dao16

I am at a university. Yes, 95% women and a lot of them are attractive.

I don't have a very impressive facebook page, so my students are always disappointed when they find it. I accept no requests.

But, I do spend a good 10-15 minutes with new groups just telling them a little about myself. They get a kick out of hearing about their new foreign teacher (again, stuff like "teacher, do you eat Thai food, can you speak Laos or Cambodian, are you married?). Also, I have lived in a lot of odd places over the years, and they like hearing about that. You would be surprised how important it is to get them excited about you and your "persona," so to speak, when it comes to staff and admin "evaluating" you. After that basic intro, though, it is all about class.

I do tell them about my travels a lot, since those are examples that are relevant in some of the classes I teach (which deal with the intercultural side of communication, not just mechanics, etc.). Those are great fun and are meant to be.

Otherwise, I will answer basic questions about how long I have been here, that I have a wife and all that. Aside from that, they really don't need to know about me at all. I have met some teachers who divulge WAY too much about themselves (to my stepdaughter's class!).

My rule of thumb is as follows: I tell them enough to keep them enthusiastic about me as an interesting teacher from another country, and no more.

Touching? Don't think I have ever touched a single student among the thousands I have taught.

EDIT--Forgot to include that, yes, we also had a meeting in which a high-ranking official talked about relationships with students for a few minutes. She basically said don't do it, or, if you are really in love, quit or tell them to take lots of term break classes to finish early and then you can start dating. That got a big laugh and we continued the meeting.

Why did you guys wind up the Bird Man........?? Listen up, not all Thai food comes wrapped up in a plastic bag or served on a plastic table. I don't understand why some are inclined to brag about how cheaply they can survive. Me, I haven't had a budget since I was 10 yrs. old. So, you work hard all your lives and in the end you are left bragging about how cheap you can live instead of how well you live. Unbelievable..............

Don't think it is about bragging....I just don't find it hard to eat 3 good, large Thai meals a day on less than 100 baht. That isn't even in penny-pinching territory. Of course, in the last week alone I have had some foreign food a few times in different places and some more expensive meals out on the town, but during regular daily life, I don't find the need to spend more than 30-35 baht on very good Thai meals in a small town. I order and it gets delivered straight to my place with plates, spoons and forks, and then they come pick them up when I am done.

If I didn't get the craving for foreign food sometimes I would easily be on 100 baht a day for my own personal food (I have a family, though, and they have to eat...I am assuming the OP is on his own).

Better yet, do what we do and rent the land out to other people to farm. They will be happy to pay the "rent" in a percentage of rice at the end of the harvest and cash in on whatever else they produce. My wife and her family deal with those details, so I couldn't tell you how much they get per rai, but it is not a bad chunk of rice and everybody is happy.

if you get 3 meals for 30 baht each and 3 waters for the day, you are over 120 baht.

Most Thai restaurants have free water or tea for customers, and for drinking water at home it costs 1 baht per liter from the water machines. Or you can get water delivered for about the same price.

If you're living here long term I don't see why you'd be getting your drinking water from 7-11 every day.

Yeah, definitely not buying 7-11 water everyday. We have a guy who delivers bottled water at 40 baht a crate. Again, with my figures of 30-ish a meal, the bottled water delivery service would keep you under 100, even though the OP asked about eating under 100 baht a day. Some people just want life here to be expensive.

By myself, I can eat 3 meals a day for less than 100 baht a day at restaurants, easily. Don't even have to try. I get good rice dishes at sit-down places for 25-40 baht. Typically, like a ka pow moo (or similar dish) with a fried egg is 35 baht. Only one fried egg a day and you are left with 30+30+35=95 baht. If I go to the market and get the 25 baht one, even less, and if I eat noodles, like kanom jeen for one meal, cheaper as well. Or, you could go the other way and get a tomyam kai with rice, eat half of it, and heat the rest up for one of your other meals. The 60 baht tom yam is way more than I could eat with rice in one sitting. So, there are lot of options.

