OzFlyer

7 hours ago, RJRS1301 said:

^{The more I read, the more I get the feeling the relationship seems to have very little if any stability in it other than the sharing of the children.}

^{It seems to me that you have made your mind up about financial support for your wife, your assets in Melbourne appear to have been safeguarded a while ago, so it reads like it is all over besides looking for the future support of the children.}

^{I have not seen you mention your wife in any positive terms, or the relationship being anything other than about finances.} 

^{Good luck ,}

 

Before we got serious my assets were entered into a trust with my parents. My current wife has absolutely no idea. I saw my uncle lose absolutely everything to his ex. She was Aussie btw, not Thai !

My attitude is that whatever I owned prior to marriage is absolutely mine and I am fiercly determined to keep it that way. When I pass it's going to the kids, not my spouse.

My wife is very enterpreneurial, educated. However she is also from Issan, hate the big city and is Buddhist to a fault. I don't get why they all hate Bangkok? I told her the best business in Thailand is being a monk as the wads of cash the Thais throw their way is absoultely hideous.

7 hours ago, vinniekintana said:

OP...how do you know she actually bought that 3 MB home?

Visit the Land Office and check their records

Say you want to buy the property and want to check on its status...bring a thai friend to help you with the language

We live in an ocean of lies here

 

It would be funny if her father bought the house outright and she has borrowed 3MB to fund her spending or keep the business afloat.... wwho knows if it's actually 3MB, I don't have the official paperwork and it's easy to fudge docs here.

I might get a forensic accountant to start digging into the business on the side. Do they exist in Thailand?

35 minutes ago, NanLaew said:

This appearance of being wealthy combined with the OP's assertions that her own business is profitable albeit he doesn't have the language skills to be 100% assured as to where her revenue is coming from, still leads me to consider she's gambling. I don't mean she's having a flutter on the state lottery or the moobahn numbers game but suggesting she's actually running one of the latter. These are hugely lucrative and provide substantial bi-monthly 'income' for the organizers. However, it's not unknown for them to live well beyond their means, get sucked into the 'my money' fallacy before being caught woefully short when a player has won and thus claims a substantial amount or when a partner wants to cash-out of the venture.

Can you explain what you mean by this? Is it a gambling syndicate of sorts? How would she be able to do from home as she rarely goes out? She isn't playing blackjack at the local den unless she is sneaking out at night and switching off the CCTV which runs 24/7.

10 minutes ago, Travelerusa40 said:

Try to communicate with your wife. You can't read Thai or communicate Thai so you really do not have any oversight of her activities or money unless you hire an outside independent analyst or fully trust your wife 100%. I think your solution is very simple - Stop giving her money and access thereto. Give her a little house hold budget. 

 

 

I have already cut the funds down in a major way.

Btw, squeezing me financially in Australia won't happen as my assets are in trusts with my parents. I've already done the homework having witnessed family members being taken to the cleaners. I guess she can claim a fraction of these trusts but not 100%. Furthermore, she would need a good lawyer to figure out how to dismantle my trust. She can't even enter Australia on her current visa status and I this will cost her alot of time and money to pursue and I doubt she has the means to do it. Why would she live in Australia anyway? her prospects of employment are limited. She knows how expensive Melbourne is as a single person.

Even still, I told her ,if we ever got divorced one day I won't be returning to Australia and you'll never find me or be able to visit me anyway or take anything. I usually say "I'm going to live in Dubai if things go south" which she interprets as she basically has no hope of getting any money out of me. 

From my perspective and I think she knows it, if I was to pack up, she would be up sh*t creek without a paddle. The kids would be totally gone but she would have no money from me whatsoever.

Back to what I was saying earlier, I think the threat of divorce could be Issan Thai b/s but I won't be paying her a single cent. I am more interested in whether I am able to convince a stubborn Thai lady with upper middle class parents living in Issan to get the hell out of miserable Maha Sarakham?

33 minutes ago, Travelerusa40 said:

Greetings, 

 

Facts:

1. She can get child support if you divorce from Australian for the child that was born in Australian. She can also make the other child a Australian Citizen and then get child support for this child.

2. While married and living in Thailand, If you stop giving her money then she gets do money. You will not be liable for any business or loan she takes out because you are not a Thai Citizen - so don't worry about it.

3. She is not going to move from Issan - family is everything in Thailand and as long as you support her she will not leave Issan or her family.

4. Thai parents send there children to Australia, US, Europe, and other to meet successful partners who will marry their daughters and have them return to Thailand to support there parents so they can retire. This is a common practice and you are just know realizing it. So, you are not alone. Every Issan girl want their foreign husband to build them a house. It is all about status. It will never stop. Thais have it in there heads that foreigners are rich, rich, rich, because your skin is white. They do not understand what it cost to live in Australia even if you spell it out. They only see how amount you make or what assets you have in Australia and that makes them think you are internally wealthy.

