Old Man Olympics In Thailand

[torito]

I have read so much about old people in Thailand, and given the high population of them, I think that there is an opportunity to organize an "Old Man Olyimpics in Thailand".

I would expect that we will have a great number of competitors as well as a huge audience.

This topic is open for suggestions (no discrimination on age).

PS: This is not a serious matter. We can open other topics if we want to discuss more serious matters or beliefs about old man in Thailand. In this I want to check whether we have the capacity to use our imagination to write something without been offensive, rude, vulgar or ordindary (pen pai mai dai?). ....but funny. Let see if it works and can have a good laugh at it.

[qwertz]

Okay torito, I'll kick off.

First, the rules:

No doping. This includes viagra and amyl nitrate during the copulation marathon

No lying about age. Decrepit senile appearance must be verified with a valid birth certificate.

Anyone wearing a disguise e.g. wrinkle makeup, fake varicose veins and other artifices will be summarily disqualified

No handicaps or lead points for Brits.

No inhaling of helium to amuse the judges.

No smoking near oxygen bottles.

No sneaky sabotage of wheelchairs e.g. puncturing tyres or sand in wheel bearings.

No fake physical handicaps

No powered wheelchairs in the pushchair section

Only Thai women allowed to push

No feigned heart attacks after an event has begun

No forgetting to enter, forgetting the route or forgetting the time of day

Edited May 5, 2007 by qwertz

[torito]

Okay torito, I'll kick off.

First, the rules:

No doping. This includes viagra and amyl nitrate during the copulation marathon

No lying about age. Decrepit senile appearance must be verified with a valid birth certificate.

Anyone wearing a disguise e.g. wrinkle makeup, fake varicose veins and other artifices will be summarily disqualified

No handicaps or lead points for Brits.

No inhaling of helium to amuse the judges.

No smoking near oxygen bottles.

No sneaky sabotage of wheelchairs e.g. puncturing tyres or sand in wheel bearings.

No fake physical handicaps

No powered wheelchairs in the pushchair section

Only Thai women allowed to push

No feigned heart attacks after an event has begun

Thanks 'qwertz' I knew you were to come to my resque....

I think that we should categorize by age ranges:

- 55 - 65 Young studs

- 66 - 85 On provation

- 86 - 95 Ready to go

- >95 only with nurse

[qwertz]

I'd also like to see a category for prematurely aged and jaded frequent visitors, shall we say over 40? The copulation marathon is not mandatory for them.

[Nignoy]

All over 60,s males allowed to be started by Hand use of magnets to turn of rivals pacemakers forbidden Asbach or Metaxa 4 star transfusions allowed, for german competitors Jagermeister maybe used as a substitute last but not least the use of baby oil to avoid friction burns on the Scrotum is allowed Nignoy

[larvidchr]

What about starting the Olympics with an elimination round in quickest heartattack

that should weed out the faint hearted

Proceding to the over 80 smokers run, 4 yards on time, time limit 1 hour.

[Grover]

where is Thailand ?

[qwertz]

where is Thailand ?

Disqualified! Told you in the rules. NO FORGETTING! They all try that one.

[Head Snake]

Events:

Air con remote battery replacement (time limit: 3 hours)

Check the bin charges for accuracy ( time limit: 10 minutes)

Best Excuses to Wife or other girlfriend (via random SMS message and based on response)

Color Matching your wardrobe

Self Hair Coloring

Knowledge of 500 baht services

[farang prince]

We also need categories for:

1. Champion Chronic Bitcher (only bitching about Thailand counts. We already know you don't like your native country).

2. Champion Obfuscator (translation: Liar)

3. Champion Beer Drinker (who can drink the most beers without passing out or going to the Loo).

4. Champion Taxicab Rip-off Story Teller.

That should get most of the posters into the competition.

