Dr Hiram P. Klonky

Well thank you good Ajaan. You are much more helpful than Loxinfo themselves. Do you happen to know these local numbers by any chance?

Two Belfast women are Christmas shopping in the mall, and the Xmas carols are flooding out of the speakers. The first says "That's Nat King Cole". The second says "Well who the ###### is it then?"

I am actually married to a lady of the western persuasion and all is well. But when I go through immigration they invariably say "He's brought his own - we'll have to charge him corkage"

What about a good ISP in Kanchanaburi? The bible gives no guidance

I am moving house to kanchanaburi on Friday and I wonder which would be the most effective ISP for that province. Can't seem to get much info at all out of my current ISP Loxinfo. I don't want to be paying for long distance phone calls all the time. Any ideas?

The T shirt seems rather agreeable. But I wonder if we should be drawing attention to our 'otherness' in this way? Couldn't we be more discreet about our nationalities?

I am relocating the family home to Kanchanaburi on Friday. I am unsure if I can continue to use loxinfo as my ISP and they aren't being very responsive at all to queries. I wonder if anyone could recommend a good ISP for this province?

One cannot help but wonder how the distinguished contributors to this forum shall be spending the festive season.

To set the ball rolling in a constructive motion, I may dare to post the intentions of the Klonky family?

On Christmas day my good lady wife (Mrs Klonky) and I usually repair to the household after morning worship. It is our custom to invite our very good friends the Schnackelpesters (Gen Schnackelpester (Retd) and his good lady wife) and the Brubengartners (Prof Emiritus Brubengartner and Dr Brubengartner his good lady wife) around for a hearty traditional turkey meal with all the trimmings!

Once the port bottle emerges from hibernation the fun really swings (as I believe the young people say nowadays). One chuckles to recall Gen Schnackelpesters heroic efforts in Charades and the downright uncoventional bids made by Mrs Dr Brubengartner in the knock-out Bridge tourney!

Ah me! One rather finds oneself in some degree of trepidation if not downright anticipation! What about you? Just a thought!

“From Professor Sebastian Mortimer, Corpus Christi College, Oxford.

Sadly however, a dark cloud seems to have manifested itself over the usual gaiety and frivolity which I find so welcome on these pages. The cloud I speak of is, of course, that most thoroughly verbose of gentlemen, Dr Hiram Klonkey. Might it not be the case that the individual to whom I refer is an imposter. Might he not be one of those ridiculous characters who, armed with little more than a good thesaurus, take it upon themselves to present to the public at large a semblance of education and learning which all too often they do not in fact possess. I’m sure I am most certainly not alone in feeling that a little elucidation as to this individual’s academic background would be immensely welcome.       

Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear oh dear. This really is becoming distressingly personal. I suspect that the good professor is newly tenured or he would surely recall the groundbreaking (and by no means uncontroversial!) series of lectures that I presented at his distinguished college as recently as 1972. Now universally known as "The Klonky Lectures", these later formed the foundations of monosyntacticism, no less.

I have not had my academic credentials questioned in any way hitherto, and it is difficult to even imagine why I should be the (in no small way) proud recipient of 4 honarary doctorates if there was even the merest whiff of bogusity concerning my pedigree.

I think another lie down in a darkened room beckons, and would in no small measure benefit us all! Just a thought!

Hiram I think your use of English sucks very big, so I have forwarded your details to Hoover for consideration as the mew model. 

If I read this in any way correctly some not inconsiderable measure of insult is intended. One really has to wonder where the spirit of the festive season has gone. O Tempora! O Mores! Just a thought!

Hiram's real name is Bates. Master Bates.   

I am not quite sure how to penetrate the meaning of this baseless assertion. The good lady wife (Mrs Klonky) has reserached the Klonky ancestry to 8 generations going back to our origins in Lithuania. There is not a single member of the illustrious Bates family shown, so I hardly see how I could be a relative. Some mistake perhaps? Just a thought!

Some of never use one word when six or seven will do.

It is with some considerable trepidation that I approach the keyboard. I seem to have incurred the wrath of the most excellent Maerim for my loquacity. Ironic, perhaps, when the thread starting on the innocent limitations of non-native English speakers should then turn into an attack on the precision (if I may be so bold!) of a native English speaker. Perhaps a middle path is required.

And now I seem to have attracted the attention of some worthy with the most curiously menacing name of IT. I think I need to go and have a lie down in a darkened room until this all blows over, and I suggest that others consider this wise course of action too. Just a Thought!

