Help! Getting Married

[meme]

Hey Meme!

Congratts-- So happy for you.

Got married here last year- its lasted 15 hours! Since it was high season and lots of farang attending (about 30) we did a little bit of both. We skipped the one in my home country.

We did Thai style in the morning with 10 monks till noon (a full 8 course Thai meal with lots of sangsom)- then a farang buffet and island boat trips mid-day ( to cool off - sober up) and later when the full moon came up we invited the chowley's (sea gypsy's) for traditional dancing around the fire pit.

Hubby was kind to build the monks a high enough platform so we didn't have to kneel for 2 hours and we could sit in low chairs.

Kept my name for now- just too lazy to get everything sorted. BTW I live near Trang- Best of Luck!

HH

Thanks HH!!

Very good idea about the platform for the monks!! Sounds like you had a great wedding!! Sounds like it was a blast!! it will be interesting how all the farang at mine deal with the very long day.. although they get to take a break back at there hotel mid day but not me!!! I have about 15 coming out for it but its a 3 weeks affair so we will be spending 4 days in Trang and then the rest on some beaches (god I hope the rain is good to us!! not the best time of year to be doing all of this!!). So how close to Trang are you?

Meme.

[joskydive]

Sorry for being self-indulgent but I have some questions and I really appreciate what you ladies (married or not) have to say.

So I am getting married soon. Twice! (gulp!)In Thailand for the Thai family and in Canada for the Canada peeps.

I was wondering if there was anything I needed to know specifically about the legalities of marrying a Thai (we plan to live in thailand)? For example I noticed that on Mearkat's thread she says she had to legally change her name to her husbands(which will bring me to question #2 in just a second), or if my (future) children have my husband's last name and I don't would that cause any problems. I would just like to be informed so if someone has a link or something to pass along about the legalities of it all that would be great.

Second, I have just finished reading the thread re: changing your last name. But I still can't decide!!!!!! My issue is that I would love to take my hsuband's last name out of respect for him. However my grandfather (paternal) is a holocost survivor. He was in Aushwitz for 4 years. He was the only memeber of my family to survive. So I am very proud and attached to my last name. Now I know only I can make this decision, and I know in the grand scheme of things it is only a name, but again I just appreciate what you have to say. If I hyphenated our names my last name would be 20 letters!!! So not really an option. Also seeing as our lives will be full of visas to Canada and the US (my dad's home) would having a different last name make any of this difficult??

And finally (for now anyway!) Any survival tips?? the Thai wedding is going to be hard core moo bann(sp??), up to 1000 people may come it will start so early and end late, outside, under tents... Luckily I have about 15 people coming from home ( which could be hella stressful in itself) to be there and it will be a great and amazing experience.... but just thought if any of you married gals had the same thing maybe you had some tips.

Okay there it is for now...

Meme AKA: bridezilla

Many congratulations. Have read the advise that you have been given and the only thing I can think of for you and your future visits to both Canada and Thailand is to make sure you have registered/shown your marriage certificate to the Canadian Embassy. This should help your husband get a Visa easier to go to your home and no problem for you here when you live here. Anyway, have a wonderful day and may your future by full of all your wishes.

[gringota]

Hi,

Congratulations on the coming nuptuals. I married a Thai lady back in 1967, thats forty years and we are still together, sure we've had some ups and downs buts thats marriage.

We were married at our rented house in Korat, myself and a couple of other guys picked up the monks on motor cycles around 6am. There were a total of 9 monks, lots of friends, everybody sat on the floor, yours truly was the only one who was buggered from 3 hours of sitting with my legs under me, but hey it was an important day.

The ceremony included the traditional white string around the house and attached to our heads which the monks and guests held in their hands while chanting. My wife was dressed in a traditional Thai wedding outfit and I was in a suit and tie.

After the ceremony the monks went back to the monestry, the rest of us had something to eat and then we were left alone to rest up for the evening reception which was standard fare with a mixture of Thai and farang guests.

