sawatdeeyesitsme

LOL - Great suggestion mssabai... it has crossed my mind to get wellied every night. Actually had a bit of a meltdown here on Saturday, which I think was a bit of a 2 fingered salute to everything. I'm just going to try and enjoy the time that I have left with my students and I think once I'm out of the situation will feel so much better about life in general.

I think part of the problem with the school is that because I am the first farang here they have no experience of actually getting rid of someone. Part of me feels that it's almost make things very uncomfortable for me so I jump, so they don't have to come up with an excuse. I'm bloody minded with things like that, so even if it is a miserable experience, they will have to tell me to go and I'm interested to see their "why". A friend's last school just had a rule that no farang should 

Interestingly, we had an English dept meeting yesterday and contract renewals came up. The head said that my contract was good for next semester. However, my teaching buddy then kept asking me if I really wanted to stay and even said "maybe next semester you'll be at another school" and even suggested a school for me. Seems like me scolding him has had deeper repercussions than I had initially thought. I do wonder if I announced I was going that people would start being nice to me again, but I think that would be more of a bitter pill to swallow (not good at putting a face on things) than putting up with being an outcast for 3 weeks.

Thanks Ms Sabai. I know, I need to get out of here. Like I've said, I just wish I could leave with people being friendly rather thant treating me as if I've got leprosy. My agency are coming to the school tomorrow to talk about contract renewals, so hopefully some light will be shed on the matter, but I won't count my chickens. 

I think there are good and bad points living in both bigger towns and small villages. I agree, it was such a culture shock when I first came here that everyone knew my every movement. There is one other farang in the village (an older guy not attached at the school) who I'm very close to and I'm going to miss him a lot. I remember from the advice that I got when I first came to this forum warning me that it's VERY difficult to get genuine Thai friendships, so I haven't really invested much emotion in them but I do have a network of people that I enjoy spending time with and having fun with. I do have a good Thai friend who lives an hour away, she lived abroad for a few years so that's why she "understands" my farang ways.

I think I got used to the gossip but I have found the situation very oppresive at times not being able to do what I want to do or always thinking of my reputation. I think I've suffered the same as you in going a little crazy. I do drink in town, which was accepted but maybe the more they wanted to push me out the more that this has become a problem. Having had other farangs here has meant maybe I have been a little bit more Western than I was last semester.  

As for other reasons... I've only had 1 sick day but I was quite depressed at the start of term, which hasn't been helped with the recent events. 

I also think me "scolding" the teacher for repeatedly calling me the offensive name didn't help matters. I was advised to remember sabai sabai and jai yen yen but I don't think any culture would see what they said as funny. I can take the repeated comments on my weight but that was something else. I remember at the time him "joking" that "if you ever talk to me like that again you won't be here next semester." So I knew I was on shaky ground from that point, especially when he said that I had changed this semester, which was ound to happen because I had no other farangs to talk to last semester. I'm not very good at putting a face on things or brown nosing, so I probably did become detatched. 

Throw into the mix that the other guy at school, who is absolutely adored, spends A LOT of time with me. So much so that my students now ask if he's my boyfriend and he's described as my "close" friend. I think that they possibly resent the amount of time he spends with me and probably think that I'm monopolising him (not the case, more the other way round). 

As for wanting men over women... I know I was very shocked. My first semester all I got from my teaching buddy was "I wish you had been a man". He happens to be gay and the one who has been searching for the native English speakers, so that might be the reason why. When we were searching for someone for the s-stirrer's position he wanted someone under 30 and male. He disregarded A LOT of older applicants, who were actually native English speakers because he didn't like their photo. The head of English as well finds it very easy to relate to men but harder with women. 

I'm just resorting to what Ian Forbes said and ignoring everyone. The funny thing is the only person that has not changed towards me is the guy that I originally posted about on this forum. 

I've only taught public school in South Korea, It's been my experience if the School Admin likes you, then you will get renewed, but if they don't it's not difficult to find a replacement. The difficult part is that all year long they tell you that your a great teacher. Only near the end they will  make you look bad to justify your departure. It's much harder to do the same if your one of the local teacher's. You can be a great teacher, but if they get bored with you, it's pretty hard to change things.

