rsokolowski

There seems to be a lot of negativity against looking after the Thai in-laws on here.

I for one think it is perfectably reasonable to help them out now and again due to the lack of social welfare in Thailand.

OAP's only get 500bhat a month from Thaksins goverment policy.

So the old rely on the young not like in the west where they are put in retirement homes and lose their assets to the goverment with inheritance tax etc.

The Thai way of doing things is more family orientated.

How would you want to spend your later years? - being cared for by your family and your assets going where they are rightfully intended.

or letting strangers care for your elderly and infirm relatives.

My Thai wife has already said on many occasions that she finds the wests way of caring for elder members of the family terrible.

With this in mind and i don't mean financing the whole village what do you think?

When I got married, I paid 100k sinsod which was going to be given back to me. It wasn't so I decided then that as they cheated me, I'd not give them a monthly "allowance". They asked for money for fishfarms and other business ventures. Everytime, I'd say sure, I'll give you 30,000 after you write out the repayment plan and show me your 1 year projected profit and other business plans. Well, guess what, they never did. Of course, we are family and we have helped out in emergencies - just last year we got the father-in-law out of jail for killing someone(his brother) whilst driving drunk. Cost me more than money - one of my get-out-of-jail-free cards.

If my brother and sister-in-law contribute to their parents, then I will too. If they don't, then guess what? So, I feel myself lucky that they ripped me off at the start. If I had agreed to pay them a monthly "wage" 12 years ago then I'd be most probably pissed off now and posting about it on internet forums to get "likes" by other mugs to make me feel that I wasn't a mug.

Like most FILs of foreigners here, mine is an alcoholic which is one reason my wife was attracted to me, but that's another story. I see many many co-dependant relationships here. I see many many people-pleasing "farang" giving ridiculous amounts of cash to their inlaws. One guy was telling me recently how his wife's uncle in Nakhon Nowhere was so kind and helpful looking after his wife's kids. All he gives is 1o,000 baht a month plus clothes etc for the kids! He seemed confused when I told him the cost of raising kids in an Isaan village and said , " but Jimmy in the same village gives 12,000 baht to the parents and my wife would lose face if I didn't give that much". Who gives a flying **** if his wife loses face - she used to be a Pattaya BG, how much more face can she actually lose? The truth is that she's ripping off her own husband and up here there's a lot of embarrassment for these girls if they don't manage to milk the foreigner. He doesn't even understand why his wife doesn't want him to learn Thai!!!!!!!!! My wife's not from Isarn but even from her part of the country it's similar.

The Thai way of doing things is for the family to help out but do you think this is really good? Why do you think government hospitals are so bad? They family goes in there, camps out and basically takes care of their family member who is the patient. The nurses now realise that they don't have to look after the patient.

Wouldn't it be better for the Thais to start a revolution against the poor welfare payments for the elderly in order to get more or to say, never mind, we are Thai and we look after our old? When I am old, however, it would be nice if my kids looked after me a bit but I'm going to make sure that if they don't I'll be ok.

My wife used to say the same about Western ways of looking after the old when she first went to Scotland and met my grandmother in sheltered housing, not even in the same city as her kids. However, now seeing her in a nursing home, she says it's wonderful the way she is looked after, being with other codgers, getting her daily dram, having singing parties etc. She's 99 and my parents or I don't have to pay a penny to help.

Helping out family is fine but make sure you're not being taken as a mug.

I agree with your post except when you say "Wouldn't it be better for the Thais to start a revolution against the poor welfare payments for the elderly in order to get more or to say, never mind, we are Thai and we look after our old?"

Higher taxes on the people of Thailand is not the answer, in my opinion (others will differ).

If I were you I would have done the same thing that you did, but that was not my experience. Every situation is different, and everyone must judge their situation as it is.

jake u would not last one minute in japan theres no issan women

Did you ever think that that is the reason he is in Isaan. I have been to Japan many times, it is not somewhere I would like to retire to. I will be retiring to Isaan.

