Bobbie Davies

Varun, First of all, they are not Thai "boys". They are grown men with the lives and responsibilities of grown men. One is 40 and the other 44 years old they work like dogs and support extended families with their work. Second, what is there to buy or not to buy, I do not know you nor did I focus this tag specifically toward you for you to believe.My situation exists outside of your narrow self centric reality. I am sorry if it doesn't meet your parameters. I would have asked if I had realized it was necessary.

12 minutes ago, kenk24 said:

I have found that being w/non-mean people usually works better... Now is the honeymoon phase or whatever online people call it... will you be the object of the "mean" later on... 

Ken24, I agree with you. I am worried about that with one of them. I also tend to think that he is probably the one that I will have to break up with. I just don't know how to do it without some major fallout. His family actually owns a chunk of his village. I think he does love me but he is also flawed by Thai standards and is 44 going to be 45 in July. He is considered bad luck he has been married twice and his first wife was murdered after their divorce by her new husband. Second marriage only lasted 1 year. He also has arthritis that has deformed his hands so swollen the fingertips. All of his sisters have married Farang and he is the only unmarried/unrelationshiped. He lives in one of the sisters 3000000 Baht house while she lives in Scotland, she won't be returning to Thailand. Family owns two restaurants a food booth and 2 stores. I have other friends that live in the village. So face is involved. Sounds like a bad drama but it is true.

12 minutes ago, amykat said:

They don’t love you, they love what your money can do for them.  That is all.

Amykat, Ah I knew one of you would show up sooner or later. I believe I mentioned they have jobs, their families have money, they have homes, they are not kids, they don't ask me for money, have not in the year I have known them. Maybe all they want is my money, if so they are playing an awfully long game with nothing to show for it so far.

3 minutes ago, keith101 said:

Before doing anything check your HIV status with Immigration to make sure you will be allowed into the country i heard that people with it are not allowed entry but that may be wrong .

Already on the boat with that. Absolutely not banned from Thailand and not banned from Work Permit or Teaching or any Visa in Thailand. Leprosy on the other hand... Meds are not prohibitively expensive and already have exhaustive list of locations that provide meds. 

Skallywag, If you had read, I have Social Security because of HIV but I worked so get the SS I earned. Since you come from the United States you know that there are circumstances in which Social Security is granted before 62 or 65. I am one of them. Moving to Thailand yes teaching to start planning to stay. Was not planning on relationship to start with it came to me. I am not going to just throw it away. Love is not so common that you should just throw it away like garbage.

You misunderstood that quote he is not the reason, what he said was one of the reasons. I do not plan on losing both men because I cannot make up my mind. I can make up my mind I just want to cause as little pain as possible.

Lacessit, I wish backing off were an option. I actually was not looking for a romantic relationship. These men actually went above and beyond anything I have ever experienced. They did not just statically look at me through a screen. They actually take me with them through their daily lives; hours of it. They take me to their jobs. They take me shopping, on their drives, to the bathroom, showers, family outings, temple, meals, restaurants, parties, concerts, brushing their teeth, every part of their lives, and not from my asking them to.

Scorecard, I do indeed realize spending time together is important, and I do realize the differences that exist; I do not understand all of them yet as there is a difference knowing academically and living them personally. I am just at a point where I do not feel comfortable pursuing two different men. My moral compass just does not allow for it and as has been pointed out there is the jealousy part coming up especially with one of them. My role in a relationship may be non-dominant but I do not feel comfortable with the idea of men actually fighting over me. I did not know this actually could happen and with someone my age. It actually scares me. My understanding of Thais had always been of not showing strong emotion. Very wrong when it comes to relationships apparently.

 I guess what I am asking advice for is not clear. I am very aware that I need to break up with one of these men. What I am asking is does anyone have any advice on how to do so with a minimum of pain to the one who is being broken up with?

Here is my confusion. As an American I want to try to stay friends. One of my Thai friends told me that is not possible with Thai exes. Ex is ex. He further elaborated by saying that Thais love deeply and hate from the gut. His words.

And yes, I understand take the time and that there is a difference between online and in person, that is obvious. We are taking our time, but it needs to be focussed on one man.

I am hoping that someone on here has had experience in dealing with a breakup with a Thai man friend from a relationship that was not financially based that did not turn out ugly and how they did it. That is what I am asking.

Honestly, I'm not a life idiot, Im a Sociologist. Im just not used to dealing with situations like this. Got out of an abusive 21 year relationship so haven't been in the market long and wasn't expecting to fall like this or to have it happen with such horrible timing.