[Naam]

I think that we should categorize by age ranges:

- 55 - 65 Young studs

:D

[WaiWai]

Events :

Unveiling of hitherto secret, but much discussed, designs of the geriatric male sports bra and other athletic wear.

[qwertz]

Further events:

The most plausible excuse for not paying your round. Alzheimer & other forms of dementia not admissible. (No Brits please)

Incontinence incidents, judged on volume of fluids or solids

Darts and archery for the myopic and presbyopic

Dressing without assistance and expertise with zippers (open to all age groups over 50)

Body press without assistance from partner below

Arm wrestling with choice of opponent (opponents must be under 10 years of age)

Shopping alone with not more than 500 baht

Spot the techno or Thai tune (hearing trumpets and other aids permitted)

Seduction techniques (Thai or English only)

Weight lifting (not less than average Thai lady weight, approx. 50 kilos)

Free style shouting

Edited May 6, 2007 by qwertz

[WaiWai]

Further events (c'td)

Deaf geriatric sheep dog competition

Floating without life buoy competition

Nocturnal urination frequency competition

Race to bathroom with creaky joints in morning ( 1 metre, 5 metres & 10 metre divisions)

Squatter toilet technique (those with knee replacements receive handicap)

Marathon impromptu solo speech on the subject of personal prostate problems & assorted health issues competition

[Robski]

10 metre zimmer frame sprint...

[qwertz]

Further events (c'td)

Best constipation dissertation

Best tattoo

Best deal on Patt beach road service girls (physical proof required)

Best operation scars

Best limp or stoop

[WaiWai]

Drooling competition

Nose, ear and wart-hair competition (special prizes for most outstanding in length, density & texture ratings)

Food dribbling competition

Inappropriate daytime snoozing competition (extra points for snoring, bonus for snoring of a quality causing irrepresible laughter amongst spectators)

Most tedious WWII story

Most improbable "conquest" story

Most hilarious underpants competition

[kmart]

Not exactly geriatric, but open to all long-term expats; etc;

Connect 4 steeplechase. Beat a b/g at this intellectual game 3 times in a row then have to successfully fornicate with her upstairs.

4x400m Fleeing The Scene Relay Race. Drive your pickup erratically across 3 lanes of traffic, before colliding with a motorbike, upon which you and 3 pals sprint as fast as possible away from the scene in 4 different directions. Meet back at the pub.

Condo High Dive. Piss away your life savings invested in a beer bar, before climbing over your 12th floor balcony and attempt 3 forward half-twisting somersaults ("piked" gains extra points) before hitting the pavement.

[farang prince]

Further events:

The most plausible excuse for not paying your round. Alzheimer & other forms of dementia not admissible. (No Brits please)

Incontinence incidents, judged on volume of fluids or solids

Darts and archery for the myopic and presbyopic

Dressing without assistance and expertise with zippers (open to all age groups over 50)

Body press without assistance from partner below

Arm wrestling with choice of opponent (opponents must be under 10 years of age)

Shopping alone with not more than 500 baht

Spot the techno or Thai tune (hearing trumpets and other aids permitted)

Seduction techniques (Thai or English only)

Weight lifting (not less than average Thai lady weight, approx. 50 kilos)

Free style shouting

Do you mean the zippers have to be open all the way, or just part way?

[Alf Witt]

Event 1)

The eleven-legged race :- two "oldies" with legs tied together as in the three-legged race plus two zimmer frames.

Event 2)

Elimination race :-

Last to go for a pee wins.

Event 3)

Wheelbarrow race :-

Only 2 wheels of pushchair in contact with ground.

Event 4)

Hopping race :-

For participants with one leg only. - prize 50% off traditional Thai massage.

Event 5)

Marathon:-

Judged on sworn affidavit of young Thai wife

Event 6)

Egg and spoon race :-

eat an egg with a spoon without getting egg on your Thai (sorry, force of habit - for Thai read tie).

