12call

Bkk-Cebu approx Baht15,000.

http://www.mandalatravel.co.th/airticket/bookingonline.asp

her ame is Tuk.Mobile:01-5506901

YOU DESERVE A BREAK TODAY

Sez a Kindly Contributor: This is a 4 week correspondence I had with a Nigerian Scam Artist. Still going strong as of August 2002 (jump to bottom). Now trying to hook two lonely Lads up with each other.

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1.

Dear Sir,

I am led to contact you after seeing your contact in the Internet

during my search for a business negotiation.

Anyway, my name is Mr. Kingsley Williams, a legal practitioner

based in Nigeria

I have the authority of my client to seek for a reliable, honest and

trustworthy foreign businessman or woman whom could assist in the

investment of the sum of US$ 18.5M either in his/her country or in

any western countries.

Upon receipt of the following I shall furnish you immediately

with the modalities for us to proceed. Your remuneration for

the assistance shall be 30% of the total sum due to the role

you are going to play to make the business be a success.

Kindly acknowledge the receipt of this message by furnishing me

with your telephone and fax numbers including your full name

and address.

Thanks for your understanding as we expect a profitable and

fruitful business undertaking with your esteem company.

Send your reply to my direct and private email address:XXXX

Yours faithfully,

Kingsley Williams (Esq.)

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2.

Dear Mr. Williams

Thank you for considering me for your venture. I'm sure that because you are a legal practitioner that you are aware of all legal pratices, and therefore, very trustworthy. I myself am as trustworthy as a Catholic priest at a boy's school. In fact, you could just refer to me as Father. I think I'd like that.

You are looking for bank accounts in the US I believe. I have many bank accounts through which I launder money here. How many do you need? I can make as many available as needed. I also have offshore accounts, should we need them.

I'm not sure about the 30% though. Things are much more expensive here than Nigeria. I may require some expense funds as well.

Hope to hear from you soonest,

Father

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3.

Attn: father

Dear sir,

Thanks for your response to my proposal. It is

appreciated. I have relayed your email to my client and

she is delighted to deal with a person of your

integrity.

However, as a legal practitioner I am quite aware of

the legal practice as it affects this transaction and

would try to the best of my ability to ensure

everything goes accordingly.

Meanwhile I would like you to furnish the following

information to me immediately for immediate processing

of the fund into your nominated account.

1) Your private telephone and fax numbers for private

discussions.

2) Your full name, company Name and address.

3) The receiving account particulars. It is left for

you to decide any of the accounts that would be able to

accommodate the stated sum-US$18.5M. For security

reasons we would not want the money to be sent into

different accounts unless if you do not have a single

account that could contain the money. Preferably US

account would be ideal since my client would likely

want to invest her part of the money in US.

Concerning the 30% remuneration in which you said you

are not sure, I would like you to contact me on my

direct number 234 (XXXX) for us to discuss and know

if there are some amendment that could be done.

As soon as I receive your response, modalities for the

transaction shall be communicated to you.

Regards

Kingsley Williams (Esq.)

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4.

Mr. Williams,

Your last email concerns me greatly. You spoke of a client. I was under the impression I was dealing directly with you. Now this. Are you trying to deceive me? Who is this person, and why are they necessary? I thought you were a legal practitioner. You should know better than this. Just as an aside, when do you stop practicing and really start playing? Ha! I'm kidding, I'm a kidder!

Once we dispose of this woman, and you may do that in any fashion that you choose, though I would suggest you make it look like an "accident", we can get down to real business. I was thinking my cut should be about 50%, what do you say? With that kind of scratch I could really make some stuff happen. You know, cars, girls, big houses, a pony and plenty of gravy. That's living, huh?

As for the bank accounts, my accounts are so big women faint and grown men cry when they see them. I believe that can hold everything you've got. I think the banks in Pennsytucky are the ones with the least government regulations, so money should go there, if you approve.

So I look forward to hearing from you.

Your Dad,

Father Oblivion

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5.

Subject: RE: INVESTMENT NEGOTIATIONS

Dear Father,

I have received your email which came with a mixed

feelings. However, i am writing to inform you that I am

not a deceiver and would never attempt that. I am a man

with concience.

I wrote you from onset that that this money belong to a

client of my but i have every authority to do anything

over the fund.

As a matter of fact I would like you to call me or you

give me your direct phone number for us to discuss over

the phone and deliberate on the percentage.

As per the Pennsytucky account there is no problem but

be assured that we are into a real business that every

body will be happy at the end of the day.

Call me on my number immediately you receive this

meassage on 234(XXXX).

Regards

Kingsley Williams

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6.

My Dear Mr. Williams,

You must forgive me, I was being overly suspicious. I mean, how could I ever question your integrity, a man of your reputation who wrote me out of the blue, seeking my help. What was I thinking?

First I must tell you that it is difficult for me to make or receive phone calls at this time. The US government is watching me and monitoring my calls, and I don't want them to find out about this. In the next day or two, I will be installing a secret Iridium phone system that will be untraceable. We will talk then. I'm sure you are familiar with Iridium and their satellite technology.

Along with that, I'm forced to take a new name. I will be called Mac Sandwich, as the government does not know me by that name. You can refer to me as Big Mac.

AS you say, the Pensytucky Bank will do for our purposes. I am known there, as I launder great deals of cash in that bank.

By the way, my grandfather was B.L. Williams of the Florida Williams. Could you by any chance be related? I would hope to include you as a family member, with the rank and privilege that entails.

Hope to hear from you soon,

Regards,

Big Mac

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7.

Dear Big Mac,

Thanks for your email and your apology has been

accepted unconditionally. But I wish to inform you that

there is need for us to proceed immediately as you

stated that you cannot talk for now until you install

your new security lines in two days times.

I am a bit agitated by your assertion; you said the US

government is monitoring both your incoming and

outgoing calls, what is the reason for such

surveillance. I am sure we are safe dealing with you in

this business. Please explain!!!

Meanwhile, you are required to send the information

stated earlier on which includes:

The bank information and your address while your

telephone and fax numbers shall come as soon as there

are installed.

