Okay, the issue has been resolved.

I want to thank each and every one of you for your comments. Even the sarcastic ones, which only make for good reading. So here goes,

I offered to pay her mama $8-10K Baht per month for 3 years. My first offer and she was very happy and informed me her mother would be happy as well. I guess I should have gone lower....hmmm. I'm not at all certain how she was fine with that so quickly, but she was. Thank my lucky stars it was that easy $320 over 3 years yields and NPV of under US$4K at 8% - unless I get hammered by that F*#@%&^ exchange rate.

I can live with it

I think you need to check your net present value calcs

THB 8k a month is THB 96k a year. At a rate of say THB 32 (nice round number) vs USD 1 that's USD 3k a year. This is before discounting.

For 3 years that's THB 288k or USD 9k before discounting. No way would an 8% discount factor reduce that to USD4k.

Depending on whether payment is in advance or arrears it comes out more at USD8k as an NPV for these 3 year cashflows. THB 10k a month would obviously be higher.

I won't comment on the implications of this for someone who allegedly was a former CFO and has an MBA...and the implications for the thread...

Yeah, you got me. Using the NPV was the wrong method. I'm loosing it......

PV (arrears), $300, 8%, 36 months, = $9,600. dam_n, I hate when I do that

Sorry everyone, I more than double my outlay

1. CULTURE SHOCK: America was built on immigrants suffering culture shock in a lot less comfortable conditions than the OP's Thai fiancee will endure. The USA has between 35-40 MILLION foreign-born citizens who had culture shock to some degree. It'll be tough but she should survive.

2. DO YOU SUPPORT YOUR FAMILY BACK HOME?: I have family members "in need" back home but they would still be considered very wealthy by the standard of living in these Thai vilages I've heard so much about. I would send home as much as possible if their living conditions were so poor.

3. SOLUTION TO THE MOTHER-IN-LAW & BORED YOUNG HOUSEWIFE QUESTIONS: Bring the mother-in-law along. Your young wife might have other men tempting her but how many would be willing to take mom as well? In the end having her there could be a good insurance policy. You would also avoid the monthly payments but she'd probably end up drinking more at Starbucks each month.

Item #3, LOL. You are indeed a strategist. Her mother would absolutely be an insurance policy. I'm not quite ready for that however.....

Maybe because he wants to?

What right do any of us have to interfere in other people's financial decisions?

I think sending 20 k a month is idiotic! No Thai family I know really need 20 k a month from nothing. They where doing fine for the last 40 years without a clown sending 20 k a month. If you see my post, I believe what you do(Bendix) is actually best. Your part of the family already, you know the people involved thus make judgements based on case by case. It's about being responsible with money and ensuring Thai's respond appropriately. I do the same. In the OP's case, sending a blank 20 k a month is beyond me! What for, milk, honey or lao khao!

I'm sending her 15000 Baht a month so she can have fun and give some to her parents when I'm not there. The amount is subjective. I don't have a problem with her now being able to go shopping and buy clothes, make-up, and take her family to the local restraunt, which they were never able to do. She will be here in the US - if her interview goes well - by the first of June.

Then I will give her parents between 8-10K Baht per month for 3 years. Not a lot of money for me and it will make her parents happy, given the face issue around their village. I don't fully understand the face-issue and the need to compete with the neighbors, but that is the Thai culture where she lives. If it saves face for the in-laws, so be it.

I always think that it's a bit sad when people refer to other people in regards to the ethnic/national group they belong to rather than to them as individuals. Thai girls are just as unique and individual as people from other countries, and to think otherwise is just ignorance.

Do I understand you correctly? The cultural norms of the "individual's" native country are VERY IMPORTANT to the issue at hand. A THai girl is most definitely different than an American girl, or English girl, or many others. To think otherwise is more than just a tad naive.

Okay, I'm the OP......

