Interruptions To English Conversations: Why?

[Sam Drucker]

Looking around Thaivisa, it seemed like the ladies forum might have the best handle on this topic, and be the best place to post this question. Forgive me if you think it is not.

I am a farang man. I've spent many years in Thailand, and have noticed this situation many times, with many different people. I've also talked to some farang friends and they have experienced the same.

Here is the scenario I'm trying to understand better:

I can be somewhere . . . really anywhere, engaged in a conversation (in English) with a Thai person. As I am talking, another Thai might come over, and say something (in Thai) to the person I am talking to. Sometimes it might be important, but most times the interruption seems to be for meaningless small talk. When this happens, the attention of the Thai person I've been conversing with is immediately lost to the other person who interrupted our conversation.

When an interruption happens, there is never an "excuse me" or "Kah-toot" or any other gestures to signal a need to interrupt the conversation in progress. And there is never a signal from the Thai I am conversing with to pause for a moment, while she acknowledges the person that has come to say something and interrupt our conversation. It is just a 100% distraction to her and her attention is completely lost to the interrupter while I might be mid-sentence. It is as though the interrupters are completely oblivious that a conversation is occurring. Is this true? Is it completely tuned out of their minds, and not considered a conversation if it is not in Thai language? Is that what is happening here?

To my culture, it is rude to be interrupted. It is also rude for the specific person (being interrupted) in the conversation to not take control of the interruption, and signal a pause of the conversation before diverting her attention to the interrupter.

I once talked to a Thai friend about this when it was happening frequently. She had kids of her own, and I asked her if Thai children are raised and taught to be polite, and not interrupt people that are in conversation? She indicated yes, this is taught to children. So what is happening here?

I realize I'm a guest in a country with it's own culture, so I'm just trying to understand what this is all about?

[bkkjames]

It's not just conversation, try standing in line at a 711.

Anyways, I always say to the one that does it, excuse me for talking while you are interrupting me. In most cases it's enough to make them pause (shut their mouths) long enough while trying to figure out what I just said, to allow me to finish my original conversation.

[tonititan]

I have no idea about the cultural aspects of this, so hopefully someone else does. I think that unfortunately there are going to be rude, impatient people in any culture.

One other thing it could possibly be...perhaps the Thai person who interrupts your conversation does not speak enough English to identify a natural pause in the conversation. That happens to me a lot actually. I frequently have meetings with non-English speakers and interpreters. I often think that the person has completed his/her thought and I start talking again, when really I was interrupting in the middle of a sentence. Oops. It's hard to know when is a good time to jump in when you don't understand what the other people are saying.

[popmybubble]

I'm not sure why this happens. I've only experienced it with my bf and he seems to think it's rude for someone to interrupt but doesn't want to be impolite to the interrupter.

Most annoying is if I've rang him and we're having a conversation on the phone and I can hear someone talk to him (hate when people can see you're ON THE PHONE and attempt conversation- same anywhere) and then he just starts talking back- no wait a sec or anything. If that happens and it's longer than like a minute I would hang up. Afterwards he'll usually say something like I don't know why they try to talk to me when I'm on the phone.

Edited April 1, 2010 by popmybubble

[IanForbes]

If I am having a conversation with a Thai (male or female) in English and some stranger (or friend) butts in using Thai then I let it go for about a minute. But, if THEIR conversation continues then I just get up and leave. Same if they start yacking on their cel-phone.

[Farang0tang]

Have seen this many times, particularly at shop service counters, and involving only Thai language.

A customer is in discussion with the sales person over some matter, and another customer turns up and justs shouts over the top of it all!

[sunspun]

i too have noticed this a lot. at one time i started trying to do the same (you know - do as the locals do) and re-interrupt. everytime i was looked at by both people like i was incredibly rude.

my husband, too, says he thinks it's impolite when people do that when we are having a conversation, yet he never stops them, and often forgets that we were talking and just walks away when he is done.

if someone out there does know why..please share your wisdom!