Sometimes you find a school you like, but I wouldn't take it too personally if they don't renew. I'll be soon teaching in Thailand, but I'll be on an O visa, I don't want to be at the mercy of the school.  If I'm not renewed at a school, they won't be able to cancel my visa. I will apply at the school down the road on my own time.

Best of luck,

Mike

I know - that's the sad thing. I feel that I'm a good teacher and get on really well with my students, it's just a shame that teachers and politics get in the way. Unfortunately it doesn't help that the teacher that is making the decision has expressed his desire to only have young, handsome male teachers.

The other sad thing is that the other guy (the nice one) doesn't want to stay and even if he did he doesn't want to stay with the sh*t stirrer. He said the only reason that he lasted the 4 months of this semester is because of me.

I think my visa should be ok as I'm through an agency, plus they can move me to a new school unless I find something independently.

Street Cowboy - I tried talking to my teaching buddy about it today and asking if I have upset people. He says I haven't but then I wouldn't expect him to be honest with me. He was saying that it is his decision who stays a few weeks back but has suddenly deferred to another teacher because I don't think he wants to be seen as the bad guy.

Thanks everyone for your advice and input. At the moment it is really not a case of trying to "put things right so I can stay", but I don't want to move on with such bad feeling towards me. It's all very well trying to ignore things but I've still got 4 weeks left here and I really don't want those 4 weeks to be miserable.

I know some people have commented how can he come in and change people's perceptions after only been at the school a short time (since beginning of June). What I will say is he's very charming, speaks Thai and has been in Thailand 2 1/2 years so knows how things work and is good at brown nosing. I'm very reserved and I'm not very good at putting a "face" on things or charming people. This situation has made me go into my shell more, whereas he's on a charm offensive around school.

Mike - It maybe the case that they did want me out but never had a reason before. This happened to a friend at another school. The first semester went great and then in the second semester they went into full nit picking mode to get him out. I would say that the school do seem to want farang men over women, so I always knew that would count against me. However, I always felt that it has always been the assumption with the other teachers that I would be staying and they've been very concerned about trying to keep the young farang.

As for my previous post about wanting to date the teacher, that never happened but we get on well. He's actually one of the only teachers who is still friendly to me and wants to come out with me (and the other nice farang) socially. I actually met someone else in the village (no connections to school and surprisingly not married and no gf) but he's away at the moment.

As for the baseless rumours... I know exactly why he's started them and it is because of an inadequacy. He is not a Native English speaker, whereas the other guy and I are. Therefore his position has always been very tenuous (the school were desperate at the time). He's on a good salary and has managed to pester the school to pay more and for extra things (like getting his visa paid directly by the school which wasn't in his contract).

Sarahsbloke - I'll try that tact, but the problem is that The most annoying thing is that I don't think the school has ever checked his paperwork (the other guy and I are hired through an agency, the school hired him directly) or got a reference (he told me he's been through quite a lot of jobs in the past 2 years). The other guy is the "goldenboy" (very young, very handsome) so is untouchable and is maybe leaving at the endof the semester anyway. If he gets me out, then he can take my position of being the longest serving farang and therefore has more control over how long he stays there.

Bina... great advice as always. I had the golden opportunity to gossip about him, but didn't feel that I could at the time because I'm not very good at playing games. It now feels as if it has gone on for too long that if I do start "fighting back", it will only serve to make me look even worse. I fear it will be a case of having to learn from this experience and not let it happen to me again.

I love the small community and I've got used to the gossip about things that I do and have taken an "I don't care" attitude. However, eventually you find out what the gossip is, the problem with this is I have no idea what has actually been said. There are other aspects to the small community, which I really appreciate and I would never have had that in a larger town.

Street Cowboy - I absolutely love the school. I was the first farang to teach here and therefore felt very accepted by the school, the students and the whole community. I still have a lot of students who graduated last semester still in touch with me and they come and visit if they are back in town. So to now be "pushed" out at school feels like a real rejection.

I love the small community and I've been very very happy here. I have good friends out of school and the thought of having to move and start all over again (moving, settling in, making friends) is overwhelming me.

Anyway, thanks again for all your input.

Well I've now been teaching in my Isaan village for about 9 months but things have started to go a little wrong and I need some advice on how to deal with the situation and a bit of a vent. Sorry this could be a long one.

