Pistachio

10 hours ago, bob smith said:

What a mess! 
 

Just leave her mate. 
and move somewhere else far far away. 
 

next time don’t rush into a relationship with an uneducated girl. You didn’t meet her in a bar, did you?

has finished her secondary school in Thailand she worked had a clothing store. She is independent from her family.

The problem is that her English is lousy and so is mine but she doesn't try to improve. There's minimal chance she'll find a job here. She is running out of state support here in the EU. The kids are older and it's slowly time to go to work. I can't say she doesn't work occasionally she cooks some Thai snakes at home and sells it via Facebook. The only chance is for her to maybe open a Thai massage place but I'm dreading how I'll be handling everything and she'll have a big big mess of paperwork. 

when it comes to sex life is almost non-existent I don't want to be selfish but my wife has gained weight. Breakfast rice meat lunch rice meat dinner rice meat. She has had diabetes for 3 years and doesn't take care of herself properly, doesn't follow doctor's recommendations, eats whatever she wants, it pisses me off.  Our children are eating at least bread for breakfast and I can at least sometimes eat together with the children. She usually eats alone when she feels like it, for example at night at 11 pm. We have no system as a family as breakfast lunch dinner we don't eat together. She's always making her Thai food and the whole fridge is filled with her sauces. ....

She has been in the Czech Republic for 4 years now there is zero interest in her learning the language. Everything is still handled by me in the Czech Republic papers documents. Few people speak English. Her English is bad at least if she would improve her English but she doesn't want to.  It irritates me how there is no call for self-development on her part. 

8 hours ago, brianthainess said:

Are you from a Germanic country by any chance?

Czech

51 minutes ago, JensenZ said:

The OP is very short on useful information. Which country? If it is not a strong English-speaking country like the UK, Netherlands, or the Scandinavian countries, then the incentive to learn a 3rd language would be understandably low. Learning English as her 2nd language is the most practical as the lingua franca of Europe.

Czech republic - Czech

6 hours ago, bob smith said:

If I knocked up a bar girl I would run a million miles.

 

Just sayin.

No she is not bar girl.

7 hours ago, brianthainess said:

So what language to you communicate in?

Have the kids started school yet? or even kindergarten?

Do they speak Thai?

Can you speak Thai?

I don't know in Europe, but many Thais lay on a bed all day looking at their phone. 

 

They speaks Czech and English a bit Thai. Yes older son will finish kindergarden and start go to scholl nex year.

24 minutes ago, gargamon said:

You can take the girl out of Thailand but you can't take the Thailand out of the girl.

 

If you don't have to live in the EU, then move back to Thailand. If you can't move back, you're going to need to get divorced. 

I'm mad mad I argue with her about irrelevant things. 

22 minutes ago, gargamon said:

You can take the girl out of Thailand but you can't take the Thailand out of the girl.

 

If you don't have to live in the EU, then move back to Thailand. If you can't move back, you're going to need to get divorced. 

Thailand is so ingrained in her. Now the boy has a fever instead of hot tea she gives him cold water and doesn't dress him properly. That supposedly to make the heat take the fever out of him faster. I'm tired of her Thai habits that she applies in the EU.

Hello everyone,
I have a Thai wife we have been together for 7 years the last 4 living in Europe. We have 2 children together. We had our wedding in Thailand seven years ago and then super legalised it in Europe. After living together I find that for the last year maybe two I am struggling to stay in this relationship which I know has no future. We are both tired and only the kids are keeping us going. My wife doesn't want to learn the language. She doesn't fit in at all and I'm getting pissed off that she can't fit into the way of life in Europe. Home is a mess everything I don't feel the warmth of home like I did in my youth. She doesn't have a system in things she brings up the children without rules she would like to give them a tablet which I have forbidden her to do. Raising children in her eyes is that it is enough if she dresses them and gives them food. I don't see the motherly love she plays with her phone all the time. The kids see this I try to create activities for them but I'm on my own and I'm exhausted. At home my stuff is a mess in my bookshelf she has papers meds and minc together. No system in things. He doesn't go out with us he says the sun is shining too much or it's too cold again. I want to divorce but I don't know what to do with the kids? Should I plough on with this marriage for the kids? 
Divorce in Europe is complicated because the court will probably order her to stay here and we'll have alternate custody.
I want her to go away and leave the kids here and I suggested it to her and she agreed to it. The issue is that I can't look after the children on my own. Unfortunately I don't have support in my family. 
Any idea how to resolve this. 

On 4/30/2022 at 11:10 AM, Chris.B said:

So you spent 3 weeks living in the parent's home. They gave you everything you needed (your words). Motorbike, car and food.

 

Did you give anything back to them or pay them some money? 

 

Maybe the father thought you was tight-fisted and didn't want to shake your hand! ????

 

I brought them some gifts like whiskey for dad in low...
We supported Thai parents in building a new house which we visited just on our holiday. So it maybe sounds like I only use their generosity, not at all.

Hello Guys,

We spent the last three weeks with my wife's parents in their house in Thailand. We are living in Europe.
I can't complain about their generosity to us we got everything that we needed like a motorbike, the car they brought food for us... 

Maybe for a start, I shall describe my mother/father-in-law. 
They are just simple Thais all life selling things on the market has a pretty hard life. I can say last eight years they have gotten better life, their business has risen they have nice cars, got land made a house for each kid that's why kids like stay near mom and bought so important gold for them :-). I think they are different than other Thais mainstream. They don't call/expect money from kids, but they are doing the opposite way to support their adult kids. Some of my wife's sisters make use of their generosity, but it is another story. 

My wife's childhood is living only with her original dad, which broke up with her mom. So my father-in-law is like my stepfather in low (he lived with my mother in low for 30 years.) 