 

Recommendation:

 

1. Call Siam Legal. They have helped me with property issues and other legal matters and speak english They are located: Thailand: +66 2259-8100
US-Toll Free: 1-877-252-8831
United Kingdom: 0207-101-9301
Australia: 028-015-5273

 

2. Everyone will give you advise but you need Qualified Legal Advise. You already know what is going to happen if you stay. What you don't know is the impact if you leave and what that could look like. So, write down all your questions and call or email them. They give you alot off free information just by talking to them, unlike attorneys in The west.

 

3. Just remember one think. If you are in Thailand and you are white you are a status symbol to the family and you are classified as being rich and held to a different price and standard by all communities in Thailand. Thai price and FRANG price. Your wife will also have to pay and will be treated differently because her kids are white. They will charge her more money once they see the kids. This is true where ever you go in Thailand. Also, if you a white or a FRANG the courts will always favor the Thai's in a legal argument concerning any business you may venture in to. Also, courts system takes for ever. If you wife does not know about child support in America that could be towards your advance and you can make some type of payment arrangment should you choose to leave Thailand and go back home.

 

4. I recommend you work out a payment of 1/3 of your income for child support and keep documentation of payment.

 

5. You can also get divorced in Thailand, even though you were married in your home country. It will be held up in your home country as well. Talk to Siam Legal about this. If you got married in Thailand you can get a divorce in Thailand and the divorce will be legal in your home country. Again, you need to talk to Siam Legal

 

Good Luck. 
 

 

 

Thanks for all the advice thus far.

Whilst divorce is a last resort, what I need to figure out is how to play a mind trick on her to convince her to leave Issan and head for the big cities for the betterment of the kids. 

Has anyone had experiencing in changing their mindset? Her parents are not at retirement age and still collecting alot of money with their businesses and don't intend on stopping in the next 20 years. Her younger brother is independent also. He lives and works in Japan. This isn't a typical Issan household in the traditional sense. I think the daughter is just lazy and wants to live near the parents. How do I teach her some good ol' western values that everyone needs to leave the nest ? Can I do some good ol' brainwashing of Thai women and turn the tables?

21 minutes ago, bartender100 said:

Maybe the parents are rich because they had 3 daughters before her?

She is the eldest child.

7 minutes ago, soistalker said:

Tell her the online business is not doing well. Tell her you dont have the money.

Buying that property in Isaan and badgering you to pay for it is her way of transferring your money to her. You will never have control of that property, and you will never, ever see a single satang back from it. Dont give her any money for it. And what kind of a wife buys a property against her husband's wishes, then expects him to pay for it?!

Make sure she understands that if you die, the money dies with you. Be careful not to be the victim of a "suicide." Always live in a "suicide" proof house or condo, i.e. not above the 6th floor. When she talks about divorce, obviously she is  contemplating it.

This isn't someone you want to be married to, but you are...and stuck. I wouldn't, as other posters have said, consider the kids in the relationship. She will do what she wants to do with your kids with the help if her family, and you probably have little say in the matter. 

Remember: guys married to Thai "ladies" have been murdered for a lot less than what you just wrote about. I'd prepare a bug-out bag if I were you. 

It's a 2 storey house and the drop down is only 4 metres. I think I can get away with a few broken bones if pushed out and don't land on my head.

I think some of the other guys have said I should be strategic with this and tell a few fibs. I can do this but is it healthy doing this for the next 20 years or so, or is this just par for the course in Thailand? You just lie as they lie and roll with the punches. I won't be giving her a single cent. All the money I spend her goes towards the kids which is totally fine. She hasn't received a dime from me in the past 4 months. Clearly the money is rolling in (purchasing luxury goods from Lazada) but my fear is that it's all show to keep up with the Jones' (what's the Thai equivalent?) and she is racking up debts unbeknownst to me.

10 hours ago, elliss said:

 

Do any farlangs and their wives really communicate ?.

 There are so many variables that dont mix, background , politics religion, etc.

I am unlucky , my misses only goes back to the village , 5 days/week .

 Working on it , marital bliss , my kindle and myself .

 

 

Our communication has declined as a function of me cutting the spending down considerably over the few months,

She has made a unilateral decision to purchase this house at 3MB. I had no idea until too late in the piece.

4 minutes ago, FarFlungFalang said:

Sounds like it's time to call and see what cards she is playing with.

One of the previous posters mentioned she is having problems with her debts. I suspect she is in a bit of a pickle with loans. I have no idea how many loans she is paying every month and to who. Some of her friends drive BMWs and Mercs and I have no doubt it's with shady finance as they don't even have proper jobs to pay off their loans. She can easily hide debt in the business and like I mentioned before, all business transactions and contracts are in Thai. I don't want to get a translator to find out what's going on as if I get sprung it will send off alarm bells. Her parents don't seem to be the kind to lend her millions of baht either. I think they would give her money within reason but not bail her out.

I have been playing the strategic game also, cutting down on spending, holidays. All I care about are the kids to be perfectly frank. I wouldn't want my kids growing up in Issan.

What good are half-thai/half-falang kids in a broken family? Crazy thinking if all she wants is my DNA. There are a million farangs she can have kids with.

36 minutes ago, NanLaew said:

The OP's wife is a gambler. A BIG one as well. He should get shot of her as quickly and as peaceably as he can, regardless of the cost. She's threatening the OP with divorce so he should either agree or sue for divorce himself.