Last semester I was the only farang at the school but this semester I was joined by 2 men and obviously the dynamics with the Thai teachers have changed because I started to spend time with the farangs (which I think is natural and not unreasonable but I think I may have put some noses out of joint just by doing that).

Anyway, one of the farangs has turned out to be bit of a sh*t stirrer and has said things to the Thai teachers that I've supposedly said. He speaks very good Thai, I speak very limited Thai. One of the things that I did manage to pick up on was that he told my office that I thought they were all nasty gossips and that I go home everynight and cry because I think they're so horrible. I'd never said anything of the sort and I'm a bit shocked that he did that to me, as I thought we got on ok. The Thai teachers were very cool with me after this was said.

From that point I distanced myself from him. He was away for a long time over Khao Pansa and things started getting better with the Thai teachers but as soon as he came back everyone started ignoring me again. I'm very surprised because people who I thought I got on very well with will actually leave the room if I enter it or avoid me if they can.

There maybe another factor involved. A couple of the Thai teachers were calling me a really rude name in Thai (a play on my name) and they had never told me what it had meant. I actually found out from a Thai friend out of school what it meant and was really shocked that they could've been calling me that. I asked them to stop because it was offensive but they denied what it meant even though they never asked me what I thought it meant. They didn't and carried on, so I have to admit I got a bit western about it and "scolded" the person who said it, which he didn't take kindly to. So problems may have evolved from that route as well.

I tried talking to my teaching buddy about it but only got "people think you've changed". I still hang out with my Thai group at school and don't feel as if I'm distant or ignoring people. Personally, I would like to know why people are so upset that they feel the need to ignore me but just don't know how to go about getting that information. 

I realise that I'm probably not going to have my contract renewed, which I'm absolutely gutted about. However, I'd at least like to know the reason why to satisfy my curiosity and so I don't make any of the same mistakes again.

I've only got 4 weeks left of my contract but I don't want to be feeling miserable and paranoid for the rest of that time. If you have any advice it would greatly appreciated.

Can anyone tell me where I can get hold of natural remedies in Udon? I'm needing to get hold of:

Agnus Castus (also known as Vitex/Chasteberry etc)

Milk Thistle

Saw Palmetto

Alternatively, is it ok to get these sent by post from the UK?

As a side-note, to my knowIedge, pompoui is simiIar to "chubby" or "IittIe bit pudgy", not fat. Fat is "Uan". But maybe those with better knowIedge of Thai Ianguage can confirm that.

Not good with my Thai but I have been told by friends pompoui is ok but Uan (Pee???) is very impolite.

I get comments about my weight all the time as well and I've lost a lot of weight since I've been here and they keep on coming. Sometimes they will say I'm fat but other days they'll tell me how pom I look. It just depends. Usually I make jokes about it to pre-empt them if I sense that they're in a pompoui frame of mind.

Usually, I think it is just joking or as a previous poster said, Thai's tend to just say what pop into their minds. Like a farang friend of mine told me of a time he was sat in his GF's shop eating rice, a Thai lady came in, pointed and laughed at him and then said "farang eat rice." Not funny to us but obviously tickled her.

Sometimes it rattles me and other times I just laugh with it. You could always just say someone is being "yaap krai" (rude). I said this to someone and he was very taken aback and said that I was being impolite! I explained to him saying things about other people's weight in my culture is deemed as impolite.

I wouldn't say that someone was ugly though unless you knew them quite well. Here in Isaan ugly is "kee lai". There is only one person I would ever say that to (my favourite) - I maybe pompoui but you're kee lai. He'll always just laugh and smile.

Thailand... you'll get charged a handling fee in Aus. I think when I was at travelex at Sydney airport they wanted $10.

been to a a handful of Isaan country weddings and the only women I have seen in Thai silk have been the parents or older women/men. The younger friends (bridesmaids etc) have been in western dresses. The guests, well most of the guests were in jeans (me included). The Thai silk outfits were just a "suit" style (sorry don't know whatelse to call it) - fitted top/jacket and knee length skirt. Not been to an upmarket wedding, so I would have no idea!

if you can't afford a shopping spree in the states and you are of a slim build, definitely wait until you are out here. Clothes are very cheap and very fashionable.

