roo860

Saw who?

????

Let me guess, you're a total <deleted >.

Was her brother with you at dinner, if he was, was he loitering with 'in tent'? ????????

Exactly, they need charging with neglect of a minor.

VID-20231003-WA0004.mp4

Correct, these so called 'security ' guards haven't got a <deleted> clue!, muppets.

'Met some kuwaiti fellon' ????????

Bunch of soldiers undergoing jungle training with an SAS instructor: - Today we are going to deal with patrolling in the jungle the SAS Sergeant explained. Patrols always consist of the following... a point man, a check navigator, a radio op, a commander, a 2i/c, and a snake man! He ran through all the individual tasks and responsibilities of each man in the patrol. Concentrating in detail, on the snake man's roll. The snake man will be called forward by the patrol commander when he spot's a snake while patrolling. It is the snake man's responsibility to deal with all snakes encountered on a patrol. However, there is one snake that requires the utmost attention when dealing with it, and that is the wogga wogga snake.... The wogga wogga is a black and yellow banded snake which is about 2 ft long and can be found lying across jungle paths. It is imperative to deal with this deadly snake in the following manner. Put your left hand over grasp and your right hand under grasp on the snakes body with your thumb pointing towards the snakes head. You must then pull your hand towards the snakes head rapidly, the snake's head will then come off. BUT remember one bite from the wogga wogga and you are dead instantly. He gets the whole class to run through the snake routine for a wogga wogga snake .... left hand over grasp and right hand under grasp, thumb towards the head, pull off the head!! He appoints a snake man and sets the patrol off out of camp. He expects to see them return in 3 days’ time! The patrol is out on its second day and the patrol commander spots a snake up ahead, he passes down the line those dreaded words "Snake man" each man echoes the words right down the line until the snake man trembling, approaches the front of the patrol. He sees it instantly and starts to sweat! it is a wogga wogga snake! FFS!!! he quickly runs through his drills in his head. Left hand over grasp right hand under grasp thumb towards the head and pull!!! He sets off towards the snake...... a day later the SAS Sergeant is waiting at the camp gates. Only to see his patrol returning down the track with a man being carried in a poncho, covered from head to toe in bloody bandages, moaning in a low tone!! The SAS Sergeant asked him what the feck happened to you!! He replied in low groans it was a wogga wogga Sarge! No way say's the SAS man. Honest Sarge, it was 2 ft long black and yellow bands, lying across the track!! So, what did you do! asked the SAS sergeant? "I put my left hand over grasp and my right hand under grasp, with my thumb towards the head and I pulled like feck!!! And there I was with my thumb up the bum of the biggest TIGER you have ever feckin seen!!!!!! ????????????

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The missus and I have both made those lists of 5 people that we're allowed to sleep with if we ever get the opportunity. She's picked Johnny Depp, Hugh Jackman, Jeremy Renner, Kiefer Sutherland and Paul Hollywood. I've gone for her sister, her cousin, her best mate, our next door neighbour and the fit bird from the Co-op.

No 'mile high' club then?

Should have pissed on him