To Farang Girls Who Have Thai Boyfriends/husbands

[Sabum]

That's awesome Amyji! Really nice story and so surprised it all happened right here. So cool.

[katana]

Nice story

[Amyji]

Thank you!

Just a tiny bit off topic, it was interesting moving back to California - specifically the SF Bay Area - the numbers of mixed couples living here. There are actually quite a few Caucasian (farang) women coupled with Asian men, which seems to be rather rare in general anyway. I know a couple of women married to Filipinos, two who are married to a Japanese men (one with an ADORABLE little daughter) and another married to a Chinese man. My two best mommy friends are Asian married to African-Americans. And all these families are all in my little town! I am, however, the only one married to a Thai. It's just something I tended to notice since moving from a homogeneous country into a salad bowl of all different cultures.

[JungleGirl]

Full moon party!!!!! Ha ha ha...I know how to pick em!

I got hideously drunk after my previous boyfriend was an a-hole...and I spent about 3 hours moaning to Mr Sabai and then tried to pick him up. He declined saying he had a girlfriend and told me I would be back with my boy before I knew it. Needless to say I was.... but a few months down the line we were both free agents and lets just say the next time I was hideously drunk and propositioned him....he didn't say no!!!!

How romantic eh?? Think I am going to use sbk's pirate story in future....

What a beautiful, beautiful story ms sabai, adultery, inebriation, full moon hook ups, what could be more perfectly romantic eh? I think the pirate story is better by a long way. Check out my new blog if you have time my-jungle-life dot blogspot dot com, all about the joys of life with a Jungle Boy on Ko pha Ngan (for all you phanganers not THE notorious jungle boy, my own personal jungle boy) Ms sabai i think you may know him?

[girlx]

ha- i know him, though not well.

good luck.

(p.s. advice from another long time blogger in thailand- do not use real names on your site!)

Edited June 7, 2009 by girlx

[mssabai]

Full moon party!!!!! Ha ha ha...I know how to pick em!

I got hideously drunk after my previous boyfriend was an a-hole...and I spent about 3 hours moaning to Mr Sabai and then tried to pick him up. He declined saying he had a girlfriend and told me I would be back with my boy before I knew it. Needless to say I was.... but a few months down the line we were both free agents and lets just say the next time I was hideously drunk and propositioned him....he didn't say no!!!!

How romantic eh?? Think I am going to use sbk's pirate story in future....

What a beautiful, beautiful story ms sabai, adultery, inebriation, full moon hook ups, what could be more perfectly romantic eh? I think the pirate story is better by a long way. Check out my new blog if you have time my-jungle-life dot blogspot dot com, all about the joys of life with a Jungle Boy on Ko pha Ngan (for all you phanganers not THE notorious jungle boy, my own personal jungle boy) Ms sabai i think you may know him?

Never heard of him, or you for that matter Still well written blog...I spose...at a push

Have to say that I disagree a bit with girlx as I think the purposes of your two blogs (having read both of them) is very different. Jungle Girl is using it to tell stories of village life as well as publicizing her various businesses...I think girlx's is more introspective and analytical. Maybe though Jungle Girl should just refrain from using other people's real names just to cover herself.

Sorry completely off topic

Oh but Jungle Girl, please do share how you and mr jungle girl got together...he he

[girlx]

nope- you would be surprised what people get offended at... something innocuous which mentions someone by their real name can get you in trouble... learned that the hard way a couple of times.

[mssabai]

Yeah hence why I said don't publish other people's real names. If she wants to print her own name then I don't think it is going to do her any damage.

[girlx]

no that would be ok if she prints her own name i would say that any writer of non-fiction might do well to change real names. too easy to have something misconstrued and get yourself in legal trouble .

[asiasurfer]

Love stories??? Lol. I thought these days they all meet via the Internet!

[Akang]

On one of my trips to Thailand with one of my friends from home, I decided to take her on the island tour, so here we were first night absolutely hammered on Sangsom, lost my friend somewhere along the blurry road ended up sleeping [more like being in a coma] in somebodies hammock....

Got woken up by this smiling faces with a cup of coffee in his hand [he admitted it was his own coffee but he gave it to me when noticing me lying there )] and brought me back to my own bungalow [whats the name of the place you're staying? Me: I dont remember...Ok what do the bungalows look like?...me: euhm] and my friend, he asked me and my friend out for dinner that night, the rest is history!

[tulipgirl]

Oh, if there are Thai men reading this thread and marry farang girls who had a bad experience, than there is hope for me too.

