Som Nam Na

I always tell 'em that if they need the money that badly, then I will give them 100 THB to come and clean my house, 20 THB to clean my motorcycle and 150 THB to cut my grass (About 1/2 days work all in all).

I must admit, I don't get many takers.....but then again, not many ask me anymore, heh, heh.

From what I've seen in Thai nightclubs, the Thais have a grope and a fondle for free anyway (whether she likes it or not). I've often been surprised that they don't get a slap round the chops. So this clientelle must be foriegn and need permission to do it, cos the Thais certainly don't.

What about a concert pyrotechnics company...stick with what you know!

There is one very valuable skill that you have.... You have survived in Thailand.

You could be his Thailand representative here to basically find him what he needs. You are familiar with the ways and pitfalls in Thailand and that is a valuable commodity.

Call yourself a sales rep, gofor, branch manager, personal assistant, whatever. Sell your knowledge.

If he is seriously thinking of a venture here he will need lawyers, accountants, staff premises etc. You can find these for him.

you're just a cheap bastard who took advantage of someone who has to have sex for money.

Ha, Ha. I've heard it all now. A b/g being taken advantage of.

Furniture, TV, Washing machine etc - all delivered same day often within 1 hour of buying it - try getting that service in Europe !!

Yes. But if it goes wrong, try taking it back.

They will tell you they have to send it away to Bangkok (or wherever) and it will take 1 month minimum.

Otters are more interesting creatures than you might imagine. Did you know, for instance, that otters have sex lasting four hours of which one (1) hour is spent in orgasm.? Foor for thought, I would say.

Khun Pad Thai

Is that before or after he has bit her on the nose and held her underwater?

Wrong. Smoking is banned in ALL airconditioned restaurants.

I've never quite understood why it is only air conditioned places. If you only have fans isn't that just as bad?

But......

I'm a smoker. I'm going to always smoke in my home cos it is just that----MY HOME. And if the police or anyone else don't like it, they are more than welcome to jump over the wall and take it up with Daisy and Alan (our rotweillers).

Will they solve thier troubles in seven days like they claimed they could resolve the problems in the South?

The g/f just keeps telling me that's the way it is here. Bad manners if you ask me.

TRY to undarstand that you all is visitors here.

If you want to come here, and learn all the 65 million thei ppl how to act, well i guess you gone wrong.

If you allways want to be the betterwisser, well, simply, go back to you're homecountry, and try to learn them the "thai style"....better?.....right!

Your comment, while correct, is also bit mute since it was his house and he is quite within his rights to dictate peoples behaviour in his own property.

Preparing For Children

This is not just a matter of reading books and decorating the nursery. Here are 12 simple tests for expectant parents to take to prepare themselves for the real-life experience of being a mother or father.

1. Women: to prepare for maternity, put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front. Leave it there for 9 months. After 9 months, take out 10% of the beans.

Men: to prepare for paternity, go to the local chemist, tip the contents of your wallet on the counter, and tell the pharmacist to help him- self. Then go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office. Go home. Pick up the paper. Read it for the last time.

2. Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels, and how they have allowed their children to run riot. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners and overall behavior. Enjoy it - it'll be the last time in your life that you will have all the answers.

3. To discover how the nights will feel, walk around the living room from 5 p.m. to 10 p.m. carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 lbs.... At 10 p.m. put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep. Get up at 12 a.m. and walk around the living room again, with the bag, till 1 a.m. Put the alarm on for 3 am. As you can't get back to sleep get up at 2 .a.m and make a drink. Go to bed at 2:45 a.m. Get up again at 3 a.m. when the alarm goes off. Sing songs in the dark until 4 am. Put the alarm on for 5 a.m. Get up. Make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

4. Can you stand the mess children make? To find out, smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains. Hide a fish finger behind the stereo and leave it there all summer. Stick your fingers in the flower beds then rub them on the clean walls. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

5. Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems: first buy an octopus and a string bag. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that none of the arms hang out. Time allowed for this - all morning.

6.Take an egg carton, using a pair of scissors and a pot of paint turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube. Using only scotch tape and a piece of foil, turn it into a Christmas cracker. Last, take a milk container, a ping pong ball, and an empty packet of Cocoa Pops. Make an exact copy of the Eiffel Tower. Congratulations. You have just qualified for a place on the play group committee.

7. Forget the convertible and buy a Taurus. And don't think you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that. Buy a chocolate ice cream bar and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a quarter. Stick it in the cassette player. Take a family-size packet of chocolate cookies. Mash them down the back seats. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There. Perfect.

8. Get ready to go out. Wait outside the toilet for half an hour. Go out the front door. Come in again. Go out. Come back in. Go out again. Walk down the front path. Walk back up it. Walk down it again. Walk very slowly down the road for 5 minutes. Stop to inspect minutely every cigarette end, piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue and dead insect along the way. Retrace your steps. Scream that you've had as much as you can stand, until the neighbors come out and stare at you. Give up and go back into the house. You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.

