Jamesyboi

If you had 3000 baht to spend on Thai food, what would you buy ?

my dad gave me $100 ( 3000 baht) worth of food voucher for local Thai restuarant .. hrmm Thai food is yummy ..

I lost weight when I went to Thailand in 2004. Good food & heaps of walking ..

horse or kangaroo

A young man was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from college.

While he was walking through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.

The elephant seemed distressed so the man approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot. There was a large thorn deeply embedded in the bottom of the foot.

As carefully and as gently as he could he worked the thorn out with His hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather stern look on its face, stared at him. For a good ten minutes the man stood frozen -- thinking of nothing else but being trampled.

Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away. The man never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later the man was walking through the zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to where they are standing at the rail. The large bull elephant stared at him and lifted it's front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times, all the while staring at the

man. The man couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant.

After a while it trumpeted loudly; then it continued to stare at him.

The man summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.

Suddenly the elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of the man's legs and swung him wildly back and forth along the railing, killing him.

This probably wasn't the same elephant.

Thought for the day:

When I play rock/paper/scissors, I understand that scissors can beat paper, and I get how rock can beat scissors, but there's no f*%$ing way paper can beat rock. Paper is supposed to magically "wrap around" rock, rendering it immobile?

Why the hel_l can't paper do this to scissors?

Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class?... I'll tell you why-- BECAUSE PAPER CAN'T BEAT ANYBODY!

A rock would tear that sh*t up in 2 seconds.

When I play rock/paper/scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper, I punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, "Oh sh*t, I'm sorry. I thought paper would protect you"

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.

Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.

A recent study has found that hormones in beer can turn a man into a woman.

In a controlled situation a group of men were forced to drink 15 schooners a day.They all talked too much,put on weight,stopped making sense,argued over nothing,became emotional,lost interest in sex and had accidents in shopping centre car parks.

ONE

A married couple were asleep, when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.

The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone,

listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!"

and hung up.

The husband said, "Who was that?"

The wife said, "I don't know; some woman wanting to know if the coast is

clear."

TWO

Two blondes are walking down the street.

One notices a compact on the sidewalk, and leans down to pick it up.

She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks

familiar."

the second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"

So the first blonde hands her the compact.

The second one looks in the mirror and says, You dummy, it's me!"

THREE

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys

a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly, and when she opens the door,

she finds him in the arms of a redhead.

Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts

it to her head

The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it."

The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

FOUR

A blonde, was bragging about her knowledge, of state capitals.

She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."

A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?"

The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."

FIVE

What did the blonde, ask her doctor, when he told her she was pregnant?

"Is it mine?"

SIX

A blonde had just totaled her car, in a horrific accident. Miraculously,

she managed to pry herself, from the wreckage without a scratch, and was

applying fresh lipstick, when the state trooper arrived.

"My God!" the trooper exclaimed, "Your car looks like an accordion, that was

stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"

"Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.

"Well, how in the world did this happen?" The officer asked, as he surveyed

the wrecked car.

"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving

along this road, when from out of nowhere, this TREE pops up in front of me.

So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left

and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was another

tree! I swerved to the left and there was....

" "Uh, ma'am," the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on

this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener, swinging back and

forth."

SEVEN

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked, to find her house ransacked

and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once, and reported the crime. The police dispatcher, broadcasted the call, on the channels, and a K-9

unit,

patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house, with his dog on a leash, the blonde

ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, and

then sat down on the steps.

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my

possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do?

They send me a BLIND policeman!

Famous composers

Steven Spielberg was discussing his new project - an action docudrama about famous composers starring top movie stars. Sylvester Stallone, Steven Segal, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were all present at the initial casting sessions and Spielberg strongly desired the box office 'oomph' of these action superstars. So much so that he was prepared to allow them to select whichever composers they would portray, as long as they were very famous.

"Well," started Stallone, "I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play him."

"Chopin has always been my favourite, and my image would improve ten-fold if people saw me playing the piano" said Willis. "I'll play him."

"I've always been partial to Strauss and his waltzes," said Segal. "I'd like to play him."

Spielberg was very pleased with these choices. "Sounds splendid," he said, "I'm very pleased with these choices" Then looking at Schwarzenegger, he asked, "So who do you want to be Arnold?"

And Arnold says ...

"I'll be Bach"

Police warn all clubbers, partygoers and unsuspecting pub regulars to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. A new date rape drug on the market called "beer" is used by many females to target unsuspecting men.

The drug is generally found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, from taps and in large kegs.

"Beer" is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them.

Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of "beer" and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex.

Men are rendered helpless against this approach.

After several "beers" men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking "beer" men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that something bad occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings in a familiar scam known as "a relationship." It has been reported that in extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage."

Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after "beer" is administered and sex is offered by the predatory female.

Please! Forward this warning to every male you know.

However, if you fall victim to this insidious "beer" and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like minded guys.

For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the yellow pages.