After a one-year relationship with a Chinese Chinese who works in Bangkok, I found out he cheated on me... with a Thai guy. We're still friends after I helped him to accept the fact that he's just not that into girls. Poor me.

Then I dated 14 Thai guys who at some time all turn out to be money boys.

Then I dated a really nice guy. Handsome, and rich. He wanted to pay for everything. He always picked me up in his big car. I was older than he was, but that didn't matter to him. I met his family and everything was fine. Until, he stopped calling me. That was in April. I think he broke up with me.

[mssabai]

Tulipgirl, in another thread you have been talking about your current thai bf who wants his skin to be whiter. Your stories don't seem to be fitting together??

[thithi]

.... my dad ain't sweet

[DaleBlue]

I have Peruvian blood hence I look very much like Thai. Would you consider my Farang? Or is the term Farang refer to White only?

[Datsun240Z]

The Divorce Culture: Rethinking Our Commitments to Marriage and Family

[Nunui]

Hi I'm new to this forum - but not to Thai men (well one anyway). We've been together 3 years and just recently have had some problems. This might not be the appropriate forum but I'd really like some advice. Last week we had an argument over a trivial matter which ended with my partner leaving the house and refusing to pick up the phone ever since. He has done this a couple of times before so its not out of character (unfortunately) but we are due to move house tomorrow and I have to go overseas for work next week so I'm at a loss as to what I should do. I know he's staying with friends but I'm hesitant to actually go to their house and force him to speak to me. There's no "other woman" involved it's more that he can't cope with any kind of conflict. It's been a week and I really want to know what's going on. If it's over I will be able to cope - I just need to know. Anyone here ever experienced something like this? Ideas?

[RickBradford]

he can't cope with any kind of conflict.

You've just described the Thai mentality.

[aussiechick]

Nunui - as RickBradford states "Thai mentality" (men and women) - just continue with what you have to do - pack, move and carry on. You have a life and you have to make the decision of how this continues. I think most of us have been through this and made choices. No-one else can do it for you. If you are willing to have a relationship with an adult that sulks and you think there are more positive aspects, go for it.

Good luck!

[Datsun240Z]

he can't cope with any kind of conflict.

You've just described the Thai mentality.

I think this is true

[glegolo]

Hi I'm new to this forum - but not to Thai men (well one anyway). We've been together 3 years and just recently have had some problems. This might not be the appropriate forum but I'd really like some advice. Last week we had an argument over a trivial matter which ended with my partner leaving the house and refusing to pick up the phone ever since. He has done this a couple of times before so its not out of character (unfortunately) but we are due to move house tomorrow and I have to go overseas for work next week so I'm at a loss as to what I should do. I know he's staying with friends but I'm hesitant to actually go to their house and force him to speak to me. There's no "other woman" involved it's more that he can't cope with any kind of conflict. It's been a week and I really want to know what's going on. If it's over I will be able to cope - I just need to know. Anyone here ever experienced something like this? Ideas?

--------------------------------

He has done this before?????? I should say Dump that fool.You have one life,find somebody that can contribute instead.

afraid of conflict, yes it is a big thing here for Thai. But back in my homelandn (Sweden) I am always told that it is we MEN

that are afraid of conflicts. So maybe it is universal for men????

Anyhow why accept it......... it is like waiting for an alcoholic to be sober again...

Glegolo

[girlx]

Hi I'm new to this forum - but not to Thai men (well one anyway). We've been together 3 years and just recently have had some problems. This might not be the appropriate forum but I'd really like some advice. Last week we had an argument over a trivial matter which ended with my partner leaving the house and refusing to pick up the phone ever since. He has done this a couple of times before so its not out of character (unfortunately) but we are due to move house tomorrow and I have to go overseas for work next week so I'm at a loss as to what I should do. I know he's staying with friends but I'm hesitant to actually go to their house and force him to speak to me. There's no "other woman" involved it's more that he can't cope with any kind of conflict. It's been a week and I really want to know what's going on. If it's over I will be able to cope - I just need to know. Anyone here ever experienced something like this? Ideas?

This used to happen to me too, with a Thai ex (in fact that is initially why I joined this forum, to discuss it)... I agree, it is totally Thai mentality- most can not live up to their responsibilities or compromise when communicating in a relationship. I personally can not take it or respect it, and I threw that boyfriend out, which is one of the better moves I have ever made. I say move on with your life, and find someone who cares about you enough to make an effort to understand you and your culture and way of communicating. Plenty of nice guys out there, both Thai and foreign. Sounds like he may not be one of them.

[Goinghomesoon]

he can't cope with any kind of conflict.