[bkkjames]

I follow Arnold's rule for dealing with these people...

[Ave]

i too have noticed this a lot. at one time i started trying to do the same (you know - do as the locals do) and re-interrupt. everytime i was looked at by both people like i was incredibly rude.

my husband, too, says he thinks it's impolite when people do that when we are having a conversation, yet he never stops them, and often forgets that we were talking and just walks away when he is done.

if someone out there does know why..please share your wisdom!

I call it lack of awareness. You can see it with the driving as well as when getting in a queue.

In our cultures we don't notice certain things that others do.

Here's my idea, probably difficult to accept. I think it comes from years of practice in trying to achieve total detachment from their own and other people's feelings and in general from their own surroundings. Those who practice it correctly will manage to maintain a certain degree of constant awareness, others won't and probably end up having recurring accidents or doing or saying the wrong thing most of the time.

It works among them because they don't notice. We do.

Edited April 2, 2010 by Ave

[GarryP]

Most annoying is if I've rang him and we're having a conversation on the phone and I can hear someone talk to him (hate when people can see you're ON THE PHONE and attempt conversation- same anywhere) and then he just starts talking back- no wait a sec or anything.

That is just plain bad manners. I hate that too. If they can see you're on the phone, the only reason to butt in would be an emergency.

Edited April 2, 2010 by GarryP

[billd766]

I get that happening to me sometimes when I am speaking to my wife and if the conversation isn't important I will let it go then start again.

However on occaision I feel that what I am saying IS important I will carry on talking but a little louder.

Several times I have tol the person very loudly to SHUT UP as I am talking to MY wife and if they have a problem then it is with me.

My wife is polite enough not to interrupt them and say something.

I on the other hand am not that polite.

I find when 2 Thais talk together the volume is OK, add a third and the volume doubles and usually doubles every time another joins in.

I have no idea why.

[Boo]

If it happens to me in a shop & they carry on for more than a minute I just walk out. Have done it in supermarkets when checkout staff will do a price check in the middle of ringing up my shopping & then have a discussion with the person who asked for it or even better, having a convo with another staff member & just stop ringing up my stuff. I will give it a minute then put my purse back in my bag, say "mai ow" & walk away. Quite fun really as they don't know what to do but tbh, I can spend my money elsewhere & don't need their poor manners or lack of regard for their customers.

If it is someone interrupting when I am having a personal conversation I will let them have their minute then will just carry on my conversation, usually say something like, "so, somchai, as I was saying" & move myself slightly in front of whoever interrupted to block them out whilst giving a nice smile & a nod of the head. If they have no manners then I wont sit wasting my time for them. When someone does say "koh tort or excuse me" then of course I will wait until they finish but usually just move away & find somewhere to wait. Luckily mr boo knows this is a pet hate of mine so if it is with him he will usually stop the interrupter, ask me if I mind, then see what they have to say but he makes a point of stopping them first. They then usually realize they were rude & apologise or make an "excuse me".

Personally I just think basic courtesy for their fellow man hasn't been instilled, like holding the door open for whoever is following you. Some silly bint nearly let a door slam in my toddlers face the other day, he had run up ahead of me & was following her in, she even looked at him, smiled, said how cute he was then just let the door go. I mean, total oblivion. Thankfully I knew this was going to happen (as it is a common occurrence from nearly every thai person I follow through doors at 7-11 etc) & had rushed up the steps just in time to stop the door from smacking him one. It just doesn't compute to be considerate of others & this is something I see on a daily basis in many different scenarios.

[Yunnie]

I'm just use to it. being that everyone who does it to me is older so I cant say anything. I usually just do something else until they are done. Like mentally recount my money or read a sign. lol That or I just join in the conversation.

I do hate it but meh. They arent going to change.

