CalicoConsulting

I will no longer be helping the Vegemite-deprived learn what they've been missing, because sometimes the stores run out. You lot need to quit buying up all my Vegemite.

Hi all,

I'm new in this group and currently need to translate some email/conversation from Thai to English.

Could anybody advice me a good translator with reasonable price, please?

Thanks.

John.

Hi John,

Contact Ratanawadee at [email protected] She's just off Chang Phuak Road at a place called Drink Club which I've never been to and probably couldn't find with both hands and a flashlight. One of my Thai workers jumped on his motorcycle and found her for me. She answers email! And sends it! And works quickly! I've only used her to translate English to Thai, which I don't read, but my Australian customers have been much impressed. 1/5 the price of my neighbors at the YMCA and much faster service. And yes, you caught me. I sell her translations from English to Thai for a tidy sum overseas. I am evil.

Best regards,

Michael

This is very cruel, but I have to say it because nobody else will. Does Michael Jackson go to his plastic surgeon with a picture of Brady Quinn and say, "I want to look like this"?

Patsfangr,

The NFL's been trying for years to export the product, but I don't think it'll work. The Commish did suggest that each team play a 17th game each year. It hasn't been stated that would be an overseas game, but it's a possibility. I've also seen flag football catching on slowly in Chinese high schools. But even so, I think it's crazy to believe any Asian nation will ever field an NFL team, and we know how the European "league" is doing. It's probably staying in the Americas, which is fine by me. Even if the Commish does put the Super Bowl in Wembley.

Michael

The new Commish is talking about playing Super Bowls outside of the USA.

Given time zone considerations, he means Mexico City or London, not Asia, certainly not little teeny tiny Thailand, although it would be a pretty interesting game if they legalized Muay Thai moves.

Michael

Randy Moss as a New England Patriot. My first reaction was a "holy chit" in a very bad way. A few minutes later, it was "holy chit" in a very good way. I am just totally discombobulated right now, no offense to anybody named Bob. This is scary. Brady to Moss. Yowzah. I'm incoherent in any language. Hep me please. I'm thinking of abandoning my hometown Panthers and my secondary hometown Bucs in favor of the team who cost me a fortune when I bet on them plus 45 points only to get steamrolled by Ditka's Bears. Seriously. I'm at a loss for words. Send me some. Preferably without an invoice.

Hey hey,

I'm back and I'm meaner than Michael Vick's dogs.

So, have you been watching the NFL draft televised live and such? I never have. I think I'd rather watch grass grow. Or die in this Thai drought. Or, to quote my NFL-hating grandfather, watch turds floating in a toilet. But I have been reading those profootballtalk.com live blogs where Florio watched the draft. Those are cool.

Actually, I just wanted to post the dog wisecrack and couldn't think of anywhere else to do it.

Four more months until kickoff!!

Cheers,

Michael the Panther Fan

(Back to the Bucs during the Seifert years...)

P.S. Senior member? I certainly feel senior, but the fine folks at Immigration say I have a few more years to go. Sigh...

A woman was golfing when a bee stung her, so she went to the doctor. He asked, "Where did he sting you?" She said, "Between the first and second hole." He said, "Lady, your stance is too wide."

Samui For Sale is a catchy URL, but you can't print anything from there. You can find the same translation, however, at http://www.thailawforum.com/database1/foreign.html in a printable format. Good old Google recognized "has been pleasantly pleased to proclaim." True, you don't see that every day.

My business is editing and/or proofreading English documents. I've been doing it for over 15 years. I don't think the Thais are ready to compete with me yet, but they are more than welcome to try.

Actually, I've actively encouraged people here in Asia to plagiarize all the books I've had published in the USA. First in China, then in Thailand. When I decided to put the material from my classes and lectures online, I went back and cited my sources because I, too, had been plagiarizing. But if anybody asks, I deny posting this message. It's all lies!

Someone who is not Michael

If the NFL doesn't give the teams who play overseas their bye weeks when it best suits their recovery from the trip, they're fools. But since they don't currently use the bye weeks this way for those who play on Thanksgiving, they've shown they can be fools. We shall see.