You've just described the Thai mentality.

Hi N and welcome to the forum. Ignore the unhelpful posts like the above. Not every Thai person behaves this way (my Thai husband certainly doesn't). However regardless of nationality your partner's reaction does sound immature. Does he recognise that his reaction is hard on you? Is he willing to change? Do you want to compromise and live with his behaviour or work around it? It sounds as though this might be a real relationship-killer for you, but I don't know you or your situation well enough to offer much advice. I would try to make him understand that this is a big deal for you and work from there. Let us know how you go.

[Boo]

Yeah, I dont know any men (thai or otherwise) react like that but his actions show a total lack of respect or regard for you. Disappearing for days on end is unacceptable. If he is unable or inwilling to behave like an adult during a disagreement or argument then you have to ask yourself if you can live with this happening for the rest of your life if you stay with him.

I know I couldn't so maybe giving him a shock might be the thing needed to bring him round, pack up all his stuff & send it round to his mates place with a note explaining that you wont put up with it anymore.

He will either want to fix things which will open up the topic for discussion or he wont care, in which case there is the answer.

Sorry I couldn't be more helpful but just so you know, IME, no this isn't normal behaviour.

[meme]

Hi I'm new to this forum - but not to Thai men (well one anyway). We've been together 3 years and just recently have had some problems. This might not be the appropriate forum but I'd really like some advice. Last week we had an argument over a trivial matter which ended with my partner leaving the house and refusing to pick up the phone ever since. He has done this a couple of times before so its not out of character (unfortunately) but we are due to move house tomorrow and I have to go overseas for work next week so I'm at a loss as to what I should do. I know he's staying with friends but I'm hesitant to actually go to their house and force him to speak to me. There's no "other woman" involved it's more that he can't cope with any kind of conflict. It's been a week and I really want to know what's going on. If it's over I will be able to cope - I just need to know. Anyone here ever experienced something like this? Ideas?

Nunui,

Everyone is different and has different experiences. However according to my experiences, I would say that this type of behavior would definitely raise a red flag. My husband (Thai, been together 5 years) has never turned off his phone or taken off and not come back. However my first Thai bf began acting like this after we had been together for a year, and sure enough it ended up he was up to no good, and using fights as excuses to disappear. To later say he wanted me to calm down, he hates fighting or couldn' handle that I was going back to my home etc. Now I am not accusing your partner of doing this, but the fact is, as Boo says, regardless of nationality this is disrespectful and complete disregard for your feelings. GHS offers good advice, you need to ask yourself if this is a deal breaker, and if it is he either needs to be willing to change or you need to move on.

[bina]

actually,if it was me, i would go over to the friend's and try to talk things over -- maybe using the third person as a buffer zone.... im not sure how well u communicate (language nuances etc)with each other and in what language, and what the argument was about, BUT, the fact that u are moving house, and then you are going overseas right after the move for a while.... it may be his way of dealing with a lot of pressure and the 'trivial' thing wasnt that trivial, or was the straw on the camel's back, in other words, the stress of moving, u going overseas for a while, etc put him in to overload. and if its happened before, this is his way of dealing with stressful situations. he is avoiding some conflict (not pleased with the move? the job? )and u want to speak about it.

i do find that many thai men are less introspective as to what they feel or why, and just react; sort of fight or flight response, so rather then fight, they 'flight'... im definately no pussycat pushover, but am very jai yen while husband is very very reactive and his fight or flight response is very extreme. when he is in system overload, he absolutely cannot talk about it, he takes off. ok, here, he comes back same night, and its usually a few hours of no phone contact etc, but still, its his way of taking off to cool off. some times i do have to go after him and just walk along with him. no talking. only a few days later, or later that night , can i approach the subject , or try to approach the subject. and actually, i do feel it is more ' thai' then other men i've know. its the same pattern ive noticed in many thai men actually. not about responsibility as someone else posted. its just their way of dealing with stress/conflict.

israeli men yell, carry on, pound on tables, and tryt o find someone else to blame, or 'stir up' the fire and go full force in to fight mode.

frankly i prefer the thai style... i just wait it out, and then talk.

i guess u have to decide what u are willing to put up with. i prefer the walk away no conflict style actually.

bina

israel

[sbk]

While I agree with bina about the thai style of dealing with conflict, I also agree that its not usually something that goes on for days.

Only advice I can give you is for you to ask yourself what you are willing to live with. If this isn't something you are wiling to tolerate then, yes, its time to let him know that this particular game is over and you won't tolerate it anymore. And stick by your guns. no point in setting boundaries and then allowing them to be stepped on.