By no means, Dr Pat. There have indeed been occasions when the celebratory ramifications of certain events have reached such a measure of magnitude that the good lady wife and I have been forced to throw caution to the wind and reach for the bottle of sweet sherry. A little variety on these joyful occasions does less harm than we may think. Just a thought!

A welcome interjection from the redoubtable Khun Kwiz (if I may make so bold!)

English is indeed a polymorphous and multifractal language with many forms and subforms, including American and even Australian. We need not be hard and fast in insisting upon a sterile uniformity of expression - the key thing is that the message is received. While we may smile at some distortions the gist becomes clear. I recall with some considerable affection a large sign at Ekkamai bus station some years ago boldly proclaiming "Toilet is Back". Upon examination this proved to indicate that the ablutionary services were located at the back of the main concourse and we were quite mistaken in our initial suspicions that these laudable services, having been removed, were now proudly reinstated. Upon a moments careful reflection, the message becomes clear. This should be sufficient for us all. Just a thought!

It really is encumbent upon me to inject a much needed measure of caution into this discourse. We need to recall that running a bar or other such outlet of alcoholic beverages is really rather a stressful and demanding calling. One wonders if gentlemen of such advanced ages - such as Mr Trink, and in no small measure myself - would be able to grapple with the daily demands of such a rigorous regime. Seems like a job for an altogether younger person. Just a thought!

One finds oneself nodding in a sense of concurrence with the general sense of this thread. There are times when one encounters a fairly distressing if not deplorable use of the language, not least on this pages! But I do begin to suspect that we ought to differentiate in a very real sense between the slovenly and unexcusable grammar from native English speakers and the very brave attempts made by our Thai friends. While of course they at times make errors that border on the amusing, one has only to contemplate ones own ability in the Thai language. Could we, if I dare suggest it, do any better? I can firmly state that both myself and the good lady wife (Mrs. Klonky) have found ourselves in quite profound states of miscomprehension due to our use of the wrong tone or word. Nonetheless, and not withstanding this, our Thai interlocutors always patiently tried to grasp the sinuous thread of our meagre communicative attempts. Could we not at least attempt the same? Just a thought!

This story, if correct - and its certainly rings true - really does make quite vexatious reading. New years eve is the time when myself and the good lady wife (Mrs. Klonky) like to relax and raise a small glass of port to toast the incoming year. I suppose this all means that I will have to check on the bottle to see if sufficient remains for the coming celebrations. If not, some replenishment may well become advisable. Iwonder if other readers are contemplating doing the same? It may be prudent. Just a thought!

Oh dear. One cannot help but reminisce with no small measure of dread over the fretful search for accommodation upon arrival in the city. So many strange procedures and searches to endure! I wish you well but cannot help but wonder whether or not you have considered living outside the city. So much more agreeable and cheaper, though I must confess that commuting can be something of a burden on occasions. Just a thought!

Isn't it interesting how one's mind wanders over these topics? It got me thinking about what I would need to do should I for any reason wish to repatriate our two soi dogs, now pets. It really is quite vexatious to contemplate the stresses and miseries pet owners must endure to remain contiguous with their animal pals. Just a thought!

One cannot help but notice the rather shabby appearance presented by Mr Hussein upon his arrest. Quite deplorable really. I wonder if there is a shortage of barbers in Iraq? Just athought!

Oh dear. I really do appear to have touched a nerve here and you have to wonder how many maimees afflict people on a daily basis.

I hardly dare to raise a related question. What about Mai Dai? I seem to encounter these on a depressingly regular basis. Park car in car park? Mai Dai! Eat the same enticing food as the people on the next table? Mai Dai! (and mai mee).

Then there's the dreaded Mot. Many things one enquires about suddenly appear to be Mot Lairw just as soon as one expresses an interest, however mild. I wonder if anyone else suffers from these problems? Just a thought!

I really cannot help but feel a little curious over the deafening silence from the Bangkok Post on this issue. I wonder if they have something to hide? Just a thought!

Appearance is everything. We regularly buy vegetables from our local fresh market in Tanyaburi and food appears fresher than that often found in supermarkets (and far cheaper!) But how can we be sure by appearances alone? While the fresh market obviously lacks the hygiene standards of supermarkets employing as they do a small army of moppers and scrubbers (usually where you want to be!) can we be certain that behind the triple stapled vacuum packed multi-sealed veg in the supermarket stands acceptable levels of hygiene? Just a thought!

I really cannot help but to observe that the Thai people certainly seem to be much happier than their alleged counterparts in "the West". Whether this is intelligence or not is a moot point, but it seems smart enough to me. Just a thought!

I really do think that this is an occasion where we might contemplate what we would do were we to find ourselves in the lamentable situations that led these buskers to do what they do. Just a thought!