Eneukman

I'm trying to learn some basics of the Thai language just now in advance of my planned retirement to Thailand next year. One of the biggest problems I'm having (apart from the tones) is just what affects the tones in the written language. I know the basics about consonant class (as the course I'm using calls it), vowel length, vowel shortener and tone marks though nowhere near enough to be other than very slow at "reading" very simple words.

My intention when I arrive next year is to take spme proper lessons. Anyone give an indication of the cost of lessons? (I'll be staying in Pattaya initially).

Alan

An Italian soldier, relaxing at his favorite bar in Roma, managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman. He invited her back to his apartment, and after some small talk they made love. After a pleasant interlude, and, at what seemed to him to be the appropriate time, he stretched, asked with a smile, "So... you finish?" She paused for a second, frowned, and replied "No." Pleasantly surprised, the young man reached for her and had his way with her again. This time she's wild, thrashing about on the bed and climaxing with screams of passion.

Again, the young man smiles, and asks, "You finish?" And again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him, and says "No."

Stunned, but damned if this woman is going to outlast him, the young man reaches for his date. It takes all of his strength and he barely manages to do it, but they climax simultaneously, screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping bed sheets. It's dawn by then, and, entirely spent, the exhausted man falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly, and asks, "You finish!?"

"No!" she shouts back. "Swedish!"

Alan

3 patrons in a bar

The bartender was washing his glasses, when an elderly

Irishman came in. With great difficulty, the Irishman hoisted

his bad leg over the barstool, pulled himself up painfully,

and asked for a sip of Irish whiskey. The Irishman looked

down the bar and said, "Is that Jesus down there?" The

bartender nodded, so the Irishman told him to give

Jesus an Irish whiskey, too.

The next patron to come in was an ailing Italian with a

hunched back, who moved very slowly. He shuffled up to the

barstool and asked for a glass of Chianti. He also looked

down the bar and asked if that was Jesus sitting at the end

of the bar. The bartender nodded, so the Italian said to give

Him a glass of Chianti, too.

The third patron to enter the bar was a redneck, who

swaggered into the bar and hollered, "Barkeeper, set me up a

cold one! Hey, is that God's Boy down there?" The barkeeper

nodded, so the redneck told him to give Jesus a cold one,

too.

As Jesus got up to leave, he walked over to the Irishman and

touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed!"

The Irishman felt the strength come back to his leg, so he

got up and danced a jig out the door. Jesus touched the

Italian and said, "For your kindness, you are healed!" The

Italian felt his back straighten, so he raised his hands

above his head and did a flip out the door.

Jesus walked toward the redneck, but the redneck jumped back

and exclaimed, "Don't touch me! I'm drawin' disability!"

Alan

A visa in 20 minutes - wow - that was fast.

Can someone remind me please, what the medical certificate covers? Also, someone suggested on another board that there was a test on the written and spoken Thai language before you can apply for a retirement visa. I'm certain that this is just a totally unfounded rumour but again confirmation that this is not yet a requirement would be appreciated.

Will the procedure be as straightforward in Pattaya as well as Bangkok? I had been planning on obtaining a retirement visa in this country but if it is as easy as that may just wait until I arrive in Thailand before applying.

When I started visiting pubs 30 years ago, Scotland had a closing time of 10.00, which meant that most folk downed as much alcohol as they could between 9.00 and 10.00! Now, our licensing laws are much more liberalised with all bars being allowed to open until 11.00 - later in zoned areas in city centres.

Personally, I don't have a problem with a 2.00 am closing time but I really would object to it being changed to midnight or worse, 10.00. This could end up in a load of drunks being forced out on the streets at the same time with unfortunate consequences.

Actually, I reckon all that would happen (as did happen occasionally in Scotland) is that the lights and the music would be turned off and they would just carry on serving with perhaps an increase in the bribes being paid to the local constabulary. Or am I being a tad cynical here?

Alan

I know that this question will have been asked before (several times) but can someon please remind me of the medical requirements to obtain a retirement visa?

Thanks,

Alan

Like taxexile, I recall reading somewhere that the only way to put out the "fire" is to eat some rice. I have found that the feeling that my mouth, tongue and throat are on fire tends to go away after about 10 minutes or so. Drinking beer or water doesn't help!

Alan

Gammy, that exchange rate you quoted for the Nationwide seems very poor. Last year when I was in Pattaya, they were giving me around 66/67 baht to the pound when I withdrew cash using my debit card.

Nationwide also have a off-shore banking available in the Isle of Man. Their 90 day notice account allows you one free notice transfer to an account overseas each financial year. For more withdrawals, 90 days notice will have to be given or you loese 90 days interest.

I've set one up in anticipation of my moving to Pattaya in 2 years time.