Concerning the name of your grandfather B.L. Williams,

in fact that is indeed a marvelous coincidence. I would

be greatly thrilled to belong to the family in whatever

form you may want it and the privileges as you may deem

fit.

Do as much as you can to put machineries in motion for

a successful realization of this project, as this seems

to be an open door for a mutual business relationship

with you and the family entirely.

Always maintain absolute confidentiality concerning the

entire nature of this business. Business they say is

secret and we must definitely have that as our

watchword.

I expect your immediate response.

Regards

Kingsley Williams (Esq.)

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8.

Dearest Kingsley,

I am glad that we are back on the same track. I cried myself to sleep last night thinking that I had hurt you. I had to drink nearly a quart of Jack Daniels before I could rest,( I'll add that to the expenses later).

As far as the government goes, rest easy. My attorney, lawyer Dagget from the Territiories, says the government has no case. Besides, how was I supposed to know she was 13? That may not be a problem in your country, and if I lived in Alabama, it wouldn't be a problem here either. Perhaps I'll move.

Now, to real business. I contacted my banker in Pensytucky, Issac Asimov. I did not discuss you or our plan, I simply said to expect some transactions with the account in the next week. Okay?

Next, I need to know what information you require exactly. Can you provide a list? I'd like three (3) copies please. Stacked neatly.

My phone number will be ready tomorrow a.m. We'll talk then.

Lastly, I am so pleased that we may be related. I feel very comfortable with that. So much so that I'm preparing my guest house for you should you decide to vist the US. Well, it's sort of a tool shed, but I'm putting some of that inflatable furniture, some black light posters, Tupperware containers and Lava lamp out there. I think it's quite nice. just don't start the grill up while it's next to the gas can. As a member of the family,you'll get discounts at the Burger Barn, a chair at the AA meeting, and unlimited use of the roadways. Sound good?

Your Cousin,

"Big Mac" Sandwich

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9.

Subject: INVESTMENT NEGOTIATIONS

Dear Sir,

Thanks for your message. The content is well noted.

You said I have to provide a list of the information I

require you to send in 3 copies. I do not understand

you correctly what you mean by that but I believe it is

something we have to talk over the phone when you would

call me.

However, you are required to send me your full name and

address for me to use it to start the processing of the

fund here in Nigeria. Presently the fund is with a

security company here in west Africa and I have to use

my good office to process the fund in your favor as the

beneficiary before it will be wired into your account.

Basically, what I need now is your name and company

name that you want to reflect in the documentation for

the fund payment after which the bank account shall

come thereafter. Already I have commenced discussion

with the security company and they are awaiting my

correspondence, which has to go with the beneficiary's

information (you).

Let me have this information today for me to proceed

tomorrow.

I must express my gratitude in advance over all the

good tidings you have in stock for me and I believe God

in his infinite mercies will surely bring it to

fulfillment.

Yours sincerely,

Kingsley Williams (Esq.)

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10.

My Dear Kingsley,

I'm so glad you've promptly replied. I know that anyone who responds so quickly must be competent. As far as the list goes, you mentioned in a past email that you needed "The receiving account particulars". Now I'm just guessing, but that's my bank you want to send the money to, right? If so, I need a list of these "particulars", and maybe some snapshots, if you've got them. I suppose you could send one (1) list, but it's going to make more paperwork for me, (but I can expense that, right)? You probably need bank name, account numbers, shoe size, what ever. Let me know!

My full name is of course, Mac Sandwich. My address is 1 Kroc Drive, Oak Brook, IL 60523. Tomorrow, I will send the Corporate name and phone numbers.

You know, I believe that God is blessing us with this business deal. I can feel it. My cough has cleared up, and I've grown an extra toe on my left foot. I think that's a good sign. I've already put a down payment on a new house, (but don't you worry, I still have a, um, guest house ready for you. And if there's still a rake in the corner, well, a little yard work wouldn't be out of line).

Regards,

Big Mac

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11.

Dear Mac,

What is happening on your end? why have I not heard

from you for a couple of days now? Is everything okay?

Furnish me as soon as possible as we have commenced

towards the actualisation of the transaction.

You have my number, you can contact me urgently.

I am sure that work is as well in progress for the

inclusion of my name as your family member.

Williams

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12.

Dear Kingsley,

I'm very sorry that I was unable to get in touch with you, but I've had a long weekend that took me out of town. On Friday, my friend and attorney, J. Nobile Daggett, picked me up and tossed me into his car. In the back seat he had a case of beer, 2 quarts of Jack Daniels, a six pack of Mountain Dew(Red) and half a bottle of ludes. I knew I wouldn't be coming home soon.

He drove me down to the end of Lonely Street, to the Heartbreak Hotel. When we went into the lounge I couldn't believe my eyes! There, on stage, was Spanish Lucy and her donkey Lowell! We closed the bar down and took Lucy, Lowell, and the contents of the back seat up to our room.

Well, I don't need to tell you what happened! In fact, I don't think I can. When I awoke the next morning, J. Nobile Daggett, Spanish Lucy, Lowell and my wallet were gone. All I could remember was singing Broadway tunes in my underwear while J. Nobile Daggett got jiggy wit Spanish Lucy and Lowell crapped happily in the corner. But Lowell can sure get a freak on when he wants to!

That brings us to today. You said you need my bank information, yet you refuse to tell me what, exactly, you want. Do you need the name of the bank? Address? Account number? I need this money Kingsley, as someone's got to pay for the hotel room and I think Lowell gave them my number.

Also, I just got and email from a Dr. Fadiga Peters in Nigeria. He said he needs my help with some bizness, and you (as well as Spanish Lucy) know I can do some bizness. Do you know him? Do you think he can be trusted?

Hope to hear from you soon,

Big Mac

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

13.

Dear Mac,

Thanks for your email and your weekend encounter. In

fact I would have loved to join you guys if I were

notified. No doubt you really had some snappy thrill

and bliss. I hope to join in the next trip by then the

fund must have been credited in your account for me to

come over to US.

At the moment, what I need is your telephone and fax

number because we need to talk. I have already used

your personal data you gave me last week to start the

processing of the fund. I am expecting the deposit slip

from the security company today, which I shall

transmit, to you as soon as I got it. After the

approval from the security company modalities for the

payment into your nominated account shall be

communicated to us. You shall be required to send down

YOUR BANK NAME, ADDRESS, and TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBERS

AND ALSO YOUR ACCOUNT NAME AND NUMBER FOR A SMOOTH

TRANSFER.