Where is the Oops? I know that the Visas are a current problem for them. I believe I did mention that they work. They have incomes, and any lack the one I choose may have I would be willing to help with, but I have not been asked at this point.

Currently I use translation programs to help with sticky stuff in communication. Not the best option but what I have. Was going to start classes at a local Thai Temple here in Pennsylvania but Covid put the axe to that.

Am starting Thai classes. They both speak English.

Seriously not troll. The issue is that both want to come here when Covid over to meet me. The whole truly meet in person thing. It is not dependent on me going there. Yes the full future is but not the nearer future.

I know Covid, Visa, Work Permit, Insurance, Meds, already researched already planned for etc... This is not spur of the moment this is stuff been in the works for over a year.

I have a problem. I take it as serious though some of you may see it as funny or stupid. And it is absolutely true; crazy as it may sound. Unlike many of the posters I have seen I do not seem to be having a problem with money grabbers or not being able to find men to talk to or whatever. My problem is a little different. See I am not in Thailand yet and I am finishing up my training for teaching in Thailand. I know, the cliche English Teacher in Thailand. Not quite true. When I was in University I made friends with a couple of guys from Thailand who were getting their degrees as well. I stayed in touch and we have been friends over the years. As I Majored in Sociology and doubled Minored in Social Psychology and Social Anthropology it was kind of natural at the time that my studies focussed on SE Asian studies. So I have always wanted to go to Thailand. Due to circumstances, HIV being one of them, I took early retirement and am extremely bored. I have income but am by no means rich obviously due to my age, 53.

As part of my preparation I was introduced to some of their friends on Facebook and I hit it off with a few of them. Not a problem I figured, as it would be a good idea to know people in different areas of Thailand as I can't know in advance where I might be assigned, and as I will be working with an agency for the first couple years until I get experience actually teaching Thai students and get used to the system in Thailand. Having someone who can meet and greet, take me around, translate, etc... a leg up right? Now let me be clear here. My friends that I met in University are straight, they know I am not and so many of those they introduced me to most emphatically are not. They introduced me to a wide spectrum of men from ladyboys to extremely, and I mean extremely, macho military types. They figured that I would like to make gay friends as well as straight ones.

Now the problem. I have hit it off extremely well with two of these friends. I mean extremely well. There are others that I have hit it off very well with but these two are different. Both have jobs, neither is after money, both want to take it slow, Both are interested in marriage but are not in a rush, both are older, both are my type, one has an edge over the other in that he is a little more my fantasy type, both are aware of my HIV and are ok with it, one is HIV positive and one is not. One works in a food shop with his mother but it is attached to his mothers house in his home town so is stable and established, one is a fisherman who takes care of his mother another stable job. Both have stable housing so do not need my money for housing or anything like that. We have talked extensively online, and yes I know that online is no substitute for live and in the flesh but it is not relevant to the problem, or rather, it is but that is part of the problem. It has reached a point where I have to choose one of these men.

I am not a player. I do not feel comfortable with the idea of leading anyone on and am being stuck in that situation. They both know about each other but only one knows that name of the other. Mainly because one is much more potentially mean about it. The problem is they are now starting to snipe about each other and I am starting to feel pulled apart. I actually love both of these men. I know I have to make a choice but I don't know how to break up with one without causing great pain. While everything has been online so far, I have been introduced to the mothers, family members and multiple friends of both of these men in person; well not physical person but by face phone not facebook and both mothers gave their blessing to our relationship. Dear God I think I may have stepped in it. These are two wonderful honorable men and I am in the doghouse. I thought the HIV would be the deal breaker and would separate the wheat from the chaff so to speak. Wrong, it was shrugged off. Like I said one has HIV and is on meds and the other said he would go on Prep. I told them my Social Security is only 24000 Baht a month. Both are from Udon Thani and said they don't care; they are used to poor, I mean seriously after reading some of the posts I have WTH. They have seen me I am old and fat by Thai standards, they still want me. One says he is fat too, and one says he is ugly so what? I don't think either is true.

I need advice.

I am currently in the US working on a Visa to come to Thailand myself. I have friends in Thailand, one who actually works in Immigration. Here is what he tells me. At this time there is no guarantee whatsoever that at any time in May any foreigner will be allowed into the country on any form of Visa. What you need for a Visa at that time is of no consequence in that matter as you would not be allowed into the Country. That said, following the time they do start allowing foreigners into the country they will probably still be requiring a Health Certificate of Covid free for quite a while following such an opening, Insurance and any other requirements as listed for any Visa you may be seeking.