A man walks into a bar - he sits down and orders a drink. The barman

gives him his drink, accompanied by a bowl of peanuts. To his

surprise, a voice comes from the peanut bowl.

"You look great tonight!" it said, "You really look fantastic... and that aftershave

is just wonderful!"

The man is obviously a little confused, but tries to ignore it.

Realising he has no cigarettes he wanders over to the cigarette

machine.

After inserting his money, another voice emits from the

machine. "You're a TOTAL WAN**R... My God you STINK... Do you know,

you're almost AS UGLY AS YOUR MOTHER!"

By now, the man is extremely perplexed. He turns to the barman for an

explanation.

"Ah yes sir," the barman responds, "The peanuts are

complimentary, but the cigarette machine is out of order."

hmm

ouch