As for the Pro Bowl, I'm thinking a post-season trip overseas wouldn't be a bad reward either. Maybe Hawaii gets boring after a while. I dunno. I mean, if I went to Aztec Stadium in Mexico City, for example, a Pro Bowl would be a far better game than Cardinals vs 49ers.

Mucho cerveza! Mucho tequila! Mucho gusto!

(Not to mention how that particular venue would allow the players to bring home more Purple Drank)

Michael

Let's talk about that game in Wembley.

I do some editing for The Water Cooler, a weekly sports mag based out of Washington, DC. One of our columnists recently suggested that we move the Pro Bowl, which is basically a waste, overseas. That way, instead of Wembley (or wherever) seeing just two of our teams, they get the "best" players from all our teams.

Maybe rotate it back to Hawaii once every few years for nostalgia's sake, but for the most part moving it overseas does mean more people would watch, and more "first choice" players might even attend, and someone might actually care about winning, nd it'd help expand the market overseas.

What do you think?

And hey, are you watching the Pro Bowl this weekend? I'm not. I never do. I wouldn't watch it in England/Germany/Mexico/China, either, but it'd be nice to know it was there.

Michael

Prince for Super Bowl MVP!

I definitely do not like the way the Manning's are adored. Not saying I disrespect them or their family history, but come on people! Put Peyton on a team with a more inferior O-line and see what numbers he squeezes out.

As a former offensive lineman, I could not possibly agree more.

In fact, in any kind of thing where people have to work together, usually the "star" twit slurps up all the credit while those who put him there are left out of the spotlight AND the money.

I could rant on, but I won't.

I'm a former QB myself and have a great deal of respect for Manning's abilities, but if they'd lost the Super Bowl, don't you think he would've thrown his offensive line under the bus again?

Foo Fighters. Thank you. I knew Prince was playing something that wasn't his, but I'd never heard it before. And I've never heard Foo Fighters, so there you go. Yes, I am that old.

Pancakes, anyone?

The bloggers I spent the Super Bowl with were all screaming for Brian Griese. Um, an improvement, but I saw him play in Tampa. That was after he got drunk and tripped over his dog in the driveway, and that's about as Thai Expat as it gets.

Prince for MVP!

It's been suggested that we give the MVP trophy to Rex Grossman because he gave more points to the Colts than anybody.

But more seriously, for those who didn't see the game, there was no MVP. Maybe Addai if he hadn't been pulled in the third. Even Viniateri choked. It was rainy, miserable, and I guess you give it to the "leader" of the team that won when you have nothing better to do. Manning was about as MVP as Trent Dilfer, but mai ben rai.

It was an excellent game for the first 3+ quarters, and then it became Pro Football Blog fodder after that, which is also entertaining in a way. Even though Florio's not a Prince fan. Prince WAS the show. Give him the MVP trophy. Hey, that's it. I realized while replying to you guys, so thanks.

Super Bowl MVP -- Prince!

Some of us were fleeing the scene long before we moved to Thailand. Maybe that's part of why we wound up here.

Or maybe I just need another beer. If I can see the ###### thing. I hate my eyes.

Why is it that every fan of the NFL, a.k.a. Gridiron, a.k.a. American Football, speaks of rugby players with respect, but every rugby fan insists on bragging about how their carrots are bigger than ours?

Have another beer, Bruce. Geeberhead...

Michael

P.S. Remind me to tell you about the time rugby star Dr Z, in his AMERICAN football column, asked Al Davis about possibly perhaps recruiting Sumo wrestlers...

Um, this particular type of consulting isn't in the corporate mission statement.

The very worst and saddest thing is that this was a dead thread until I posted to it a coupla days ago. Oh I'm so ashamed.

...you're eagerly awaiting for the latest post in the 'concerns about christian missionaries' thread

No no, that's a sign I should pay my gardener to "take you out."