9. Always repeat everything you say at least five times.

10. Go to your local supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing you can find to a pre-school child - a fully-grown goat is excellent. If you intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goats eat or destroy. Until you can easily accomplish this do not even contemplate having children.

11. Hollow out a melon. Make a small hole in the side. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side. Now get a bowl of soggy Weetbix cookies and attempt to spoon it into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane. Continue until half the Weetbix cookies are gone. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on the floor. You are now ready to feed a 12-month old baby.

12. Learn the names of every character from Postman Pat, Fireman Sam and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. When you find yourself singing "Postman Pat" at work, you finally qualify as a parent.

Bangkok Per day.....

Whore=30 quid (including bar fine)

Hotel=10 quid (cheap one)

Food=20 quid (restaurant dining)

Booze=20 quid (Slaughtered every night)

Total=80

30 days=2400

Soi Dog Rescue is a wonderful organisation. I adopted a dog from them and she is a joy to our lives. These people are dedicating their time and their own money to help these animals, and it's really incredible what they have accomplished. My dog was the 50th dog they adopted out from the streets of BKK. Now THAT is something to brag about.

In Sakhon Nakhon they call it a take away.

Maa Sii Dam, Aroy Dii mak!

I came accross this a while ago. If you can figure out the rules for plurals, then you are a better man than I.

http://www.nanceestar.com/KidsGrammar-Frame-Main.html

I think it far more complicated than that. It might be one of those things that is easier learnt than explained.

But.......saying that I also found

Plurals of proper names?

According to The Grammar Bible, "with proper names ending in a sound that blends well with s, simply add -s.

--Brown~the Browns

--Lindberg~the Lindbergs

--Ericson ~the Ericsons

--Shaw~the Shaws

With proper nouns ending in sounds that don't blend well with s, the sibilant sounds, add -es.

--Cox~the Coxes

--Jones~the Joneses

--Firch~the Firches

--Nemetz~the Nemetzes

So it could just be a matter of difficulty in pronunciation!!!

Explain that one to the kids who find them all difficult

I also met a girl (I know...they are all girls. Blokes just don't do it for me). Her name was Elf. She said it correctly. Then I asked her friends what her name was (he, he) and they said

"El"

Me: "What?"

reply: "El"

Me: "How do you spell that?"

reply: "E...l.."

I then said to the person (whos name it was) "why did your parents choose a name no-one can pronounce?"

She said, "they not, they caw me Pui, but I like Lor of Ling" .

I was told the other day that....

Naa neu jai suar young tur (face, body, heart of the tiger) from the bird+seksun song meant "she is 2 faced".

I then asked what does "Tur naa song" mean and he said "2 faced".

anyone confirm this?

I met a lass called Guitar the other week. But she can't play one

<QUOTE> the general lack of drive through everything.</quote>

Red traffic lights are drive through

Suggest after a night with a drunken overweight balding falang slobbering all over them they may not have an appetite!!

Have we met then?

What's the best spin cycle for a soi dog?

There's once quite busy ghost (Pii Pbled I think it is pronounced...feel free to jump down my throat). 100 foot tall and omniscipent at all temples.

Surprisingly enough, although 100ft tall, not many Thai people proclaim to have actually seen it. Must be the ghost equivelent of the Bangkok Elephants.

I don't usually make it up in time for the breaky. But if the bird has excelled beyond expectation I'll usually take her out for dinner.....ya neve know, you might get a fifth go for free!

If she's laid there like a sack of spuds then I give the short time amount and walk with her back to HER OWN BAR and pick a more sociable one for the night.

My advice....tell em you want it 3 or 4 times for the night (1 price of course). Take em back straight away to make sure you get yer moneys worth. If they're still a laugh and a giggle take em elswhere. Otherwise find another that is more like a rent-a-girlfriend.

Never had silent breakfasts/lunches and they've usually stayed in the afternoon untill they have to go to work!

Nobody has ever been pushed from a Pattayan balcony, where the ###### did you get that idea from?

Oh. Just the news reports of the wealthy men with condo's who just decide one day they have had enough of thier paradise for some inexplicable reason

Hey. If a copper is prepared to shoot ya cos you argued with him, what do you think a few mafia type Thais are prepared to do?

Oh. And back on thread......

Only getting 4 frickin days to pay your electric bill at the 7/11 until you have to go and pay at the Electricity Office.

Don't ya just love XP. Used it once (reinstalled 2000 after 1 day)

http://www.computing.net/windowsxp/wwwboar...rum/114128.html

see if this helps

Will it also include advise on how to behave when your ex missus takes your house, car and dignity?