Addaamm

Reading comprehension, not your strongest skill. Back to school!

=== Part four - Patrick and London Metropolitan Police sexual coercion investigation === The story below is in fact not based on anyone real. It’s purely fictional, I’m imagining here what would happen if I met a person like this and how the events would unfold. This fictional story is needed to introduce some much needed character development. Also, as these fictional stories turn a little dark now, I just wanted to reassure everyone I did have a few happy relationships in between. — After my situationship with Luke dramatically imploded within less than 24 hours I was in a desperate need of meeting someone new to at least hung out with. I met this boy Patrick on Grindr. He was a university student, really entertaining, chatty, charming, fun. He was a total opposite of Luke. While Luke enjoyed date walks and some typical chain restaurants or even fast food for dinner, Patrick really liked the top end, quality venues. I booked The Ivy restaurant for a dinner as a surprise, the most famous restaurant in London where all celebrities dine at. It was a last minute, spontaneous decision so I was really surprised I managed to reserve a table at a place where one usually needs to book a few months in advance. We arrived in a taxi. It turned out it was not the “The Ivy”, it was not the one where everyone famous goes. Why did you take me to a chain restaurant? Do you have a discount coupon for it or something? He said angrily The Ivy, a “chain restaurant”? It’s indeed a chain but not exactly a Pizza Hut or McDonalds. A “chain restaurant” is also what he called Paul’s, which indeed is a chain but to me at least it feels more quality and upmarket than Pret, Starbucks or Costa. I was a little annoyed by this but I thought it was not such a big deal, these high-end restaurants are similarly priced so in the end an average diner costs pretty much the same regardless if it is a “chain restaurant” or an independent-run one. I would just let him to choose any restaurant he wants, problem solved. Patrick lived couple of hours drive from me in Harts, a small distance away which meant we could only see each other at weekends, and chat on WhatsApp during the week. It was always a great fun to hang out with him, we were going for a date every weekend and typically we’d go to some cool place during the day, then a fancy restaurant in the evening, then back to my place or a hotel for the night. Everything was perfect apart from one thing. We’d go back to my place or a hotel but he never really wanted to sleep with me. There was always some genuine reason - we arrived late, drunk too much wine, hangover the next morning, or a headache, or a cold. Every reason was quite plausible on its own so I didn’t think I had to worry about it. We were at our fourth of fifth date, we checked in a hotel in West End late at night, the following morning I asked him if he’s into some fun, he said he wasn’t. I was quite annoyed, what was the reason now, I thought to myself. I don’t remember exactly what I said but in the end he changed his mind and said, okay let’s do this. But we booked the hotel for one night only, it was impossible to extend the stay so in the end we had to check out and leave, which was perfect because I felt he wasn’t into it at all so I wouldn’t really want to do this anyway. After that date I toned down my involvement a little bit, we’d meet less often, every two to three weeks, but we still continued to chat on WhatsApp. A few months later he went on a trip to catch up with his ex long term boyfriend, which was not a big deal. A few days later he messaged me of the blue accusing me of “sexual coercion”. I’ve never heard this term before. What does that mean exactly? Is this the same rape? We stayed a few times at my place months ago. When was this supposed to happen? Is he trying to frame me into some non-existent crime? My thoughts were all over the place. Where is this all going? And, as we were chatting on WhatsApp, where messages are stored permanently, I had to be extra careful not to apologise for or second guess anything as that could be