Zyxel

These are actual clippings from church newspapers. It's amazing what a little proof-reading would provide.... National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals". "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands." The Sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on Water". The Sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus". Don't let worry kill you - let the Church help. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch. The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment and gracious hostility. Potluck supper, Sunday at 5.00pm - prayer and meditation to follow. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7pm. Please use the back door. Weight Watchers will meet at 7pm at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double doors at the side entrance. The 8th-Graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7pm. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday; "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting drunk. A man came in and asked the farmer, “Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?” The farmer shook his head and replied, “Some things you just can’t explain.” “So what happened that’s so horrible?” the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer. “Well,” the farmer said, “Today I was sitting by my cow, milking her. Just as I got the bucket full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket.” “Okay,” said the man, “but that’s not so bad.” “Some things you just can’t explain,” the farmer replied. “So what happened then?” the man asked. The farmer said, “I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left.” “And then?” the man asked. “Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket.” The man laughed and said, “Again?” The farmer replied, “Some things you just can’t explain.” “So, what did you do then?” the man asked. “I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right.” “And then?” “Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.” “Hmmm,” the man said and nodded his head. “Some things you just can’t explain,” the farmer said. “So, what did you do?” the man asked. “Well,” the farmer said, “I didn’t have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in.. Some things you just can’t explain.”