@daftpunker

Idiotic post. 1. If you read what Jake has said, he does not live in Isaan. Learn some geography. 2. You feel somehow superior by going to Japan? I doubt that you'll be any more positive or sensible. Wherever you go, you won't get away from yourself: your negativity will always be with you. Never mind: Japan's loss will be Thailand's gain.

He is just south of Isaan, and I will take the hit on the geography. It was not meant to imply that I was somehow superior, it was meant to say that I have been all over Japan and it is not somewhere that I would choose to retire (neither is the USA, or Scotland, or Canada). All of these places are wonderful, just not for me.

If you enjoy being a walking atm up to you.

My thai in-laws are the Grand parents of our son. They are related to me by marriage. Look it does not matter one bit to me that someone does not want to help out their Thai in-laws, every situation is different. If you feel that you are a walking ATM them you probably should not be contributing anything. If you are too stupid to recognize that you are being used only because you have money then you will probably end up as one of the sad stories that are so common on the expat websites. Use your head, be smart and look at what is going on around you (it is called situational awareness). If you dismiss the warning signs that are likkely all around you it is more likely that you will become a victim.

Wish you the best.

jake u would not last one minute in japan theres no issan women

Did you ever think that that is the reason he is in Isaan. I have been to Japan many times, it is not somewhere I would like to retire to. I will be retiring to Isaan.

with your young issan wife?

Yes, with my young Isaan wife ( who is now 45 years old). We have been married for 20 years and she has lived in the USA (Hawaii and Maryland).

its more towards the east, down a little from surin, issan,

its beautiful theres lots of national forrests not far from us, with wild elephants,,lol,

and if we go towards chantaburi theres beaches there, but they arnt falang typ beaches theres no bars ect, just the beach a couple of food seller stalls that hire mats ect, real nice place, the beach and water very very clean, there are a couple of resorts poped up over the last few years, that are 500bht a nite bungalow typ places, weve stayed there the odd time,

but its just as easy for us to drive home its only just over the hour from our place,

i cant remember the name of the beach we go to, i just drive there dont look at the signs now, theres a free aquerium place on the other side of the road from the beach, very nice to look round, theres showers there when youve finnished on the beach, 5 bht

like i say its a very nice place, i just hope it stays that way and dosnt get built up,

jake

I went to Chantaburi and visited the beaches there the last time I was there. Jake you need to delete your last post and tell everyone that you meet or talk to online that Chantaburi beaches suck. In fact I would recommend that you start a post telling everyone how bad that area of Thailand is. If you don't it will be your fault when those beaches become the next Patong or Pattaya.

There is a bumper sticker here in Hawaii that says "Surfing sucks...don't try it!" a humous way of trying to cut down on the crowding at surf spots.

jake u would not last one minute in japan theres no issan women

Did you ever think that that is the reason he is in Isaan. I have been to Japan many times, it is not somewhere I would like to retire to. I will be retiring to Isaan.

im not in issan, im in sakoe province, it says on my profile,

wangnamyen, ive got nothing to hid, ive had pics of me on here, they no were i live,,

i do go to surin to see freinds, i used to play golf at the army course there and drink in farang conection,

jake

Sorry Jake. I knew that but I am always thinking about Isaan because that this where I will be retiring. Where is Sakoe province?

jake u would not last one minute in japan theres no issan women

Did you ever think that that is the reason he is in Isaan. I have been to Japan many times, it is not somewhere I would like to retire to. I will be retiring to Isaan.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lTSTtD38JXc&feature=youtu.be

Tuna fishing with live bait, in Hawaii.

The problem is that most of us have seen what Patong was like years ago and compare today's Patong with our image of Patong as it was; usually unfavourably.

For most tourists, it's their first time there, so, they have no preconceptions.