In response to the message you said you received form

Nigeria, I advise you to send me the message for me to

investigate and find out whom the guy is. If he is

somebody to deal with I would know but if he is not I

still let you know my findings. I should be able to do

that for you as your family lawyer in Nigeria.

DO NOT REPLY HIM YET UNTIL I ADVISE YOU.

Call me urgently.

Regards

Kingsley Williams

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

14.

My Dear Kingsley,

Thanks for replying. Yes, I'm sure there was some bliss this weekend, but I don't much remember, though J. Nobile Daggett says I will when the film is developed.

I think this will be all of the information you need.

Mac Sandwich (Big Mac)

McDonald Investor Relation Services

1 Kroc Drive

Oak Brook, IL 60523

Phone: xxxxxxx

Fax: xxxxxxxx

(yes it was the phone number for McDonald's corporate)

Now I need to tell you this. When you call you will get a recording. Press 6, that will get you to an operator. Tell them you want to talk to me, (just ask for Big Mac, they all know me). I told them to expect your call, but because they work different shifts I couldn't speak with all of them. If they don't want to connect you, be persistent, since they screen many of the sales calls out. I'm going to be in meetings much of the next several days with Mayor McCheese discussing new bidness. Tell the operator that I am in with the Mayor and then they'll know that you are serious.

Bank Information

First National Bank of Pennsytucky

13 Lonely Street

Tridelphia, Pk 80419

Account Name: Mac Sandwich

Account #: F4K3-5UM83R

Phone# xxxxxx

Fax#: xxxxxx

There, you should have everything you need. Let's Party! Show me the money! Let the cartoons begin!

Oh yes. I'll be sending you a copy of Dr. Peters letter as well. Since you handle all my legal matters in Nigeria, please check it out. Another thing, since I'm going to have some extra dough-ray-me, could you look for a nice vacation house in Nigeria for me. I think I'll visit and it would be nice to have a place to stash some extra loot at. It should have a pool and central air. A satellite dish would be cool too. 4 bedrooms and 2 baths. Oh, and you'll need a tool shed as well.

Regards,

Big Mac

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15.

Dear Mac,

Thanks for the detail message of the requirement for

this transaction.

I have taken note of that, I did receive the

confirmation of the Deposit slip from the security

company that would be effecting the release of the fund

into your nominated account in America.

Having,given the approval by the company, you as the

beneficiary, shall be required to sign the necessary

document in their affliate office in ACCRA- GHANA for

them to effect the release of the fund into your

account within 48hours. This as a matter of policy and

the pact entered with the original depositor of the

fund hence it is mandatory.

In view of this, you are required to inform me precisly

when you would be making the trip for a sucessful

conclusion of this business.

To ensure a perfect and hitch-free signing, I shall

accompany you with all the necessary documentation in

relation to this fund.

I shall call you today, to further highlight you on the

issue.

Concerning the letter from PETERS,I have sent two

competent lawyers in my chamber to go to the NNPC and

find out who this guy is. For the meantime, I advise

you to stop further contact with him untill the enquiry

is concluded.

Take a good care of yourself.

Yours sincerely,

Kingsley Williams

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16.

Dear Kingsley,

I'm VERY happy to hear things are progressing. I'm going to be needing some cash rather quickly since a acquaintance, Tony the Nose, is calling in some markers. Who knew that horse was lame anyway? It looked ok to me. Anyway, if I want to keep walking upright, I'll need cash. I did tell him you were going to be sending me some, but I think he wants an address for you. Can you send me your address?

As far as going there to sign papers, I'm ready. If I can give Tony's boys the slip, I'm there. I will fly first class, (I'll add that to expenses) and be accompanied by Spanish Lucy. I'm hoping that I can ditch Lowell. I don't trust that ass for a minute, and he's been giving me funny looks.

You're going to need to tell me which airport to arrive at. Heck, I don't even know where Nigeria is. Someplace warm I hope, with plenty of coconuts. I like those little drinks with them umbrellas. Maybe you should have a few pitchers ready when I land.

As far as accommodations, I'm hoping you can have that house ready. See if you can get a little uniform for yourself, maybe something frilly. If no house can be prepared, find a decent 4 star hotel. One that has umbrella drinks.

Hope to hear from you soonest,

Mac

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17.

Hi Mac,

I am not happy the way I was treated today by the call

director of your company. I called and mentioned your

name and she dropped after asking me rigorous

questions. She answered as if she does not know whom I

was asking for. For that reason I decided not to call

again after some other attempts.She said she does't

have any body like that in her register.

You see, we ought to handle this transaction with

utmost seriousness without any form of child's play

business. I have been telling you all these while that

we need to talk on phone, you said you do not want to

call or receive any call due to your case with the

government of your country. You further said you were

making arrangement to install a telephone system that

could be conducive for this business. I accepted but

now you gave a telephone number that I still have to

pass through some kind of processes at the end of the

day phone will be hung on me. From the direction you

gave, you said that I have to mention your name and

that if they refuse to connect me that I should persist

calling for them to know that I am serious. What kind

of deal is that in a transaction of this magnitude.

In fact, I need to speak with you, therefore, you are

to reach me urgently on my number for us to discuss

234 (xxxxx) otherwise I would be compelled to believe

that, you are not ready to handle this project with me.

Regards

William

For your information, the lawyers I sent from my

chamber to go and investigate the PETERS said they did

not find anybody like that working with the NIGERIAN

NATIONAL PETROLUEM CORPORATION (NNPC). They said they

went as far as demanding for the list of the NNPC top

officials and yet they could not trace any name like

that. The name that was close to that is PETERS MUGU

IBERIBE. And this gentleman is under the admin office.

I have instructed them to move down to Abuja to find

out tomorrow. They shall be taking the first flight

tomorrow morning to investigate also. Until the full

investigation is conducted, you are not advised to

contact him for any business except you so decides. If

you have his telephone number, you could include it but

if you don't have, do not bother.

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18.

