dao16

Using Kansas as an example about anything for anywhere else.....oh, man....

I think it was, has has been, long overdue for a while. To understand why, you need to look at Florida and its importance in elections. Then the Cubans who live there, most of whom do not want normalized relations with the island (at least the older people). In a state that is won or lost by small margins, an issue like this is very important, politically.

incomprehensible logic : The American was intervening on behalf of the Thai girl and she attacks him for helping her ?

I have seen a similar situation where someone tried to break up a couple fighting. They stopped fighting and both turned on the interloper.

I used to ignore the warnings, too, but then I knew someone who had the same problem as the OP. Now I actually do those exercises they advise and then get up, walk and even do stretches like I would when I was playing sports. I do that about once an hour or two hours. It looks a little ridiculous, I guess, but I actually feel better after a long flight than in the days when I would sit down for hours on end.

Nothing really Chinese looking about her at all. Not saying it couldn't be true, but you don't look at the picture and think "oh, a Chinese woman."

Now, the kid may see you as a walking ATM, but there is another possible explanation....

When we moved the kids into the town (they had lived their whole lives--less than a decade--in the countryside), they thought that every day in town meant trips to stores, games, movies, snacks, etc. Once I thought about it, it made sense. For their whole lives, there was regular life in the village and then the town was the place you went once in a blue moon and spent a ton of money and got everything you wanted.

So, I had to sit them down and explain to them that when you live in the city, you don't go out and do everything the city has because you simply can't live like that every day, but that we would have special days when we could go out and do those things. It took a while to sink in, but they got it eventually.

And yes, I would stop the car and refuse to drive until the little bleeper sat down and put on a seat belt.

The clinging on mom and barging into the room at night? Get used to it (although those things can be tempered as well, with time).

The bigger issue in your case is if you really want to tackle this problem in the way it has to be done. It is a pain in the rear (you an search some posts by me and others on this thread about being a stepparent here). It is one of the most difficult things I have ever done, but now the kids are older and have changed and they are great.

It's not for everybody. You might want to seriously consider if it is right for you.

Aeon has worked well for me. They have offices in places like Tesco. They will want to see your passport, work permit, other forms of ID (just bring everything you can think of, including marriage certificate and wife's ID--don't worry...the card will still be yours...they just wanted a reference). Also, I brought several months of pay slips to verify my income. Then they sent that off to HQ and I waited a few weeks. I essentially got a credit line equivalent to my monthly salary, about half of which can be used for cash advances. I have made all my payments on time and they send the bills to my house. There is also one called "First" card or something and people have told me it is good.

EDIT--By the way, I didn't have to put up a deposit of any kind.

Yeah, I wouldn't even bother. Instead, check into a nice hotel by the river and explore. There is a lot to see, do and eat in Vientiane.

If conditions are perfect and you try to get there on time, it won't happen 99.% of the time. You will be lucky to be out of the airport and in a cab by the time immigration stops receiving applications.

My two kip.

Nothing wrong with eating dog meat. If you are a vegetarian or a vegan, fair enough, you can argue against it. If you eat beef, pork, chicken or fish, though, you can go ahead and just be quiet about eating dog meat.

After teaching here at the university level for a few years, I would say no, don't waste your time. Again, there are probably a few exceptions if you are focused on something specific and a scholar in your field (probably related to SE Asia). Even then....you would really have to research it.

I have been given dissertations at the MA level from people at big universities in big cities in Thailand and seen work that corresponds with what I did in high school. I wouldn't have believed it myself before I taught here. And the problem isn't just the English--it's the ideas themselves. A few more years in the UK will set you up much better for a career. Otherwise, as others have said, try another country for a degree first. Thailand will be here waiting for you when you finish the degree.

A friend of mine was employed by an agency and they didn't make him a visa for like the first 6 months or something. Essentially, he wasn't supposed to be teaching, but that is how the agency seemed to operate.

Anyway, one day they told him they had some extra work for hi teaching adults. At the government office where immigration is located. Being a small complex (not like BKK), all the workers know each other, regardless of their departments. One time he went in, extended his tourist visa and then came back and taught in the office adjacent to immigration. Again...they all HAD to know. They just didn't care.

I walked into my local store a few months back and before I got to the door the woman was saying "hey, come translate!" I was lead into a room with a computer and another woman (fro the shop across the road) showed me an email form a man in the West. There was a scan of a UK passport, a receipt of a transfer for well over a million pounds and a letter. The letter was in pretty bad English, which didn't match the profile. Plus, who is going to wire a million pounds to a random woman to build a house, etc.?