You would be surprised how many visit the place and then vow to come back, either for another holiday, or, to permanently move there.

My first visit to Thailand was in 2000 i did'nt know much about the place apart from it used to be called Saim i landed in Phuket booked a hotel at the airport they suggested Patong so off we went there was 4 of us we had been working in China so we thought we would have a quick look at the place before we went home it just happened to be Songkran and i must say from what i can remember we had a fantastic time so i thought i would go back again and have another look which has led to A marriage to a little diamond, A house and of course many more visit's as i am still working in the Uk and of course since then Patong has changed for the better and worse for me the better is still worth staying there I dont need a tuk tuk or a jet ski or Bangla rd so for me they dont exist it has great shops that are still a lot cheaper than the uk as is the standard of living i can get for the money.

Now this year my wifes long time best friend who now lives in Australia and is married to a Australian who she met there when she worked there as a spa Manager for a big hotel group came home to see her Family who live in Phuket town bringing her husband with her and of course they came to see us at our house i had never met him this being his 2nd visit to Phuket the first one to get married in Thailand which all took place in Phuket Town and then they returned to OZ so he had never been to Patong and he wanted to see Bangla Rd so of course we all went there on the night he wanted to go everywhere we even went into the Russian go go bar (250b singha beer ) well he thought the whole place was fantastic and i forgot to mention he is handsome 24 yrs young man now i myself was glad when he had seen it all but he loved the place and so will many other's.

Cess pit or not it will last for years.

250 Baht for a beer????? Who would pay that much for a single beer in Thailand? Maybe I am just getting to old.

I wonder how these people got by before the Farang Son-In-Law turned up dishing out the cash?

Free money, whether Welfare, Charity or Largesse comes with hooks attached...... at both ends of the line.

father in law has his pension, he certainly never needed a farangs money.

Even if my wife was an American, if her parents were poor I would help if I was able as long as they were not abusing drugs or alcohol.

hi roy,

thank you for your coments,

im far from wise,,,lol

im 52 i still work hard for our future, the pig farm does ok but i want to have a good nest egg,

i dont take care of my wifes mama and papa, well mama gets some because she helps with the pig farm, and they are both young enough to work and earn there own money like i do,

its granma and grandpapa i help,

it costs me nothing, i just put extra chicken in the bag and extra pork, some eggs from the farm and veg from my garden,,

i mean bloody hell it costs me more in dog food for my dogs,

they have made me feel welcome and to me that is what familys are all about,,

i dont want to de-rail changs thred,

but there was a tred on here the other week were someone i cant remember there name, was saying bad things about, thai girls,(his words splayed toed, dark skind, farm monkeys)

thats what some think on here, my wife is a dark skind farm girl and she can pick things up with her toes,,lol, and i love her with all my heart,

its all about what you make of your life here in thailand, i dont live here full time as its been pointed out to me by other members because i work away,, but never mind,

but my thai family mean to me just as much as my british family, am i being soft,, i dont think so, others might sday i am, but at the end of the day it is my choice what i do with my life,

im 52 and i can do my own thinking,

sorry for going on,,lol,

jake,

roy pm me and well meet for a drink not a problem,

best wishes to you both

Jake,,

Don't put yourself down. You are wise and have common sense. Common sense is not all that commmon and it is wisdom, don't cut yourself short. Every situation is different, but if your inlaws are decent people and you can provide a bit of support it is a good thing. If you feel they are taking advantage of you it is a different situation. I think we are saying that it depends on your situation. If I felt for one minute I was being taken advantage of I would not want to give any money.

I have a good job here in Hawaii, and 3000-5000 baht a month when I can afford a bit of support, it is not a burden for us but it helps a lot. My father in law is 90 years old with some mmedical issues, and my mother in law is 82 years old. I am almost 50 years old and will be retiring to Isaan in a couple of years. I am lucky that I will be able to continue to provide after I retire. Everyone is different, and it is OK to do what you think is right.