Yes, I am giving this young lady $500 a month to help her and her parents. But let's look at like this way....I have dated women here in the US (Accountants, Doctors, normal every-day women, etc.). One thing I can say for certain. Women in the US (perhaps particularly in Los Angeles) have expectations that are considerably higher than this young Thai lady (at least for now) and have cost me in real dollar terms an enormous amount of money.

This young Thai lady is very nice and treats me well. So does her family. Blinded or not, after 42 years on this planet, American women aren't my first choice for marriage and kids. $500 a month to this Thai young lady is nothing in comparison. Everyone one of us guys out there is paying money to women in one form or another. If you're not, she won't be around long……

There are certainly differences in culture. You either accept them or you don't. If you plan on marrying someone from onother culture then expect to learn different ways of livng.

A couple things I'm sure you've thought of, but need to consider. What's she going to do when you are working? School, shopping malls, watching Jerry Springer or ? She won't be able to work legally for a while, so she needs something to pass her time. What's she going to do about friends? Where would she make some friends if you are going to keep her away from Thai town? Is she educated, does she speak good English and has she travelled to other parts of the world, or not? If the answer is little to none to the above three items, then there will be some SERIOUS cuture shock.

What about the corporate functions where you get to take your spouse along?

While personally I would enjoy having a cute 20yo Thai bird at such a function, I think it can be safely said that, the wives of your fellow executives would probably feel a bit threatened, & might be inclined to have a little chat with hubby. You might find your career prospects somewhat in jeopardy.

You can't have the wife of the CEO paranoid that her husband is going to upgrade to a little Thai lady.

The corporate customers might not react very well, I can tell you now they will think the worst, & it is hardly conducive to good 'networking' if you have to explain that 'no, despite what you are thinking, my wife is not a whore'.

Snobbery, prejudgement, petty jealousies are rife in this world, & despite all your best efforts to succeed, it will be other people that bring you undone.

You make some valid points and I gave it a lot of thought before deciding to go forward. The bosses and CEO's I have worked for in the past, at least 50% have remarried to women considerably younger than them. From what I'm seeing, it's becoming a trend. I conducted my own survey of friends, former colleagues and bosses, other executives from my MBA (executive MBA program) program and discovered that they are seeing the same trend. The general consensus was that it would likely have no impact on my career. Besides, Asian women look young for their age .

I think that a thing people forget is a lot of westerners with Thai women have already 'lost in love' on a number of occasions. Frequently they have similar problems with their Thai partner as they did with other girlfriends, but instead of examining themselves they look for something wrong with the Thai woman or Thai culture. Some of these people will continue like this, going from relationship to relationship, until they decide that there is something wrong with women as a group.

Yes, men and women all over the world have a hard time looking in the mirror . What one needs to realize is that they're not compatible with everyone and that's not expected . I'm sure everyone following this post has had their fair share of relationship that did not work out. Hopefully, we learn from our mistakes. I've seen my fare share of gold-digger's and seek to avoid them at all costs.

Someone pointed out above that some Thai women are taught to lie, cheat and steal. Perhaps. If my gal is one of them, she is VERY VERY good at it. For much of my career I was an auditor whereby my job, in part, was to determine when someone is lying to me. I've caught several people lying and committing fraud and who longer enjoy their life much anymore. My gut tells me she's genuine and is simply trying to do right by her mama. She specifically states that she wants to earn money and make sure her mama does not have to work in the rice and corn fields until the day she dies. Frankly, I can understand that. I know her mother, I wouldn't want to see that either. In comparison to me and my family they live a very hard life. I don't mind helping a bit.......

I always think that it's a bit sad when people refer to other people in regards to the ethnic/national group they belong to rather than to them as individuals. Thai girls are just as unique and individual as people from other countries, and to think otherwise is just ignorance.

Do I understand you correctly? The cultural norms of the "individual's" native country are VERY IMPORTANT to the issue at hand. A THai girl is most definitely different than an American girl, or English girl, or many others. To think otherwise is more than just a tad naive.