So, yeah....pretty simple to do in the countryside, without cooking a thing yourself. For reference, I am in a town in Isaan...not the sticks, but definitely not a big urban area.

With this approach, this will be the first in a long list of problems.

Especially if they are countryside Thais, they will have a lot of reasons not to go (in their minds) including A)"What would I say to all of these foreigners? I don't speak English," "I don't know any of this weird stuff on the menu..what if I don't know how to eat this stuff and I look weird in front of all these people?" and C) "I bet these foreign places are all expensive, which is what everyone says, and I really should just grab a regular meal for a regular person like me."

Honestly, my wife and I have had talks like this with people who were thinking about going into a foreign place but were anxious about it. That said, several of the younger in-laws (20s or early 30s) have no problem trying out foreign food, even though they don't speak English well. The older family members? Forget about it. It doesn't even mean they don't like it (although it may), but people tend to "know their place" here and won't want to put themselves in places that seem meant for other people.

I would skip the marriage and go to the resorts and Irish pubs alone.

Well, I have never been in the Thai-adoration society, but I like Thailand and the people just fine. Despite some of the drastic events and changes mentioned in the OP, my day-to-day life is still pretty good. If I were to spot an opportunity elsewhere, would I take it? Possibly. Having lived in a bunch of other very different countries, I have a short list of places that would suit me just fine (along with my wife and kids).

Overall, I would say Thailand is a nice place to live, although I would go back to NE Asia, South America (certain places), Europe or NA with the right opportunity. Can always come back here later.

Only Hong Kong and Taipei are listed here as tourist visa destinations in China:

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/189375-latest-reports-of-getting-a-visa-in-the-region/

Furthest I've gone in that direction is Korea, south of course.

O Multi takes three days, ie submit with usual required documents on Monday and collect Wenesday.

Seoul I believe is the only city with an Embassy/Consulate.

Yeah, Seoul is a good city for it. I did two separate visas there...one tourist and one based on marriage. The embassy is a convenient taxi ride away from the foreign area (where a lot of visitors like to stay--I used to go to eat foreign food between visits to the consulate there, but you could try a lot of Korean stuff, too. I was eating that every day, so stopping by a Western place was a treat). Could give you an excuse to check out Seoul for a week or so. If you are bringing along your Thai lady, I am sure she would love it. PM me if you want ideas about it.

It's definitely not China, but hey...it is different.

Any decent and kidsloving single parent would only select to live with a new partner if the kids would accept him/her as becoming the new stepmom/dad. This takes time and effort from all, but mostly from the parent of the kids. To create a bond.

In OP his case this apparantly has not happened. So the motives of his wife to live with him must be ....for......gain or not thinking about the best interest, emotional, of her own kids.

All what he has written ....i pity the kids. But they see it though for what it really is. They aint that daft. Teenage boys or not.

Well, that certainly could be the case. We don't really know based on the info in the OP or his other posts. I know Costas usually comes off as a reasonable guy (from the posts of his I can remember). So, giving him the benefit of the doubt, I would just say it isn't easy when kids face change. They often resist it, even in the best of circumstances with the best of intentions.

mate, as a father and step father I know what you are going through but it is something both you and their mother need to agree on before you act. It took me 3 years before my step daughter actually started to like me, she thought I was stealing her mum from her as she had slept with her mother since she was born(husband did a runner when he found out she was pregnant), she was allowed to do as she pleased and her mother was virtually her slave. It all changed with me, she had to sleep in her own room, had to do as she was told, no longer got everything she demanded but she eventually accepted it. She would grunt at me rather than talk, if I kissed her mother or held her hand, cuddles her etc the daughter would actually hit me until I told her if she did it again I would hit her back and that I loved her mother and would always show my affection for her. It took a lot of talking and explaining but she started to realize that I did treat her mother very good and loved them both. We started doing things as a family and that was what started her seeing me differently, we would go away on long weekends etc, I taught her to fish and she loved it, now wants to go all the time. The big break came when she asked me to go to her school for fathers day, she was actually proud to finally have a father to attend her school as it had always been her mum, put tears in my eyes when she knelt in front of me and read a poem she had written for me. These days we are father and daughter, we still have a few disagreements but not serious stuff and its forgotten very quickly.