A (Thai) friend of mine who is doing her masters at the moment (so freestyle at uni) tends to wear mid thigh or above knee skirts. She does wear leggings as well (even though it's very hot). She also tends to wear heels. But remember on your top half, don't wear strappy tops.

I'm in a country school, so work really is the centre of our social life as well. I usually arrive well before 7.30 and leave after 16.30. I'm contracted for 24 hrs and teach 23hrs of classes a week. Although I'm at school for a long time each day, a lot of that is conversing with the other teachers, chatting with students, going on the internet, reading - as well as doing work related stuff!

I hold extra classes at weekends for my best students if their lesson is cancelled during the week for any reason. I don't mind doing that because I want to see them and they appreciate getting the chance to have extra practice time. I've helped out after hours for competitions and activies and come in at weekends sometimes.

The only time that I really have griped about extra activities was in my first month here. I was involved in an English competition, so I did 1 hour every afternoon extra training and at the weekend, 5 hours per Saturday and Sunday. That was more because I didn't really know how to deal with the teacher who was organising it and was eager to please in my first month. That did hack me off a little, especially when they said why was I not spending any time teaching the Thai teachers English!

Funny article! Not sure about the sperm donor thing though. My thoughts are if I meet the right person, settle down and have kids then great. If it doesn't, I'm not going to rush out and get artifically inseminated.

sbk - I don't know if it is a generational thing or just something about the town I'm from, but most of my friends from school (so early 30s) are unmarried and don't have children. If they are married or in a serious relationship, they don't want kids. Maybe it's something about growing up and being conscious of the 80s. However, those I went to university with (I didn't go to Uni at 18, so most of my friends from Uni are in their mid-late 20s) the majority are married and have kids.

Ahh so much food for thought again! Thanks for all your thoughts ladies.

Firstly, drinking at school. Obviously I have been quite cautious not to drink (the problems with the karaoke bar etc) and I don't really want to be in the midst of that sort of gossip again. As for the drinking at school, it was a small celebration, which I think is viewed as being acceptable. There is a bit of a drinking culture at this school and there are the male/female teachers that drink for any occasion and then there are the ones that will drink only at a special occasion (and those that never drink). During the other night, female teachers who only drink at special occasions, were drinking so I *think* it was ok - but then again you never know so I'll be more cautious in future. As for drinking with men alone, I agree it's not right, but that one is a bit obvious!

Mssabai - I have tried to make a life outside of school but the town is really small. One friend (gay male) that I did make was frowned upon by some of the other teachers. It's kind of hard to keep that seperate as someone will always sees us, so I've had to distance myself a bit. The other options are getting out and going to the nearest big city.

Nakachalet - I totally agree, I need to get out and about. My ex, who is a teacher in Isaan as well, keeps urging me to do this but for the past few weeks my weekends have been taken up with some event or another.

Bina - about the cruel comment, the teacher (gay male) that said it speaks very good English, so he said it in English. I did question him about it a couple times but he said "no, I can't explain" but did say that he doesn't have many friends. There could be a whole host of reasons, as there maybe be politics at play that I don't even know about, so I'm not going to even begin to second guess.

As for the "marginal" comment - it makes perfect sense! That could tie in with the comment about him not having many friends. He is a very aloof character and although he explains it as being "ai mak" it could be seen as just being very rude by others. It seems quite un-Thai like behaviour in my observation as the outsider. His friend is very liked by everyone and is just very easy going, although he was reserved with me for a while. Even when he has many ladyboys giving him attention, he is very good humoured or just laughs it off.

Thanks again everyone. I'll keep you posted!

PJY888 - I've sent you a PM regarding how I got my job. I would suggest posting on the Teaching in Thailand forum as well, as others maybe of some help.

NADTATIDA1 - Glad that you have enjoyed reading about my experiences!

Things before xmas were very weird for me, especially with the gossiping. My head of department spoke to me about things just before New Years and said that I should just be myself and act how I would at home. He said if that means having a drink, then do so but not to go out drinking by myself or with just men (i.e. just with the teachers). He said not to worry about the gossip, as that's the Thai way. That helped a lot and I feel less worried about things now.