Okay, I'm the OP......

Yes, I am giving this young lady $500 a month to help her and her parents. But let's look at like this way....I have dated women here in the US (Accountants, Doctors, normal every-day women, etc.). One thing I can say for certain. Women in the US (perhaps particularly in Los Angeles) have expectations that are considerably higher than this young Thai lady (at least for now) and have cost me in real dollar terms an enormous amount of money.

This young Thai lady is very nice and treats me well. So does her family. Blinded or not, after 42 years on this planet, American women aren't my first choice for marriage and kids. $500 a month to this Thai young lady is nothing in comparison. Everyone one of us guys out there is paying money to women in one form or another. If you're not, she won't be around long……

There are certainly differences in culture. You either accept them or you don't. If you plan on marrying someone from onother culture then expect to learn different ways of livng.

A couple things I'm sure you've thought of, but need to consider. What's she going to do when you are working? School, shopping malls, watching Jerry Springer or ? She won't be able to work legally for a while, so she needs something to pass her time. What's she going to do about friends? Where would she make some friends if you are going to keep her away from Thai town? Is she educated, does she speak good English and has she travelled to other parts of the world, or not? If the answer is little to none to the above three items, then there will be some SERIOUS cuture shock.

This is going to be a big culture shock anyway you look at it. She speaks English fairly well. When she gets here she will start formal English school. My father also teaches English and that should be helpful. I have a realtively large family with many nieces most around her age (family is close).

She hasn't traveled at all. Hence, huge culture shock. I think she'll do fine regardless given the family will be around her. Hopefully she will make friends while going to school. That are of course a lot of unknowns.

I always think that it's a bit sad when people refer to other people in regards to the ethnic/national group they belong to rather than to them as individuals. Thai girls are just as unique and individual as people from other countries, and to think otherwise is just ignorance.

Do I understand you correctly? The cultural norms of the "individual's" native country are VERY IMPORTANT to the issue at hand. A THai girl is most definitely different than an American girl, or English girl, or many others. To think otherwise is more than just a tad naive.

Okay, I'm the OP......

Yes, I am giving this young lady $500 a month to help her and her parents. But let's look at like this way....I have dated women here in the US (Accountants, Doctors, normal every-day women, etc.). One thing I can say for certain. Women in the US (perhaps particularly in Los Angeles) have expectations that are considerably higher than this young Thai lady (at least for now) and have cost me in real dollar terms an enormous amount of money.

This young Thai lady is very nice and treats me well. So does her family. Blinded or not, after 42 years on this planet, American women aren't my first choice for marriage and kids. $500 a month to this Thai young lady is nothing in comparison. Everyone one of us guys out there is paying money to women in one form or another. If you're not, she won't be around long……

There are certainly differences in culture. You either accept them or you don't. If you plan on marrying someone from onother culture then expect to learn different ways of livng.

I know the 2M was the request for sin sod..but I didn't think...especially after hearing from all of us...that the OP was heading toward giving in to pay it...

So... what's the plan OP??? What are you going to do about the request???

As indicated above, I am contributing about $300 a month for 3 years. Then no more payments. If more is needed the little lady will have to earn the money for mama herself.

To the above post about pre-nump. Yes, I will make certain it's written in Thai and she has her own Thai attorney.

Uhhhhh.... I think... Young Farang13 was being a bit sarcastic here.. taking a swipe at the relative young age of your lady..compared to yours.... (Mind you, I personally don't have any problem with it... in fact...have been known to like it myself...)

But..in the odd chance I'm wrong... you're seriously talking about your future 20 something wife going out to party with teenagers in L.A.?????

What school did you earn your MBA from... I sure hope it wasn't my old university in Los Angeles!!!! If it was...I'm calling the dean tomorrow!!!

just curious, if she is in the usa and some of the other teenagers invite her to a party is she allowed to go?