Costas, you need to set limits and rules that they have to obey, both you and mum need to sit down with them and explain these rules to them, you also need to stress you want all of you to be a family. Trying to lay low isnt the answer, mum has to be strong and not let them do as they please, if the both of you are unable to get them to do what you want then you seriously have to look at removing them from the house, sounds hard but they need to have some discipline instilled in them. Its like the old saying, my way or the highway, in this case the two of them in the sticks(country) with family. You dont buy their affection nor suck up to them to get it, they have to realize you are there for the long haul and that you love their mother and want all of them to be a family also that you are not trying to take her away from them. They what they do now because no one has given them limits, time to change this, they need limits or tell them to get a job and support themselves, no ifs, buts or maybes about it.

Great post. Very similar to my experience. Same things with even touching my wife in front of my stepdaughter! Now all that is fine. I can also now see that she is actually looking at how we interact and it will influence what she expects out of a relationship of her own later in life.

Have also had those moments when they are super happy to see you--my stepdaughter performing at a traditional Thai dance and my stepson running track and playing football. Nothing was said, but they were beaming when they saw me.

It's one of those things--99% of the time, nobody is saying "you're doing a good job as a dad" or anything of the sort. You only get those moments that pay off here and there, but they make it worth it.

So, I wouldn't recommend it to most foreigners coming here, but I wouldn't dissuade someone either. If you can stick it out, you will make relationships with these kids that will really fill your life in a special way. It just takes a lot of work.And my work isn't done yet!

Costas

As much as we would like to change other people, you will need to take a different approach. And the ages you have given doesn't help either!! At that age, they are just monsters I tell you, complete rebels, immortal, dare to defy anything. But if you succeed, you will definitely get the best dad award seriously, not an easy task.

That aside, I don't know your past approaches to them. But I am guessing, it's always you trying to get close to them. While we are adults, this is usually the path we take. We try to fit in with them, we keep offering them stuff, we invite them for activities and so on, but this only fuels their "teenage rebellious" attitude.

Turn the tables around. They need you.

How you do this is completely up to you. Where are their allowances? Are you the one giving to them? Your wife must comply with you, she can't give them behind your back. It must come from you. How are they travelling to school? Are you driving and sending them off?

Take all these luxuries that a "DAD" provides, and start with nil. If they have never tasted dust, they would never understand the importance of you. They will never appreciate you. While basic necessities should be provided, they can be adjusted. What foods do they like? GONE. Cook their nastiest food they like. Your wife will be an important role in this case, she must be the negotiator. She must tell the kids. "If you don't like it, try go beg "kor" daddy for etc."

How you implement this is completely up to you. Cut all internet? Should you be in the house during this week or will it cause anger? Because you have to deal with it the right way, not to implement anger or conflict, but to let them know, they need you in life. Since kids rely on internet so much these days, there is two outcomes to this. 1) You are opposing them so you cut off the internet, so they hate you even more. 2) Without you, there would be no internet access, because of permission and money. I want you to do the 2) part. And this applies to all, etc. food clothing allowances.

Make them come to you, not the other way around.

Best of luck, it is tough, not an easy battle.

You might even need to make a fake argument with your wife and let her know beforehand with the kids at home. Argument is "The kids hate me, I can't live here, I am leaving for a few days." Once ur gone, wife has to cancel everything (internet,tv,etc. no more allowances for kids, eat lousy food, no cookies). Argument is not shouting type, just calm sad one, but make sure your kids hear it. Wife may need to repeat how much she loves you and needs you in her life. Children will always be connected to their mother, and her words are very important, of her acceptance of you and her need for you in life. Then with guilt, their children with empathy for the mom's "loss", will accept you just because of their mother.

