Irish Pub Joke

[Chris Lawrence]

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's Day.

Mick, the bartender says, "You'll not be drinking anymore tonight Paddy."

Paddy replies, "OK Mick, I'll be on my way then."

Paddy stands up and he falls flat on his face.. Shoite!" he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face. Shoite! Shoite!"

He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and have some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up the door frame.

He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air.

Feeling much better, he takes a step out onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his face. Bi'Jesus... I'm fockin' focked!" he says.

He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door. He haul himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside. He then takes a look up the stairs and says "No fockin' way."

He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says, "I can make it to the bed."

He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says, "Fock it!" and falls into bed.

The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night?".

Paddy says, "I did Jess. I was fockin' pis_sed. But how'd you know?"

"Mick phoned, . . . You left your wheelchair at the pub."