At New Year's we had a big party at school and I did end up drinking and letting my hair down for the first time since I got here. I was really worried about the reaction that I would have from the other teachers (I don't know why I was worried considering most of them got mao) but it seems to really have broken the ice as I was singing, dancing and having fun. We've had a couple of parties/festivals since, where I've had a drink or two. Most of the teachers say it's ok because we have a reason to celebrate.

I feel a lot more settled here now and I've really noticed a difference in all my colleagues and students since the last 2 or 3 weeks. More of my students are confident with talking with me (even the ones I don't teach), which has really lifted me. The other teachers as well have been far more comfortable with me, even the ones that speak very limited English. I'm terrible with speaking Thai (it's the tones) but I've been making a real effort with them. I've been getting more invites out from them as well because I guess they just feel more comfortable with me.

As for the Thai man situation... he went very cool on me before Christmas so I'm not sure if it was just that the novelty had worn off or he was worried about the gossip that was going around school. So I was a bit "mmm" about that. However since New Year he's been better and the past week he's been a lot warmer again and back to being friendly and teasing each other. We had a few drinks at school the other night and he was a lot more relaxed and chatty but a few days later asked me why I drank?! I just said "because I can" which he seemed to like. However, he's still a bit funny about sitting next to me with certain people around.

One of my social group did say something interesting but did not go on to clarify it. He said that my Thai man was "cruel". As this is my social group that perpetuated the gossip about me drinking at the karaoke bar, I'm going to take it with a pinch of salt but it does make me feel very cautious.

I do like him a lot but I really don't want to sit around mooning over him until he decides he does like/wants to be friends/can put up with gossip etc etc. Essentially all I wanted was to get to know him and be friends if anything else happened then all the better. The funny thing is that his best friend at school, who was not interested in talking English with me at all, is now a lot more relaxed with me and we are getting on in much friendlier terms. But with my Thai man it seems to be this strange blowing hot and cold situation! *pfft*

Happy New Year all!!! Hope that 2010 brings you all that you hope for!

I had a fantastic night at my school for my first Thai new years celebration, lots of singing and dancing and fun had by all

Bleach them??? Er....why???????

who knows!!! I'll just put it down to one of those quirky Thai things.

<br />Whoa. Seriously? Nipple bleaching? Something I had never even considered as existing much less something I would want to do <img src="http://static.thaivisa.com/forum/style_emoticons/default/unsure.gif" style="vertical-align:middle" emoid="" border="0" alt="unsure.gif" /><br />

LOL - I really need to start reading things more carefully - I thought that it said nipple hair bleaching cream. Not that it's any better but I'm not bleaching these nips for anyone!

bina - that's a great photo! Could you understand what they were cackling about or was it just general drunkeness?!

sbk & too true - some of those comments are very funny but I guess it really is a case of put on a thick skin, laugh at it or just ignore it.

nakachalet - thanks for the offer of a place to stay and the advice. I definitely will be verifying and validating all the way. Things have been a bit weird generally for me in the past couple weeks and I'm not sure if I've been reading the signals right or not as he's gone a bit shy again. Saying that, I've hardly seen him as we've had so many different activities on at school recently.

However, a couple of the other teachers (female in their 30's and one is P***'s teaching "buddy") keep making comments like "P*** thinks that you're even more suay as you get slimmer" (I've lost a bit of weight since starting school), "if you want a Thai boyfriend you should go for (and then she'll point to him)" and I was on a school trip with one of them yesterday and she was like "I need a picture of you for P***". I'm not sure if they are trying to match make or just making mischief because they've cottoned on to the fact I like him. His "buddy" does encourage him to talk to me and if I'm sat talking with her he'll come and join us. It's just all very weird. Que sera sera I guess.

Plus, I don't think that there will be ANY men coming near my house, let alone the one I'm interested in, as it is situated just over the road from where some of the other teachers live. I went out about 9pm to go to the internet cafe the other night and got the Spanish inquisition about that the next day - lol! So I can't even begin to imagine what sort of reaction a "gentleman caller" would provoke!!!

Ian - thanks How I came to Thailand and ended up in this town is part of one of those bad things that has become a good experience.