seen as an admission of the crime. It turned out he was not trying to frame me into some made up crime, which was quite relieving already. Just on that morning in the hotel apparently I said something that made him feel pressured into having sex with me, which ultimately didn’t happen, but the fact that he agreed to it meant it was a “sexual coercion”. It was so unreal, we were in a hotel in West End, full of CCTV, if he felt threatened in any way he could have just left the room and go get some help at a reception. Just running out of the room would have alerted everyone. Secondly, it was our fourth or fifth date and he felt threatened by me? And then, despise this “sexual coercion”, he continued to see me for months after that, even staying at my place a few times more. How unreal. I quickly established my legal position. All rape cases are sadly difficult to prosecute, but out of all of them a violent, stranger rape are the easiest ones. Then there’s a non-stranger rape, when people meet willingly, but then the someone changes their mind. That’s quite difficult to prove already as it is a word against a word. Some people do get falsely accused so the police needs to be extra careful when deciding if they are going to prosecute and potentially ruin a life of an innocent person. Here, this was a non-violent, non-stranger, non-rape, just a “sexual coercion” non-violently “forced” that in the end it didn’t materialise. The police is not going even look at this apart from recording his statement so as far as legality was concerned I was in all-clear. There were a couple of other problems though. He felt genuinely hurt by my words, I felt bad about it, but I couldn’t apologise to him as potentially I could implicate myself into a crime. So I could only say I didn’t mean to say anything threatening, I was just annoyed that’s all. But this made things worse as he started accusing me of denying and invalidating his experience. There was no way out of this. Second issue was, while legally it was all good, what if he decides to accuse me publicly decades from now. How would I defend myself then? I would rather prefer if he filed a police complaint now, then at least he’d get some peace and I wouldn’t have to worry about being accused for the rest of my life. It was really difficult to make him to file a police report, I had to ask our mutual friend to persuade him to go ahead with this. The reasoning was - he had to do this to stop me from hurting other people, which was plausible enough. I was kept up to date with everything so I was not surprised when one day I got a phone call from a restricted number. It was a Harts county police officer. He said it was an unofficial warning, and he was telling both of us to block each other’s numbers and to stop all contact. That’s all. Months later I learnt that, as the alleged “crime” happened in West End, it wasn’t investigated by Harts police at all and instead it was passed to London Metropolitan Police. I’ve never heard anything from them, I just hope they won’t have any major data leak. In the end the lesson here is, if someone doesn’t want to sleep with me on the first date then I’ll just be as polite as possible, say it’s not a problem at all, and most importantly, won’t waste time, money or emotions to see them again. I met this guy, Steve, he was also really charming, fun, and most importantly interested in me. He wasn’t into fancy restaurants at all, it’s as if he truly liked hanging out with me. We came back to my place, he said was not into sex at the time, for, what I now realise was a genuine reason. I said it’s not a big deal but I decided I won’t be seeing him again, even though he really wanted to. Couple of years later I realised I was a little bit harsh on him, I wanted to catch up so I googled his name and phone number to see what he was up to. Turned out he became a full time escort. A lose-lose ending for both of us, a real tragedy and one of those “what-if” situations. Maybe my rule should have been more flexible? But it was too late to do anything about it now. But all this was years ago, it’s my third day in Pattaya and I’m about to meet Bas.