Once upon a time there was an elderly gentleman who was suffering from Alzheimer's. His wife of 40 years loved him very much, but she couldn't handle him any longer. He would wander about never knowing where he was or sometimes even who he was. She took him to a nursing home.

At the nursing home, while the wife was filling out paperwork, a nurse had the gentleman sit in a chair.

Suddenly the man started slowly leaning to his left. The nurse ran over and put a pillow on his left side to prop him up.

A few minutes later, he started leaning to his right.

Again, the nurse ran over and put a pillow on his right side.

Then he started leaning forward.

This time, the nurse strapped him into the chair.

About this time, his wife, having completed the paperwork, walked up to him and asked, "How do you like the place?"

"It's okay," he said. "But, they won't let me fart!"

Tom is driving over the Harbour Bridge one day when he sees his girlfriend Shazza about to throw herself off.

Tom slams on the brakes and yells, "Shazza, what the hel_l d'ya think ya doin?".

Shazza turns around with a tear in her eye and says, "G'day Tom. Ya got me pregnant and so now I'm gonna kill me-self."

Tom gets a lump in his throat when he hears this. "Shazza," he says, "Fair dinkum, not only are ya a top root, but you're a real sport too", and drives off.

A study in Wisconsin showed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ -- depending on where a woman is in her menstrual cycle.

For instance: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features;

If she is menstruating, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors shoved in his temple and a bat jammed up his bum.

Definition of Outdoor Barbecuing "It's the only type of cooking a'real' man will do". When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion.

1. The woman goes to the store.

2. The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert.

3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill, drinking a beer.

4. The man places the meat on the grill.

5. The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables.

6. The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.

7. The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.

8. The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.

9. After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

10. The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.

Heaven and hel_l

While walking down the street one day a politician is tragically hit by a

truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems

there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you

see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the man.

"Well, I'd like to but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is

have you spend one day in hel_l and one in heaven. Then you can choose

were to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the senator.

"I'm sorry but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down,

down, down to hel_l. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of

a green golf course. In the distance is a club and standing in front of it

are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress.

They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times

they had while getting rich at expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and

champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a

good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that, before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St.

Peter is waiting for him.

"Now it's time to visit heaven."

So, 24 hours pass with the head of state joining a group of contented

souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have

a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St.

Peter returns.

"Well then, you've spent a day in hel_l and another in heaven. Now choose

your eternity."

The politician reflects for a minute, then answers: "Well, I

would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I

think I would be better off in hel_l."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, to hel_l.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren

land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in

rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.

"I don't understand," he stammers . "Yesterday I was here and

there was a golf course and club, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank

champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland

full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were

campaigning......

Today you voted.

Fall-Down Drunk

A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face.

"Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside.

He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud.

"Screw it," he thought. "I'll just crawl home."

The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep.

"You went out drinking last night, didn't you?" she said.

"Uh, yes," he said sheepishly. "How did you know?"

"You left your wheelchair at the bar again."

Blonde

There was a red head, a brunette, and a blonde all in an adults only

erotic shop.

The red head walks up to the counter and tells the man that she would

like the red vibrator. He takes it down off the shelf and says "ok

that'll be $20." She pays and goes off on her merry way.

The brunette walks up to the man and says that she would like the

yellow vibrator. He take the yellow one off the shelf and says "ok,

miss, that'll be $20." She pays and goes off on her merry way.

The blonde walks over to the man blushes and says, "yes, sir, I would

like the plaid one please." The man turns around to see the "plaid

vibrator" and smiling, says "that'll be $75." The blonde pays and goes

off on her merry way.

The owner of the store comes in and asks the man how the sales were

that day. He replies, "Well, I sold a red and a yellow vibrator for

$20 each, and I sold your thermos to some lady for 75 bucks!"

How to Bath the Cat

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add cup of pet shampoo to the water

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power wash and rinse'.

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the toilet and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Sincerely,

The Dog.

Sex In The Dark

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years.

Every time they made love the husband always insisted on

shutting off the light.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous.

She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit.

So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild,

screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights.

She looked down... and saw her husband was holding a

battery-operated pleasure device... a vibrator!

Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.

She went completely ballistic.

You impotent bastard," She screamed at him, "how could you be

lying to me all of these years?

You better explain yourself!"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:

I'll explain the toy . . . you explain the kids."

Egg Donor

One day, while Sue was cleaning under the bed, she found a small box. Curious, she opened it and found 3 eggs and 10,000 dollars. A little bit suspicious, she confronted her husband of twenty years about it.

"Oh, that," Frank said. "Every time I cheated on you, I put an egg in this box." Sue was a bit unhappy about this, but figured that 3 affairs over twenty years wasn't so bad.

"But what about the 10,000 dollars?"

"Every time I got a dozen, I sold them."

I like that thai soap on channel 3 I think it was called "the direct sale of love" or something ? does anyone know who sings the opening theme song to that tv show ?

happy newyear everyone

happy newyear everyone