Kingsley,

I am shocked and saddened by the way you were treated. There is no excuse for that on my part! I am truly shamed by your treatment. I beg your forgiveness and hope we can get past all that. Did you get the woman's name? I will have her taken in front of the whole company and beaten within an inch of her life! I will have Tammy Faye Baker apply mountains of makeup to her face till she looks like a goblin and falls over from the weight! Then, she'll be out of a job.

Believe me, this is no joke or child's play. Tony the Nose wants his money, the real estate agent wants the down payment, the hotel is harassing me to cover the damage from the weekend, and J. Nobile Daggett wants a piece of the action or those pictures of me and Lowell will be on the internet next week!

I'm thinking this really would be an excellent time to go to Nigeria. I need to leave town in a hurry. I can book a flight quickly, as soon as you tell me which airport in Nigeria you will meet me at. I can handle this project, I can handle ANY bidness project. After all, it's what I do.

Where will I be staying? Have you found a suitable house or hotel. Remember, I need plenty of coconuts and umbrella drinks.

That PETERS sounds like bad news. I shall deal with him no further. Perhaps your lawyers can have him picked up and sent to a Turkish prison. I think that would serve him right.

And please, send me the name of the woman that treated you with such disrespect. She will be dealt with.

Yours Forever,

Big Mac

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19.

Dear Mac,

Thanks for your email. I have heard your explainations

but you must call me this afternoon if you want me to

beleive that you are serious. However,I have perfected

the necessary documents and have transfered your name

as the beneficiary of this fund

with the Security company. I am sure that everything

shall be concluded before as soon as you arrive to

Acrra Ghana. Be informed that Accra Ghana is not in

Nigeria. It is a country of its own located in West

African sub regions.

The security Company that is transfering the fund is in

Accra-Ghana. That is why, You need to book your flight

directly to Accra-Ghana. Actually, it is a neighbouring

country to Nigeria and not too far from Nigeria.

In order to facilitate the travelling arrangement, I

did discuss with one of my fellow learned friends in

Ghana to help you obtain a cable Visa so that we would

not have any delay. In that respect he told me that, he

would need the first three pages of your international

passport for the Cable Visa. He said, within 24 hours

the Cable Visa would be ready for you to fly down.

I have already entered into negotiation with some

estate valuer for a fine house in Victoria Garden City

(VGC)Lekki Penisulla.

And I am sure that everything before your arrival

everything shall be okay for inspection and subsequent

payment. Of course I know you would like it because it

is exclusively

built and designed. As for the, accomodations, the 4

star hotel could be arranged where you would stay

temporarily for the acomplishment of the signing with

the security Company after which,

we shall fly to Nigeria and to United States finally

for the sharing of the money in your account.

I am expecting your immediate action.

Sincerely

Kingsley Williams (Esq.)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

20

Dear Kingsley,

This is most excellent! It sounds like we have everything in order. I shall book my ticket for a flight tomorrow to Accra-Ghana. I guess there is just one airport there or you would have told me which city to arrive at. I hope that the runway is paved. Those bumpy landings make my spleen hurt.

As far as the cable visa goes, please thank your friend, but his help is not required. You see, I have Popiel's VISA-MATIC! Yes, VISA-MATIC is the easiest way to make your own visa stamps. No more fooling with slow government agencies or corrupt back ally stamps. VISA-MATIC lets you create official looking visas anytime, anywhere! And it's available now for the low, low price of $29.95. Don't be fooled by imitations! The is the original VISA-MATIC. (As an aside, I'm a distributor of the VISA-MATIC, and if you act now, I'll throw in Ronco's PICTURE-MATIC, the fastest way to create bogus passport photos yet!)

Ok, the house sounds almost perfect. It does have a pool, correct? And the hotel you mentioned should do nicely, but please be assured, it must have coconuts and umbrella drinks, otherwise, the deal is off!

Please let me know soonest!

Your best friend,

Big Mac

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

21.

Kingsley,

I must tell you that I am wound up tighter than a nun in a strip joint! I spent this morning calling you and all I got was a message telling me that the number was out of service! What kind of game is this? I'm a bidness man, doing bidness in a bidness manner. You were supposed to send money to my account. Is it there yet? No! Did you persist in calling me? No! I'll bet you haven't even gotten that frilly uniform yet, have you? And where are my ###### coconuts and umbrella drinks?

I'm very upset. I had my staff of crack phone dialers call 234 X XXXXX till their fingers bled. Two of them needed medical care, and I had to lie on top of another one for nearly an hour till she calmed down.

Let's just say that for now I have canceled my trip to Ghana, (and that my friend, has cost me nearly $20,000! I will add that to my expenses.)

I think I must contact Dr. Peters and see if he will do some bidness with me.

Your brother forever,

Big Mac

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22.

Dear Kingsley,

Once again I think I had some snappy fun this weekend. I'm not sure though. The last thing I recall was Spanish Lucy coming over and that it involved mass quantities of alcohol, gerbils and duct tape. As always, I'll know more when the film is developed.

I have not heard from you so I hope everything is going well. I did not mean to sound strident in my last email, I had just coughed up a lung and had a monster headache.

I did contact Dr. Peters. He wants me to send him $250,000. While that's not much money, you are my family laywer in Nigeria, so I wondered if you found out anything about him?

Hope to hear from you soon,

Your brother,

Big Mac

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

23.

Dear Mac,

Thanks for the last two emails you sent to me which i

did not reply you on time. The reason for the late

response was as a result of my trip to Ghana to

finalise every arrangement with the security company

for the release of the money into your account.

Also to make sure that the accomodation for you is in

such that you could like. Everything is in perfect

order.

In fact I just came in this afternoon and saw your

emails then i decided to get in touch immediately.

Concerning my phone, I am sorry the reason why you

could not get me was because I disconnected it. Right

now it is working you call me immediately for me to

furnish you with the latest update.My number is 234 (XXXX).

I am dissappointed with you that you continued to deal

with Peters after telling you about our findings in the

NNPC. You have yourself to blame in whatever business

you do with him.

Do not say I did not tell you!!!!!

I am expecting your call as soon as you receive this

email.

Williams

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24.

