thefarangteacher

I showed my wife this comment and it helped clarify some things for her, so thank you.

That was made clear from the onset. But of course, talk of money has only continued, and now we have this situation to deal with. I did tell my wife back when this deal was arranged that this would happen, and I think as a result she’s more inclined to listen to my advice.

Very encouraging advice thank you. It’s hard for her to ignore the gossip, especially when it is repeated back to her by family members she trusts, but we are working on it. She has allies but there are less of them than ones who are happy to say nasty things.

Great comment and thank you, that’s very helpful.

Thank you for the comment. Bullying is a good word to describe what they’re doing to my wife. Nobody else in the family is subjected to this bull<deleted>. One particular aunt, the ringleader of the bullying faction, has always had it out for my wife, and will seize on whatever she can to impugn my wife in the eyes of the family and the village. Now it’s sinsod, last year it was not paying grandma, the year before it was “the farang will leave you any day now and you’ll be poor,” the year before that it was “why are you visiting the village, you chose the farang,” etc. If I paid the sinsod (which I’m not going to do), it’ll be something else before too long. You can never make toxic people happy. I’ve tried to make this clear in other comments that this is not about “Thai culture” or “assimilating” or my “refusing to accept Thai cultural practices”; all of those are just excuses used as a weapon to make my wife miserable.

What you say makes a lot of sense. However, my wife has told her family repeatedly that I take great care of her and that she wants for nothing. But apparently that’s not sufficient; the sinsod must still be paid. Which is why I think it’s just about getting more and more money.

It’s the “we don’t live in the dark ages, my wife is not property that must be bought in exchange for money” principle.

Exactly the point I’m making to my wife. Toxic people are never satisfied no matter what you do. They’ll never stop demanding more. If we do pay the sinsod then it’ll be “oh the farang didn’t pay enough” or “wow he can afford such a large sinsod he should give larger monthly payments too.” People can say “it’s just Thai culture” all they want, but my feeling is they’re using culture as a bludgeon to extract as much money as possible from my poor wife.

My attitude 100%. That’s what makes it a principle.

Thank you. It really is driving my poor wife crazy. She doesn’t deserve this.

I’m in my mid-30. I’m not a retiree; I don’t have the kind of money those guys do due to their station in life. So from me, 2,000 baht a month is generous, especially since it’s 2,000 baht more than I give my sick parents. That’s a large part of the problem here: the family’s perception that just because I am a “farang” that I’m loaded. I’m not. The kind of sinsod someone with this attitude would ask for is something I could not afford (as written previously they’re already implying 50,000 baht would be a pittance so I’m assuming they would ask for at least double that).

Very true! Worth considering.

My wife and I don’t even want this. As I said in my original post, it’s our wedding, not theirs. We don’t want a sinsod to be a part of the ceremony because it’s a concept/tradition both of us find repellent on principle, even if it’s just for show. Why should we be forced to include something neither of us wants, especially when I’m already doing the monthly payments?

I already compromised by agreeing to the monthly payments. That’s me accepting a “good part of Thai reality.” I’m not the party in this situation that has the “my way or the highway” attitude, which is my overall point.

We can’t move for the time being due to work but my wife would come regardless. She doesn’t think moving away will necessarily solve the problem though. She just wants them to stop treating me and her disrespectfully like this.