After the shindig it was back to the house with the family, up to the bedroom, I had to lie on the bed with my wife at my feet while MIL told her she had to be good and produce many grand children. Thirty minutes after this everybody had gone and we hit the sack.

The dowry for my wife was B20,000.00 which was counted out by MIL at our engagement 6 months earlier. The ceremony cost B1100.00 and the reception for 60 people B1500.00.

We have two children, a daughter who looks 75% farang, and a son who looks 75% Thai, both are married with their own families.

It's a bit long winded but I hope this gives you some insight in to the wedding ceremony.

Have a ball, we did and after 40 years we still are.

[chatette]

I'd forgotten about the string around the house! We didn't actually get that, but we still have the string that linked our heads for the water pouring bit of the ceremony. It's in a wooden box that's traveled around the world with us. Very cool to hear your story Gringota in yr first post. Btw, someone earlier mentioned being married helps extend the visa. I've always found it means additional paper work. As well as everything else, there's the marriage certificate. Of course, the criteria for permanent residency as a female foreign national married to a Thai is way less rigorous than for a male (clearly, we're less of a threat to the ruling elite), as is the criteria for citizenship, which is basically that you push out a child that becomes Thai. In fact, you can avoid the fairly useless status of permanent residency and go straight for the citizenship. The main qualifying criteria for the latter is that you produce another Thai, which is rather discriminatory against people who can't or don't want to, but par for the course here. Of course, there is the small matter of how long they take to process your accepted as qualified application. Mine's been in for 8 yrs and counting....

[wakingdream]

Congratulations & best wishes for a very happy life together!

My husband and I were married In Thailand in the beginning of 2005. We are both Canadian and completed all the paperwork at the CDN embassy as well as various other gov't places we had to go. We have very dear friends there who helped to arrange a 'proper' Thai wedding, although there was no procession. It was really beautiful and a wonderfully loooong day! We learned our chants in Pali and did have monks in the a.m. ceremony as well. If at all interested, I keep a travelogue and have an entry from our wedding. Lots of pictures!

The Thais told us the night before our wedding day that My husband should prepare b/c it is custom that each guest has a whiskey with the groom! I'm not sure how true that really is, but he was feeling quite happy by the end of the night!

Congratulations again!

Our wedding

Edited March 16, 2007 by wakingdream

[meme]

Thank you guys for sharing your stories, and for the good wishes and advise. I think I would like to learn more about what the monks are actully saying during the morning ceremony, does anyone have a link to where I could view an English translation of the chants etc.

Waking dream, it was great seeing your pictures, actully we are headed to the exact same spot with all the farang family and friends after the wedding.

[gisele]

Congratulations and best wishes!

My husband (he is Thai) and I (Canadian) were married at the Amphur, our plan was to follow up with a ceremony,

We were engaged (kôo mân) at a temple, where we exchanged vows just the two of us, but for our wedding we weren't set on a traditionnal Thai ceremony, we liked the idea of a ceremony at the little church in Samui (Nathon). A Thai friend of ours was married there with her English boyfriend and my husband really loved it so he wanted something like that.

But as time went by after registering at the Amphur, with our busy lives and all, we postponed and postponed and now, well we don't feel it necessary to have a ceremony.

I'm not much for parties or ceremonies anyway, I rarely go to the weddings or other ceremonies but my husband usually makes an appearance since it is good networking for his business.

I have kept my maiden name for passport and documents.

Nobody calls me Mrs husband's name apart from where I work in Nakhon.

Edited March 21, 2007 by gisele

[nightshot]

just wondering about this marriage thing going on,planning to get married in june this year,i heard that you need an afidavid and a translation from bangkok before the amphur will register us,takes about 3-4 days but is needed so as the amphur(ubon)will do the ceremony there,having to put off from april till june so can get time to sort this thing out.