Personally I just think basic courtesy for their fellow man hasn't been instilled, like holding the door open for whoever is following you. Some silly bint nearly let a door slam in my toddlers face the other day, he had run up ahead of me & was following her in, she even looked at him, smiled, said how cute he was then just let the door go. I mean, total oblivion. Thankfully I knew this was going to happen (as it is a common occurrence from nearly every thai person I follow through doors at 7-11 etc) & had rushed up the steps just in time to stop the door from smacking him one. It just doesn't compute to be considerate of others & this is something I see on a daily basis in many different scenarios.

Thats why I only go to 7/11 with only automatic doors.

[PeaceBlondie]

7-11 doesn't allow queue-jumpers much. I seldom talk with Thais.

[toptuan]

Frequently I'll be at the cashier (7-11 included), and a smoker will walk in, stand beside me, point to the cigarette case and demand his pack of preference--of course, expecting the cashier to stop ringing me up, drop everything and attend to his/her demand. Usually they get away with it. Not last week. The cashier told the smoker politely but firmly---no this person was before you and you'll need to wait in line with the others. I wordlessly mouthed a "khop Kuhn Khrap" to her and left feeling like there is some justice in this world, after all!

[MAJIC]

May be they think they have some sort of priority,like those that push in at the 7-11 and ATMs.

[WeeGB]

I find it difficult from the other viewpoint - knowing when there is a pause in the conversation when my wife, her Mum, sisters, etc are all talking together. Quite often I leave it, and talk to my wife later, it's simpler that way.

How on earth Thai people can hold conversations when four or more people are talking at the same time is beyond me.

From my own experience, I'd say Thailand has ignorant people and polite people in roughly much the same amounts as other countries I've lived in / visited.

Best remedy I've found when someone pushes in front of me at an ATM, is to smile, as though you're happy for them to push in, then to look really closely when they input their PIN number - the paranoia effect that doing this seems to have, is far more satisfying than trying to teach them manners. I just know that the last thing they think about before they go to sleep is whether I can get their money out, using my ATM card and their PIN number.

[Yunnie]

I've never had someone jump in front of me in line before....when I'm in Asia. I really feel bad for farang people, cause if that happen to me, I would be sooo pissed off and probably start yelling.

[Mosha]

It's called disrespect. They are saying you are nothing. I used to get it all the time even from Thai family, my wife now tells them to wait while we finish.

[Curt1591]

I have no idea about the cultural aspects of this, so hopefully someone else does. I think that unfortunately there are going to be rude, impatient people in any culture.

One other thing it could possibly be...perhaps the Thai person who interrupts your conversation does not speak enough English to identify a natural pause in the conversation. That happens to me a lot actually. I frequently have meetings with non-English speakers and interpreters. I often think that the person has completed his/her thought and I start talking again, when really I was interrupting in the middle of a sentence. Oops. It's hard to know when is a good time to jump in when you don't understand what the other people are saying.

My neighbor, who speaks fluent English, will often wander over and highjack my conversations, switching to Thai.

As implied before, I think it is simply a lack of awareness. Many can't see past their noses. It's all about "ME".

I don't make it about me ....

[rangers]

I find it difficult from the other viewpoint - knowing when there is a pause in the conversation when my wife, her Mum, sisters, etc are all talking together. Quite often I leave it, and talk to my wife later, it's simpler that way.

How on earth Thai people can hold conversations when four or more people are talking at the same time is beyond me.

From my own experience, I'd say Thailand has ignorant people and polite people in roughly much the same amounts as other countries I've lived in / visited.

Best remedy I've found when someone pushes in front of me at an ATM, is to smile, as though you're happy for them to push in, then to look really closely when they input their PIN number - the paranoia effect that doing this seems to have, is far more satisfying than trying to teach them manners. I just know that the last thing they think about before they go to sleep is whether I can get their money out, using my ATM card and their PIN number.

Ha Ha Love it!!

[evanson]

I was asked by a Thai why farang don't interrupt the way Thais do. If you've ever been the only farang in a group of Thais, you will soon learn that it's a conversational free for all. They don't care who's talking, they'll interrupt when they get bored/feel they have something more interesting to say.