I’m not sure if it was not clear but this was after a hook up. I’ve already paid him 2,000, and the laptop was supposed to be a gift.

Thanks for this! The stories are 100% true, I’ve only changed guys’ first names so Suchart is just a random name. I’ve also changed some specifics of how exactly the doomed overseas holiday trip with English guy Luke came to be. He’s only mentioned here in passing as, and this is a spoiler alert but by now I think everyone can figure this out, my “relationship” with Bas, who was supposed to be a successful “Luke’s substitute”, will also implode within less than 24 hours :) Premium Bonds obviously do not provide a guaranteed return, my annual winnings are equivalent to 2.6% AER, which is significantly less than an average fixed interest rate account return, with two caveats: - PB is a gambling product so you don’t pay CGT tax on the interest/winnings - you have a chance of winning a number of high value awards, from £50k to £500k and smaller ones, form £50 to £25k - Overall, I think it’s better to get a saving account + a £4/month lucky dip weekly recurring lottery ticket to feed one’s gambling addiction.

=== Part four - Buying a 29,999 laptop === I guess I’ve already won the lottery of life as I was born into a loving, educated and affluent family. From a very young age I’ve been into mathematics so when my parents bought me my first laptop they instantly sparked my interest in computers. Years later, this turned into a lucrative career in computer games design. I’ll be forever grateful to my parents that I didn’t have to prostitute myself for 1,500 baht, a price of an H&M hoodie. While hooking up with cute guys is fun, it’s also at the same time full of guilt. If someone (not a bar boy) likes me and wants to meet me again, I usually take them to Central Pattaya Festival. I can buy them an extra H&M hoodie, Nike shoes or anything else they want, as long as it’s reasonably priced. However, ultimately, even if I spend 5,000 baht on them, more than a triple the amount agreed, I will make their life easier for a little while. The clothes will last a few years, but in the end, them meeting be won’t be life changing experience. If only I could meet someone who’s into computers, buy him a laptop and spark his interest in computers. I met this boy through Grindr, after the hookup he takes out his iPhone and starts playing a mobile game. This phone is really slow. I’m not from Pattaya, I only came here to earn some money for a new phone, then I’m back home This is perfect! The next day I message him via Line saying I’ll take him to Central Pattaya Festival, he can pick one thing he wants as long, but he has to guess the budget. And nothing from Apple. I’ll take a computer for 20,000 20,000 is exactly how much a nice laptop costs, reduced form 29,999. I’ll get you a laptop for 29,999. It’s more practical than a computer. You can carry it everywhere with you But I really want a computer. … But in fact I want a new iPhone. Can you buy me an iPhone for 20,000? That’s a disaster! This is not going as planned at all. I’ll buy him an iPhone, it breaks or becomes obsolete, then he’ll be back in Pattaya. I tell him he can think about it overnight. The next morning he messages me Okay I’ll take a laptop Brilliant! But in fact an iPad would be easier to use. Can you buy me an iPad? We’re going back and forth. In the end he calls me a “buffalo”, an offensive word in Thai, he unsends it but not before I’ve seen it. It’s too late, I have to block him. The next boy, he works at a hotel. Highly unlikely he’s into computers but I ask him if he wants to meet at Central Pattaya Festival, at least I could buy him a few surprise gifts - Sure! He replies, two days later. I’m quite used to being ghosted or waiting days for a response on Grindr, but it’s really off putting when someone does this to an offer of meeting at a shopping centre. Unfortunately, it’s a no. The third and last chance to take someone to Central Pattaya Festival will be with Suchart, we agreed to meet there in the morning on his day off, to have the whole day to browse any shops he wants.

I think the key is to always ask for price before ordering anything. So it depends if the prices were clearly displayed on the menu. I made a mistake once of going to a La Baguetina sandwich bar in Barcelona, ordering a couple of sandwiches and beers, the total bill was 50 euros. Essentially this was a legal scam, a trap for unsuspecting tourists who’d assume that a sandwich an a beer would be a few euros maximum like everywhere else. A side note, the bar was not run by Spanish people.

=== Part 3 - Becoming a millionaire === I’m not a millionaire by any means, I’m a typical forty-something guy, with a high income job, mortgage and some savings. I used to have some money stashed in Premium Bonds, an investing/gambling scheme that provides decent return with a little bit of extra thrill, an opportunity to win a half a million of pounds once month. With rising inflation and interest rates I decided to move everything into a fixed saving account and instead simply buy a recurring weekly lucky dip lottery ticket for £4 per month. If I win a lottery while there I’m not coming back. So don’t worry if you never see me again. I say to my friend before setting off I land at Bangkok airport, connect to the airport WiFi, turns out I’ve got an email. You've won a prize on The National Lottery You've won a prize playing one of our draw games on Friday 15 Dec 2023. Sign into your account to find out more. But the email doesn’t say how much I won. Need to check this in the app. Turns out it’s only £3, I guess I’m not a millionaire just yet. I arrive to Pattaya, go to a 7 Eleven store to get a True mobile data plan. It’s a brand new SIM card registered to my passport so I just can’t express my surprise when the following morning I got a text from Krungsri bank: “Money Withdrawal from xxx122196x via Online Channel amount 1,000.00 Baht balance 1,229,828.52 Baht” Apparently the mobile number has already been used by someone else. It must have expired, recycled and assigned to me. So I guess I am a (Baht) millionaire after all. If some boy upsets me I can always show him the text messages from Krungsri bank, he missed out on a millionaire.

I’m a little bit confused by this comment. I initially wrote this for myself only, to remember the variety of different emotions, hopes, being liked, being disappointed, and so on. Then I thought I may as well share this with others as many people go through the similar cycle, just spread across many years - being love bombed, investing their time, money and emotions in the relationship, getting married, only to realise none of this was real. I experienced all of this in less than 24 hour which a disappointment but also a great experience.

Why would you begin to think that?

Why not? I loved the idea! Travelling with a local hot boy, seeing real Thailand, having sex in his village house while his mother is cooking an authentic Thai food next door, what more do you need? 40,000 was on a higher end of my intended budget but with a right person it would be worth it?

