donna

Someone once told me that the best set of tits he saw was on a bloke...

The road to h<ll is paved with good intentions

And fiction.

Surely there's enough true material to play and jape with without having to make stuff up, and there's nothing wrong with remarking on a nice pair of tits whilst strolling down Cowboy with Blake 7 - even if they do belong to a fella.

Gets your clicker finger going, that's for sure.

Some people don't Knickers. That's why I said in the opening post that there were 500 questions!

"I didn't see any sick questions..."

Does that make YOU a bit sick Totster?!

Has anyone tried the Purity Test? It's a 500 Question test but doesn't take too long to do. I scored 47.4 . I am still trying to decide whether this is a good or a bad thing!

http://www.puritytest.net/

A few months ago a friend of mine (Thai) who I thought was a good mate, was really rude to me. He embarassed me in front of many other people. Some really nasty and very undeserved things were said. I think he was just joking and trying to make everyone laugh, but it wasn't funny.

I told him that I didn't think his comments were funny and gave him a very playful TAP on the face. Nothing that even made a sound, and not done in a nasty way at all. I smiled and walked off because I did not want to make a scene.

I saw him the next day and he did exactly the same thing! Now, this guy has been around farang long enough to know what is right and what is wrong, so I walked away and have not spoken to him since.

I really miss his friendship, and I know that he is sorry for what he said. But if I go and confront him about it, one of us loses face. I feel that if I go and see him about it then I lose face. If he apologises to me (which he would NEVER do) then HE loses face.

But whose face is more valuable in this situation? At times it appears to me, also, that a Thai person has more face than a farang.

If I asked for these nasty comments I would have spoken to him by now and sorted it out. But I feel that because I did nothing wrong, why should I make the first move?

Please don't tell me that I am being childish about it. Maybe we both are, but I am not writing on this for those sorts of comments. Merely stating my opinion.

Thanks OldHandAsia.

I have read lots of other books about Thailand. I know it's not all BG's and broken hearts.

Thanks for the advice, though. Will go check it out.

"absence makes the heart grow fonder"

Someone once translated that to me as "the less I see you the more I like you".

I, for one, didn't hear the rumour that he had passed on. I LOVE Pira Sudhams books. He is a lovely writer and his stories are some of the best written about Thailand. Sure beats the BG stories any day.

Has anyone seen Willy Wonka yet? I can't wait to see it. When does it start in Thailand?

I recently attended a wedding in Sakaew. I didn't know the couple, but my friend did. Apparently they met about 6 months prior. They did not see each other until one day the guy goes to my friends brothers home (the girls parents have both passed away) and said that he wanted to marry the girl. So my friends brother went to see the girl and told her that this bloke wanted to marry her.

She said OK.

They married two weeks later.

In another situation, my friends daughter, 15 years old, just married her boyfriend, 19 years old. I don't see the rush. Sure, they are nice kids and all, but to get married so young astounds me. I told my friend, and she just told me "This is Isaan. We can do what we want".

On the other hand, I know Thai couples who have been together for years and have no intention of getting married. They have no real reason for this, but why get married and spend all that money if everything is going great already?

At times I wonder: Do the Thais have it right? Do they grow to love each other and make it work out? Do us farang 'kid maak' and go looking for faults over a long period when we should just take the leap and go for it?

Questions I have been asking myself lately.

Goodness. I hope you don't have to sms your wife to tell her you got married!

I was speaking to a Muslim friend (E) and a friend of no specified religion © the other day.

C asked me if I would convert to Islam if I were to meet a Muslim man and want to marry him. E listened very carefully as he is a devout Muslim and he was interested in how I would reply to this.

I told him that, in my opinion, religion is all in the heart. Many religions have the same basic principles and as long as I lived my life in a good way that should be enough. I carry the same basic beliefs as any of us and consider myself generally a good person. We don't need a religion to categorise ourselves.

E told me that I was right on, which I was very happy to hear. His opinion is that if you live a good life without hurting people and doing bad stuff then you are OK.

Religion is a label only.

Having said that, I had a boyfriend from Indonesia at one stage who was a Muslim. Lovely guy. And his family are wonderful too. We considered getting married, but it was my choice not to. Religion was nothing to do with it. There were many other factors that I considered before parting with him. But overall, his family were willing to accept that I would be a 'nit nawy' Muslim. They knew I would not pray 3 or 5 times a day. They knew I would not cover myself from head to toe all the time. But they were willing to accept me as I am. Of course, I would have made compromises, and that's life, but those compromises were not too much to make.