If they hesitate at all when interrupting your conversation with a Thai, it's because they're deferring to you, a farang. Also if their English sucks.

[PeaceBlondie]

Don't talk to them.

[Mosha]

Oh boy. Last year driving down to NST Inside the cab 5 Thais, and me. Non stop chatter, all talking at once. I kept turning the volume up on the cd player.

[Boo]

I once drove from Bangkok to Khon Kaen with a 3 month old baby (mine), my sister in law, her friend (the driver) & her daughter (6 years old). I swear by the end of the 7 hr trip my head was pounding as they talked non stop the whole time, breaking only when we stopped for food. I told hubby that I would never be doing such a long trip with more than one Thai woman again , my lord they like to talk & Icould undertsnad most & assure you it wasn't anything interesting....

When me & hubby drove from Cha am to Khon Kaen last week the majority of the trip was spent in pleasant silence listening to the radio on low, except to have little sing songs or answer my now 3 year old sons questions. Even he can sit for several hours just playing quietly so coming up to the family home is like an assault on the senses, the noise is just amazing.

[GrahamF]

A good friend of mine and I have developed a good trick that often stops "interrupters" in their tracks. If one of us is speaking and someone interrupts us, the non-speaker will say to the person, "I guess you don't care what (insert name) has to say." This usually gets a strange look and often an apology for interrupting. Works in the Western world as well.

The other thing this topic brings to mind is, oftentimes, the incredible amount of background noise when I call some of my Thai friends. It can be a blaring TV/radio, people talking loudly in the background, whatever. It is so loud that I can't understand half of what they are saying and I have no idea how they can possibly hear me, yet they chat happily away. I usually end up sending them an SMS.

[Ave]

If it happens to me in a shop & they carry on for more than a minute I just walk out.

I do the same. No time or energy to waste. It's not healthy to get affected by other people's stress or careless behaviour.

If I smile while holding the door for someone I usually get a smile or a 'thank you' back but if I don't because my mind is occupied they'd just walk through and that's when I give them a cheerful 'THANK YOUUU!'. I love the look on their faces!

[Ave]

A good friend of mine and I have developed a good trick that often stops "interrupters" in their tracks. If one of us is speaking and someone interrupts us, the non-speaker will say to the person, "I guess you don't care what (insert name) has to say." This usually gets a strange look and often an apology for interrupting. Works in the Western world as well.

The other thing this topic brings to mind is, oftentimes, the incredible amount of background noise when I call some of my Thai friends. It can be a blaring TV/radio, people talking loudly in the background, whatever. It is so loud that I can't understand half of what they are saying and I have no idea how they can possibly hear me, yet they chat happily away. I usually end up sending them an SMS.

The noise levels are very high almost everywhere, whether it's a city or a village. I keep moving house because of the lack of peace and quiet late at night and early in the morning. But I do understand that perhaps that' s due to the fact that people live in groups here and spend most of their time in each other's company. Thais are quite gregarious while privacy, in contrast, is something dear to the common farang.

I come from a Latin country where people love talking and while they do it they shout. When I visit my family back in Europe I lock myself in my old room. Both my parents are deaf and argue quite often..with the TV on full volume..

[Lancelot]

Have seen this many times, particularly at shop service counters, and involving only Thai language.

A customer is in discussion with the sales person over some matter, and another customer turns up and justs shouts over the top of it all!

Bingo! Pretty much the way it is here. If you want some thing, just go ahead and butt in. I also notice the Thais doing it to each other.

On the other hand, try doing the same thing to Thai people and they will usually accept it with out any comment or negative reaction.

Different place with different rules

[Razzler1973]

This isn't anything cultural and not specific to Thailand, I live in the Middle East and the sizaeble Indian population as well as Arabs constantly talk to about 6 different people at once and no one thinks twice to interupt your conversation