yok yawng

As stated by Tornado and Stocky, I am also in this mode of tipping... if the service is good / food etc.. then anywhere between 10-20%.. BUT the expectation is that service and quality has actually been delivered. This is where IMO the US has got it wrong on the tips side of life, it is now an expectation that one should tip....even on the curise ships!!!

Having recently returned from the land of Oz, I was amazed at their expectation of a Tip and for What service... it was a plesure to return home to the LOS where genuine service is delivered.

Taxis, I always give them a tip (even if their vehicle may not pass an MOT).. as they fight the traffic I can have my snooze to the office ...

Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since you dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.

We, the people of the broad, brown land of Oz, wish to be recognized as a free nation of blokes, sheilas and the occasional <deleted>. We come from many lands (although a few too many of us come from New Zealand) and although we live in the best country in the world, we reserve the right to bi - tch and moan about it whenever we bloody like.

We are One Nation but we're divided into many States.

First, there's Victoria, named after a queen who didn't believe in les - bians. Victoria is the realm of Mossimo turtlenecks, café latté, grand final day and big horse races. Its capital is Melbourne, whose chief marketing pitch is that "it's liveable". At least, that's what they think. The rest of us think it is too bloody cold and wet.

Next, there's NSW, the realm of pastel shorts, macchiato with sugar, thin books read quickly and millions of dancing queens. Its capital Sydney has more queens than any other city in the world and is proud of it. Its mascots are Bondi lifesavers who pull their Speedos up their cracks to keep the left and right sides of their brains separate.

Down south, we have Tasmania, a State based on the notion that the family that bonks together stays together. In Tassie, everyone gets an extra chromosome at conception. Maps of the State bring smiles to the sternest faces. It holds the world record for a single mass shooting, which the Yanks can't seem to beat no matter how often they try.

South Australia is the province of half-decent reds, a festival of foreigners and bizarre axe murders. SA is the state of innovation; where else can you so effectively re-use country bank vaults and barrels as in Snowtown, just out of Adelaide (also named after a queen)? They had the Grand Prix, but lost it when the views of Adelaide sent the Formula One drivers to sleep at the wheel.

Western Australia is too far from anywhere to be relevant in this document. It's main claim to fame is that it doesn't have daylight saving because if it did all the men would get erections on the bus on the way to work. WA was the last state to stop importing convicts and many of them still work there in the government and business.

The Northern Territory is the red heart of our land. Outback plains, sheep stations the size of Europe, kangaroos, jackaroos, emus, Uluru and dusty kids with big smiles. It also has the highest beer consumption of anywhere on the planet and its creek beds have the highest aluminium content of anywhere too. Although the Territory is the centre piece of our national culture, few of us live there and the rest prefer to fly over it on our way to Bali.

And there's Queensland. While any mention of God seems silly in a document defining a nation of half-arsed agnostics, it is worth noting that God probably made Queensland. Why he filled it with dickheads remains a mystery.

Oh yes, and there's Canberra. The least said the better. We, the citizens of Oz, are united by the Pacific Highway, whose treacherous twists and turns kill more of us each year than die by murder. We are united in our lust for international recognition, so desperate for praise we leap in joy when a rag tag gaggle of corrupt IOC officials tells us Sydney is better than Beijing. We are united by a democracy so flawed that a political party, albeit a redneck gun-toting one, can get a million votes and still not win one seat in Federal Parliament while bloody Brian Harradine can get 24,000 and run the whole country. Not that we're whingeing, we leave that to our Pommy immigrants.

We want to make "no worries mate" our national phrase, "she'll be right mate" our national attitude and "Walzing Matilda" our national anthem (so what if it's about a sheep-stealing crim who commits suicide?)..

We love sport so much our news readers can read the death toll from a sailing race and still tell us who's winning. And we're the best in the world at all the sports that count; like cricket, netball, rugby, AFL, roo-shooting, two-up and horse racing. We also have the biggest rock, the tastiest pies, the blackest aborigines and the worst-dressed Olympians in the known universe. We shoot, we root, we vote. We are girt by sea and pissed by lunchtime. And even though we might seem a racist closed-minded, sports-obsessed little people, at least we're better than the Kiwis.