Dear Mac,

This is the second mail I sent to you since I came back

from my trip. Is everything okay on your side? Get in

touch with me urgently for me to know the position of

things on your side. I have received a payment

notification from the security company in your favour

for the payment of the fund upon the fulfilment of the

signing and statutory obligations.

Check my number very well, the number you were dailing

from what you wrote in your last email reveals that you

were not dailing the correct number. My number is 234 (XXXX).

Call me urgently as I have tried fruitlessly

to get you to no avail because your staff seems playing

pranks to say they dont know who Big Mac is.

I am waiting.

Regards

Williams

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

25.

Dear Williams,

Well, I looked and guess what, you are right. My staff of crack phone dialers WERE dialing the wrong number! Is my face red or what? Well, I'm going to get the team going today. I issued them all thick woolen gloves so they won't risk injury to their fingers as they dial. And as a bonus, the person that gets through to you will get to perform domestic chores in one of my homes. You can't beleive the excitement around here.

Speaking of homes, how are things progressing on my new home in Nigeria or Ghana or France or whatever? There should be a fully stocked bar when I get there. I think that's really all I need.

It seems that the modalities for the transaction are indeed in order. God gave me a vision that the money would be transferred in the next three (3) days. God also gave me a little heartburn and a small hangnail, but when I get the cash I can live with that.

By the way, Kingsley, do you like gladiator movies?

The one and only,

Big Mac

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26.

Dear sir,

I have received your message which seems to me a joke

as you have bluntly refused to adhere to my

instructions. I have received the payment notification

for this payment in your favour which I suppose to

transmit to you either by fax or scanned mail but your

lukewarm attitude in talking to me is giving me serious

concern.

get in touch by phone for me to talk with you or you

give me you direct phone number.

regards

Kingsley

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27.

Oh Kingsley,

Your words wound me deeply! I bleed the blood of the injured. You've made the wind from my rear break in a foul manner. Can you feel my pain? Can you?

I have wanted nothing more than to have a successful venture. I wanted the money you promised, not for my own gain, but only to help poor children. I have made it my life's work to help the poor and downtrodden in this country. Do you know what it costs to aid a child in this country? Nearly $1000.00 per day.

I try to aid poor girls between the ages of 18-22. I supply homes, cars, clothes from Victoria's Secret and Fredrick's of Hollywood, dinners in nice clubs, entertainment in upscale venues, in short, I want to provide them with a life they've only dreamed about, and that is not cheap, my friend, believe me!

God sent you to me to help these women. Please be part of my glorious mission to make the world a better place, and transfer the money to my account. God's work is no joke, and I have complied with your requests.

I humbly thank you,

Mac

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

28.

Dear Kingsley,

I have not heard from you Kingsley. Are you doing well? Listen, could I send my nephew to work at your law firm this summer? He's looking for a summer job, and I promised him that uncle Kingsley would give him a position this summer. I thought maybe he could just sweep floors or something, but them I thought, hey, how many laws can you have over there, right? I mean, there's probably a pamphlet or something you could send that explains the basic laws, and he can probably fake the rest. He's lived on a farm, so he could probably handle most of your cases that deal with goats and stuff.

The only thing I'd ask is that he get paid in real money, not oxen or chicken or nuts or whatever. He's got to buy textbooks next year, so it'd really help out if he got currency.

Let me know!

Big Mac.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

29.

Dear sir,

Thanks for your email. I am very much around and ready

to work with you in

all ramifications. I received your last email before

this one, which was not properly digested. However I

decided to transmit this PAYMENT ADVISE from the

Security Company demanding you officially to come and

sign the necessary documents that would enhance the

release of the fund into your nominated account. The

CERTIFICATE OF DEPOSIT and some other Valid documents

shall be given to you as soon as you arrive here before

going to sign the document.

Basically, the consignments were logded in form of

jewelries by the late Gen Sanni Abacha as a legacy to

the wife while the original content of the fund is

genuine United States Dollars. But due to the

circumstances surrounding his death and the way he

looted all the government treasury, the suceeding

government, now confiscated all the known assets of the

family. Fortunately, for the wife this was not noticed

and she ran to me asking for help in transfering this

fund out of the country without the knowledge of

anybody including the government. In fact I have done

that by using my position to file the necessary papers

where necessary to make sure that we arrive at this

level of approval as you can see from the attached

PAYMENT ADVISE.

In view of this, you are directed to inform me about

your preparation for the visit in Accra Ghana for the

conclusion of the business. As soon as I hear from you

I shall furnish you with the telephone number of the

four star hotel for you to negotiate for your

accomodation. The agreement binding us in this business

shall be delivered to you for your perusal before the

endorsement as soon as possible.

concerning the visit of your nephew there is no

problem. All the maximum co-operation needed to ensure

that the visit is a sucess shall be given.

Awaiting your immediate response.

Kingsley williams

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

30.

Dear Mac,

Find attached the text of the MUTUAL AGREEMENT. You are

to study it and get back to me with your observations

if any before i shall produce it for endorsement for

the parties involved.

Also let me know when you would be arriving for the

signing of the fund in Ghana. You would agre with me

that time is no longer on our side.

Yours faithfully,

Kingsley Williams

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

31.

Dear Kingsley,

My adventures have keep me out of touch for several days. I had not intended to leave town, however, my team of crack phone dialers, having been worn out from the previous week, got into some hard times, and despite what may appear in the news, I can assure you that it wasn't MY crack. Heck, I just thought they were dedicated.

With the cameras and lights and whatever I had to leave town on the first Greyhound, and let me tell you, that dog was running. I end up in Brownsville, Texas, in a bar with a bunch of real nice sailors. When I woke up, I was somewhere in Mexico, my shoes are missing, and once again, I've got a roll of undeveloped film. If I ever catch up with that Lowell, there's going to be trouble, let me tell you.

The payment form was most welcome, as was the contract. Did you produce that? I wish my secretaries could do that kind of work. If you come to the US, I'll chase you around the office and goose you, just like I do them. It would be an honor. What fonts do you use?

I will be making my arrangements to fly there in the next day or two. I can sign the document and email it back to you, if you wish. Would you like it scanned, faxed, or surgically altered to resemble a squirrel. I can do origami as well.

let me know.

Big Mac

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

32.