Help if you are able and feel like you want to help. If you cannot help or do not want to help, it is up to you. Every situation is different and you have to make the call for yourself.

Cheers,

Roy

hi chang,

you know my feelings on this, im with you,

it dosnt cost a fortune to take care of them, my wifes grandperents are still in good health bless them and are very good people,

when we go shoping ill often put in extra chicken/pork ect for them, they never ask,

but im not going to be sitting in my house eating great food, and know they are in there house eating whatever they can find,

i my eyes its respect for them, there a great old couple, grandpa makes me allsorts out of bamboo,if i say i need some chicken baskets, for the hens to lay in, there they are,

there a lovely old couple and im glad im in that family with them,

jake

Jake you are a wise man.

Several years before I ever thought of marriage to a Thai girl I was talking to a friend of mine here in Hawaii that had married very nice Thia woman. He told me that if I married a girl from Thailand to expect to support the parents as it is Thai custom. It was very good advice. I never thought that sending $100-$200 USD a month (when we could afford it) was a burden. I feel that my inlaws in Thailand are a part of my extended family, just as I would if i was married to someone from the USA.

If you can help to support the parents (to the extent that you can), it will often help the relationship with your wife as she will feel more at ease being that her family is taken care of.

You have a good heart, my wife says that you are a good man. I would like to sit down sometime with you and drink a couple of cold beers. I wish you the best.

Roy

So since we do not use swords anymore (since before cars were invented), we should all drive on the right hand side of the road. Heck even Canada knows what side of the road to is proper to drive on.

Zippy

You said algae growing on the bottom, solid algae, not the microscopic floating stuff. It sounds as if you have have all the sustaining filters and plants you need. You are lucky. I think that is easy to take care of by just getting some algae eaters.

I have similar pond but with tile instead of plain concrete. I have a jug fountain in the middle that gets solid algae growing on the outside because no fish can get to it. But I have absolutely no algae in the pond because, I will say, I have a whole bunch of algae eaters.

When I clean the jug and the algae falls into the pond, all the little mosquito fish (neons, peacock tail, whatever) come flocking over to eat it. So I know those little fish will eat algae, but I also wanted the real thing.

For algae eater variety, I got both black and orange red finned sharks (that is what Shogun called them) and plain ole algae eaters. They all look the same except for the red fins. They are all "surface sucking" fish. Some of my older ones are 6-7 inches long. I also got some suckers which now range in size up to some 20 inches. These fish have kept the bottom and walls algae clean for several years now.

I put a UV light in my filter and I want to say it kills the floating algae and who knows what else out of the pond. Over a year ago I started seeing a faint green tint and discovered the UV bulb had burnt out. Replaced it and problem went away. But I do have a cover over most of the pond. Maybe 20% of it gets sun for an hour or 2 or 3 a day, depending upon the season. And that makes a big difference.

I got the best UV light I could find, strongest and best brand, for about 750 baht, if I remember correctly. It is just a 23 inch tube in a standard self contained electronic fixture (no removable starter). I get a long service life out of it but, being only some 9 inches above the water and under a cover, either the fixture and/or the bulb will from the humidity and fail before the bulb burns out. My current fixture is over a year old, I think, and the bulb has lasted some 8 or 9 months so far.

Neighbor across the street gets some 50% sun every day and has 2 UV lights. When it is really hot and humid and bright sun all day, he gets a GREEN pond. Cooler, drier sunny days? OK. Rainy days OK. Only the hot days with day after day of sunshine. But you do not have that problem.

I agree with Zippy, it sound like you have a health pond.

Zippy

You said algae growing on the bottom, solid algae, not the microscopic floating stuff. It sounds as if you have have all the sustaining filters and plants you need. You are lucky. I think that is easy to take care of by just getting some algae eaters.

