yok yawng

... can get in enough shit with females

Was that with Flossy sheep or Daisy cow

On a cold, cold night two bulls are standing in a field. One says "Boy it's mighty cold out here!", the other says "Yes, I think I might slip into a nice Jersey".

Don't get me started on the poxy EU.

That would be the adventure holiday as seen in the bolour supplement!!!

... pissed off !"

Better to be pissed off than pissed on!!

I would be in for a game... or three.

.... there are 50 million sheep in New Zealand, 3.5 million of them think they are people!!

Come on guys, how admit it, how many of you shave below the waist?

Shave!!! you must be kidding , what with blades & sharp instruments and end up looking like Norman Gunston .. Use Veet

The following is a question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term:

"Is He11 exothermic [gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of He11 is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate that souls are moving into He11 and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to He11, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering He11, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to He11. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to He11. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in He11 to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in He11 because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in He11 to stay the same, the volume of He11 has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities.

1) If He11 is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter He11, then the temperature and pressure in He11 will increase until all He11 breaks loose.

2) Of course, if He11 is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in He11, then the temperature and pressure will drop until He11 freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese Banyan during my Freshman year "That it will be a cold night in He11 before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then (2) cannot be true, and thus I am sure that He11 is exothermic.

The student got the only A.

Yep, You're a troller.....You Kiwis can't fool us!!

Hold the sheep Surin ... hold the sheep.

Somebody recently told me their are more sheep per head of population in Scotland than NZ.

PS agree with the Two camps scenario and unfort the poms do rank as the worst behaved.

True enough,,and the sheep in NZ are very shy at the sound of a zipper being drawn down,,while there are no zippers on a kilt,the scots sheep are more at ease.

Actually I hear that that in NZ the sheep are really a decoy for their real passion... cows

Cows

Anyway, why isn't Hindi on the list. There are c. 1 billion Indians so it must figure somewhere even if some of them do speak more localised languages.

Scouse.

6. Hindi 182

32. Kannada 33.7

33. Oriya 31

34. Panjabi, Western 30

35. Panjabi, Eastern 26

Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed or beaten by his fellow partygoers.

Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:

a. When a heroic dog dies to save his master

b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse

c. After wrecking your boss' car

d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game"

e. When his date is using her teeth

Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a guy who's running late is 5 minutes. Maximum waiting time is 6 minutes.

For a girl, you have to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

Bitching about the brand of free beer in a friend's fridge is forbidden. Gripe at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddies birthday is optional.

When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

It is permissible to quaff a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel... and it's free.

Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem -- you didn't see nothin'.

Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much beer as the other sports watchers.

You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly threw it into a ceiling fan.

Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.

Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal

footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

Never allow a conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone; Hang up if necessary.

The morning after you and a babe who was formerly "just a friend" have had carnal drunken rampant sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to do it again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.

but ain't it the most widely spoken language on earth?

Top five spoken languages (millions)

1 Mandarin 885

2 Spanish 332

3 English 322

4 Arabic 235

5 Bengali 189

The FAP are FAB... and if on stage would make Burlesque theater!!!

Great stuff Phil

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Please add me to the next list... thanks

There are a number of depends ... try looking at Bank of Asia, they have Global Funds Transfer available online so you can transfer from a local BoA account to a foreign account.. there are limits on the amount of Bhat....

Number 22 is not true.

The ducks quack echo myth..

The question is, why did i look it up.

K.Jean.. Thanks I now sit corrected and can sleep better..

There is no egg in the eggplant, no ham in the hamburger and neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.

English muffins were not invented in England, French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted.

But if we examine its paradoxes we find that:

Quicksand takes you down slowly, boxing rings are square and guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.

If the plural of tooth is teeth, shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth.

If the teacher taught, why didn't the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what the heck does a humanitarian eat!?

Why do people recite at a play yet play at a recital?

Park on driveways and drive on parkways.