Good luck mate.

As for the Internet thing.....I haven't done this, but am tempted to try! Came across it on this viral media thing on buzz feed: http://www.buzzfeed.com/awesomer/people-who-are-really-nailing-this-parenting-thing#38cbp31

Here is the pick, though (it is number 5 on the list).

A few minutes of work in the AM for you....but sorts out you having internet and them not (until they finish those chores).

And, let's face it. Most Thai Bachelor degrees aren't worth the paper they are printed on.

Especially a BA in " English '.

I have never once found a person in Thailand with a BA in English that can even hold a decent conversation in English

Well, I work at a large, public university here and I do have some students who are smart, critical thinkers who can speak English quite well. I would gauge it at about 5% of students (possibly as high as 10% in certain classes). They apply themselves in class and outside of class. I think they will do fine when looking for jobs after graduation--in Thailand or abroad.

As for the 95% who don't know anything and pass along with them? I wish them luck, but not holding my breath.

The graduate level? Let's just say, no, it is not anything you would recognize as a graduate degree in a reputable school in the West (or in a lot of Asia). The dissertations I have reviewed (from several different provinces) seem like work I did when I was..very young, let's say.

Actually better do not learn language, you will enjoy the country and you will never get frustrated. It's much more complicated than foreigners think... It's not about understanding what they are speaking (unless you are with bar girl who tries suck as much money from you as she can)... By speaking thai and even worse read/write you are offending many thais (the exception are well educated thais who in opposite are very impressed and happy). Unfortunately I cannot share the reason on a forum (post will be deleted)

p.s. stop using L instead of R in thai words, by doing so you show that you are country side pumkin! Thais pay attention which word you use for 'eating' (there are about 5 different variation and you can understand which social level person belongs by which term he/she uses, you will be treated accordingly)

Hallo Gerty,

"p.s. stop using L instead of R in thai words, by doing so you show that you are country side pumkin! Thais pay attention which word you use for 'eating' (there are about 5 different variation and you can understand which social level person belongs by which term he/she uses, you will be treated accordingly)"

with those 2 sentences above, you have summarized what English-Teachers, Farang Managers of Thai Companies and Farang-Husbands of Thai -Wifes have not yet understood. Even after living here for 10 years or more.

More power to you.

Cheers.

It's called code switching. I can easily go about pronouncing things with "l" sounds among the people who do that and then suddenly pull out a rolled "r" if I want to. It isn't that hard to do if you actually know how words are spelled. Conversely, I would sound kind of silly pronouncing all the "r"s as "r"s in a place where almost nobody else does.

A time and place for everything.

They like even the most babbling attempt at Thai. Don't forget that most Thais speak Thai Plus their own local dialect; whether it be Isan, Southern....

If they don't want us to understand what they are saying for whatever reason, they just switch. My wife still does that with her family and friends after 12 years. I love it.

Next step--learn the local dialect. I found Laos (Issan) relatively easy to figure out once I had a grasp of Thai. Was useful during the many trips I took to Laos, as well. It still isn't up to the level my Thai is at, but I can switch pretty easily between the two, especially when listening....speaking, I can put together sentences in it--enough to let people know I know what is going on in both languages, generally.

I am a language nut, though, so I enjoy learning that kind of thing.

Only people with bad intentions don't like it.

This is your answer....people with ulterior motives don't like it because it makes it much, much more difficult for them to fool you or take advantage of you. The VAST majority of people here, though, are thrilled to the gills by a foreigner who can have a stable conversation.

It's easy to dwell on the negative experiences we have (I could give you an earful with those), but generally, people are really excited to be able to converse with someone from abroad, either to ask about where they are from or how they see things in Thailand. Most of my experiences are in the positive column. The people up to no good don't interact with me or know to keep their thoughts to themselves until I am gone (which is just fine by me).