Alan

What's the purpose of the medical certificate that's being requested? Are they checking up that you don't have certain diseases?

Alan

Can I use investment income towards the 800,000 baht (or 1,500,000) requirement - or will I have to show all of it as being held in cash as I won't get a pension for several years after I arrive in Thailand?

Alan

When I retire to Thailand, hopefully in 2 years time, I will be living off purely investment income plus drawing on a small amount of capital each year until my works pension kicks in. Can the investment income count towards the 800,000 baht total or must I be able to show that I have the full amount in a bank account in Thailand. Also, how would I prove that the level of my investment income?

Thanks,

Alan

I bank with the Nationwide Building Society in Edinburgh and have been making enquiries about off-shore banking with them in anticipation of my planned move to Thailand. They have an office in the Isle of Man and whilst as far as I am aware, the account cannot be operated over the internet, it can be operated by telephone. Not ideal but OK if so long as you're not planning on phoning them every week.

Also, their 90 day notice account allows one instant access withdrawal of less than £10,000 to be made in one financial year (1 April to 31 March) without loss of interest.

Funds can be remitted direct to your account in Thailand if you specify which bank the money is to be sent to.

Alan

Have to agree that keeping 1,500,000 baht in a bank account is not a viable option for me. I hope to make the move in 2 years time and I will have to top the balance up in time for the renewal of my visa each year and then use the funds for living during the year.

Alan

I'm trying to learn just now - using the Linguaphone Basic Thai for the time being though I shall move on to the more advanced course shortly.

I think the only way to really improve your Thai is by actually speaking to locals when in Thailand. I find the tones very difficult to pick up at times on the CD's I have.

Alan

Thanks MaiChai,

I'll almost certainly be renting a studio room in a condo to begin with until I see how the finances go. The Yensabi Conodo in Pattaya appears from photographs to have fans as well as aircon so staying there may be an option to begin with.

Alan

I'm hoping to retire to LOS in 2 years time, probably living in Pattaya to begin with. Can anyone give me a rough idea of how much electricity would cost per month running say 1 aircon unit for 12 hours per day plus fridge, television etc. As eating out is cheap, I wouldn't be using much electricity for cooking etc.

Thanks,

Alan

I too have heard good reports about Hull ..... in fact anywhere except London!!!!

Alan

Unfortunately, I'm not old enough yet to retire to Thailand, but I understand from another discussion board that the Thai Consulate in Cardiff is easier to deal with than the one in London.

Alan

Don't know about Thailand, Fester though there are "standard" English styles available in the UK. I hate these as these are based on English Law whilst I deal mainly with Scots Law which has some major differences when it comes to dealing with Wills and so on.

My own view is that if you estate in Thailand and the UK or elsewhere, you really do need appropriate legal advice in BOTH countries ....... if for no other reason than you will make MY job a lot easier  .

Seriously though, I once dealt with a case where a guy did the exact opposite of what he was told and it gave me no end of grief trying to sort out the ensuing mess! I succeeded in the end though, more by good fortune than anything else.

Alan

I deal with the administration of executries and this question can be quite complex. Generally speaking, it is best as has already been stated to have seperate Wills dealing with estate in each country where you have assets. Personally, I would always recommend getting a Will checked by a solicitor as this should avoid any problems in the future.

I cannot comment on Thai Law, but if you have assets in the UK, the Will dealing with your UK assets MUST be valid under the laws of the county in which you are domiciled. Domicile is extremely complex and is most definitely should NOT be confused with residence. It is possible to be resident in one country and domiciled in another. If you were born in the UK, to change your domicile to Thai obvioulsy involves moving to Thailand to live and ideally selling your home in the UK. Also you must have the intention of remaining in Thailand and never returning to the UK to live. Visits to family for holidays etc are ok. Therefore, if you are domiciled in Thailand, your Will dealing with UK assets will have to be valid under Thai Law. One way round this is to actually SIGN your Will dealing with your UK assets in the UK.

If you are updating either of your Wills, be very careful that you don't inadvertently revoke one of your other Wills. If you do a new Will in Thailand, send a translation of it to whoever holds your UK Will and ask them to confirm that it is still valid. I have actually seen a UK Will revoked in error before!

Retaining a residence in the UK would almost certainly suggest to the tax authorities that you intend returning to the UK to live and you will be deemed to have retained your UK domicile.

One other point to bear in mind is that if you are domiciled in Thailand, only your UK estate will be liable to Inheritance Tax but there is a restriction in the amount that can be passed free of tax to your husband/wife. Currently, this is £55,000 in addition to the nil rate band of £255,000. The excess will be taxed at 40%.

Hope this helps but if you have any specific questions e-mail them to me at [email protected].

Alan