Dear Kingsley,

All arrangements have been made. I will leave New York at 10:00 p.m. for Accra on Thursday, June 6, on Continental Flight 70 to Amsterdam. There, I change to KLM Royal Dutch Airlines 589 leaving Amsterdam at 2:30 p.m. June 7, with arrival in Accra at 7:25 p.m. I am planning on departing Sunday, June 9 on Cross Air 265 leaving at 8:30 p.m. for Zurich.

I will be traveling with one of my associates, I. P. Freely. I am expecting you to meet us at the airport with a limousine. Since I am still trying to avoid Tony the Nose and those pesky questions about my staff, please do not try to identify me by name in the airport. Instead, please have a card prepared with my associates name on it.

It should read - I.P. Freely -.

You will need to make it fairly large since my eyesight is not so good.

I am having J. Nobile Dagget look over the documents and suggest a minor change or two. Will forward them at your request.

As always,

Big Mac

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

33.

Dear Big mac,

I am highly dissappointed by the way and manner you

treated and abused me after my commitment in this

project only to make sure that I meet the need of my

client and also to establish good relationship with

you.I respected you as a man of absolute integrity. In

fact your previous email put my client Mariam Abacha

who has been passing series of psycholgical tuture into

a very terrible state as she was hoping that the money

could be released to her last week at least to have

some respite but your sudden ulterance dashed her

hopes. Even the agreement she asked me to prepare for

the security of her share since you bluntly refused to

disclose your telephone numbers nor to call me, you did

not comment on it instead what you did was to voice our

terrible thing one never expected from you.

Right now, before further action must be taken

concerning this project, I MUST receive 2 appology

letters from you. One for me while the other one shall

be given to my client Mariam Abacha. Until this is done

I am sorry, I do not think I shall continue with you in

this project.

Have a good day!!!

kingsley Williams

[Kindly Contributor's Note: He feels that I've abused him. Moi? Where could he have gotten that idea? Do you think I went too far with the frilly uniform?]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

34.

Dear Kingsley,

I must tell you that I am hurt by your accusations. I have wanted nothing more than the sucessful completion of this project. I have repeatedly asked YOU for information, yet you refuse to provide it. You sent a contract to me. I am prepared to sign it and send it back by any means you choose, but YOU will not answer. I asked YOU for an address, but you didn't provide it. I sent you my schedule for arrival, at great expence to myself, yet you won't acknowledge it.

I feel like you may be the one holding this up. Like Ms. Mariam Abacha, I too have loan sharks to pay off. I fully expected this money by now. Why the holdup. I've done what you asked.

If it's letters of appology you want, heck, I'll send you a BUCKET of appology, with gravy on the side, if that what it takes.

I truly hope that you will be meeting with myself and I.P. Freely when we arrive.

Please let me know, Kingsley my friend.

Big Mac

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

35.

Dear Sir,

Your last email refers.

I am a little bit perplexed by your message. Which

address did you request for that I did not give you?

When was that? I had asked you often time to contact me

on phone or give me your direct phone number and you

refused. How then do you think I should be happy and

believe you are serious in the transaction.

First, I would want you to make your observations

concerning the Mutual Agreement(contract) and get back

to me urgently. You should first of all send it by

scanned mail after perusing the document with

satisfaction I can now give you my direct fax line

where I can receive the signed documents.

Concerning the business, everything is still intact.

The Security Company has written me a letter seeking to

know the reason why we did not honour the invitation

for the signing of the fund scheduled for last week

thursday.Prior to the arrival of the last memo, they

did notify us of the administrative/ handling charges

of US$9,425.00 which must be paid before the signing of

the fund. I was planning to reply their memo today

monday to demand for an extention of time before i

received your flight schedule on saturday.This morning

I have sent one of my colleagues in the office with the

memo seeking their attention for them to attend to us

on saturday 8th June 2002. I put it on saturday based

on your scheduled to fly back on Sunday 9th June.

However, I hope to get the feed back from them this

evening or tomorrow.

AS soon as I receive the their confirmation I shall get

in touch with you but meanwhile go ahead and send the

documents. I am deeply committed to ensuring that this

business is concluded this week by the special grace of

God so that I can have time to attend to other matters

in my office.

Note that, your real name shall be in the agreement

therefore you have to put your real name instead of the

guy name'BIG MAC'

How is everybody in the family? Hope all is fine? By

the way, how old are you? Married or Single? Wife and

how many children or still expecting?

I shall be please to have this information from you in

your next email.

You shall be informed of any development in due course.

Sincerely,

Kingsley Williams

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

36.

Dear Kingsley,

I had wanted your address to send you a little something, but perhaps you can supply me with that later.

I am satisfied with the contract. I need to make a minor change or addition and I'll send it to you tomorrow. Or I could just bring it with me. I picked up new clothes and luggage from the Salvation Army store, so I'm ready to travel.

The administrative charge of $9,425.00 seems a bit high, but you know best. I authorize you to deduct that from the expense funds as indicated on the contract.

As far as myself, I have been successfully married 3 times. In each case, however, my wives met with an unfortunate "accident" and died. On the flip side, I really cashed in on the insurance. Believe me, a little dough-ray-me can brighten ANY day. Perhaps, if I can find a wealthy woman with a bad cough, I'll get married again.

Please write back.

Mac Sandwich

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

37.

Dear Mac,

Your message is understood.

My address is as follows: 2ND AV. 312 ROAD

SUITE 512 MAKAY PLAZA

FESTIVAL TOWN

LAGOS NIGERIA. You can now send whatever thing you wish

to send.

Concerning the changes and additional information in

the contract I would like you to do same and send it to

me urgently for approval before getting it ready for

endorsement.

In respect of the administrative/ handling charges, we

are required to pay the fee before the endorsement of

the fund. This is in line with the pact entered by the

depositor (Late Sani Abacha) with the Global security

company. I had already put up the claim and they

informed me that the beneficiary must be responsible

for this charges prior to the signing and the release

of the fund. The PACT was shown to me.

You should understand that we already mapped out 5%

percentage for the settlement of whatever expenses each

party incur in the course of the transfer. Therefore,

you have to keep whatever record of expenses you incur

in this business for you to present it during

disbursement of the fund.