Part 2 We arrive at the beach, hire a couple of loungers, he orders various Thai dishes for a dinner. This is great! A Thai, he knows what to get. I’d never think of ordering a Papaya Salad, now it is my favourite dish. A few days later, having given up on dating bar boys, I would meet another boy, through Grindr. We arrange a breakfast date as he needs to go to his work at a hotel later on. He’s stunned when I order Papaya Salad, “How can you eat this”, he says. Not a bar boy, chatty and fun, Suchart really seemed to like me. Days later, at the end of the day, after I got him a few gifts, he spent his own money to surprise me with a green tea and a watermelon smoothie. Since when do Thais buy gifts for foreigners? Even if it was not expensive, it’s a thought that matters, not the monetary value. It really seemed like an exciting new beginning when he showed an interest in my Spicy Papaya Salad order. I would have never imagined that later on, just as he was bringing me he a cute watermelon smoothie, he would restrict my instagram profile so that I’m not able to see what he post on his Instagram stories. At least that is what he believed would happen. But back to Bas. I find out why he needs 40,000 for the trip. He says he needs to give some money to her mother, as she’s retired and has very little money. He also likes to take her to a restaurant, and buy a few things for himself while he’s there. This is all quite reasonable, but I know you for less than 24 hours and you’re already asking me to give money for your family. This is a little bit too much, I’m thinking to myself, but I’m not saying anything as I want to see how will the things unfold. 4pm approaches, it’s time to leave as he needs to go to his bar work starting at 5pm. Do you want to go back to my place later, I ask I can, but what do you want to do? What? You’re in your early 20s, you work as a bar boy in a gay bar in a gay district in Pattaya, obviously you must know why a guy wants to take you home… I’m stunned but I don’t say anything. We separate but continue chatting via line. We arrange to meet at my condo, I tell him I’ll pay his 300 baht bar fee and will give him 1,500, which I think is a going rate. If he wants more he can always ask, or I can surprise him with a tip or a gift later on. End of part two

Maybe they didn’t tell you. Up until quite recently it was not a case to announce own sexuality to everyone.

Are you for real? At the beginning there were only heterosexual couples. So obviously starting couples may have gay sons. What sort of question is that?

Which part is fictional exactly? It actually happened to me before. I arranged a hookup with a boy via Grindr, came to pick him up, but he already got drinks from someone else. But the men he was with were chill, and they were like, you can have him once he finishes his drink.

Don’t get ahead of yourself. 40,000 baht was not the price of a hookup. It was how much he needed for our trip together to see his mother in Isaan

This is quite sad to hear. I thought I could turn this into a Travel Writing 2024 bestseller 😔

While this may or may not be true, is it not the case for every bar boy or girl. A lot of people come to Thailand to hook up with someone who is out of their league in their home country, then they marry them, divorce, and repeat the process until their bank account is emptied. And the solution suggested to this is to just date someone who’s not a bar boy/girl. Well, I have this covered in Part 3

