This Should Make You Feel Better

[skipvice]

(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"

-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest .

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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and

death and stuff."

--Mariah Carey

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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."

-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign .

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"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part

of my body"

-- Winston Bennett,

University of Kentucky basketball forward .

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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country"

--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .

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"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through

our papers. We are the president."

-- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of

subpoenaed documents.

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"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death

by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it."

--A congressional candidate in Texas .

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"Half this game is ninety percent mental."

--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

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"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's

the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

--Al Gore, Vice President

And .

"We are ready for an un foreseen event that

may or may not occur."

-- Al Gore, VP

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"I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix ."

-- Dan Quayle

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"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much

clean air do we need ?"

--Lee Iacocca

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"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A

genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

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"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude

certain types of people."

-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor .

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"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."

--Bill Clinton, President

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"Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come

from overseas."

--Keppel Enderbery

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"Your food stamps will be stopped effective

March 1992 because we received notice that

you passed away. May God bless you. You may

reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."

--Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina

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If you ever felt stupid, read these

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack

in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their

heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when

they wake up dead, there'll be a record."

--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

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Feeling smarter yet?