Would I change my religion? Perhaps.

So to summarise:

You are all just as bloody confused as I am!

Can someone please explain to me, in simple terms, how the address system works here?

For example, we have Provinces, Muangs, Amphurs, Tambons, Bans and goodness knows what else. I have searched the forum but can't seem to find the answer.

Can someone explain what each of them means, from top level down?

Sorry for the dumb question, but I have been asked to explain it to someone else and thought I should get my facts straight before replying.

Seonai, if you had a good friend in the same situation as yours, what advice would you give them? Would you think that the best thing to do would be to hang in there and hope that he changes, or would you tell them to run away as fast as they can?

The answers to many of your questions are quite disturbing, and I hope that you can read them in the third person and make some kind of decision as to the welfare of you and your son.

You have said yourself that you are living in fear. Living a life in fear is no way for any person to live. You must think of your own mental health, and that of your son. This is no way to live.

If he can go out to chat with his friends, then why don't you make friends with their wives? You don't have to tell them what's going on in your private life, but it will give you some company when you need it.

If he held a knife at your throat and you screamed and nobody came to help you, then what will happen if the situation is life threatening? Do you think that they would help you? Probably not. That next time, you may just be a gonner. The next step of pushing that knife just a little harder isn't a big one.

You have said at the end of this post that you "thought/think you love the guy". Why? Maybe you should make up a list of the things that you "think" you love about him, as opposed to the things that you do not like about him. Be honest. Be brutal. Both ways. Then take a look at the list. What way does it lean to? The answer to all of your concerns should really be obvious at the end of the exercise.

Defending his violent actions by saying that he is sometimes so sweet is just being in denial about the situation.

There are many people here supporting you and I hope that you don't look at all this good advice that you are being given and stay with him. Human beings deserve better than this.

You have the power to change the situation.

You must take control of your life.

We are both between 35-41 years old.

Yes he has hit me - about six times, one serious.

He hasn't changed much since we were married but I sense that the bar was his way of feeling like the Lord of the Manner - and I did try to change that because I wanted us to have a family life. But there are double messages in there where he has started contacting his parents a lot since he met me and going to the mosque a lot and being more 'family' like - all this done by him, not me. But when he argues he seems to feel I've cramped his style.

He goes out with friends to chat - most are married but would never take their wives out for a drink. Wives stay at home.

I input most financially and I never bring this up. I know it is a BIG one for a man.

He works a little with small wood projects and is most happy when he's working, feels useless otherwise.

I work as a freelance writer.

No I have never had a relationship with anyone near here.

My son came to live with us four months ago and my husband wanted him to come.

No he hasn't lost interest in my 'womanly attributes'

I live in fear because I can't get angry about anything..... you know, have a bad day and bang a door...... if I did that I'd set him off and I'm too scared.

He just seems really angry about something..... once he had a knife at my throat and I was screaming to the neighbours and no one came. I thought I was a gonner. But it sounds so silly now, I know you'll all get mad at me, but I thought/think I love the guy...... he's part of my life.

If it's any consolation, I know of several Farang men who this has happened to with Thai women !!!!!

I genuinely appreciate your comments. It might help someone else out there too one day.

Seonai

Absulutely, SBK. This behaviour could easily be caused from an outside source. Parents, friends, other family members and employees. Not to mention members of the local community who this has nothing to do with.

Since giving up the bar, does he have another form of employment? Is there something else to keep him occupied? Are there any things that you can do together? I know island blokes all like to fish. Do you do stuff like that together? Fishing doesn't need lots of conversation, but when you come home, all you need to do is say 'That was a really great day. I enjoyed spending time with you'. Needs no more words than that.

There are many theories to his kind of behaviour, but I ask you to PLEASE, PLEASE be careful. A man who smashes 'things' up may just turn on YOU next.

I agree also with someones advice about going to a friends place for a few days at least. I am sure you have friends close by who will put you up for a while. Tell your husband why you are going:

Because you need to think about whether you want to be married to him any more.

Because you do not like the way he deals with his anger.

Because you feel that you give 100% to your marriage and it's about time he pulled his weight on the emotional side.