It was all pretty ridiculous and I told the woman as much. She didn't want to hear it (I think she was pretty embarrassed as she had been talking to the scammer for months). Of course, yeah, it was driven by her greed, but she also had no idea how much 1 million pounds was!!!

Thailand is an emerging market for these guys.

I am at a university. Yes, 95% women and a lot of them are attractive.

I don't have a very impressive facebook page, so my students are always disappointed when they find it. I accept no requests.

But, I do spend a good 10-15 minutes with new groups just telling them a little about myself. They get a kick out of hearing about their new foreign teacher (again, stuff like "teacher, do you eat Thai food, can you speak Laos or Cambodian, are you married?). Also, I have lived in a lot of odd places over the years, and they like hearing about that. You would be surprised how important it is to get them excited about you and your "persona," so to speak, when it comes to staff and admin "evaluating" you. After that basic intro, though, it is all about class.

I do tell them about my travels a lot, since those are examples that are relevant in some of the classes I teach (which deal with the intercultural side of communication, not just mechanics, etc.). Those are great fun and are meant to be.

Otherwise, I will answer basic questions about how long I have been here, that I have a wife and all that. Aside from that, they really don't need to know about me at all. I have met some teachers who divulge WAY too much about themselves (to my stepdaughter's class!).

My rule of thumb is as follows: I tell them enough to keep them enthusiastic about me as an interesting teacher from another country, and no more.

Touching? Don't think I have ever touched a single student among the thousands I have taught.

EDIT--Forgot to include that, yes, we also had a meeting in which a high-ranking official talked about relationships with students for a few minutes. She basically said don't do it, or, if you are really in love, quit or tell them to take lots of term break classes to finish early and then you can start dating. That got a big laugh and we continued the meeting.

Why did you guys wind up the Bird Man........?? Listen up, not all Thai food comes wrapped up in a plastic bag or served on a plastic table. I don't understand why some are inclined to brag about how cheaply they can survive. Me, I haven't had a budget since I was 10 yrs. old. So, you work hard all your lives and in the end you are left bragging about how cheap you can live instead of how well you live. Unbelievable..............

Don't think it is about bragging....I just don't find it hard to eat 3 good, large Thai meals a day on less than 100 baht. That isn't even in penny-pinching territory. Of course, in the last week alone I have had some foreign food a few times in different places and some more expensive meals out on the town, but during regular daily life, I don't find the need to spend more than 30-35 baht on very good Thai meals in a small town. I order and it gets delivered straight to my place with plates, spoons and forks, and then they come pick them up when I am done.

If I didn't get the craving for foreign food sometimes I would easily be on 100 baht a day for my own personal food (I have a family, though, and they have to eat...I am assuming the OP is on his own).

Better yet, do what we do and rent the land out to other people to farm. They will be happy to pay the "rent" in a percentage of rice at the end of the harvest and cash in on whatever else they produce. My wife and her family deal with those details, so I couldn't tell you how much they get per rai, but it is not a bad chunk of rice and everybody is happy.

if you get 3 meals for 30 baht each and 3 waters for the day, you are over 120 baht.

Most Thai restaurants have free water or tea for customers, and for drinking water at home it costs 1 baht per liter from the water machines. Or you can get water delivered for about the same price.

If you're living here long term I don't see why you'd be getting your drinking water from 7-11 every day.

Yeah, definitely not buying 7-11 water everyday. We have a guy who delivers bottled water at 40 baht a crate. Again, with my figures of 30-ish a meal, the bottled water delivery service would keep you under 100, even though the OP asked about eating under 100 baht a day. Some people just want life here to be expensive.

By myself, I can eat 3 meals a day for less than 100 baht a day at restaurants, easily. Don't even have to try. I get good rice dishes at sit-down places for 25-40 baht. Typically, like a ka pow moo (or similar dish) with a fried egg is 35 baht. Only one fried egg a day and you are left with 30+30+35=95 baht. If I go to the market and get the 25 baht one, even less, and if I eat noodles, like kanom jeen for one meal, cheaper as well. Or, you could go the other way and get a tomyam kai with rice, eat half of it, and heat the rest up for one of your other meals. The 60 baht tom yam is way more than I could eat with rice in one sitting. So, there are lot of options.

So, yeah....pretty simple to do in the countryside, without cooking a thing yourself. For reference, I am in a town in Isaan...not the sticks, but definitely not a big urban area.