[torito]

Drooling competition

Nose, ear and wart-hair competition (special prizes for most outstanding in length, density & texture ratings)

Food dribbling competition

Inappropriate daytime snoozing competition (extra points for snoring, bonus for snoring of a quality causing irrepresible laughter amongst spectators)

Most tedious WWII story

Most improbable "conquest" story

Most hilarious underpants competition

[torito]

Further events (c'td)

Deaf geriatric sheep dog competition

Floating without life buoy competition

Nocturnal urination frequency competition

Race to bathroom with creaky joints in morning ( 1 metre, 5 metres & 10 metre divisions)

Squatter toilet technique (those with knee replacements receive handicap)

Marathon impromptu solo speech on the subject of personal prostate problems & assorted health issues competition

[Head Snake]

Highest Blood sugar value after eating a Mango

Foot Smell vs the various Durian varieties: How many flies can you attract in 10 minutes?

Sweating : how many shirts can you go thru after eating a bowl of SomTam

[WaiWai]

You really shouldn't encourage me, torito.

Shiniest pate competition - prize to greatest distance deflected off bald skull, special prize for ability to focus heat at long distance to start fire on which green curry is cooked.

Worst false teeth competition.

Dress competition - prize to person wearing attire most inappropriate to age ( Subsections : Whitest legs in batik shorts competition, person in most ostentatious silk shirt at charity event section, person in most loudly patterned shirt at expat meeting competition).

[torito]

Highest Blood sugar value after eating a Mango

[qwertz]

Further events:

The most plausible excuse for not paying your round. Alzheimer & other forms of dementia not admissible. (No Brits please)

Incontinence incidents, judged on volume of fluids or solids

Darts and archery for the myopic and presbyopic

Dressing without assistance and expertise with zippers (open to all age groups over 50)

Body press without assistance from partner below

Arm wrestling with choice of opponent (opponents must be under 10 years of age)

Shopping alone with not more than 500 baht

Spot the techno or Thai tune (hearing trumpets and other aids permitted)

Seduction techniques (Thai or English only)

Weight lifting (not less than average Thai lady weight, approx. 50 kilos)

Free style shouting

Do you mean the zippers have to be open all the way, or just part way?

ALL the way. No wimpy excuses like "But I'm arthritic". This is not a game for geriatric softies.

[torito]

Dressing without assistance and expertise with zippers (open to all age groups over 50)

Do you mean the zippers have to be open all the way, or just part way?

ALL the way. No wimpy excuses like "But I'm arthritic". This is not a game for geriatric softies.

'qwertz' I think that you are getting a little bit hard....in fact I would propose a variation to your Dressing competition:

Dress with assistance, but this has to be in two categories of assistants: One for ladies and other for katoes, as I think the latest have a physical advantage (normally are tallest and stronger).

[qwertz]

Okay torito, but only cross dressers allowed in this event. BTW, pay attention to the age rules, we don't want anybody under pensionable age sneaking in. Bloody youngsters want in on everything.

[Nignoy]

Dressing without assistance and expertise with zippers (open to all age groups over 50)

Do you mean the zippers have to be open all the way, or just part way?

ALL the way. No wimpy excuses like "But I'm arthritic". This is not a game for geriatric softies.

'qwertz' I think that you are getting a little bit hard....in fact I would propose a variation to your Dressing competition:

Dress with assistance, but this has to be in two categories of assistants: One for ladies and other for katoes, as I think the latest have a physical advantage (normally are tallest and stronger).

The hardest test of all Complete 3 knee bends without farting special dispension for australians because of their VB intake Nignoy

[Head Snake]

The Hansum man competition.

A panel of 10 non-BGs will be sat to judge 5 old man farang. The judges will then drink a a beer every 5 minutes until all judges agree to determine the "Hansum Man" of the group of old man. If after 25 minutes, no old man is claimed, the judges must switch to drinking SangSom until somebody is chosen or the last judge falls asleep after her SangSom tirade to the audience.