Yeah, she can go. I'm not going to tie her down and have her miss being young. That would be mean. I will have to accept the inherent risks associated with marrying a younger lady..... I may have to tag along if that kind of thing happens often Given the age difference, the risk is absolutly there. A good pre-nup, that's the ticket. Without that, I wouldn't even consider doing this.

Actually, I think I'll need to keep a tighter leash. All these comments have given me a lot to think about. I wanted her to go to school because I thought it would be better for her. She doesn't want to go now, so I will not encourage her any further. I'll have my family stick close by.

If she comes, she'll be here in Los Angeles with a Thai community and lot's of good Thai restaurants.

Big, big mistake. My advice is to keep her well away from the 'influences' of the local Thai community - in fact, keep her in Thailand.

High proportion of ex-bargirls all backstabbing & bitching about each other, cheating on their ageing husbands with the young bucks, all trying to out do each other in the status stakes.

Lieing, deception, multiple marriages, the systematic looting of assets & money & this is only the wives, wait till you meet some of the husbands.

You being a MBA & CFO & all, will be a prime target & unless your little angel has had a bit of 'Pattaya' time they will chew her up & spit her out. They will turn her into something that you will not believe.

I have seen it all, this tragi-comedy of mismatched souls, predator & prey, so predictable, like an out of control freight train. Don't be another statistic.

Negative - yes, because this whole situation is negative. I think you desperately need a reality check.

Keep her in Thailand - if you decide to take her with you, make sure that YOU choose her friends well.

Excellent advice. I have revised (upward) my previous opinion of you. When she gets to USA the "rule-book" if there was one in Thailand, will go out the window. Anything goes in USA and she will be outside the control and guidance of her family.

Excellent, excellent advice. I will keep her away from the Thai community. Yes, that would be a disaster.

Uhhhhh.... I think... Young Farang13 was being a bit sarcastic here.. taking a swipe at the relative young age of your lady..compared to yours.... (Mind you, I personally don't have any problem with it... in fact...have been known to like it myself...)

But..in the odd chance I'm wrong... you're seriously talking about your future 20 something wife going out to party with teenagers in L.A.?????

What school did you earn your MBA from... I sure hope it wasn't my old university in Los Angeles!!!! If it was...I'm calling the dean tomorrow!!!

just curious, if she is in the usa and some of the other teenagers invite her to a party is she allowed to go?

Yeah, she can go. I'm not going to tie her down and have her miss being young. That would be mean. I will have to accept the inherent risks associated with marrying a younger lady..... I may have to tag along if that kind of thing happens often Given the age difference, the risk is absolutly there. A good pre-nup, that's the ticket. Without that, I wouldn't even consider doing this.

Well, if you're referring to UCLA, then you'll need to get on the phone Although, I went to USC as well.....call them all. I may have lost my mind

just curious, if she is in the usa and some of the other teenagers invite her to a party is she allowed to go?

Yeah, she can go. I'm not going to tie her down and have her miss being young. That would be mean. I will have to accept the inherent risks associated with marrying a younger lady..... I may have to tag along if that kind of thing happens often Given the age difference, the risk is absolutly there. A good pre-nup, that's the ticket. Without that, I wouldn't even consider doing this.

mate,

get tough,

let her cry like a baby,

explain farangs don't care about "face" and she will have to get used to it.

i still reckon she's playing you like a violin.

Yeah, I think she did play me like a violin a bit. When I'm working (hopefully I will be soon), Im a CFO and a couple extra buck wont kill me. But at the settled upon 8-10K Baht per month the NPV is under US$4K. I think I did alright.......we'll see.....Cheers

Okay, the issue has been resolved.

I want to thank each and every one of you for your comments. Even the sarcastic ones, which only make for good reading. So here goes,

I offered to pay her mama $8-10K Baht per month for 3 years. My first offer and she was very happy and informed me her mother would be happy as well. I guess I should have gone lower....hmmm. I'm not at all certain how she was fine with that so quickly, but she was. Thank my lucky stars it was that easy $320 over 3 years yields and NPV of under US$4K at 8% - unless I get hammered by that F*#@%&^ exchange rate.