This in from a provider in Vietnam .

To: Valued Customers,

On behalf of FPT Telecom, we would like to send to you the warmest welcome, the honest greeting and highly appreciate your kindly support and cooperation during the last time.

The submarine fiber optic cable AAG (Asia America Gate Way) was had a interrupted problem at 11:44PM September 15th , 2014. Hence, all the transmission service in the area are being interrupted, including Viet Nam. Unexpected event affected to the oversea exchange transmission and communications of customers as: web, e-mail, voice, video.. Because all bandwidth is being switched to the backup line. However, all domestic connection of customers do not affect.

We are writing to convey our sincere apologies for all inconvenience. We are trying the best to combine with the international carriers to recover the international internet leased line. We will provide the latest update information about progress of repairing this accident to customers.

The timing on this completely makes sense, as I was actually online doing something kind of complicated that day, late in the evening and that is when I started experiencing problems, along with other people in my neighborhood. Well, hopefully, they can re-route all of this traffic somehow.

I think it is important to learn these (assuming you are learning Thai beyond just a few phrases) since people do say them, and it might be useful to understand them in some situations. Same goes for any language. However, I wouldn't say them to someone seriously unless I was ready to rumble, as they say. That said, go to pretty much any country and insult them and see what happens. Think about the times you have heard the F-word said seriously and angrily, directly at someone. Very rarely does it mean that something positive is about to happen.

Just as a quick example, I can think of several times right here in Thailand when hearing some of these words, not even yelled, warned me that something was about to kick off and I was able to make myself scarce. In one of those situations in particular, what happened next was a street brawl with somewhere in the neighborhood of 20-30 people involved and tons of uninvolved people right in the middle of it when it started--I was already a safe distance down the street thanks to my little bad word cues.

My mother, now deceased, taught for many years in the U.S.

Let me tell what teachers there MUST do.

As a teacher you are required to be Red Cross certified in case one of the student gets hurt or has a seizure.

You need to pay for that course yourself

There is "playground monitor" duties assigned to you, which means two or three times a month you need to spend at least three hours or until the school playground closes down watching the children play.

There are "parent consultation" nights when you have to be in school available until 7:30 or 8:30 in case a parent comes in to talk about his or her child and there schoolwork,

Quite often once a week, but nobody ever shows up.

The state (depending on which state you work in, different requirements apply) needs you to keep your "teachers certificate" current, usually by taking seminars during the "summer break" to learn the most modern teaching methods.

At your expense of course.

And of course their are those that are told to be "sports monitors" for afterschool "sports" activities.

Almost none of this extra activity is paid for.

There are such activities as Chess Club, Science Club, Future Farmers of America (I'm not making that up),French and Spanish language clubs, etc.

Oh, and I almost forgot "detention" for those sent there for some infraction in school. Must be monitored by a teacher of course.

Oh, and the school she taught in required that as a teacher she had to be there at least one hour before the students arrived and must be there at least an hour after school day ended, EVERY day.

Exactly what were you complaining about now ?

Not sure where she taught. My gov't run schools were nothing like that.

Ok, yes on the certs they have to do and the monitoring duties (although we had specific coaches and health teachers that did all the in-school detention duties).

Parent consultation was once or twice a semester and tons of parents went.

Clubs were handled by teachers and they would swap them out, thus sharing them during different terms.

Teachers certs, yes...check. However, all of my teachers left for the entire summer (most notably, my English Literature teacher, who would spend the summer in Europe watching theater and opera), spent time with family, worked on other projects or taught summer school (yes, for extra pay).

We had intramural leagues that coaches would monitor, but that didn't last long at all. The regular junior varsity and varsity sports lasted all year, of course, but those were coached by paid coaches--sometimes teachers at the school, but often hired coaches, like you would see at the university level. I know because their pay for coaching was public information (maybe due to title 9, to make sure the same amount was being spent on male and female sporting activities).