Merry Christmas all and have a fantastic New Year

Watsons in Trang doesn't have hair remover, but I saw bleach and hair remover in one of those big beaty supplies shop... they usually sell hairdressing equipment too and are great places for cosmetics shoping generally. You'll find it alongside the nipple bleaching cream

lol!!! Not in need of that... yet!

Hope you all had a fantastic Christmas yesterday and all the best for 2010!

Just to let you all know that the housing situation got sorted out today. I've moved into a rather nice bungalow today owned by one of the teacher's relatives (and it's cheaper than the other place). They've bought me a new mattress as well, so my back will be rejoicing tonight as I have been sleeping on what can only be described as a soggy Victoria Sponge for the last few weeks.

too true - I'm not really one for giving as good as I get but I guess this will be steep learning curve. The invasive thing is weird because when I get asked something I can't lie but Thai's don't seem to have a problem with that?! The gossip though was a bit of a shock! I can't believe that you're still getting comments after 11 years!

As for other girls after him... well, I certainly have ruffled someones feathers but I'm not quite sure who they are. A girl in my social group has been a bit weird about it (i.e. gossiping in Thai about it but nothing said to me) but I'm a bit confused about that as she has a boyfriend. I can't say that I feel very sorry for some of the women at the school because if I had been a young male farang teacher, they would have been all over him! In fact I've had so many female teachers (and gay male teachers) saying they wished that they had got a male farang teacher! Well you got me! muhahaha.

With the whole chaperone/being friends thing, what if my social group are very disapproving and don't help me by coming out with us?

maybelline define a lash volume is really good.

As for make up - I just received my Christmas package from my mum stocked with MAC eye shadows, max factor age renew foundation and powder and some Jolen bleach (!!!). Thank goodness for mums!

Is it possible to get jolen (or any other facial bleach) here? Plus veet? I'm surprised how many Thai ladies I work with don't shave their legs. I know that most Thai women have very light/thin hair, but there are a few women I work with that have really long thick hair on their legs. It does make me laugh when they go on about my weight and then I look down at their legs and smile to myself. Pot and kettle on appearances.

Also, is Max Factor easy to get hold of?

mssabai - I kind of gathered that it's more like a British sense of humour. One of the teachers was asking me at the dinner the other night if I ever p!ss my bed because I drink so much water (I honestly have no idea how Thai's can drink so little water and still be standing at the end of the day but that's another story). He was getting a bit mao so I said, "well, I don't think that I'll be the one having that problem tonight. You're so mao you'll probably be the one to p!ss the bed". To which he replied "no, I only ever p!ss my pants". Very my sort of sense of humour.

My "home stay" isn't the fairy lights and girls type of karaoke bar, they are a bit further up the road, but it is frequented by people for a bit of nookie and men take prostitutes there (at least they are being safe from the amount of condom wrappers strewn in front of my door).

Eek - I was very sensitive about things yesterday and did get a bit upset about it, which is just stupid! I've been pretty good with laughing things off or making jokes about things even if it's irked me. I think it's just a culmination of a few things and the fact that I felt a slight barb in their jokes. I've managed to shrug it off today, I'm just annoyed I let it get to me! Jai yen yen.

As for the students that saw me there, it was probably my male students (I teach boys and girls 15 years - 18 years). One of the lads that was making the innuendos yesterday, starting winking at me today. I just laughed at him, especially the fact that I'm way bigger and taller than him and he was a bit embarrassed. On the most part, the students are very well natured and it's good banter with them. I really like most of them and maybe they feel they know me better now to say stuff like that to me. In EVERY class, if I ask "what do you like?" someone always says "drinking whiskey". It's what they find funny because it's a bit naughty.

courtenayjade - where in NZ are you? I lived in Welly for a while. I know things will be different because you met in NZ but did your husband make the first move?

As for charming/dazzling Thai guys, P*** certainly isn't a charmer, he seems a bit aloof and but he's very ai mak mak. In fact my first few weeks he would barely speak to me to the point where it seemed like he was ignoring me. Then he asked me to gin khao one morning, which was a major step and I was so embarrassed/nervous that *I* made an excuse and then kicked myself afterwards. But things have been a lot better since, although not as good as I would like them to be just yet! Not that I've seen much of him this week as he's been on a jolly with the school to Korat.

One thing that I did want to ask was how are tall Thai's treated. He's very tall for a Thai (over 6ft), does that affect their "status" in anyway?

