mittheimp

Number 1:

Why is there no aspirin in the jungle?

Because the parrots eat them all!

Number 2:

Mouse was walking in the jungle, he was in a bad mood. He saw Hippo bathing in the river. Hippo saw mouse "Hey mouse, hows it going?", Mouse stared at Hippo, 'Oy Hippo get out the f*%$ing water, NOW'. Hippo, shocked by mouses unusual bad mood, agreed to the request and slowly dragged himself out of the water. Mouse looked at Hippo, and solemnly told him 'Ok Hippo you can get in now!'. Hippo, now very bemused did just that!

Mouse continued with his moody walk along the river, soon he spied Elephant having his morning bath, 'Oy Elephant get the f*** out the river this instance', Elephant was also taken aback by mouse's aggression and immediately complied with his request. Mouse stared at elephant for a moment and then also told elephant he could get back to bathing in the muddy waters. Elephant did just that, rendered speechless by the belligerence of what he presumed was one of his closest friends!

Along the river mouse went, his mood growing darker. Soon he saw Rhino cooling himself from the early morning sun, and again seemingly turned on one of his friends 'Rhino, for f**** sake get out the river NOW'. Just like the two before him, Rhino slowly moved his body to the river side. 'Alright Rhino, you can get back in now' said mouse furiously. Rhino looked at his friend "Mouse whats up?, not like you to be so down!", "well" said Mouse " its not every day some f****r nicks my swimming trunks!"

There isn't a single joke in the world that someone will not find offensive.

If Mittheimp or Nepal4me would care to post one of their jokes then I will tell you who will find it offensive.

Ignore 'em Vic, this is the joke section and you have just flushed two of them out.

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Why is there no aspirin in the jungle?

Because the parrots eat them all!

Mouse was walking in the jungle, he was in a bad mood. He saw Hippo bathing in the river. Hippo saw mouse "Hey mouse, hows it going?", Mouse stared at Hippo, 'Oy Hippo get out the f*%$ing water, NOW'. Hippo, shocked by mouses unusual bad mood, agreed to the request and slowly dragged himself out of the water. Mouse looked at Hippo, and solemnly told him 'Ok Hippo you can get in now!'. Hippo, now very bemused did just that!

Mouse continued with his moody walk along the river, soon he spied Elephant having his morning bath, 'Oy Elephant get the f*** out the river this instance', Elephant was also taken aback by mouse's aggression and immediately complied with his request. Mouse stared at elephant for a moment and then also told elephant he could get back to bathing in the muddy waters. Elephant did just that, rendered speechless by the belligerence of what he presumed was one of his closest friends!

Along the river mouse went, his mood growing darker. Soon he saw Rhino cooling himself from the early morning sun, and again seemingly turned on one of his friends 'Rhino, for f**** sake get out the river NOW'. Just like the two before him, Rhino slowly moved his body to the river side. 'Alright Rhino, you can get back in now' said mouse furiously. Rhino looked at his friend "Mouse whats up?, not like you to be so down!", "well" said Mouse " its not every day some f****r nicks my swimming trunks!"

The west indies are a sorry mob at the moment

latest scores and rain stopped play for a while,

Bellerive Oval

1st Inns:

* West Indies 10/149

      C.H. Gayle 56 G.D. McGrath 4/31

  Australia 1/256

      M.E. Hussey 116 n.o. M.L. Hayden 110

Stumps Day 2 : WIN 149, AUS 1-256 (66)

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West Indies are not helped that there best bat, Lara, is continually given out when he isn't (now 3 dismissals out of 4!). It's not as if the Aussies need the help!

not funny and racist!

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relax!

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I'm neither unrelaxed or personally offended, just stating two facts, the jokes are rubbish and they are racist.

not funny and racist!

if you are going to write offensive jokes at least make them funny!

the rembrant is very good value at hust over B2000, also got the best indian restaurant in BKK on the top floor.

What 'in jokes'? I thought the sketch was disappointing - no research at all, Dting Dong seemed to have a brummy accent! At one point Mat Lucus who plays the Thai wife said something about coming from Taiwan!! In fact the whole show was a little disappointing - perhaps a third series is ambitious!

Thai wife in teachers much better!

Little Britain is not the first British comedy show to use the 'thai wife' as a comedy material - teachers did it last year to quite reasonable effect - they actually used a thai actress for the role who came out with some (non subtitled) thai expletives in the show - it was quite funny.

While my wife did find it funny and will no doubt laugh at the new little brittain series we do sometimes despair of the stereotype of thailand and thai - western relationships in particular. Cant blame comedy writers really though as politically correct comedy that doesnt rely on fairly tired stereotypes is quite hard to do well!

As a teacher in a london school - who has to listen to kids continually mimicking the sketches in little britain - i'll think i wont divulge the nationality of my wife to my classes. It's bad enough seeing the eyebrows raised from my colleagues when they find out - even though she wasn't a bargirl or ordered from the internet!