I can live with it

You may very well be on to something - saving face. As the story goes, it is her bitter enemy from high school and next door neighbor who's farang fiance provided the money. The whole street dislikes these neighbors. There was a lot of chatter about 2M Baht the last time I was there but turned out to be untrue, or delayed, who knows.

So you already know this is a load of B@llocks, then

She is a sweet heart when things are fine. But when these things come up she gets very upset. Tonight she is crying, crying, crying, .......

She is a very young girl who probably as already learnt to 'turn on the waterworks to order'

The lump sum idea and the payments after I start working were all discussed earlier. The mother is easy going and does not expect the mother-load. What the mother and grandmother really want is for her to go live in the US.

The mother has already hit the JACKPOT on a monthly basis

Hi jmapodaca

You need to tell her and the family 'selective truths.'

1. You have been very generous up to now with monthly payments, but need to stop these for awhile

I believe your right.

2. Tell GF/family that you are an Honorable guy and WHEN THE TIME COMES you will see them alright.

They know that is true.

3. You have known the girl for ONE year and a big geographical move needs to be top priority now. Plenty of time to arrange marriage later. The move IS the top priority. It's heppening quick. When I get her here to the US, we must be married in 3 months.

4. She is young so she is bound to want everything 'yesterday.' Are you that naive also? No, not that naive She indeed has no patience whatsoever. Typical young lady.

5. Tell GF/family you need to start a new job (hopefully well paid) and things will get better,BUT DON'T tell them specifics.

I think I have it worked out, which I post below.

6. Remind GF/family of the concept of paying HUGE tax/utility/rent/food bills that are paid in the 'West.' This always SHOCKS them

I explain it, but they don't get it. A mortgage...what's that

7. Lay down the ground rules and stick to them. Remember Thai's are used to male still being the 'Bossman' OK.

Okay, laid down the rules tonight (now) and it's squared away.

I could go on and on, but don't get me wrong I am not trying to be negative, honest. I am just trying to help you make your next important move. I have overcome most hurdles and (well up to now) am very happy here with my Thai wife. Good luck and I dearly hope all turns out well for u two She simply has high expectation. My visits to Petchaboon for some reason draw a lot of attention. The President (fancy title for the Mayor) has come to her house on two occasions to join in the Moo roast, Although he won't drink anything but soda. Anyway, Im babbling...it's late.

MacB

You 'ol b@gger, its great to read your news and the last sentence above goes out to u too. See you at the FC.

Dave (& Sri)

Excuse all the scarcasm from some hard-boiled members here, such as myself. But seriously, you should consider a few things and I have some questions. What are your ages/ Where did you meet her and how long have you known her? Do you plan to marry her and take her back to your country to live? You mention her Mother. Does she have a Father & is he with the Mother & supporting the family? I think you ment to say her Uncle can live on 8,000 bht not dollars. $500 U.S. is a lot of money to be handing her every month. If you want to pay sin sod, I would tell them that the monthly payments stop in the future then. This talk from other posters about getting the sin sod returned is a pretty "iffy" thing. In many case I know, the family has no such intentions and they expect monthly subsidy as well. Do you no for a fact that another Farang paid $2 million bht, or is this second hand story from her family to enhance the kitty (pot od money)?

I'm 42 and she is 20. We met one year ago and are now in the final days before she may get her fiancé Visa to come to the US. She lives with her Mother and Father and 14 year old sister. They own a home and two pieces of land which the mother and father grow rice and corn crops. The father works periodically as a construction worker and maintenance man. In short, they do okay. The have one of the best houses on the street. But all-in-all they're still are poor.

Yes, her uncle (from South Carolina) lives on 8000 Baht. The $2M is a story coming from my fiancé about another mother in town getting said sum. I'm don't believe the story necessarily. After living in the area a short time, I know the stories are often BS with a lot of the ladies competing with one another.

