Wow, mate, what an unbelievable spellbinding journey. An amazing four weeks in Thailand, bravely fending off gangs of violent monkeys in Lopburi, being cruelly shunned by Pattaya’s top tier bar-slappers, and of course, launching a full scale legal battle against Bolt for the crime of sending you an ute instead of a luxury sedan. And then drinking your fat arse off with the locals at a bum-gun party. Absolutely gripping stuff. How ever did you survive all that love?
What’s even more impressive is that you managed to pull off this entire adventure remotely, without ever leaving the janitor’s closet at that mental institution where you work in Australia, probably squeezing in your literary masterpiece between taking a dump, pulling yourself off and giving the old mop handle a good plunging up your bungholio.
Let’s be honest, this is just another classic barbie-smith-style windup about tragedy in Thailand. A little mop jockey fan fiction to see if anyone will swallow your troll-bait. The only monkey you’ve had an actual confrontation with is your own reflection in a puddle of industrial strength floor cleaner. The only dark clouds hanging over you are the ones in your head. And let’s face it, the only real tragedy here is that pushing a floor mop around at a mental institution for $10 an hour isn’t quite the exotic adventure you wish it was.
But hey, don’t let pesky reality get in the way of another childhood lunchtime knob-pulling fantasy. I’m sure there are still a few forum-fools left here who haven’t quite worked out your full scale windup invasion yet.
Keep those updates coming there Janitor Dundee. We’re all dying to know what happens next when you dump all that grimy mop water down the drain, just like all your bad, made up dreams.