With this approach, this will be the first in a long list of problems.

Especially if they are countryside Thais, they will have a lot of reasons not to go (in their minds) including A)"What would I say to all of these foreigners? I don't speak English," "I don't know any of this weird stuff on the menu..what if I don't know how to eat this stuff and I look weird in front of all these people?" and C) "I bet these foreign places are all expensive, which is what everyone says, and I really should just grab a regular meal for a regular person like me."

Honestly, my wife and I have had talks like this with people who were thinking about going into a foreign place but were anxious about it. That said, several of the younger in-laws (20s or early 30s) have no problem trying out foreign food, even though they don't speak English well. The older family members? Forget about it. It doesn't even mean they don't like it (although it may), but people tend to "know their place" here and won't want to put themselves in places that seem meant for other people.

I would skip the marriage and go to the resorts and Irish pubs alone.

Well, I have never been in the Thai-adoration society, but I like Thailand and the people just fine. Despite some of the drastic events and changes mentioned in the OP, my day-to-day life is still pretty good. If I were to spot an opportunity elsewhere, would I take it? Possibly. Having lived in a bunch of other very different countries, I have a short list of places that would suit me just fine (along with my wife and kids).

Overall, I would say Thailand is a nice place to live, although I would go back to NE Asia, South America (certain places), Europe or NA with the right opportunity. Can always come back here later.

Only Hong Kong and Taipei are listed here as tourist visa destinations in China:

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/189375-latest-reports-of-getting-a-visa-in-the-region/

Furthest I've gone in that direction is Korea, south of course.

O Multi takes three days, ie submit with usual required documents on Monday and collect Wenesday.

Seoul I believe is the only city with an Embassy/Consulate.

Yeah, Seoul is a good city for it. I did two separate visas there...one tourist and one based on marriage. The embassy is a convenient taxi ride away from the foreign area (where a lot of visitors like to stay--I used to go to eat foreign food between visits to the consulate there, but you could try a lot of Korean stuff, too. I was eating that every day, so stopping by a Western place was a treat). Could give you an excuse to check out Seoul for a week or so. If you are bringing along your Thai lady, I am sure she would love it. PM me if you want ideas about it.

It's definitely not China, but hey...it is different.

Any decent and kidsloving single parent would only select to live with a new partner if the kids would accept him/her as becoming the new stepmom/dad. This takes time and effort from all, but mostly from the parent of the kids. To create a bond.

In OP his case this apparantly has not happened. So the motives of his wife to live with him must be ....for......gain or not thinking about the best interest, emotional, of her own kids.

All what he has written ....i pity the kids. But they see it though for what it really is. They aint that daft. Teenage boys or not.

Well, that certainly could be the case. We don't really know based on the info in the OP or his other posts. I know Costas usually comes off as a reasonable guy (from the posts of his I can remember). So, giving him the benefit of the doubt, I would just say it isn't easy when kids face change. They often resist it, even in the best of circumstances with the best of intentions.

mate, as a father and step father I know what you are going through but it is something both you and their mother need to agree on before you act. It took me 3 years before my step daughter actually started to like me, she thought I was stealing her mum from her as she had slept with her mother since she was born(husband did a runner when he found out she was pregnant), she was allowed to do as she pleased and her mother was virtually her slave. It all changed with me, she had to sleep in her own room, had to do as she was told, no longer got everything she demanded but she eventually accepted it. She would grunt at me rather than talk, if I kissed her mother or held her hand, cuddles her etc the daughter would actually hit me until I told her if she did it again I would hit her back and that I loved her mother and would always show my affection for her. It took a lot of talking and explaining but she started to realize that I did treat her mother very good and loved them both. We started doing things as a family and that was what started her seeing me differently, we would go away on long weekends etc, I taught her to fish and she loved it, now wants to go all the time. The big break came when she asked me to go to her school for fathers day, she was actually proud to finally have a father to attend her school as it had always been her mum, put tears in my eyes when she knelt in front of me and read a poem she had written for me. These days we are father and daughter, we still have a few disagreements but not serious stuff and its forgotten very quickly.

Costas, you need to set limits and rules that they have to obey, both you and mum need to sit down with them and explain these rules to them, you also need to stress you want all of you to be a family. Trying to lay low isnt the answer, mum has to be strong and not let them do as they please, if the both of you are unable to get them to do what you want then you seriously have to look at removing them from the house, sounds hard but they need to have some discipline instilled in them. Its like the old saying, my way or the highway, in this case the two of them in the sticks(country) with family. You dont buy their affection nor suck up to them to get it, they have to realize you are there for the long haul and that you love their mother and want all of them to be a family also that you are not trying to take her away from them. They what they do now because no one has given them limits, time to change this, they need limits or tell them to get a job and support themselves, no ifs, buts or maybes about it.