You take her to the states and guaranteed this relationship will be over.

What do you think other American women are going to tell her about a 20 year old with a 42 year old man? When you send her off to school or whereever on her own and she meets guys her own age who are interested, you think she will stick around? Stepping stone anybody?

Is where you are planning on taking her warm? Have Thai food there (real Thai food, not shabby Thai restaurants with Korean cooks).

I can't tell you how many women I have met here (100 or so?), who have gone back to the UK, USA, Oz, wherever, only to become very unhappy and return to LOS with a nice bank account and monthly stipend.

Think it through mate, and yes 15,000 a month is too much.

I realize there is a risk with this marriage. I'll protect myself the best I can with a pre-nup.

If she comes, she'll be here in Los Angeles with a Thai community and lot's of good Thai restaurants.

500.00 a month is more than enough to support the whole family. If you can afford this monthly "gift" to the family, then it should suffice in place of any sin sod lump payment.

Explain this to your fiance.

If however, marrying in Thailand, a "show" of gold and cash will be displayed at the wedding...most modern parents return this to the newlyweds...but not all of them.

If your gal expects 2 mil...AND a monthly payment of 500 dollars, she is either naive, or taking advantage of you.

A one time sin sod of 100,000-200,000 baht is what you should reasonably expect to pay...and 2 or 3 baht (a standard weight measurement) of gold as well.....then a small monthly payment to help the family (5000-8000 baht) could be sent by the both of you if you choose to do so.

Don't let yourself be considered a bottomless ATM. You have your futures to look out for...and it's irresponsible and selfish for the parents not to consider your future together.

Discuss this fully with the fiance and family before you get visa's etc.....bring it out in the open, and don't be pressured.

Think with your big head.

Good Luck.

My plan has been to pay no more than US$5,000 and give the family $150-200 per month. I will not be deviating from that too much. If it all falls to hel_l, then what can I do. Meant to be...... I'm a generous guy, but I have my limits. So far, I've already given her over $3,000 (I don't pay when I'm there in Petchaboon).

If it's true that another Farang in the village forked out 2 million baht (and it's most probably not) then there's the 'face thing' to consider that they want your fiance to be seen to be worth more.

Also as someone else has pointed out you are paying monthly double what her Farang uncle lives on a month so count up how much you've already paid and deduct that from the maximum sum for the sin sot (200k baht).

As that is still a lot of money to pay to a Thai village family in 1 hit I'd even suggest you try to agree to pay the sin sot over, say 3 years, then you can argue you don't need to pay the monthly amount anymore.

You may very well be on to something - saving face. As the story goes, it is her bitter enemy from high school and next door neighbor who's farang fiance provided the money. The whole street dislikes these neighbors. There was a lot of chatter about 2M Baht the last time I was there but turned out to be untrue, or delayed, who knows. She is a sweet heart when things are fine. But when these things come up she gets very upset. Tonight she is crying, crying, crying, .......

The lump sum idea and the payments after I start working were all discussed earlier. The mother is easy going and does not expect the mother-load. What the mother and grandmother really want is for her to go live in the US.

Again this is down to the individuals how much you want to pay? I sense that your future mother in-law is in love with you at the moment $5000 (I would be).

If you propose to make a one off payment on marriage then I bet she will still expect to receive a monthly payment as well! As some of the posters have said if I had to pay a dowry I would not expect to pay more than a couple of hundred thousand baht MAX! and I would expect a virgin for this price...........................

I personally did not pay anything as my wife's parents are old and the wife has been married previously they only want a good life for their daughter. On visits I normally slip her father 5000THB (couple of times a year) Todate they have asked for nothing apart from a request to see their new grandson more!

GOOD LUCK

Perhaps, it's just my fiance. Her mother was very good to me before I started sending any money at all. As was the gradnmother. Dunno.....