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Gallowspole
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Posts posted by Gallowspole
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Sailor arrives in Pattaya, goes out on the lash and spends most of his money. He's left with 40 baht and starts looking for a bit of skirt on Beach Road.
All the pros laugh at his request for favours in return for 40 baht, until he meets this 50 year old.
"Sorry dahkling no boom boom 40 baht but I have false eye - I take out and you can boom boom eye hole"
Sailor was desperate for relief after 6 months on the seas so he agrees. Turns out to be the best sexual experience he's ever had -
"That was great honey!!!! I'll be back on Beach Road tomorrow night for sure!!"
"OK tilac - I'll keep an eye out for you"
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That letter from the Embassy (UK) was going to cost 1400 baht ...oh plus 30b for the EMS charge. Local cop shop was free. Had a bottle of scotch ready just in case - prefer to give to the Widows & Orphans than to those Pimms drinking pricks.
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A letter confirming where you live from your local police station, coupled with a copy of your residence's tabein bahn, should suffice. It did in the Nong Khai licence centre, although I appreciate rules & regs are not conformily applied.
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Pool Tables
in Isaan
Used to be a place on the road out to the airport at KK that I saw making snooker tables. It was opposite the university. That was 5 years ago, so not sure if still going or whether or not they make pool tables.
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Multiples of 9 all have the same symbol (apart from 99 and 90 as they are impossible to pick). After you press 'try again' a new symbol is assigned to all multiples of 9. The formula given will always leave you with a multiple of 9.
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The horse was complaining to the Queen that after orally taking care of Charles she was left with an upset tummy - Queenie's advice was 'why don't you try Andrews?'
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I think you are all looking at this a bit too deeply.
You have to PAY for a work permit, right?
Falang Ruay. TIT.
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Pig hunting definitely takes place in the provinces north of Phuket. Only people I know have done it are high-ranking police, military and their politician cronies.
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Take This Scientific Quiz to Determine Your Guyness Quotient
1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you
are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic
friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated
device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite
supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently
eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth. You
decide to:
a. Present it to the president of the United States.
b. Present it to the secretary general of the United Nations.
c. Take it apart.
2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss
the most?
a. Innocence.
b. Idealism.
c. Cherry bombs.
3. When is it okay to kiss another male?
a. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard
for narrow-minded social conventions.
b. When he is the pope. (Not on the lips.)
c. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only
really sportsmanlike way to let him know that, for business reasons, you
have to have him killed.
4. What about hugging another male?
a. If he's your father and at least one of you has a fatal disease.
b. If you're performing the Heimlich maneuver. (And even in this
case, you should repeatedly shout: "I am just dislodging food trapped in
this male's trachea! I am not in any way aroused!")
c. If you're a professional baseball player and a teammate hits a
home run to win the World Series, you may hug him provided that:
(1) He is legally within the basepath,
(2) Both of you are wearing protective cups, and
(3) You also pound him fraternally with your fist hard enough to
cause fractures.
5. Complete this sentence: A funeral is a good time to...
a. ...remember the deceased and console his loved ones.
b. ...reflect upon the fleeting transience of earthly life.
c. ...tell the joke about the guy who has Alzheimer's disease and
cancer.
6. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:
a. A cat.
b. A dog.
c. A dog that eats cats.
7. You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's attractive and
intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her. One leisurely Sunday
afternoon the two of you are taking it easy -- you're watching a football
game; she's reading the papers -- when she suddenly, out of the clear
blue sky, tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but she can no
longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is
going. She says she's not asking whether you want to get married; only
whether you believe that you have some kind of future together. What do
you say?
a. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but
you don't want to rush it.
b. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you cannot
honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting
commitment, and you don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope.
c. That you cannot believe the Jets called a draw play on third and
seventeen.
8. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want
to spend the rest of your life with her -- sharing the joys and the
sorrows, the triumphs and the tragedies, and all the adventures and
opportunities that the world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell
her?
a. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
b. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name,
and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing her hair and the
stars in her eyes, you tell her.
c. Tell her what?
9. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to
get your three children ready for school. Your first question to her is:
a. "Do they need to eat or anything?"
b. "They're in school already?"
c. "There are three of them?"
10. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?
a. When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed new
holes so large that you're not sure which ones were originally intended
for your legs.
b. When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules and
has to be handled with tweezers.
c. It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. A real guy
checks the garbage regularly in case somebody -- and we are not naming
names, but this would be his wife -- is quietly trying to discard his
underwear, which she is frankly jealous of, because the guy seems to have
a more intimate relationship with it than with her.
11. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact
that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before
they finally got to the Promised Land?
a. He was being tested.
b. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when they
finally got there.
c. He refused to ask directions.
12. What is the human race's single greatest achievement?
a. Democracy.
b. Religion.
c. Remote control.
How to Score: Give yourself one point for every time you picked answer
"c." A real guy would score at least 10 on this test. In fact, a real guy
would score at least 15, because he would get the special five-point
bonus for knowing the joke about the guy who has Alzheimer's disease and
cancer.
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Lucky Leprechaun
One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole. He tees up and cranks one. Unfortunately, it goes into the woods on the side of the fairway. He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with this huge knot on his head and the golf ball laying beside him.
"Goodness," says the golfer and proceeds to revive the little guy.
Upon awakening the little guy says, "Well, you caught me fair and square. I am a leprechaun and I will grant you three wishes."
The man says "I can't take anything from you, I'm just glad I didn't hurt you too badly," and walks away.
Watching the golfer depart, the leprechaun thinks to himself, "Well, he was a nice enough guy, and he did catch me, so I have to do something for him. I'll give him three things that I would want. I'll give him unlimited money, a great golf game and a fantastic sex life."
Well, a year goes by and the same golfer is out golfing on the same course at the 16th hole. He gets up and hits one into the same woods and goes off looking for his ball. When he finds the ball he sees the same little guy and asks how he is doing.
The leprechaun says, "I'm fine, and might I ask how your golf game is?"
"It's great! I hit under par every time."
"I did that for you. And might I ask how your money is holding out?"
The golfer says, "Well, now that you mention it, every time I put my hand in my pocket, I pull out a hundred euro notel."
"I did that for you. And might I ask how your sex life is?"
The golfer looks at him a little shyly and says, "Well, maybe once or twice a week."
The leprechaun is floored and stammers, "Once or twice a week?"
"Well, that's not too bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish
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You don't recognise "Hamlet" then good sir ?
Ah, the mild cigar from Benson & Hedges.
Talking about cigars - something which really abrases my nobbies are Krung Thip smoking, cheapskate falangs who bludge a cigar off me and then leave it half smoked. When they ask about the price of it , they reply along the lines of '<deleted> you can buy three packs of Krungies for that!' They don't even think about offering me a beer. <deleted>.
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There's an old Oirish bloke in Nong Khai. But don't piss him off or he'll attack you with baked beans.
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What is your purpose to stay in thailand for long periods?
Drug and human trafficking
Why do you need to live here for long terms?Got caught.
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I think it's on UBC Series (36) not AXN.
What's the following got in common? (Apart from all being unbelievably crap)
Life with Bonnie
I'm with Her
Married to the Kellys
Good Morning Miami
Whoopi
A Minute with Stan Hooper
Cedric the Entertainer
They've all been cancelled after one or two series because they so <deleted> dire. Good ole UBC buys this garbage probably cos' they're cheap and then has the gall to play them at their prime 9pm slot.
On a positive note, I watched The Shield for the first time this week and really enjoyed it.
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I was going to bring contructive <and I've edited it as well KK> to your attention but that would be detructive and trolling.
Moving on to chad. Never heard that one in the UK; can it be said in mixed company? My mates and I used to talk about the flange in a bar, I have no idea where it came from but sounded good in a Sid the Sexist kind of way.