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language where a house can burn up as it burns down and in which you fill in a form by filling it out. And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which of course isn't a race at all). That is why when the stars are out they are visible, but when the lights are out they are invisible. And why it is that when I wind up my watch it starts but when I wind up this story it ends?

And more..................

Some food for "Thought".......

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

Why is a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?

Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure ?

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?"

1. Barbie's full name is Barbara Milicent Roberts.

2. It is impossible to lick your elbow.

3. A crocodile can't stick its tongue out.

4. A shrimp's heart is in their head.

5. People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, you're heart stops for a mili-second.

6. In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years, no-one reported a single case where and ostrich buried its head in the sand (or attempted to do so).

7. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

8. A pregnant goldfish is called a twit

9. Between 1937 and 1945 Heinz produced a version of Alphabetti Spaghetti especially for the German market that consisted solely of little pasta swastikas.

10. By law, every child in Belgium must take harmonica lessons at Primary School.

11. On average, a human being will have sex more than 3,000 times and spend two weeks kissing in their lifetime.

12. More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.

13. Rats and horses can't vomit.

14. The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tounge twister in the English language.

15. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck. If you could keep your eyes open by force, they would pop out.

16. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over a million descendants.

17. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.

18. If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on July 16, 1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles?

19. In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.

20. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

21. Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.

22. A duck's quack doesn't echo anywhere, and no one knows why.

23. 23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their buttocks.

24. In the course of an average lifetime you will, while sleeping, eat 70 assorted insects and 10 spiders.

25. Most lipstick contains fish scales.

26. Cat's urine glows under a black light.

27. Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.

Now, did you try to lick your elbow ???

This is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the Australian equivalent of the Workers' Compensation board.

ACCIDENT CLAIM FORM REPORT FOR INJURIES .

Dear Sirs:

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident.

You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six story building.

When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500 lbs.

Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it.

Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks You. will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135 lbs.

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope.

Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equal, impressive speed.

This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident re port form.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley

Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience (pain), At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now, devoid of the weight of bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs.

I refer you again to my weight. As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up.

This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body. Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs. I hope this answers your inquiry.

Ok... so best City vs. Most Liveable City depends upon who's poll you read...

TOP 5 IN ASIA

Rank Name Score

1 Bangkok 87.11

2 Hanoi 82.13

3 Hong Kong 80.22

4 Kyoto 80.13

5 Shanghai 79.26

THE WORLD'S BEST CITIES

TOP 5 IN ASIA

Rank Name Score

1 Sydney 87.62

2 Florence 87.14

3 Bangkok 87.11

4 Rome 86.64

5 Cape Town 84.88

6 New York 84.67

7 San Francisco 83.86

8 Venice 83.23

9 Istanbul 83.18

10 Santa Fe 83.08

+++++++

and if the service is good, so they deserve the tips.... and I also pay direct to the staff involved as well as to the 'House' tray....

(bit off the subject BUT..)

Tornado .... Being a 'Mexican' Sydney didn't really rate that well ... see poll list..

'Sydney lost ground because its crime rate was rated on a par with New York and London.'

1= Melbourne

1= Vancouver

1= Vienna

4 Perth

5 Geneva

6= Adelaide

6= Brisbane

6= Copenhagen

6= Montreal

6= Oslo

6= Sydney

6= Zurich

13= Helsinki

13= Stockholm

13= Toronto

Others:

19= Auckland

19= Honolulu

28= Paris

45= London

51= Dublin

51= New York

57= Washington

64= Athens

75= Beijing

130 Port Moresby

Having recently returned from the land of Oz, I was amazed at their expectation of a Tip and for What service... it was a plesure to return home to the LOS where genuine service is delivered.

Thats a joke right?

I wish it was.. but frankly Oz service has gone down the proverbal black hole... and an increase in costs too... so it was great to be welcomed back here in LOS

George, I have a good view of BKK....but no Web Cam...would need to discuss requirements.. PM me....