I have similar pond but with tile instead of plain concrete. I have a jug fountain in the middle that gets solid algae growing on the outside because no fish can get to it. But I have absolutely no algae in the pond because, I will say, I have a whole bunch of algae eaters.

When I clean the jug and the algae falls into the pond, all the little mosquito fish (neons, peacock tail, whatever) come flocking over to eat it. So I know those little fish will eat algae, but I also wanted the real thing.

For algae eater variety, I got both black and orange red finned sharks (that is what Shogun called them) and plain ole algae eaters. They all look the same except for the red fins. They are all "surface sucking" fish. Some of my older ones are 6-7 inches long. I also got some suckers which now range in size up to some 20 inches. These fish have kept the bottom and walls algae clean for several years now.

I put a UV light in my filter and I want to say it kills the floating algae and who knows what else out of the pond. Over a year ago I started seeing a faint green tint and discovered the UV bulb had burnt out. Replaced it and problem went away. But I do have a cover over most of the pond. Maybe 20% of it gets sun for an hour or 2 or 3 a day, depending upon the season. And that makes a big difference.

I got the best UV light I could find, strongest and best brand, for about 750 baht, if I remember correctly. It is just a 23 inch tube in a standard self contained electronic fixture (no removable starter). I get a long service life out of it but, being only some 9 inches above the water and under a cover, either the fixture and/or the bulb will from the humidity and fail before the bulb burns out. My current fixture is over a year old, I think, and the bulb has lasted some 8 or 9 months so far.

Neighbor across the street gets some 50% sun every day and has 2 UV lights. When it is really hot and humid and bright sun all day, he gets a GREEN pond. Cooler, drier sunny days? OK. Rainy days OK. Only the hot days with day after day of sunshine. But you do not have that problem.

thanks for all the tips and info. I do have algae eaters... one very large one who feeds on the bottom and got him a couple of pals last week. I was thinking of just getting a few more and seeing what happens.

I am actually quite pleased with the pond, the way it has settled in and not TOO concerned about the clarity... but if i can improve it, for the right price, i might be convinced to do it.

So if i read you correctly... you have a UV light that sits out of the pond, not in it. Which is different from the 2K filter UV light that shogun is selling now which actually sucks the water in and passes it over the light... similar to my UV water filter i use in my house. I will have to do some more research and see how the pond shakes out with a few more algae eaters.

Zippy

You said algae growing on the bottom, solid algae, not the microscopic floating stuff. It sounds as if you have have all the sustaining filters and plants you need. You are lucky. I think that is easy to take care of by just getting some algae eaters.

I have similar pond but with tile instead of plain concrete. I have a jug fountain in the middle that gets solid algae growing on the outside because no fish can get to it. But I have absolutely no algae in the pond because, I will say, I have a whole bunch of algae eaters.

When I clean the jug and the algae falls into the pond, all the little mosquito fish (neons, peacock tail, whatever) come flocking over to eat it. So I know those little fish will eat algae, but I also wanted the real thing.

For algae eater variety, I got both black and orange red finned sharks (that is what Shogun called them) and plain ole algae eaters. They all look the same except for the red fins. They are all "surface sucking" fish. Some of my older ones are 6-7 inches long. I also got some suckers which now range in size up to some 20 inches. These fish have kept the bottom and walls algae clean for several years now.

I put a UV light in my filter and I want to say it kills the floating algae and who knows what else out of the pond. Over a year ago I started seeing a faint green tint and discovered the UV bulb had burnt out. Replaced it and problem went away. But I do have a cover over most of the pond. Maybe 20% of it gets sun for an hour or 2 or 3 a day, depending upon the season. And that makes a big difference.

I got the best UV light I could find, strongest and best brand, for about 750 baht, if I remember correctly. It is just a 23 inch tube in a standard self contained electronic fixture (no removable starter). I get a long service life out of it but, being only some 9 inches above the water and under a cover, either the fixture and/or the bulb will from the humidity and fail before the bulb burns out. My current fixture is over a year old, I think, and the bulb has lasted some 8 or 9 months so far.