Although this topic about a same sex situationship, I think it may be interesting to everyone. — It was not my first time in Pattaya and so I pretty much knew the drill. You walk about, see a boy you like, get him a drink, agree on the price, pay the bar fee and take him home for a few hours of some fun. Although it sounds simple, it is quite challenging. As you walk around you get approached by a lot of unattractive boys saying, “welcome, welcome, welcome, or even “you want boom boom”. Which is a little bit intimidating as you’d want to walk slowly to find the cutest boy there. In general, the uglier the boy the more desperate he is. It’s not charming at all. Anyway, I walk back and forth and suddenly I see this cute boy sitting a little bit further back, confident, calm, relaxed. He’s above and beyond all of these “welcome” boys. I’m like - he’s the one. He also reminds me of an English boy I spent a lot of time and money trying to date. The long story short is, I really liked him and I really wanted to make it happen so I suggested we’ll go on a nice holiday overseas. Which he in the end agreed to. We went on a trip, sadly from the beginning I could feel he was not interested in me. It’s was impossible to have any conversation, I made a few bad jokes and that was enough for him to cause everything to implode within less than 24 hours. In the end it would fail regardless of what I did, for one reason or another. Back to the main story, I’m so excited as the boy looks and behaves exactly like him (just Thai not English), I can relieve my past experiences but this time there will be a happy ending. I decide to play it cool. I walk up to the bar, sit a little behind him, order a Coca Cola, and planning my next move. The opportunity presents itself almost immediately as he walks past me. Do you want a drink, I ask? “It is a little bit too late for that!” I hear a loud voice. Turns out a big fat dude who sat at a table just a moment ago already offered him a drink. The boy laughs as he’s confused and doesn’t know what to do. “It’s okay, I’ll get him a next one” “What if I buy him more than one, just back off”. The fat man is having none of it “I have plenty of time, I can sit here for a few hours” “What if I want to <deleted> him later , you may be waiting here for ten hours” I don’t really like where this is going. I don’t want to escalate the situation but at the same time I’m not going to be intimidated into leaving the bar. I sit at the bar drinking cola, I didn’t do anything to offend anyone. “Let him decide, he can do what he wants. It’s his choice”, I say. The dude is furious at this point. I’m not exactly good looking, but likewise he is even uglier and really obese. At least I am quite slim. And he knows the boy would rather chat to me, get free drinks, tips and earn a commission on drinks, instead of going back with him. “This is bull<deleted>, how about he decides now”, he shouts. He gets up, walks up to the bar, looking at me. I’m a little bit afraid now, thinking, will I get punched? People with mobile phones everywhere. What if someone films this, sends it to Daily Mail. I already see my face plastered all over the internet with headlines “Two British tourists in a bar fight over a bar boy in Pattaya gay district”. That’s a life ruining headline. “I’m not paying for his drink, this guy pays” - he shouts pointing at me, pays for his own drinks, gives a small tip to the bartender and leaves. Everyone is stunned. I'm relieved because the bar fight didn’t materialise. I’m terribly sorry, I apologie to the boy, even though I know I didn’t do anything Don’t worry, I don’t know him. I don’t care about him And we start chatting, via Google translate. He’s smiling, he’s really interested in me. - Where are you from? London, England. Really? I always wanted to go to Paris to see Eiffel Tower. How long are you in Pattaya for? Two to three weeks. How about you? I’m not from Pattaya. I’m from Isaan. I hear “Isaan” and I’m immediately thinking to myself - I’ve read so many stories about Isaan bar girls in Pattaya, but surely these are just stereotypes, not everyone is the same, and this bar boy is smiling at me so much, he’s touching me, surely he genuinely likes me (and the prospective money). It’s going to be alright. In two weeks I’m going back to Isaan for four days to see my mother. Do you want to go with me, I’ll show you the true Thailand This great! This is better than expected! I won a bar “fight” over a cute boy, he makes me his first choice! I’ve met someone hot and I’ll travel with him for a week or two. It’s just amazing. I’ll see his family, his mother will teach me how to cook Thai food, this is perfect! It’s unreal! Definitely! And after Isaan we can go to Bangkok for a few days, go to fancy restaurants, and at the end I’ll go back to London and you’ll go to Pattaya We check Bangkok to Udom Thani flights on Google. They are quite expensive for Thailand as they are around £100 per person return, but they’re not gonna break my bank by any means. Of course I’m not booking plane tickets just yet. I’ve never flown on a plane, I’ll be really scarred It’s fine, it’s gonna be alright We continue chatting, I get him one more drink and then I ask him if I can get him back to my place, without mentioning any money. Tonight?, he asks No, tomorrow, I say as I’m really tired now That’s fine, but let’s meet during the day and go for a dinner first Sounds great! We meet the following day at 1pm Let’s go to the beach and order some food there, he says From the meeting point to the beach is about 5-10 minutes walk. As soon as we start walking he asks Have you thought about the trip to Isaan? How much is your budget? Im a little bit stunned. First of all, I’ve only known him for a few hours. I’m thinking I’ll give him 2,000 bahts per day, and budget another 2,000 bahts to spend on fancy restaurants, car hire and so on. A ballpark estimate. But if he treats me really well and he gives me a trip of a lifetime then I could spend much more than that. But I’m not going to promise him anything because if I tell him it’s 4,000 bahts per day then he’d be expecting this as a minimum. I don’t know. I say, How much a trip like this would cost? A trip to Isaan is very, very expensive. What is your budget? And now at this stage I’m a little bit worried because Thailand is quite affordable, especially if you are going to the rural areas. Bangkok’s high end restaurants and hotels can be expensive, but a trip to Isaan shouldn’t be. How much do you think we need, I ask again 40,000 baths 40,000? how can a 4 days trip to Isaan can cost 40,000 bahts? How can someone spend so much money there? On what exactly? But then again, I could afford it if he treats me amazingly, so let’s just see how it unfolds. So I’m not going to immediately disagree, but also I’m not going to agree just yet. End of part one. is anyone interested in reading part two?