Anyone done this?I have all the addresses needed in bangkok but cant see anything on the threads here so just asking for a bit of sound advice.Know the isaan wedding as have been to 2 weddings there now,just this paperwork thing in bkk thats giving me a bit of a headache as the inlaws want an april wedding,any thoughts would be great.is the bkk really needed?

lee(nightshot)

[nightshot]

just found out from another forum is needed so no need to reply,thanks for reading

[gisele]

just wondering about this marriage thing going on,planning to get married in june this year,i heard that you need an afidavid and a translation from bangkok before the amphur will register us,takes about 3-4 days but is needed so as the amphur(ubon)will do the ceremony there,having to put off from april till june so can get time to sort this thing out.

Anyone done this?I have all the addresses needed in bangkok but cant see anything on the threads here so just asking for a bit of sound advice.Know the isaan wedding as have been to 2 weddings there now,just this paperwork thing in bkk thats giving me a bit of a headache as the inlaws want an april wedding,any thoughts would be great.is the bkk really needed?

lee(nightshot)

I did this all in one day, we went early to the Canadian embassy, right at opening time, to get the document stating I wasn't married, then we went to the translating service a few blocks away then rushed to the governement office across the city and waited, I paid the "rush fee" which was if I remember correctly 800 baht, by that same afternoon we had all the papers ready to go back home, got married the next day at the amphur.

[Goinghomesoon]

Just searching through old threads to get some idea about Thai weddings since we are now officially planning one here too. Got to say at 36 I was long resigned to it not happening. Given the economic status of the village and the location (any further north and you're in Laos) ours will probably shape up to be something like Bina and MadCatLady's experiences. Hubby to be has no idea how weddings work as he has never attended one, not even his siblings, because of work commitments. I'm doing my best to be jai-yen and not sweat the big, small or medium stuff.

[BigSnake]

[meme]

Awww my old thread,

Just to update and add to this thread for those who also plan to marry a Thai in their village: our wedding was great 20 people came from Canada and about 400 Thais (This was small BTW we should have had 1000 but seeing as we had to HAND DELIVER! the invitations to each house in his village and others, even other provinces we kept it small) i got up at 5am the day of and the wedding went until 2am!!! At 11pm I just said...I have to leave, and we did. We were outside the entire time, Mid day I had to have a shower( from the neck down of course not to ruin hair and make-up) As it was sooo HOT! We sent my family home for a 4 hour break after lunch and before dinner.

The whole experience was amazing and I would do it again however these are things I would change:

The ceremony, Some say it went on for 1.5 hours some said 3, It was very beautiful but the part where the monks are chanting and actually they only started chanting half way through, the village shaman lead the entire ceremony( the village shaman, not sure what else to call him but hubby and I both had our own who did a lot of blessings on us before we started including blowing on our faces, drawing on us with imaginary pencils, lots of chanting and I also had to put a leaf and Mat(the red nut Thais chew all the time) in my bra for the entire day) you are sitting on the ground for a very long time!! and you have to sit with your legs bent to the side. I was not prepared for how long this was going to be and at one point I whispered to my husband (keep in mind its Thailand so everyone is just going out their business while this is happening so its very loud anyway) " I cant do this anymore" Trembling as he was also in excruciating pain as he too could not keep this position for hours said, "you have to" and we did and we made it..but god I wish I had taken HH's advise about building a platform!!! This was followed with the water blessing ceremony where you sit on chairs!! and you are tied together with a string that has been made into two crowns. People come pour water on your hands and say a blessing for you, I loved this part..until i got faint... I think this was the three hour mark of the ceremony, if anyone is getting married like this make sure they have lots of water and take time to eat something as the heat really gets to you!

My husband <y was soooo completely stressed out the entire time. My mom said during the procession he looked like an assassin. When he reached the house and opened the door to see me for the first time he could have been seeing anyone! and I didnt recognize him as he looked so stressed! My husband FYI has never been to a wedding ceremony so had no idea what to expect and the entire time there are about 20 old women literally yelling at him about where to go and what to do and how to stand..its very very intense. Our ring and sin sot exchange was like being on a stock market floor, we were sat with 20 village elders standing over us and yelling above our heads "do this now do that".