I am happy to inform you that the security company has

granted our application for the Saturday signing of the

fund. Although my colleague came this evening with a

letter from the security company demanding for the

demurrage of the consignment accrued but we over here

shall take care of this.

My client could have taken care of the administrative

charges but she said she had exhausted all her money

especially for the son who is currently serving a jail

sentence in the prison with the Government.

In view of this I advise you to arrange to come down

with the charges for the administrative/handling

charges for us to ensure that everything goes on

smoothly without any hitch.

You should also try to arrange for some corporate gift

items to be given to some of the official that would be

attending to us while signing the fund. This would of

course induce maximum favour and co-operation from the

official for a successful transfer.

Yours faithfully,

Kingsley Williams

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

38.

Dearest Kingsley,

I can handle the money and administrative tasks, but I'm concerned about the corporate gifts. I mean, I'm more than happy to get them, but how many?

I have a few ideas. Let me know what's good, as I'm going shopping tonight.

How about:

Hickory Farms Cheese Logs

Feminine Hygiene products

Star Trek neckties

Happy Meal toys

Tub-O-Lard

Dukes of Hazard Lunch Box

Do any of these sound good, or should I keep looking.

Mac Sandwich

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

DID THEY FINALLY GET WISE??

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

39. (APPARENTLY NOT)

Dear Mac,

Thank s for the email. I have conveyed your message to

my client Myriam Abacha and she is very delighted over

your commitment and prays that everything should be

concluded by this weekend by the special grace of God.

Concerning the gift items, I would rather advise you to

go for corporate gift items like, quality wrist

watches, suites, writing pens and cameras. As African

working in corporate organization I am very sure that

they will appreciate it more than what you intended to

buy.

Let me know as soon as possible when everything is

arranged on your side before your departure.

Regards

Kingsley Williams

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

40.

Dear Kingsley,

Everything is in order. I reviewed the contract and I believe that no changes are needed. I had purchased several cheese logs last night, the kind with nuts on them, but if you feel something else would be better, I'll purchase those instead. Actually, some cameras would be a good idea.

I'll be leaving here later this afternoon for the airport. Please let me know that you will be waiting for me in Accra-Ghana with the sign for my associate, I.P. Freely. It's important because I don't want to miss you when I arrive, as I have no other way to contact you.

See you soon,

Mac

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

41.

Dear Sir,

I am sure you did receive my last email concerning the

corporate gift items that would be better and serves

the purpose.

Do furnish me urgently with the attire you and Mr I P

Freely would put on for easier identification at the

airport. This is very important. If you do not furnish

me with this information it would be very hard for me

to trace you and your associate.And also confirm to me

by email as soon as you leave for the airport. As soon

as you arrive Holland you give me a call to enable me

know that you have departed for Accra-Ghana.

Regards

Kingsley Williams

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

42.

Dear Kingsley,

Thank you for writing. I am leaving for the airport in another 20 minutes. I found several cameras, pens and watches that I hope will be suitable. I still have the cheese logs, just in case. I sure do like those nuts.

We shall be dressed in casual clothes, kakhi pants, dress shirt, brief case and carry-on bags. I am going to Amsterdam, not Holland, so I will try to call you from there. I must tell you though, I don't know the Amsterdamish language, so I'm not sure how to use the phones. I.P. Freely hates to fly, so he'll probably want to go straight to the airport bar. I hope we don't have trouble this time.

You need to have the sign made so I can reqognize you. Please, this is all that I ask. I know I.P., and if he doesn't see his name in Accra-Ghana, he's going to head right to the bar, and then we'll be stuck till he gets plowed. I don't think either of us wants that. It's not a pretty sight. If we see the sign, then we'll know everything is ok. I'll have a small bonus if you have the sign, a new PalmPilot. I think they are great, and it will be the first thing that I.P. Freely gives to the person with the sign, so please be up near the front.

So, I'll see you tomorrow,

Till then, I'm

Big Mac

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

43.

[Note from Kindly Contributor:I may have blown it here. I was not tracking my dates correctly and I told him I was leaving a day early. I can't believe after all this he would pick up on so small a thing as 24 hours. Can't he tell I'm brain damaged?]

Dear Sir,

You have started again with those comments that make me

feel you are not serious with this transaction. How

could you have said you are going to be on casual

clothes, kakhi pants, and dress shirt, brief case

and carry-on bags? Would that make us to recognize you

at the airport? You need to specify the particular

dresses both of you are going to put on including the

colours for easier identification. Do you think that

Africa is like United States?

Moreover you said you were going to leave for the

airport in the next 20 minutes yesterday while you

wrote me thus: I will leave New York at 10:00 p.m. for

Accra on Thursday, June 6, on Continental Flight 70 to

Amsterdam. There, I change to KLM Royal Dutch Airlines

589 leaving Amsterdam at 2:30 p.m. June

7, with arrival in Accra at 7:25 p.m. I am planning on

departing Sunday,

June 9 on Cross Air 265 leaving at 8:30 p.m. for Zurich.

With this your conflicting stories nobody know what

you mean by that.

I must be fully updated with your flight arrangement

with convictions before we shall proceed to Ghana to

receive you otherwise there is no business. In view of

this you must confirm urgently ones again your flight

schedule and the exact cloth you and your colleagues

shall enter Ghana with and also the password we shall

use to hug ourselves ones we meet.

I expected you to have shown appreciation in bringing

you into this business but the way you are going about

it is discouraging.

Reply urgently.

Regards

Kingsley Williams

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

44. June 7: BIG MAC IS INDIGNANT

Dear Kingsley,

Your last email troubles me greatly. I believe now the YOU may not be the serious one.

Yes, I was leaving for the airport yesterday. My home is in Illinois, over 1500 miles from New York. What did you think I would do, walk to New York? No, my friend, I left yesterday to travel to my New York office to take care of some matters in this office. How I handle my daily business is my concern and not yours. How dare you question me! I only by chance checked my email and found your insulting and disturbing message.

As far as my clothes, I'm going to be on an airplane for some hours and I will dress on the airplane as I see fit, and as I feel comfortable. I have my clothes and my briefcase with the documents you requested, as well as international money orders. I am prepared to hold up my end.

