Carry

Happend to me years ago already the police in Surin, warned locals back then already for scams like that...

Is there a place here on TF where I can put my business for sale?

Get a will done asap no matter what you are planning on doing next, no matter how much you owe or how many houses you have, get it done!

believe me....It;s the most important thing you can do for you and your son!!!

Meh?

Yeah I' ve been catching up on the reading too...in the local bookshop they had about 6 copies of '50 shades of grey' cant say Im a fan though but got a box full of good books from a customer.

Also hopelessly behind on some series.

So my intentions on trying to catch up on sleep are not really happening.

Just curious what you all do when the rain keeps poring down, going back home for a visit to the family, if you have a business doe you keep it open in low season?

I'm in over my head trying to run my business by myself and am missing the days when hubby and me where just lazy watching movies all days.

For us the low season has changed a lot over the years, 3 years ago we would close our bar and both go home to make some money in different jobs.

But since then even in 'the green season' there's enough people around to keep our place running during the European summer...how about you?

Hey Sillsburyhill

Thanks for your reply although I feel what you mean, I don't think things are as black and white as you state,...

Since I have a daughter I would not take the risk of losing her one way or another or risk our health or safety or anything proving a point to: in this case the inlaws.

If you have everything on paper, you' ll most likely will be getting whatever is lawfully yours even as a farang [so did we now] in Thailand.

Whats so different to me, from [legal] fights or even people fighting over money or belongings from family members that passed away in western culture is that some [Thai]people will go to a much further extent to proof their point or take what they think is theirs [or sometimes just take...wether its theirs or not!].

Thats whats scares me, I do think I have to fight for whats mine and what was my husbands, I do think that I have a right to all I build up in the last 7 years, I do think I have a right to live here with my half Thai daughter, the question is to what extent?

And when it comes down to it, I rather give up the fight and return home to my own loving family then to stick out a fight I will loose if they really wanna win it..

For now everything is ok, but the game that was played was rude, without any respect and painful and all of that was very unnecessary but showing me just how vulnerable we are here.

The last few weeks have shown me that the world and the people in it, I thought I knew so well is a far more complicated place, one that I will never fully understand or be part of.

I am thankful for the beautiful time I had here with my husband on our island but I don't belong here, so much is clear and for that leaving will never feel like 'being chased away', however sad it would be.

Thanks for your kind words theblether...confident we will make it, one way or another...

My ex [not Thai] s in a relationship with a guy now, after me...it explains why we didnt work I guess...

Thank god, the legal side is finally finished, the bar is now ours officially....! The request of the family to make a thai passport for my baby is denied by me and my lawyer...

Hopefully things will only go better from this point on, I dont wanna rush back to my home country allthough the last few months made me realize I dont want to stay here indefinitely either...lets see.

Yes, I do feel like going home too, this weekend will be an important one, since it will become clear how the land and bar will be devided.

so i will hear what they decide and then make an decision about where and when etc.

I am also convinced the family will not kidnap my child or anything of that sort...the dont want to watch her unless I pay 15.000 baht a month, I seriously doubt they will keep her hostage,a lot of trouble and after all she only has an international passport...

It's hard enough as it is.

Trying not to go completely paranoid but am realizing that it is time to go home to my own family, so sad though.

yeah, well no matter about if we get what is rightfully ours or not, a cousin of my husband [of whom my husband was very fond of] try to go behind my back [again] and offer the landlord enough money to pay next years rent en told him he would make a company half in then name of my daughter and half in the name of my husbands family. He of course would be the company's lawyer and that way strike up a lot of money himself.

The landlord hesitated and went to talk to me about this, when this cousin found out he called my husbands sisters and told them he had seen me drunk and what looked to him as under the influence of illegal substances and my baby was left to herself, looking very dirty and crying....i.e. i was def. not taking care. Mos of them didnt believe it, needless to say it's absolute bullsh*t and I start to wonder why I am still here trying to make things work while there's some real mean people out there who truly dont care.

Starting to feel homesick to my own loving family who would give anything to have us close at the moment...instead of fighting of what appears to be a losing battle against some greedy monsters...It;s not even if I am entitled by law, it is that they dont seem to care at all about their brothers daughter.

Not all of them thank god but will they be strong enough to fight of the most powerful and rich siblings?

Agreeing with boo, we started wih some pureed fruit and later veggies but around 4 months, also not Thai but true, when ur kid starts to show intrest in your food or when ony milk doesnt seem enough!

Woah and the nightmare continues, although everything is hopefully gonna be alright in the end, I found out today that the oldest sister tried to go behind my back [and the rest of the family] and paid a lawyer a lot of money to come over here and tell me that I would be forced to sell my business......so then she would prob. give me a small amount of whatever it would sell for and keep the rest for when my daughter turns 18.................It is so incredible, it's hillarious, really...how stupid do they think I am?!?! unbelievable.

Every village has long term rent options...depending on what u are looking for and how many rooms, go and ask around an area you like, sure you will find something.

I agree Mike, and it is not about the sharing part, because if they were really poor I would' ve made sure they got whatever they needed too and I like to think that they understood that but I got surprised...

Although I know more rich thais, like the landowner. who owns most of the land in our village, this guy and his family are very rich and dont really have to do anything for the money is coming in every month, they are hard working people non the less but it's the rich that are even more uptight with their money, is my experience, not all of them probably but from they few I came across it amazed me how they could make a fuss over small money....

It's been one big learning curve, the last few weeks.

It made me realise how much of an outsider I became after losing my hysband, help came from unexpected people, so did problems.

Today Ihad a talk with the landlord of our house and I was happy and surprised to hear that he doesnt want us to pay rent just the electricity bill [as this was the deal my husband had with him...] nice to see some people are not out to get money but just try to help...

