CalicoConsulting

Maybe one of those wooden penises from the other message thread would be effective...

I just saw that I joined Thai Visa Forum one year ago tomorrow. Where does the time go?

I was bicycling along the Ring Road in Chiang Mai, toward Carrefour from the south, when I saw a chow rise to his feet and notice me. He'd been lying in the shade at a store, where an old man in a rocking chair was still sitting in the shade.

I happen to be a dog lover, even though my avatar says otherwise, and back in the US, I believe my two lovely girl dogs decided the three of us were a pack. I regularly stop strange soi dogs from barking by following Cesar Milan's advice. Yeah yeah, this cat thinks he's a dog whisperer. You can groan if you want.

So the dog approached me, and I honestly felt no fear for him to smell. It was obvious to me he wasn't going to bite. chase, or even bark. I didn't even speed up, and I barely paid attention to him, so there were no challenging looks. He rushed up beside me, silently, and bit my leg. Well, he pinched it. He didn't puncture my pants, which is good because they're my favorite pair. Black Mc jeans. He did, however, give me a bruise. No blood, no breaking of skin, so I just kept on peddling, went shopping, had lunch, and rode home. No disinfectants, no rabies shots, no worries.

That was a very spooky experience. I read that dog so wrong. And the fellow in the rocking chair, meanwhile, didn't react at all. He just kept rocking.

I've ridden by that store quite a few times since then, and the dog isn't there. Maybe he was just visiting.

I'd never dream of carrying a weapon the way some have suggested. If it came down to self defense, sure, I'll throw down, but I haven't felt threatened yet. I've been bicycling around Chiang Mai for about a year, and before that I spent 5 years bicycling around China.

Back in the US, one of my dogs decided to go after a bicyclist, and it was very hard for me to stop laughing long enough to whistle. All my dogs returned when I whistled to them.

What was really weird, though, was the time that I was riding my bicycle and another dog attacked me whilst riding his bicycle.

Very strange list. Only #3 I can kind of partially agree with...

#7, #2 and #1 are just nonsensical as far as I can tell...

Strange is what I do best. Who else would have a cat for an avatar?

The Thai Authority for Tourism, or whatever it's called, noticed the very wrong absence of Thailand on the Seven Modern Wonders list, and made their own Seven Wonders of Thailand list. In response, here's my list. Lists are easier than thinking, and I don't even have to do ten this evening. The Seven Wonders of Thailand are:

7. Wondering why store bought boobies are still selling

6. Wondering how anyone survives rotted fish sauce

5. Wondering if it's a girl or a ladyboy - hee hee titter titter

4. Wondering if there are any Thais in Mensa

3. Wondering why traffic fatalities aren't at about 70% of the population

2. Wondering where to find air conditioning

1. Wondering how long nature can remain unspoiled where YOU live

How does that Wal-Mart ad go? Beware of falling prices...

The Chiang Mai Expat Club

Is the the club consisting almost entirely 100% of retirees? The club that meets at CM Orchid?

That's the first time I've ever been called a retiree. Unfortunately, Wizzard, I can't convince the fine folks down at Immigration to agree with you. Life would be much simpler if I could.

Seriously, I'm glad someone posted the link to the PDF versions of the Expat Newsletter, because I'm the guy who puts them online. I have nothing to do with the content, probably because I lack the sanity to be readable, and I happen to enjoy over half of it.

Best regards,

Michael

CEC Webmaster

I got my Multiple Entry Type B in Kuala Lumpur last week. I didn't expect it. Penang wouldn't give me one three months ago. Nor Vientiane in December or KL last September.

Which just goes to show you that it never hurts to ask.

I thought it was very funny!

Thanks!

And this joke also works with a Chihuahua...

Al Michaels count?

I forgot about him. Which shows you how long I've been away. Yeah, sure, he counts. All Michaels including Al Michaels.

Mike Florio, Michael David Smith, Michael LaRocca. I sense a pattern here.

Mike Ditka, Mike Golic, and the other Mike doing the second half of the MNF double-header. I sense a pattern here.

I've made history. I visited http://www.profootballtalk.com/podcasts.cfm and listened to the June 15 Podcast. And there, the very first email that Florio ever answered in a Podcast, and which inspired him to answer many more via Podcast, came to him from "Michael in Thailand." One of my many wisecracks to the guy, immortalized. Yep, I've still got it.

A lady has a Schnauzer who develops hair in his ears. She takes him to the vet, who tells her to get some Nair at the drug store and use that. So she goes to the drug store.

"Do you want the mild or the strong?" asks the druggist.

"What's the difference?"

"The mild is for your face, the strong is for your arms or legs."

"It's for my Schnauzer."

