Brian Robson

Get pepper spray as the authorities won't do anything. Just don't hit yourself;-)

Or tear gas spray, but you should have your gasmask ready.

I had a problem with dogs in East Pattaya on a back road, who would go for the different sounding Honda Phantom bike.

Made up a chilli spray with vinegar and other solvents filtered through a coffee filter to remove debris and put it into a plant sprayer bottle.

One dog was actually floored by the spray and temporarily blinded when he went for my bike and was targeted by the girlfriend!

I have not had any trouble now for over a year, even though the dogs are still there. They know better!

Trigger mechanisms!

Hmmm, let's see if I can remember them all...

First spill on Phayathai turning into Rama 4 - cement trucks exiting a worksite not hosed down at night. Front end departed at pace, lifted my girlfriends leg up and we hit the mud and slid some distance along with the bike (Yamaha Special 650) Bent bars and muddy clothes. Two other bikes had gone down just before us and were trying to wave us off - failed to understand their gestures... Told us after we were lucky it was muddy or we'd be cut up on the road... not sure they saw the irony in that.. anyhow Went home, changed clothes, came back out a different route, bent bars and all...

Had the front wheel of the Yamaha knocked out from under me by a scooter rider in traffic - he cut me up near Makasan in light rain. Greasy road and being on the paint at the time contributed to my failure to correct it. Ruined a pair of $400 Frattelli Rossetti shoes and was late for a seminar. Gear peg too bent to repair there and then, so had to leave it and get a bike taxi...

Rolled off at low speed a few times on my first off-road adventure on my mini-GS. Missed a turn and went down an embankment on the same trip, had to cut the undergrowth away with a pocket knife which took a while. Now I carry a kukri I've sharpened well enough to shave with...

Last, but by no means least, I was riding off road in Ratchaburi on a course taught by Simon Pavey when I did exactly what he said not to do and drove straight into a hole at the side of the track, stopped instantly from 40, rolled into the track and was almost run over by the support vehicle (I was tail end charley because Pavey said "You seem sensible, why don't you mop up stragglers." Broke my wrist and nose and was driven to Suan Phueng 'anamai'

On a serious note, the x-ray at Suan Phueng showed a single clean break at the wrist. Pavey told me he road Dakar with an almost identical break in an open cast... The day after I took my x-ray, myself and my open cast to BNH to get a second opinion. 13 fractures, 7 weeks in a full cast and a rather painful resetting procedure that made me dig deep for suitable vocabulary... Don't trust up country medical equipment unless you can tell it is modern. I can't blame the Dr. in Suan Phueng, the Dr. in BNH agreed with the interpretation of the original film, just the machine was ancient...

Happy riding gents.

Oh, ahh - I think the x-ray machine was substandard, too. Feels like a broken foot. The swelling won't go away...

Bought the same brand shoes - crocodile leather. But wore sandals when I was hit by a speeding taxi van which was over taking, driving in the wrong lane.

Previously, a bastard without insurance caused an accident. Had a broken finger. The cops ignored the lack of insurance - and this time, the van left the scene of the accident. The bike was totalled and I'm hopping mad.accident2.jpgaccident.jpg

Hop you get well soon!

Maybe conspiracy stuff, but "honeypot" is a possibility, as he was calling for an audit of physical gold held by organisations.

That failed, now they are levelling another unsubstantiated accusation against him.

http://www.marketoracle.co.uk/Article28630.html

Obviously the Immigration officer takes a cut to ignore this technicality!

I hear that some visa brokers will pop 800K in your account, get your retirement visa, take the money back out, for a fee.

"Fire accidents are very likely during Chinese New Year celebrations due to the use of candles, incenses, and paper burning activities of Thai-Chinese people, and is especially risky in dense residential areas with houses made of wood."

Never mind all that gunpowder!

​Started using the bum gun for the first time ever last year after reading another post. Before that it me took forever to get spotless with tissue alone. The BG makes the clean up much faster. I still use tissue to finish up -- I'm not brave enough to use bare fingers down there.

This might benefit newbies out there. When I first started using the BG, I was getting inconsistent results. I tried spreading my legs, propping one leg up on the tub, etc, to no avail. Then it dawned on me to relax my anus. I guess the natural reaction with something shooting ​at ​your hole is to constrict it. You have to make an effort to open her up.

It does take a bit of concentration to really relax it. The best way I find is to act like you're trying to push out a massive log. Like, you know, what Donn​ie ​B ​is doing in his avatar Well, maybe not that extreme but you get my point.

After being a die hard wiper most of my life, I'm very pleased with the spray-wipe routine. I encourage skeptics to at least give it a try.

Bit too much information, but good!

After an op to remove an anal abcess many years ago it took four or five paper wipes before I got to the zero skid mark stage!

Now with the BG, the drying wipe shows no skid marks, so I'm happy as a pig in no shit, until I have to visit UK.

A water tank with a pump I meant to say

Some people are just thick!

Anyway, when the water does come through, it's dirty and you have to flush the pipes. Twice now in the last two days here on Soi 28!

Suggest watering the garden when this happens.

Who would have thought Karaoke could be that dangerous, I bet the offended party was no Elvis Presley either.

This is Extreme Karaoke!

Now if it had been a rap singer, that would have been a plus!

My Retirement Visa expires next month.

Do I have to renew it immediately before expiry or do I report for another 90 day extension before renewing?

(This is what the "O" visa does)

http://www.evaair.com/en-global/news-releases/2015/top-of-global-airline-safety-index.html

...my-my.....who is selling all these pills....and....who is buying them.....???

By the quantities found, an awful lot of Thais!

Thai-Cambodian ties are warming but no lit cigars as yet.

....more like long burning fuses!

Cambodian-Thai ties 'warming'

That's better!

Oh they dont die quick when you use it. Its actually pretty sickening and they take a long time to die. Not for the faint of hearts

We put one down and the lone mouse was caught within 20 minutes.

My Thai girlfriend took it out to bin the varmint, and I assumed she'd killed it.

Two days later I looked in the bin, it was still alive! I dispatched it right away.

Check glue boards daily and mercy kill them right away. No need for a slow cruel death.

Only one thing to say...

I really miss a bum gun when I go back to the UK.

Great bidet, and really hygienic.

Tissue paper is only for drying, not for wiping.

No more problems with piles either!

No hanging chads like that unpleasantness in Florida!

They should be using mass flow meters to deliver CNG as low pressure means less gas if using a standard flow meter.

The amount of CO2 contaminating CNG may also affect the calorific value.

More info http://www.petrolplaza.com/technology/articles/MiZlbiYxMDI1NCYmMSYxJjExMSY%3D

It's very rare to see condoms in porn movies, I understand *cough*

I have been three times this year for 90 day retirement extension. Queued about 15 mins, showed my passport, stamped and sorted!

First time I went with proof of residence, property deeds etc after seeing all sorts in this forum, but these were not even looked at!

Even "experts" are not immune. Fire training involved setting fire to a derelict house in USA.

Poured gasoline in all the rooms, waited too long so the house filled with an explosive atmosphere!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dSpoUUFBBM

In South Africa my brother has a slow growing type of grass (1/2 inch a year) rye based I think-don't know whether it will do here in Thailand but when I get round to a lawn I'll give it a go and let you know!

Surprised I haven't seen Kikuyu grass here, but it would rapidly become invasive. In SA ours grew 1" a week, two with the rains!

This is a Buddhist country not Christian

Could of fooled me when seeing all the xmas decorations in front of the shopping malls....

But it's done for us judgemental Christians, and they do a damn fine job

Wonder if it's the same in muslim countries