V quick responce needed so i can catch Flintoffs ton! Someone where not too seedy would be best!

If I said my wife was Dutch, Taiwanese or Japanese the knowing smirk woudnt be there.

I also stongly dispute that the sex industry is inescapable in Thailand. Having lived there for three years - not in Bangkok - I never really came accross it. Sure it exists but the only place it is inyour face is the western tourist areas. Tokyo, Seoul, Taipai, have far bigger and bolder red light areas designed for the local populace -(as do Phnom phen and Ho Chi Minh). Thailand is a tourist destination and I suppose that is how the reputation spread.

Perhaps if i said my wife was Russian or Fillipino the potential for internet bride jokes would be as high. But it is a sad truth that the internet is full of sites with hundeds of Thai women willing to throw themselves into a blind and largely unequal relationship.

Maybe the issue of Ladyboys, or transexuals is again fair game! In the UK i have only ever noticed two, where in Thailand they are a fairly regular sight (again away from the seedy areas). Infact one of my wifes best friends at university was a lady boy - you dont here many british or american people saying that! The reason i think is that Buddhism doesnt moralise (or have anything written in scripture) about sexuality or gender. never seen any stats on it though - is it more prevelant in Thailand than elsewhere?

Having said all that I really do believe (as i said in my original post) its time the tired and boring way Thailnd is portrayed in the media (especially tv + films) moved on - it might be the Thailnd alot of expat and lazy sleazy journalists recognise but not the reality for the vast vast majority of the 60 million + population.

TIS

This topic got touched on in the thread about 'sex and thailand' but it seems to have gone off the point a bit!!

How about this thread dedicated to any tired misrepresentations of Thailand by foreign people or the media. This is my little rant.......

I live in England at the moment with my wife who is thai - I lived in thailand for about three years where I met her - she has a professional occupation and is 4 years younger than me (i'm 33). When it comes up in conversation with new aquaintences that my wife is Thai I often find myself quickly explaining that a) I lived in Thailand where i met her and she is educated with a professional job. The raised eyebrow and the beginnings of a smirk on the face of the person i am talking to makes me do this - although i regret it as its not there buisness and so if i had bought her off the internet so what!!

The reason that the perception of Thailand is like this is almost entirely the foreign medias fault. Prostitution, peadaphilia, internet brides, ladyboys, drugs and beaches is all anyone knows and this fuelled by crass films like Bridget Jones Diary 2 which included a jaunt to Thailand covering all the prementioned points as comedy devices (very lame and boring!!). I was watching a serious documentary on the BBC about a year ago on Jeffrey Archer (criminal politician) which advertised with the line - 'the trail of deceit goes all the way to seedy Bangkok' cue images of Patpong, girls in short skirts etc. Watching the documentary J Archer never even been to Thailand but his former business associate from England now lives somewhere in Thailand - and thats where they interviewed him - no other connection.

My wife finds it quite funny but also a bit sad the way her country is portrayed - a lot of people express surprise that the whole of thailand is not a beach!! and surely its time that 60+milion people were not stereotyped as the residents of Patpong!!

thats all (srry about the spellings but its late and im a bit drunk!)

Mit

Just saw a brilliant documntary about the Basil Dolevera (srry about spelling!!) saga in 1968. This documentary showed a lot of footage (colour and good quality - behind bowlers arm) of the final test between england and Australia at the Oval. Memorable for a number of reasons - but the standard and intensity of the game looks light years away from what we see now. The cricketers were not athletes, but roly poly cricketers comparible with todays club cricketers!! This may not have had much impact on the potential of the batsmen but on the fielders and bowlers it certainly did.

Im not sure about combinations but the best bowlers ive seen are -

(since 83)

MD Marshall

C Ambrose

S Warne

M Murilitheran

W Younis (for a short time)

(and grudgingly ... G Mcgrath)

Marshall and ambrose did bowl togther but neither at their peak. Younis and Akram were pretty potent one summer in England. Best current combinations would be Warne and Mcgrath followed by Murilli and C Vass.

My mother in law in Chaing Mai has opened an account in my name in her local temple that ensures food is put out for the spirits of my dead relatives. How do they know to come to Thailand to get some food? Some off them never left the Uk so its a bit unlikely they will find Thailand and ever reap the benifits of this!!

I'm hollidaying in Thailand in August with my wife who is originally from Chaing Mai. She keeps quoting me ridiculously cheap internal air prices from BKK to CM (700 Baht one way) but i dont believe it can be that cheap. She is getting info from her not always particularly reliable mother who works in a travel agent. What is the going rate for flying to CM and does it depend on the time of departure and do i need to book in advance and not purchase ticket from airport? Also are flights to krabi, Phuket, Ko Chang similarly priced.

Thanx in advance

Mit

Blair has only himself to blame . UK is a nest of vipers from Pakistan ,Indian etc. many of them  rejoice at 9/11 and these acts.