Also during the party I dont think I was aware that the groom works the entire thing! He was literally serving and running the entire time, I kept trying to help and he just kept saying, "please just sit down and smile" Finally at the end once he realized that everyone was happy and it had gone off without a hitch he finally relaxed and was able to take it all in. It was definitely not a wedding full of romance but it was mostly for his family and traditions and for that it was perfect. The village really enjoyed it as well as they brought out all the old traditions that they dont usually do anymore, to put on a show for my fam. All in all this was very very important to my hubby and that in itself was enough reason to have our wedding this way. Everyone had a wonderful time and we made the money back that we spent on the wedding plus some extra for our three week honey moon with 20 family and friends! It was a huge success all round. So much so we had another wedding in Canada with 100 people that was perfect! My hubby was able to relax and have me be the stressed out one and in the end it was so perfect I'd get married a third time!!

Also just wanted to add that my husband's family are very superstitious and old village people so our wedding had many traditions that others have not. I think it's different for everyone. Be prepared to wait for the monks to pick the day of when you marry, The time you are allowed to start etc. Also we got a lot of flack for leaving to travel around with my fam and friends who were visiting, as you are supposed to stay in your house and not leave for 3-4 days after the wedding. My husband also had to help clean up the next day, take down the tents etc..I had the unfortunate job of taking care of my family poolside at the hotel

We did have a little drama with one of the brothers pre wedding and I only cried once due to pre wedding stress, my hubby worked sooooo hard to make the whole thing come together!

So congrats to GHS and Nicci! All the best and if anyone has any questions feel free to PM me.

[bina]

yep brings back memories.... but i wouldnt change it for the world....

[MiG16]

no questions. just another congrats!!

and maybe some photos from the wedding to the ladies via PM?

hows that?

I think you said you will move up to bangkok? how are you finding life there? Im not there anymore, otherwise Id be happy to meet and introduce you to some friends there....but feel free to ask questions about small little tips for bangkok (i mean life and getting around and having fun in bangkok...cant give any tips on married life )

[Goinghomesoon]

We are now toying with the idea of a small ceremony in each country - Australia and Thailand. My mother is a little perturbed that she is not involved in the Isaan organisation committee, but is doing her best to stay calm. If we do 2 ceremonies then both mothers get to organise and attend something culturally familiar. And we get to swan in and out for a few days from Bangkok. For those who have done two marriage parties (Meme? Others?) how did it ultimately work out? Did you just end up double-tired or was it really worthwhile?

I'm quite amused by the wedding fireworks here already. Hubby-to-be is the eldest son but hasn't lived in his village for nearly 15+ years and point blank refuses to go along with many Isaan traditions. I'm not sure I'd be up for the same histronics long-distance from my mother.

[meme]

We are now toying with the idea of a small ceremony in each country - Australia and Thailand. My mother is a little perturbed that she is not involved in the Isaan organisation committee, but is doing her best to stay calm. If we do 2 ceremonies then both mothers get to organise and attend something culturally familiar. And we get to swan in and out for a few days from Bangkok. For those who have done two marriage parties (Meme? Others?) how did it ultimately work out? Did you just end up double-tired or was it really worthwhile?

I'm quite amused by the wedding fireworks here already. Hubby-to-be is the eldest son but hasn't lived in his village for nearly 15+ years and point blank refuses to go along with many Isaan traditions. I'm not sure I'd be up for the same histronics long-distance from my mother.

Really I would never change anything and we are 100% happy that we had two ceremonies. That way everyone was involved. Our Canadian wedding was only 100 people which was a perfect amount. Honestly planning for the Canadian wedding was very easy as I knew what I wanted from the start, my hubby just went along with it after his exhaustion from the Thai wedding. My mom did everything for us as we were in Thailand and it all came together...like a dream really. Every single guest who attended both our weddings (farang guests ) Praised every second of it and could not express what amazing experiences they had at both or one of the weddings. We had a non-denominational evening wedding ceremony in Canada and Thai buffet for dinner, party and drinks till 2am.