Neighbor across the street gets some 50% sun every day and has 2 UV lights. When it is really hot and humid and bright sun all day, he gets a GREEN pond. Cooler, drier sunny days? OK. Rainy days OK. Only the hot days with day after day of sunshine. But you do not have that problem.

thanks for all the tips and info. I do have algae eaters... one very large one who feeds on the bottom and got him a couple of pals last week. I was thinking of just getting a few more and seeing what happens.

I am actually quite pleased with the pond, the way it has settled in and not TOO concerned about the clarity... but if i can improve it, for the right price, i might be convinced to do it.

So if i read you correctly... you have a UV light that sits out of the pond, not in it. Which is different from the 2K filter UV light that shogun is selling now which actually sucks the water in and passes it over the light... similar to my UV water filter i use in my house. I will have to do some more research and see how the pond shakes out with a few more algae eaters.

Concur with not using the chemicals to clear the algae, I killed off my first bunch of koi when I tried that route. I have since had Koi in my pond since 2006 and they are very happy. UV filters work great (I have one installed just after my pump, before a bead biologic filter), but make sure you buy a could of spre bulbs for your unit (they burn out after a year or two).

The other route you could try is a shade over your pond (cut out the light and you will cut down on the algae). The algae is OK for the Koi as long as your pond chemistry is right. It is just hard to see your fish.

The Phillipine government has been involved in a war with the muslim fanatic insurgents over the past decade or so (got serious right after the 9/11 attacks in 2001). Most of the big muslim players (fanatic, not normal muslims) have been wiped out by years of counterinsurgency (Abu Saef etc), so now there can be peace. It is my opinion that this historically has been the the case with most conflicts, someone needs to win before there can be peace.

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You should get an uglier girlfriend.

Whatever happenend to eating a balanced diet, lots of fresh vegetables and fiber? I agree with post #2, all this detox stuff is a rip off designed to separate you from your cash.

I use power pro for bait fishing and bottom fishing (from a boat) here in Hawaii. It is not quite as hot here as in Thailand but I have never had an issue with heat issues and line failure.

Catfish also have sharp barbs on the leading edge of the pectoral and dorsal fins. When you grab the fish just be careful.

You have to keep trying. I have seen pictures of sailfish and tuna. The problem is anyone who knows where to find them isnt going to want to increase his competition.

I'm sure they are very far and few between as well.

Somebody killed a sailfish - my heart cries!!!

I have fished in Hawaii since 1988. I have caught numerous Marlin (up to 532 lbs) and Yellowfin Tuna (over 150 lbs), but in this time I have only caught a handful of sailfish. Here in Hawaii billfish are considered food fish and I tried eating the first one I caught, but they are not very good table fare. If I catch a sailfish now they are released. You might be able to make smoked fish out of it, but probably better to release the sailfish to fisht another day.

Do you believe in Aliens O.P ? personally i think that anyone that believes someone is travelling hundreds of light years and billions of miles to land in the outback and give people an anal probe has a screw loose.

I believe Steven Hawking no less has proclaimed that with the billions of stars and galaxies out there,it would just be mathematically impossible for no other life to exist.Who am I to argue?

That was Carl Sagen, not Steven Hawking.

once youve been here a while your tummy tends to get used to a bit of bacteria,,lol,

we get all our food fresh, from the mkts,

jake

When I have visited we always bought the meat from the market in the morning (Lahansai, Buriram). You should be able to look at the meat (or smell it) and be able to figure out if it is fresh or not. I agree with Jake, fresh meats are better.

I know you are not supposed to send cash in the mail, but I was using Bank of America for wire transfers and they were charging $35 USD per transfer. It worked well for quite a while and then one went missing and I stopped the practice. Found a cheaper way to wire money. This was to Lahansai, Buriram. Live and learn.