The UK embassy go to great lengths to keep Thai out of the UK but the scum of the middle east are let in without a hitch .Rapists ,murderers ,terrorists are all allowed into the UK to cause trouble, so Blair has only himself to blame if a heaviily laden suicide bomber rushes into the House Of Commons one day and blows them all the heellll.

Its gonna happen one day for sure.

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If you havent got anything constructive to add then i suggest you don't add anything at all. Your ill informed racist bigoted nonsense serves no good what so ever. Everyone is shocked at what has happened in London, you can see this by walking the streets of my neighbourhood which is in Brent, the most diverse region in the whole of the UK. Certain parts of the media may focus on total mad fanatics like Abu Hamza and the gullible believe that he accurately reflects Muslims in the UK. He clearly doesnt and the overwelming majority are deeply shocked and outraged too.

Do the Klu Klux Klan accurately represent Christians?

Should the whole "aryan" race be tarnished with the same brush as Hitler and the Nazi's?

Some nonsense been written on this topic.

The muslim religion has 1 billion followers world wide. 1/6 of the worlds population.  Only a tiny miniscule minority believe in fanaticism and terorrism.  True Islam teaches peace and non-violence.  The Muslim Council of GB has already condemed the bombing in the strongest terms.  It should be remembered that there will almost certainly be muslims amongst the injured and dead.  London is the most multi-cultural city in the world.  Muslims live in harmony in London alongside all other religions  - and long will they continue to do so. 

Sweeping generalisations and confrontational remarks (like some on this board)are just the thing extremists look for in their recruitment drive of the poor and the vunerable.  I'm pleased By tony Blairs sensible comments made to this effect already.

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Although I agree with most of your post, one point I would like to make is that although, as you say, "Muslims live in harmony in London alongside all other religions" , there is also a strong underlying (and sometimes worrying) divide between the different cultures... this is mainly being found amongst the younger generations...

One only has to look at the problems found in the cities and towns in the north, with large muslim / immigrant communities, there are areas that white people or non muslims will not go out of fear for their safety (yes.. in this day and age), and for the muslims there are also no go areas...

Open your eyes... the problems are there, and they are also bigger than most people think..

totster

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I take your point about northern English towns like Bradford and Blackburn, but these places are generally very segregated between two (and only two) cultures. London on the other hand is so diverse that multi culturalism generally really works. I teach RE at a very diverse school in North London and the level of respect and tolerance is encouraging and pupil friendship groups tend to be diverse too.

Some nonsense been written on this topic.

The muslim religion has 1 billion followers world wide. 1/6 of the worlds population. Only a tiny miniscule minority believe in fanaticism and terorrism. True Islam teaches peace and non-violence. The Muslim Council of GB has already condemed the bombing in the strongest terms. It should be remembered that there will almost certainly be muslims amongst the injured and dead. London is the most multi-cultural city in the world. Muslims live in harmony in London alongside all other religions - and long will they continue to do so.

Sweeping generalisations and confrontational remarks (like some on this board)are just the thing extremists look for in their recruitment drive of the poor and the vunerable. I'm pleased By tony Blairs sensible comments made to this effect already.

once did the 35 km ride from amphur Suphanburi to our house with 2 adults, 3 children and a load of shopping from tescos...loads of laughs

a few years earlier did the same drive blind drunk at about 5 am and was let off by the unlit dirt track that went to mama's old house in the paddy...the driver's eyes were wide open with fright in the moonlight...I think maybe he thought that I was the ghost of some long dead falang staggering off into the darkness...

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remember drink driving is not big or clever, and can cost lives!

click the link and enjoy!!!

http://www.rapidshare.de/files/2479918/Collingwoodcatch.wmv.

(click on fee download at bottom and then on Collingwoodcatch.wmv on page 2.)

just look at Haydens face!!

Why would 5 days make any difference - you have just lost over 4 days"!!

Firstly to England

Then to the might of Somerset!!!!!

Then to the very mighty and globally respected Bangladesh!!

Then to England again.

You think 5 days would really make a difference.

Aussie domination is officially over... and the world will rejoice.

Mcgrath is an old has been and as for your Puerto Rican drug dealing pimp (AKA Gillespie) lets all laugh

I've been thinking what to write, something witty, something to rub salt into the huge wounds inflicted into the 'greatest' Aussie team ever- but i cant think of anything that does it justice. Australia have just lost to Bangladesh!!! Bangladesh!!! The same side that England beat by 10 wickets in 25 overs!!!!!!!!!

Roll on the tests!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Clearly not just Americans who dont understand irony!

The cloak of invincibility well and truly muddied!

Is this the start of a terminal decline? A 100 run defeat in a 20twenty game is like an innings and 300 run defeat in a test! Can Aussies recover in time (without taking any illegal substances).

Any Aussies about!