Michael

The glass is not half empty

The glass is not half full

The glass is too dmn big

And the surest sign that you've been in Thailand too long is if you don't care that the Colts just beat the Bears and won the Lombardi Trophy baby! Woooo!!!

Michael

P.S. See that cat on the left. She watched every NFL game that I do. She's the couch potato. I have to stand in front of the TV because "this couch ain't big enough for the two of us." She, like me, is a Panther fan.

The padding debate is just silly. We played in the backyards when I was a kid with no equipment whatsoever except a ball. I can't remember how we kicked field goals. Maybe we never did. We never punted on 4th down either. It's a wonder nobody got injured or killed. I love NFL football! If everybody's padded and plated, I think it all equals out. Boom! Jacked Up! And, don't you ever forget, thinking. It's a very mental sport, especially if the steroids are killing your brain cells.

If you scrounge around http://www.chinarice.org/archive.html you will see that I picked the Colts in June or July, and that I'd never picked them before. Whoa! True, I picked them to whip my hometown Panthers in the Super Bowl, but who could've predicted we'd suddenly turn into a bunch of Weinkes? Not me, obviously. The Bears impressed me this year. Give Lovie some lovey, a'ight? You take a team led by Rexy against Manning and Friends and see how you do.

Furthermore, if you scrounge around http://www.chinarice.org/archive.html this proves that you have far too much free time on your hands. Go to Gecko and buy some books, fool!

I have been a Prince fan for 25 years. I don't care that he looked like he was gonna make pancakes for the guys with that Aunt Jemina head thang. He rocked da house. Purple Drank, Purple Drank. Oops. My bad.

The game was a classic, and I'm not just saying that because I spent 13 years in Tampa, long before Dungy rode into town. As everybody's been saying since about August, a ###### shame the Bears don't have a real quarterback. Um, where's my helmet? Oh. It's with Thurman Thomas' helmet. Dang. But honestly, is there a single member of Thai Visa Forum who couldn't play better than Grossman? Granted, we don't have that beautiful deep ball with the touch on it, but so what? He still sucks. I read where he should've been nominated MVP because he did more than anybody else to help the Colts win.

I watched it at home. So did my cat. She loves the NFL. I told y'all about the live blog on http://www.profootballtalk.com but my Internet connection was down for most of the first half. That weren't no fun. But Florio did throw a prop out to viewers in Thailand, and that really means viewer in the singular. Me. I'm famous! Wahoo!

Same time next year, guys. Panthers stompin Patriots and you read it here first. Forget it quickly, though, because it is soooooooo wrong.

Michael

You use your cell phone while you drive your motorcycle on the sidewalk or along the white line between cars and trucks which may or may not be moving.

You see nothing wrong with standing on a white stripe in the middle of a highway while cars whiz past you at 90 kph.

You don't slow down when you see someone standing in the middle of the highway.

You've learned that jaywalking is safer than crossing where the striped lines indicate you should cross the road.

You carry a supply of TP with you everywhere you go.

You know how to use a squatter.

You know what a squatter is.

You think squatters are great because no one can piss on the seat.

You no longer use articles when you speak.

When you stop in front of a shop, people offer you a stool to sit on and a cigarette.

You stop thinking about the big bloodstain on the wall.

Everyone assumes that if you know one word of Thai, you know them all.

You speak really slowly and enunciate when you're speaking English.

You begin to question your own pronunciation.

You call home and your family tells you to speak faster and to stop correcting their grammar and pronunciation.

You call home and can't understand what anyone is saying because they have an accent and they talk too fast.

Only five minutes of prep time for an unannounced class no longer fazes you.

You have 10 different responses to the question, "Do you like Thailand?"

You know 10 different ways to point out a foreigner in Thai.

You point out foreigners to your Thai friends even though you're foreign yourself.

If someone's waiting for an elevator when you walk up to it, you pound on the button 10 or 20 times anyway because you know that makes it arrive faster.

You stand on escalators.

Every village is different from the rest of Thailand but all foreigners are the same.