Great post. Very similar to my experience. Same things with even touching my wife in front of my stepdaughter! Now all that is fine. I can also now see that she is actually looking at how we interact and it will influence what she expects out of a relationship of her own later in life.

Have also had those moments when they are super happy to see you--my stepdaughter performing at a traditional Thai dance and my stepson running track and playing football. Nothing was said, but they were beaming when they saw me.

It's one of those things--99% of the time, nobody is saying "you're doing a good job as a dad" or anything of the sort. You only get those moments that pay off here and there, but they make it worth it.

So, I wouldn't recommend it to most foreigners coming here, but I wouldn't dissuade someone either. If you can stick it out, you will make relationships with these kids that will really fill your life in a special way. It just takes a lot of work.And my work isn't done yet!

Costas

As much as we would like to change other people, you will need to take a different approach. And the ages you have given doesn't help either!! At that age, they are just monsters I tell you, complete rebels, immortal, dare to defy anything. But if you succeed, you will definitely get the best dad award seriously, not an easy task.

That aside, I don't know your past approaches to them. But I am guessing, it's always you trying to get close to them. While we are adults, this is usually the path we take. We try to fit in with them, we keep offering them stuff, we invite them for activities and so on, but this only fuels their "teenage rebellious" attitude.

Turn the tables around. They need you.

How you do this is completely up to you. Where are their allowances? Are you the one giving to them? Your wife must comply with you, she can't give them behind your back. It must come from you. How are they travelling to school? Are you driving and sending them off?

Take all these luxuries that a "DAD" provides, and start with nil. If they have never tasted dust, they would never understand the importance of you. They will never appreciate you. While basic necessities should be provided, they can be adjusted. What foods do they like? GONE. Cook their nastiest food they like. Your wife will be an important role in this case, she must be the negotiator. She must tell the kids. "If you don't like it, try go beg "kor" daddy for etc."

How you implement this is completely up to you. Cut all internet? Should you be in the house during this week or will it cause anger? Because you have to deal with it the right way, not to implement anger or conflict, but to let them know, they need you in life. Since kids rely on internet so much these days, there is two outcomes to this. 1) You are opposing them so you cut off the internet, so they hate you even more. 2) Without you, there would be no internet access, because of permission and money. I want you to do the 2) part. And this applies to all, etc. food clothing allowances.

Make them come to you, not the other way around.

Best of luck, it is tough, not an easy battle.

You might even need to make a fake argument with your wife and let her know beforehand with the kids at home. Argument is "The kids hate me, I can't live here, I am leaving for a few days." Once ur gone, wife has to cancel everything (internet,tv,etc. no more allowances for kids, eat lousy food, no cookies). Argument is not shouting type, just calm sad one, but make sure your kids hear it. Wife may need to repeat how much she loves you and needs you in her life. Children will always be connected to their mother, and her words are very important, of her acceptance of you and her need for you in life. Then with guilt, their children with empathy for the mom's "loss", will accept you just because of their mother.

Good luck mate.

As for the Internet thing.....I haven't done this, but am tempted to try! Came across it on this viral media thing on buzz feed: http://www.buzzfeed.com/awesomer/people-who-are-really-nailing-this-parenting-thing#38cbp31

Here is the pick, though (it is number 5 on the list).

A few minutes of work in the AM for you....but sorts out you having internet and them not (until they finish those chores).

And, let's face it. Most Thai Bachelor degrees aren't worth the paper they are printed on.

Especially a BA in " English '.

I have never once found a person in Thailand with a BA in English that can even hold a decent conversation in English

Well, I work at a large, public university here and I do have some students who are smart, critical thinkers who can speak English quite well. I would gauge it at about 5% of students (possibly as high as 10% in certain classes). They apply themselves in class and outside of class. I think they will do fine when looking for jobs after graduation--in Thailand or abroad.

As for the 95% who don't know anything and pass along with them? I wish them luck, but not holding my breath.

The graduate level? Let's just say, no, it is not anything you would recognize as a graduate degree in a reputable school in the West (or in a lot of Asia). The dissertations I have reviewed (from several different provinces) seem like work I did when I was..very young, let's say.