Haha, nah mate. She's rarely goes out and if she goes out it's with me on holidays in Thailand or in Asia. She is very strategic, I give her that.

I have slowly tightened the wallet over the last few months and I think that is what forced her hand.

2 minutes ago, SteveK said:

Even if in Thailand it is possible for a wife to obtain jointly-owned finance behind her husbands back, and I'm thinking this would be from loan-sharks only, the Australian legal system would never accept such an absurdity. If your children have Australian passports as you state, then there is a possibility of getting custody for them under some false pretenses and then fleeing with them. A bit unscrupulous to do so, but nowhere near as unscrupulous as she may become in the future.

Doing a runner with the kids? Surely I would get stopped at BKK/DMK and thrown in the slammer for kidnapping or stopped in Australia by the police. I've never travelled alone with them outside of Thailand.

My question is, why would someone from Maha Sarakham have an aversion to living in (say) Chiang Mai, Phuket or Hat Yai for better schooling? Is it because her parents have brainwashed her? How do I convince a Thai to get the f*k out of Issan, wake up and realise if you want kids with a proper education, then they need to leave Issan?

16 minutes ago, ratcatcher said:

None of our business, but what was your wife from Isaan doing in Australia when you met her?

What was her job or was she a "tourist"? 

Working holiday, working as a tour guide and translator for Thai people. Her parents have money and funded her stay in Melbourne (pay rent, bills etc.). She wasn't making much coin in Melbourne. They aren't Thai Chinese btw...just upper middle class Thais. From what I've seen here, there are many wealthy Thais in Issan if you are introduced to them. The other 85% don't have money, let's be honest.

42 minutes ago, seajae said:

someone can correct me if I am wrong but when my wife takes a loan I have to counter sign as her husband even though it is just in her name. When I queried this she informed me it is thai law that the husband needs to sign the agreement as well, same with transfer of land etc( both just recently twice  for our land and the bank loan), my signature was needed to make it official. If you didnt sign off on the loan/land etc then it may have not been done legally

I have very little idea how she obtains finance. I am assuming it's a bank of sorts, a private lender...In Thailand there is always a way around the system anyway. I can't speak or read Thai and even if I questioned the legimitacy and sought a lawyer, they would milk me. How she secured finance is something I don't want to query to be honest with you.

57 minutes ago, madmen said:

let me get this straight your both Australian citizens or are able to live there full time and your wife insists on living in Issan?

No she does not have PR in Australia. She was on a non-PR visas (working holiday, tourist with me as sponsor).  We discussed a partner visa but never got around to doing it and by then we were in Thailand anyway. Our plan was that we would eventually apply for the partner visa and move back to Melbourne for schooling but she had a change of heart and doesn't want to live there (no family there, boring compared to Thailand, doesn't like the culture etc.). With the business in Thailand she is firmly committed to making Thai Baht and her business and financial networks are well established now. In Australia she in basically on her own and only has a few Thai friends in Melbourne.

I am Aussie and my kids have Thai+Aussie passports.

39 minutes ago, SteveK said:

Assuming that she doesn't really love you and the relationship is basically failed, it's a no win situation. Just try not to throw good money after bad. You wouldn't be able to take your kids back to Oz without her say so anyway, so she is the one holding all the cards. 

She is hell bent on staying in Issan. Despises the cities. I can't explain it to her is much simpler terms that the education system in Issan is a joke and akin to child abuse. We need to move to the city. She won't have any of it. The house she purchased was done quite rapidly and before I had a chance to interject it was already sold. She obviously got finance through the business + other means. I noticed her social circles of business owners and rich parents with assets lend money to one another and pay each other via an app. There must be a trust system between them. None of my business really. The house purchase was a joke and means we have to stay put in Issan. I was interested in buying a condo in BKK/Chiang Mai but with her ultimatum, even if I buy there she can definitely claim 50% (maybe more) through a divorce so I won't be spending a single cent in this country. Even if she does agree to move for the sake of our childrens' education, how can I ignore such an ultimatum and I am sure there will be another one down the track anyway when things flare up.

How would you play it? Easy to say divorce but there are 2 kids involved. I think if I do a runner to Australia the next time I will see them is when they are adults and by then they would have been brainwashed into thinking I am a delinquent father.

I have money stashed in Oz but I also realise I need to start putting money aside for my future. I don't want to spend spend spend in Thailand and eventually have nothing to show for it. I am well aware I have zero legal rights here. Money put into a 3MB loan is money I will never see again. I know the traps of living in Thailand and helping her set up her business from my POV was just a cost of entry. She does look after the kids and her parents also help out. The problem I have is that legally I don't have a leg to stand on. If we divorce in Thailand, I highly doubt I will be able to get my money back on the cash invested in her business, or any other assets. 

I told her there is absolutely no future here in Issan for the kids as I want a proper education for them, willing to spend money for them in a proper school or we go back to Australia. She wants to live next door to her parents. Don't Thai's value education ? All her friends are bums with wealthy parents who fund everything. I know all her friends and not one of them is self made.