Thanks again ladies, I'll keep you posted!

sbk - It maybe that I'm being a bit sensitive and part miscommunications with language/culture. They have been "joking" about this for a few weeks, which hasn't bothered me. However, I was ill on Sunday and couldn't do a workshop with another teacher and then on Monday one of the teachers said "I don't think you were ill, you were probably hungover." Then coupled with last night, it's just got beyond a joke! I think it was the fact that there are saying the students see me there every night that hit me a bit. And a couple of my students were making innuendos today because I stay behind the karaoke bar which is the first time they've done that!

I spoke to my head of department (who is Thai) today about things and he was like "it's just the Thai way to gossip. People will move onto something else soon enough. They probably don't realise that it upsets you." We spoke about the accommodation as well, and as I pointed out, they wouldn't have put a female Thai teacher there. So he's going to see if he can find something else.

I'm in Nakhon Panom province if there is anyone nearby.

I really appreciate all your advice - especially all the negative side of things as well. It's a lot to consider, especially regarding the gossip - (I seem to be falling victim to it in other ways). All I wanted was some advice on getting to know a Thai man but it seems to be a minefield!

What I didn't mention in my other posts are my living arrangements here in town. The school organised what they call a "homestay" here in the village... unfortunately it's actually one of the rooms behind the only karaoke bar in town. It's not really been an issue before and no comments have ever been made. There is an internet cafe next to the bar, which the owners let me use for free, so I spend some time in there during the week or outside talking with the owners or the only other farang in the village. I've tried talking to the other teachers about moving but no joy other than moving in with an older teacher (I like my own space though).

Tonight I had dinner with my director and some of the other teachers. The director asked me if I wanted a leo and I said "no, I rarely drink" then one of the teachers (a supposed friend!) turned round and said "I think you get drunk every night". I was like "what?!!" and they were like "I hear that you are in the karaoke bar every night" in front of EVERYONE. I was like "where did you hear that?!" "Oh, from the students" (so it must be true). I was mortified! I never chose to live there - they put me there - I can't really avoid the place! Luckily the owners little boy happened to be playing with some friends and ran up and hugged me. The teachers were like "how do you know him" and I was like "well he's the owners son and when I'm in the internet cafe we usually talk".

Maybe it's just coincidence, maybe not?!

Bina - I was very suspicious about the other teacher asking for my number. I wasn't sure what that was about but I felt like I was being tested in a way. I apologised to him and said I couldn't give him my number but if he wants to practice English then speak to me in our office as I have conversations with most teachers after my lessons everyday. The reason I felt it was a bit of test was because it was mentioned by another teacher tonight (I didn't mention it to anyone). He was saying "why did you not give him your number?" and I said because I didn't feel comfortable giving him it because I don't really know him. "Oh, so you'll only give close friends your number? I suppose that's sensible."

Maybe I'm just being overly paranoid. I haven't said to anyone at all connected with my life in Thailand that I like P***. However, there was that incident yesterday and then today another of my social group (the one who mentioned the telephone number incident) was like "do you know Aj. ******" and I said no. "I'll introduce the two of tomorrow, he's very handsome, I think you would like him." I'm just wondering if I've stepped on someones toes or again if it's just coincidence.

I think you are right about finding other outlets. I have been trying to forge other friendships and have been making a real effort with the other teachers. Like I said, it's hard to make friends outside of school within the village as a friendship that I did make was frowned up. I also have been in touch with some farang teachers from "the big smoke" an hour away so that I can at least get away if needed. Job wise - I'm not sure what would happen there.

Amyji - Thais are VERY clever at showing one side and living another side. Yes I have noticed this in both small and big ways. I'm really sorry to hear your story, did everyone else know that he had a girlfriend? Did you ever talk to your Thai friends about him?

Boo - I'm going to have a good long hard think about what *I* want from all of this. Malicious gossip is something that I'm not sure if I can handle. I was a bit stung tonight when my friend said that in front of everyone. Usually they would take me aside to tell me. I'm a really conservative, shy person and I'm just worried that someone is trying to make me out as being some drunken wanton hussy.

Sorry if the above is a bit fuddled. I just got back from the meal so a lot of things are swimming around my head! Thanks ladies!