I am coming to the point of my topic. Despite their generosity, I felt some kind of cold from my mother/father-in-law. Maybe it is because my speaking Thais ability is 0. I am still thinking about the last day when parents in law sent us to Airport. I hugged my mother-in-law; she did the same it is a good point. Step Father did not look in my eye, and I shook hands with him, but it was the most disrespectful shaking hands in my life. I know if I did their Thai greeting, he rarely answered back to me that why I use shacking hand instead of in good hope, he will be able to answer right. 

Is that the standard manner of a Thai man? Or this is quite a petty thing which I shouldn't care about. Father-in-law was all time like this style beginning we marry together with my wife couple of years ago. I was just thinking about why.

Thank for all kinds of your comments

On 8/28/2021 at 4:09 AM, 4MyEgo said:

There is an old saying, i.e. it takes two to tango and without "communication" your marriage is destined to fail.

 

Having kids can put pressure on a marriage, i.e. if your not on the same page, but you have already said, she is a good mum, so what is the underlying problem, the toy you once wanted badly enough doesn't work the way you want it to anymore so your going to throw it away instead of trying to fix it ?

 

You have already mentioned the problems you face on your side, e.g. you don't go out, you don't have a social life, etc, etc, but did you already forget you have 2 young children and no doubt you wife is exhausted, because looking after kids is NOT an easy task. We have 4 kids, she is full on with them and when she has some time for me, which is usually around meal time, we joke, and I complain that I don't see her anymore, she laughs and throws jokes back at me, like I see you on your laptop, what are you doing, looking for a younger version of me, (we have been very happily married 15 years), why, because we communicate, life can be serious and boring, but both have to be supportive of the other, especially with kids.

 

I suppose you only care about your own feelings, what about hers, what support do you provide her, my wife knows exactly where I am and can ask anything of me, just knowing that I am here and ready is all she wants, we also sleep in separate rooms, nothing to do with anger or anything like that, she likes the air con on all night, I don't so she sleeps in the girls room, but hangs with me till the girls are ready for sleep, we still have a very active sex life which is very important in a relationship as far as I'm concerned, so as long as she still loves me long time, I'm good.

 

You need to have a good long hard look at your communication skills, not knowing your wife, Thai's are also not the best communicators, but if you assure her that it's ok to let it out without fear, you never know, you just might find out what is on her mind.

 

You don't have kids to separate them from their mother, because regardless of what you think, kids NEED and WANT their mother more so than their father, so don't even think about robbing them of that. If you communicate with your wife and support her, worst case scenario is you can at least become friends for the sake of the kids best interests, and when I say support, it is for her and the kids, in other words, man up and be the father you are support to be as opposed to wanting to run away from YOUR responsibilities.

 

Right between the eyes, I hope so.

Dear Sir,

Thank you for your comment a long time ago.
Finally, our family lives got better, and I gained more strength.

btw 
It will be the first time for me after three years, and yes, I know my wife has to stay alone and take care of boys without my help. Sorry for her, but I need some time to stay in another environment. I am not smoking, not drinking, don't visit the pub's this holiday I plan to cut only for me. 
If the older boy is bigger, I take him with me but still small and sensitive get cold or something. 

What is quite important to note I am don't feel hate against her but love? Hard to say. Before, I have a better-paid job than now, but I had to travel a lot after we were born kids. I stooped now we cannot afford the same standard like before, but we can be together like real family which I can see is not best option exception I stay with boys daily which is great 90% of times sometimes I get tired with the jumping boy on my belly.

I cannot imagine sending kids to outlive in Thailand is nothing that cannot change my decision. If this happened, I would be <deleted>.... sad and depressed.
I am thinking of taking two weeks holiday going hiking in the mountains and clear head and let's see if something settle down or not.

Hey, I will be thankful for your comments. 

My wife and I are walking trow hard times. I don't want to bother you with details. We just don't speak together, leaving in a separate room and take care of small kids together and speak a bit but only about kids matter which is good bout our personal life is 0. I feel like I am sleeve who is only working and back home take care of kids, which is good, but we moved to Europe and don't have anybody who can support us with babysitting or something last two years we have never been outside for fun or something we are exhausted. We have nine months baby and 3yo son. Next week 3yo son is going the nursery school, which get us little free time for ourselves. 

I want to be broke up with my wife, but I do not want to lose kids. It is not about  I want to win or something. She is a good mom for them, but I don't want to stay with her. I worry if my wife went back to Thailand with the kids, she would like to revenge on me and cut me definitely without the option to visit my boys. 

Did I get just a stupid idea to find a stepmom for my boys? What do you think about it? 

Or should I wait until when boys will be older and broke up then?

On 7/17/2021 at 5:55 AM, elgenon said:

Do the Chinese run Laos? Loads of Chinese tourists is where the money is at. Why would they care about you parking? Sad. The Chinese are hardly "laid back".

I would like to know how is Chinese impacts PDR LAO. 
Does it make the Chinese stronger than Thais?  I saw all food is mainly transported from Thailand. 

15 hours ago, BangkokReady said:

This is just my opinion, and I don't even have kids, but it seems like once you have them, your life should really be all about them.  Clearly your kids will have a better life in Europe, at least education and career wise (this seems to be increasing over time as well).  If it's just about missing Thailand, and you have a job and are stable, maybe just suck it up for your kids sake.  If you were in Thailand, I could understand the unknown of moving to Europe, finding somewhere to live, a stable job, etc., would be a real worry.

 

Maybe just be a dad for 18 years, grind it out for your kids' sakes, get a good pension, then retire/move to Thailand once the kids are old enough?

Thanks for comment!

13 hours ago, FritsSikkink said:

If you are an international PM try to use the spell check option, when you write about something serious. 

Yes, you are right. I bit hurry up with writing.