Yes, they have to get there about an hour early, but not really more. I used to take a special speed and fitness class with our school's football team (even though I played soccer) at 7Am sharp in the AM....I guarantee you there were hardly any teachers around at 6:30 when I went to my locker. We started regular classes at 8 AM.

ANYWAY--not saying your mother didn't go through this and I realize teachers do work hard. However, what you described is worlds away from my K-12 experience. Of course, the US is a big place, so....obviously, anything is possible.

Well, this seems like a ridiculous way to protest it, but who knows, maybe it works in Thailand. It does seem like the guy has a point, if the one position is supposed to be independent from the other (you will find this in universities in North America, Europe and many other places in the world, too). News organizations also have their ombudsmen and the like, who are independent enough to make judgments about their writers and editors, and on and on.

I guess I would have to know the particulars of these positions, but it would seem strange for the other guy to gobble up two distinct positions, especially if they are expressly meant to be separate for a reason.

I am a retired American, here 10 years and only am here for 2 reasons :

1). Money as the USis to damn expensive and

2). The lovely " Evening Blossoms " !

A 3rd. reason came up after I came to Thailand -- that fool of a president !

Bush?

I am somewhat ambivalent about this post, since I really still enjoy going back to the US. I haven't been back for about 4 years now, but before, when I was more mobile, I really always found people there very nice.

I think it is easy to be abroad and in your head, reading the news and thinking "it's all going to hell." In reality, though, despite things I don't like about my own culture, it is still a fun place, although more expensive than life in Thailand.

Thailand has a lot of other things that I prefer to the US, but I wouldn't really be too bothered to live in either place.

haha...I wouldn't be bothered by it unless I had some reason to think it was meant in a negative way. I would ask the same question about any type of person jokingly, including whities, so I think it is fine.

It is the learning culture, and it is thoroughly entrenched in almost every layer of society. The biggest one is the no fail policy, which really does mean that the lowest of the low pass and, maybe even worse, they actually stay in the same classes with the students who are self-motivated and actually learn. This comes partially out of the idea that keeping the group together is more important than focusing on the needs of individual children within a group. In turn, those individuals are "expected" to help the weaker ones through. That sounds good in theory, but in practice it just means that everyone copies the strong students' homework or exams and end up studying nothing at all.

The last thing is that sustained study just isn't a concept here, really. Going in, butts in seats, yeah. But taking what you learned home, reviewing it and applying it to other parts of your life? Not so much. I am not only talking about children, either. This happens all the way through what they call "graduate school" here, with some exceptions.

My experience with Cambodia is that poverty breeds urgency and you can see a lot of really driven people there who work hard because they need to compete to survive. Not saying that is a good thing in and of itself, but immediate necessity does seem to play a role.

Well, I have definitely seen this...and I think the OP is talking about a very specific type of price increase. This isn't the price increase due to increased prices in commodities or market demand or whatever. This is the "oh, I messed up my business...nobody is coming so I'll raise prices" move. It is a panic move.

Meet its cousins: drastically cutting portions or quality suddenly, or simply not buying important parts of the product itself or relevant accessories. So then, even when your customers do go, it won't be long before they stop going.

As someone said above, it usually is a sign that the place is going under soon.

As for examples, I have a ton.

Here is one of the many I have seen (obviously, the place went under pretty soon): a new place opened and we knew some of the guys who opened it so we went. It was actually good for about a month. Then they changed the chef and it wasn't as good (I think they had some conflict about money between themselves..it was unclear). Then some random guy started cooking and it was edible enough to keep going for food along with some beers. The last time we went, we ordered TomYam, which was generally good before. It came out and no one could recognize it as being TomYam of any sort (90% Thais at the table). It was sort of like salty water with some sick looking shrimp inside. The rest of the food was also severely lacking.

We never went back and, apparently, most other customers made the same choice.

By the way, in reference to the one poster talking about foreigner/tourist areas, I don't live in one by any stretch of the imagination.