These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Website. The answers came from an Australian Customer Services Representative.

1. Q: Does it ever get rainy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (From UK)

A: Actually, we import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (From USA)

A: Depends how much you've been drinking

3. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (From Sweden)

A: So........... it's true what they say about Swedes.

4. Q: Are there any ATMs in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (From UK)

A: What exactly did your last slave die of?

5 Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?(From Africa)

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does not have ... ..oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

6. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (From USA)

A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send you the rest of the directions.

7. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (From UK)

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

8. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( From USA)

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is......oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

9. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (From France)

A: No, We don't stink.

10. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (From USA)

A: Anywhere significant that numbers of Americans gather.

11. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (From UK)

A: You are a British politician, right?

12. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (From Italy)

A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

13. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (From France)

A: Only at Christmas.

14. Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (From Germany)

A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

15. Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (From Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.

16. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (From USA)

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

17. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (From USA)

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them, although you personally should be safe enough. If you are still worried you can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

18. Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (From USA)

A: Yes, but you will have to pay her by the hour, just like last time.

19. Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (From USA)

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

It didn't help the fact that he has an alcohol addled brain with a soft grasp on rational reality in the first place, but still.

Here's a link where you can download Moore's "Dude Where's My Country?

http://michael-moore.chat.ru/Dude_Where's_My_Country.rtf

I've been unsuccessfully looking for the article from Vanity Fair relating to Bush's company, Arbusto, linked to the Laden family. Does anyone know where I could find it?

Penz

try this link ....

Bush Money

A guy driving a Yugo pulled up to a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce.

He rolled down his window and shouted to the driver of the Rolls. "Hey, buddy, that's a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I've got a phone in my Yugo!"

The driver of the Rolls looked over and said snobbishly, "Yes, I have a phone."

The driver of the Yugo said, "Cool! Hey, you also got a fridge in there, too? I've got one in the back seat of my Yugo!"

The driver of the Rolls, much annoyed, says, "Yes, I have a refrigerator."

The driver of the Yugo said, "That's great, man! Hey, you got a TV in there? You know, I got a TV in the back seat of my Yugo!"

The driver of the Rolls, quite irritated by now, replied, "Of course, I have a television. A Rolls-Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!"

The driver of the Yugo said, "Yes, a very cool car! Hey, you got a bed in there? I got a bed in the back of my Yugo!"

The driver of the Rolls, upset that he did not have a bed, sped away and went straight to the dealer, where he promptly ordered a bed to be installed in the back of his Rolls-Royce.

The next morning, he returned to pick up his car, and the bed looked superb It came complete with silk sheets and a brass-trimmed headboard. It was clearly a bed fit for a Rolls-Royce. So the driver of the Rolls began searching for the Yugo. He drove around all day and finally found the Yugo late that night.

It was parked, with all the windows fogged up from the inside. He got out and knocked on the window of the Yugo. When there wasn't any answer, he continued knocking and knocking until finally, the owner of the Yugo lowered the window, and stuck his soaking wet head out.

"I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce," the driver of the Rolls stated arrogantly.

The driver of the Yugo looked at him narrowly and said, "You got me out of the shower to tell me that?!?!"

Long.....Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.

A lie told often enough becomes the truth......

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

Most men who are not married by the age of thirty-five are either gay or really smart

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

If you reveal your secrets to the wind you should not blame the wind for revealing them to the trees.

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.

It's just human. We all have the jungle inside of us. We all have wants and needs and desires, strange as they may seem. If you stop to think about it, we're all pretty creative, cooking up all these fantasies. it's like a kind of poetry.

OK... Thank you for your advice, I will check the finer details but sounds like a 7 day exit maybe required.

See today's Bangkok Post Classified - Pg 17 Visa Run to Cambodia - Depart Suk/Asoke

After some lengthy and long paperwork, I have finally been granted a 1-year Non-Immigrant multiple re-entry Visa. Similarly I have also had a 1-year work permit granted and these now both expire on the same date.

My question to those more learned than myself in this wounderful Kingdom, is this:

Should the Work Permit become null and void, ie leave company for any reason...., will the entry Visa also become void?

A change of job status is on the cards but there is likely to be a period of time between these employment opportunities!