Tell him in a non emotional kind of way. No tears. No anger. Just calm and cool. If you drink, don't bring any of this up after having a few. It only makes the situation much worse than it is.

CMsally has some very valid points. My husband is a loving sweet guy and has, over the years, learned to deal with the pressures of his family. However, when we first married, the constant nagging and criticism of his mother would literally send him around the bend. He felt he couldn't talk back, probably hated his mother and then felt terrible guilt because he did. He has finally learned that his  mother is just a critical person, that it isn't his problem it is hers.

Seonai, I have to ask, is this behavior recent? Did he show this before or has it been since he gave up the bar? Could he be feeling like a failure? I hate to say this as well, but if you can't get him to open up about what is really bothering him (and it must be something, I doubt it has anything to do with what you have done,it is just easier to take our anger out on the ones we love is all) then this will just escalate.

I suspect that he is getting alot of outside flak and doesn't know how to deal with it. Is there anyway possible for you to find out?

Seonai

From experience, I think it is easier for farang to adapt to an Asian lifestyle than the other way around. But this does NOT mean that you have to do ALL the compromising.

Your husband has to understand also that you are from different cultures and that you have different needs. You have, in your words, compromised a lot, and now it's his turn to give a little.

Violent behaviour is not acceptable in any form. Of course you have your good moments. You would not have married him otherwise. But these violent outbursts are not a sign of anyone I would like to be spending the rest of my life with.

Thailand is not the place to seek psychiatric help, and I assume that he would not consider this even if it were available. But his anger issue is something that needs to be dealt with professionally. Believe me, anger management is not something that can be treated by an amateur.

The last time I saw my ex (Thai) was the first time he punched me in the face. He can rot in he// as far as I am concerned. One time is one time too many. That was what made me realise (after a difficult relationship and enduring his cheating ways) that I was MUCH better off without him.

Pilfer a bit of money and hide it away so that you have an escape route. Enough for you, and your childs, airfare back home is enough. Once home, your family will take you in, guaranteed. Blood is thicker than water.

If you decide to stay, I doubt whether you can change him. He sounds like a violent man (of course, butter wouldn't melt in his mouth in public) who does not deserve your love. If you are happy to live a life in silence, not having any decent conversation with the person closest to you, then do it. But if you want a life partner who you are going to share triumphs and tragedies with, then I think a big change is needed.

I apologise if this email sounds harsh. It is not meant to come across in that way at all.

I wish you luck.

I think that Thais may prefer to do it themselves because it means that they can throw their socks and undies in at the same time. This saves the embarassment of giving them to someone else to wash.

Just a thought...

Thanks Tayto!

But this is for clients, not me!

A few of my friends have had boob jobs. One is Thai and hers look fantastic. She is so much more confident with them. She has only a small scar in each armpit.

Another friend in Australia had hers done years ago. She looks and feels great too.

I think that if this is what she wants, then go for it. If she doesn't feel confident in her current shape, then why not?

I wish your friend good luck.

I've got a TOMEX. I think it is a Thai brand but could be wrong on that. It's a great little oven, but there is a negative. On top of it, there is a skillet sort of thing with a lid on it. When the oven gets cranked up, it rattles like a 3rd class train! It's really noisy.

If I did it again, I would go for the same as Baht&Sold.

Bambi you are a gem! Where DID you get all that from?

I am going to see Bert from PDA when I get to Chiang Rai on Wednesday. He is a lovely man and PDA is a great organisation that I have a lot of respect for.

Baht&sold, I have an email from Eric and will contact him when I get up there. Thanks so much for that.

If you think of any others, I would love to know.

Thanks again!

Does anyone know of any homestay accommodation in Chiang Rai? I am looking for anything from rural to city, different styles, hilltribe is a possibility.

I am coming up to Chiang Rai this week doing some research for this and any help that any of you guys can give me will be greatly appreciated.

Many of my Thai girlfriends don't get this done on a regular basis. In fact when I ask them about it many of them just screw up their faces. I think it has a lot to do with education about these things.

As for me, I get one each year whether here or back in Australia.

Breast checks are another thing that many Thai girls are not good at doing. A friend of mine's sister-in-law has breast cancer and is in the final stages of her life. When I told my friend that her nieces are in danger of having the same thing later in life she was shocked. She said that the second one may have it because the sister-in-law became ill soon after the second one was born. The way she put it was as if it were contagious like a cold.