"Get the strong but don't ride a bicycle for two weeks."

They had the card stock fingerprint cards at the US consulate. August is a very friendly young man who said he provides the same service much cheaper when not working for the consulate. He made me two sets, just in case the FBI rejected the first one. I still have the second set.

Also, the card stock is printed in North Carolina, which is where I'm from. Yeehaw

I believe this was in February. This year, at any rate.

Howdy,

I went to the U.S. Consulate in Chiang Mai, Thailand one morning to see about getting proof I don't have a criminal record. I returned in the afternoon for fingerprinting, and instructions on how to send the results to the FBI. About 6 weeks later, I had proof I'm not a criminal.

So there's one place I know of where you can get fingerprints which are accepted by the FBI.

The Australian Consulate provides no such service, but refers you to the Thai Police instead. I've heard the Australian version of the FBI -- forgive me for not knowing its name or initials even though I married an Aussie -- will accept Thai Police fingerprinting. So will the FBI? I have no idea. I just went to the Consulate and that was that.

Best regards,

Michael

I have a good knowledge of immigration law, and there is no chance of this guy getting to the US as a worker.

And I kind of have to wonder how his son got here but not him. The most likely way is that the son's mother married a USC and immigrated here with the child. Then it becomes one of those issues if the son even knows who the father is.

Thailand is a nice place, he has a nice job with a boss that cares, that sounds good.

I don't want to get into his personal life, but his ex-wife is American. If not for the divorce, I'd have never met the guy.

And yeah, he's got it good here, but he really wants to be with his son, and some well-intentioned but uninformed people are trusting their hearts a bit much. Nothing criminal, just some misinformation. I'd like to get some solid, definitive information and resolve this one way or another.

(Definitive information about immigration? Yeah, I'm dreaming. )

First off, I don't think a 14 year old can work legally in the US unless it is the family store or farm. Pesky child labor laws. Certainly not if delivering sushi requires driving a car or motorcycle.

Why can't he just apply as a dependent ? America isn't Thailand. If the parent is working legally, the dependent children can get a visa also.

The child is the one living in the USA. The parent wants to join him.

If I had the money...

And a viable business plan for a US branch...

He's my sales manager, hirer and firer, translator (spoken only), driver, handyman and yard worker, point of contact for potential customers who are afraid to speak English to the farang, and in his spare time he's raised my website to top Google ratings for anyone who searches in Thai rather than English. And my cat likes him too.

I usually say "right hand man" because it gets too confusing otherwise.

This is a valuable skill, but it's not one the U.S. needs to import Thais for.

Oh, and if he does succeed in his quest, I'll probably be disappointed in his replacement, but I'll manage.

Thank you!

This gives me a starting point. I've snooped around some of the US Immigration websites and am coming up equally empty. I had thought about that lottery but didn't know where to find it. Now I do.

Meanwhile, if anybody else reading this has any advice, please send it to me. If there's a good immigration lawyer around here who specializes in this sort of thing, for example, I'd like some contact info. He/she would probably know more than we do.

His 14-year-old son lives there. That's his reason. What are his options?

He does know someone who is willing to employ him and sponsor him. But he's unskilled labor, and the job is delivering sushi. Something tells me Immigration won't be impressed.

I'm totally ignorant of US immigration law. Even if you could point me in the direction of an expert, that'd be a great start.

Thanks in advance for your help.

I've never met a Brit yet who wasn't aware that English has many different accents, yet some assume all Americans speak the same. I've never said budder in my life.

Folks, some of you have met someone who loves Vegemite but who wasn't raised on it. I'm from North Carolina and I've never been north of the Mason-Dixon line. I was 36 years old when my lovely Australian girlfriend, now my lovely Australian wife, introduced me to Vegemite. Great stuff, and I'm not just saying that because of her. This was in Hong Kong. Then we moved to mainland China 2 years later and I had DTs for the stuff. I'm so glad it's in Chiang Mai. Marmite, on the other hand, is <deleted>.

The Chinese have ni (you singular) and ni men (you plural), so North Carolina has you and y'all. (No youse or younse in MY classroom.)

On the other hand, a jarring transition from Willie Nelson to Eminem was a bit rough on those students. I had to teach them that "I'm'a'change" is in fact a complete sentence with subject, verb and infinitive phrase acting as an object.

Aren't you glad I don't teach in Thailand?

But if you say Zed it kills the rhyme in that song. Plus, Zed was the name of Bobcat Goldthwaite's character in the Police Academy movies.

I, on the other hand, taught all my students in China how to say "y'all" and how to sing Randy Travis's "Deeper Than The Holler." That's right, they speak Southern.

Who says you can't eat grits with chopsticks?

I ain't learnt to quit using learnt.