(Is this constructive enough or do I need to prove Fermats last Theorem?)
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I'll try and split it into two threads, the degree one, and spelling one....now if only I could work out the ruddy controls to do so!
Gallows do you go to Ajarn.com at all?
Used to many hacks ago.
I enjoyed whiling away the day following Nemesis' conspiracy links and logging on to find out if Diaw was still alive. Unfortunately, humour became a rare commodity there after the bannings and hackings. I still look over there now again but haven't found anything to make me want to sign-up again.
That 'Scottish play' forum (can you say its name here?) with Dirty Dog, Harry, Chang, TMB, is quite entertaining. Too scared to post there, though.
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Wasn't IJWT's original non-word either in quotation marks, asterisks in front and behind, or an emoticon to show he was playing with the language?
I doubt that 'folky' is a word, but he could have said 'folksy' which is a word similar to what he seemed to say. A literate reader shouldn't have had problem with 'folky' in quotation marks.
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'You're joking, right? You don't *really* think that I don't know the rules of grammar (in this case, not mechanics, dear) and that I'm not simply using slang to sound more "folky"? [i'll put that in scare-quotations so that you know that I know that it's not a proper word! Never can tell these days, can we!]'
Was going to let this die but as Mr PeaceB. wants to imply that I'm am illeterate you can see that "Steven" put the word in quotations to show that it was an incorrect word, unbeknownest that it actually is a word. Well, it is according to the American Heritage Dictionary
I've just been waiting for "Steven" to acknowledge this but the silence was deafening.
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So Charles, where did you stay? Did you see any ghosts?
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Just messing with him.
Now, where else has he posted today....?
Just kidding!!
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You've got issues with trolls, don't you?
You're supposed to cross bridges when you come to them, not shout troll and turn and run.
Tell the truth - Folky was a fck up, wasn't it?
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You're joking, right? You don't *really* think that I don't know the rules of grammar (in this case, not mechanics, dear) and that I'm not simply using slang to sound more "folky"? [i'll put that in scare-quotations so that you know that I know that it's not a proper word! Never can tell these days, can we!]
I'd hazard a guess that "folky" actually is a word.
Gosh-durn it, you're right! That time I was *trying* to make a mistake!
"Steven"
"The lady doth protest too much, methinks."
Come on "Steven"!
As I said, having a go at other poster's English leaves you open to attack yourself no matter what the poster was writing about . My point was that, not you're (here fishy fishy) addition to the lexicon of TV.com; I appreciated your excuse, however. But you fcked up with "folky" didn't you? Come on cleanse your soul, dear.
AsTHE great man also said "you can fool some people sometimes, but you can't fool all the people all the time".
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Went through Manchester once on a barge. Little thieving gypsy batards would try and 'steam' your boat when stuck in the locks. Two dogs and a flailing barge pole 'educated' one of them.
Stayed in Hume once. Once says it all.
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Actually, what the 'ell is a mechanics-Nazi?
As I appear to have become one, should I start burning my grammar books, or my 1982 Ford Fiesta 1.3S maintenance manual?
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A similar concept could be teaching inner city thugs in Manchester that they shouldn't mug the nice Japanese tourists trying to take photo's of them...
Good point, however even Manchester thugs don't murder people!
I respectfully request you to go to the following webpage. You'll find that Manchester is tops for murder in England.
Lovely place.
Residence Certificate
in Isaan
Posted
Go to a local doctor's clinic and tell them you need a medical certificate for a driver's licence. Costs 20 or 25 baht and the doctor doesn't even see you - the receptionist just writes it out!!
Have read that in Pattaya you have to go to a specific clinic (owned by the brother of the sister of the uncle of the maid that works at the home of the head of driving licence department) and pay 200 baht.
At the test centre you will be expected to do a colour blindness test (one hand over an eye and then call out the colour of a spot the examiner points to) and possibly some more tests testing your reactions and depth perception (didn't need to do them at Nong Khai).