Yep got some support even from people I did not expect it from, although some people I really didnt expect it from gave me a lot of trouble too!

Strange world, when somebody dies, everybody is trying to make or take something...

I got strangers coming to our place telling me we still own a certain bike company money for the two bikes we own and that I can give them the money and they will take care?!?!?!

I know exactly when and where we bought those bikes and we certainly dont owe anything...such opportunist! It made me laugh really....crazy world.

Feeling stronger every day though.and although it's not the easiest path or place to be right now I would not want to live anywhere else at the moment.

Also moving back into our house [he was found in front of the front door..] been living in our bar/restaurant until now but feeling strong enough and longing for our home again...

Woah Jenny Hold your horses, been reading through some of the replies u made and with all do respect, get the feeling you are trying to educate on the behavior of Thai people.

Your comment on why Thai women want to be whiter is so wrong I couldnt help but reply here...

Welcome to the forum and all that bur be careful explaining behaviour of a whole country worth of people and traditions!

Thanks for the replies, I speak fairly well Thai and also have learned it the hard way and from people around, hence the southern accent

It's just that I can't really sleep at night and thought of it to be useful to learn some more so at least those hours are spent well and I can concentrate on something else than what has happened the last few weeks.

Mainly the reading and writing part, for sure an online course would be perfect, thats why I asked if anyone has any experience with the 'Learn Thai fast' [or was it quick?] that has or had an add on this forum.

Anyway I will look into different options...thanks ladies!

Hey Ladies,

I posted this in the general topic, maybe i asked it wrong...but I am looking for a good course [like textbook CD etc] I do speak Thai [although not fluently] but looking to improve my vocabulary and was wondering if any of you had any experience with the 'learn thai fast' dvd coursethat has promotions on this forum, want to get into reading and writing, if anything just to take my mind of of things and concentrate on something useful, any suggestions are welcome.

No classes around to take on the island.

Got a lawyer on it and papers are being translated as we speak.

My whole family is doing everything they can, my mom took unpaid leave from work to help me out with the baby the first few weeks and my dad is coming for 6 months with his wife to help where ever they can.

Thanks Eek for your compassionate post, I am angry but will not lower myself to make them loose face.

Although I have to admit right now I am really angry about their greediness and the way they abandon my daughter, i know how much my husband loved them and i will respect that and I am confident that in the matter of what is rightfully ours we will get in the end.

although i will not like my first intention was stay here so my daughter and them can bond, i will try to make a life for her and me in thailand for now because that is half her herritage and we as a family were happy here once.

Thanks everybody for your replies, I will keep you posted...

Yes thats the problem, we did not yet put our marriage papers in Thai, only married in Holland, also our baby is born in the Netherlands, at the time I fought in court for 7 months to get him a tourist visa to be present before the birth but they wouldnt give it until a day before I delivered so he was too late and his name is not on the certificate, we learned that getting married was the "easiest" way to get him involved on her papers...

We were supposed to do all of that july 2nd but he died on june 20th....

So I am not entitled to anything nor is his daughter...and thats what his family spelled out very clearly, too bad he didnt arrange it all better for you.

We'll be ok, I won have the illusion I will ever get them to give me anything but Im just shocked they dont care at all or so it seems about his daughter, when we were there at the funeral they were full of stories, how they would sell his land and put the money in a bank account for her, our car was gonna be sold but I learned that a nephew is driving it for fun. They took all his clothes all his personal belongings, even the instant coffee that was in our kitchen, I didnt know this until I got back to our home after the funeral.

They lied about who had taken cash money that was found in our house [they took it] and let me believe that the landlord would give it back to me upon arrival. They had their lawyer, close our business for a while and I only managed to get that straightened out because of some connections with the landlord, also money that was collected after his passing and held by the landlord wasnt given to me because their lawyer had told him not to do so. and so on and so on...It's a side of Thailand I had never personally experienced and I am shocked to find out this is how it goes down. Whats left is our business and I hope I will manage to keep it in memory of my husband and because our life is here and has been for the last 7 years and as of now it is my only income.

working on it and im sure in the end we will be ok, its just the whole attitude but maybe i was naive..

Got a phone call form his sister the other day saying that if I needed a nanny, I could send her over and they would only charge me 15.000 baht a month not including milk and diapers...I have ' known' these people for 7 years....and its not how nice they are to me or how willing to share but to shamelessly ask to be paid to take care of your dead brothers baby, woah.

And of course not even if they would want to take care out of sheer love would I abandon my baby but that aside.

Well I am surprised by the reaction of my husbands family, they are fairly well off, got lots of land and good jobs.

But now my husband died, they took everything from our house and cashed his insurance money and even took our car.

The land that was in my husbands name can not be transferred to our daughter due to some problems with the papers...

It's not that I want money over my dead husbands body but all I have left is his business and even that is not in my name.

Frankly the family dont care how I can feed my daughter, let alone pay for bills that are piling up from even before he was dead.

One of the reason I choose to stay in Thailand is so my daughter gets to see her Thai family but I seriously start to wonder....

loveinBangkok I would have thought a quick read through this thread would tell you your female friends may not be entirely correct. My husband and his friends work extremely hard, none have gigs, he dotes on my daughter far more than many of my friends western husbands do, has never spent a penny of my money, has supported me through difficult times. The only thing he shows off is his daughter (not his white wife I may add) and I do not think he is unique. It is funny how I see the traits you describe in some Thai girls though....best not to generalise especially as you admit you have no Thai male friends.

To cary, my thoughts are with you, I can not imagine what you are going through.

CassieBoo this is exactly a description of what my husband and all his close friends I know of were like...