You requested I come to Ghana. I made the arrangements. My secretary has suggested I stay in the Golden Tulip Hotel in Accra, on Liberation Road. She informed me that the Damba Lounge there has the kind of umbrella drinks I like. With coconuts.

Now I will tell you. When I get to the airport, I expect you to meet my self and I.P. If you do not identify yourself by holding the sign so that I know who you are when I arrive, I will know that you are untrustworthy and I will walk past you. I will not stop for anyone. I will go to the Golden Tulip Hotel, and spend 2 days at their poolside bar. I will have no further contact with you, and you will not receive my gifts, the PalmPilot, cameras, pens, and whatever else I have.

I have dealt with your strange requests to this point Kingsley, and I'm hoping this will work. God's good girls need help and I hope you and I can provide it to them.

I have finished bidness in New York now. I am leaving to have diner at the famous Maison de Casa House restaurant in the city, then I go to the airport to fly out. I hope to see you, but if not.....

Regards,

Mac Sandwich

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

45

Dear Mac,

thanks for your email. I was at the airport yesterday

although i was a little bit late due to the late

arrival of my flight to Ghana. Although I told my

lawyer friend to ensure that you guys are picked up

even before my arrival.

Now let me know where you are so that i can meet you.

Furnish me with these information:

Room number and Names i shall identify you with.

I await your urgent response.

Kingsley.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

46

Dear mac,

I have been to the hotel you told me you logded in and

was told that your name is not in their guest list.

What is happening? meanwhile I have tried to meet with

the Security company for today's appointment.

Therefore, do get in touch with me urgently by

furnishing me where you are and how to track you. Give

me your hotel phone number including the number of the

room.

It is very URGENT.

Kingsley Williams

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

47

Dear MAC,

I am surprised that after all your promises, you ended

up fustrating yourself in this transaction. Anyway such

is life, i only pity my client who had casted all her

hopes on you in this transaction.

let me tell you that at my level I can not be fooled

for any reason.

I have wasted my time shuttling between Ghana and

Nigeria for the processing of this fund in your favour

you ended up like this . there is no problem I only

have to console my client for another foreigner who

could have this businessconcluded with.

Kingsley

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

48

NOTE: Sadly, Kingsley never met Big Mac in Ghana. His bitterness is clear, but of course, it's poor Myriam Abacha that's really suffering. And as he notes, he can't be fooled for any reason!

Dear Mr. Williams,

I am a senior law partner in the firm of Dewey, Cheetum & Howe, llc. Our firm has been contacted to handle the business affairs of a Mr. Mac Sandwich.

Mr. Sandwich and a companion, Mr. Freely, were traveling to Africa about two weeks ago. During a stopover in Holland, Mr. Sandwich and Mr. Freely left the airport and entered a "coffee shop" in Amsterdam. There, it seems the two of them ingested some type of narcotic substance.

Upon leaving this establishment, the pair was accosted by some criminals from the United States. Mr. Sandwich owed some gambling debts to an organized crime figure, a Mr. Anthony "Tony the Nose" Strombolli. The two men were beaten rather badly, with Mr. Sandwich having both of his arms and legs broken. Additionally, Mr. Sandwich suffered injury to his uvula from a nutted cheese product.

Having just returned from Holland where I spoke with Mr. Sandwich, I have been given durable power of attorney for him, so I now act for him on his behalf. His instructions to me were to continue this deal with you. I am prepared to do so.

Please contact me soon.

Will Hoseya (Esq.)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

49

Dear Sir,

Information received. Get in touch via phone for me to get a clearer

picture of what you are talking about. As far as Mac Sandwich matter is

concerned in this transaction, i am not convinced of his seriousness to deal

with meand my client. Untill I am convinced about his person I am not too

sure that I can deal with him. This transaction must be done with somebody

who is sincere and trusted.

Bye for now until I hear from youvia phone.

Yours faithfully,

Kingsley Williams

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

50

Dear Mr. Williams,

To restate, I am representing Mr. Sandwich due to his injuries. I retrieved his files from his office, concerning your matter and other projects he was working on. My task is to complete to fulfilment those projects that I am able.

Mr. Sandwich has been known for some "strange" actions, but he has been a fairly compentent businessman.

In reviewing the file, I see some conflicting phone numbers. Please send me the relevent contact information.

If you are not up to the task, or if you have some problems that do not allow you to continue, please advise so that I may concentrate on my clients other business

Yours,

Will Hoseya

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

51: July 2002, The latest Big Mac update...

Dear Sir,

My telephone number is 234 1 7755293. You may contact me otherwise you give me yours for me to reach you. Everything is perfectly in order regarding the transaction. I spoke to my client yesterday about your message and she said there is no problem provided your word shall be your bond.

I await your response.

Yours faithfully,

Williams

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

52

Dear Sir,

What is happening? Didn't you receive my last email? Or are finding it difficult to disclose your information? I expected you to have called me or give me your telephone number for me to reach you if you are serious in this transaction.

Your immediate response is awaited.

King

YOU WILL ROO THE DAY

Apparently few outside the USA know of the disastrous Sisseton Experiment - a simple gesture of friendship between sister cities that decimated American crops and made major highways impassable. The Lads are about to find out. Soon to be a major motion picture.

Starring:

Marco Lee - a Hong Kong banker who for some reason is e-mailing from Lagos, Nigeria

Capt. Jim Gates - Third Civilian Company, Homeland DeFence Forces

Will Jim get his $3.x million?

Will the fighting Third keep the dread Roos outside the Fence?

Will Marco believe any of this?

Thanks to Juan Perez for elements of Jim's 'driver's license'. The photo is a clumsy morph. But then driver's license photos are supposed to look silly anyway.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MARCO LEE

Received: from Osagie ([195.166.239.114])

Reply-To: <[email protected]>

From: "MARCO LEE" <[email protected]>

Subject: READ AND REPLY

Date: Sun, 27 Feb 2000 02:16:18 +0300

I am Mr. Marco Lee, credit officer of standard Bank Hong Kong. I have an urgent and very confidential business proposition for you.

On June 6, 2001, a British Oil consultant/contractor with the Chinese Solid Minerals Corporation, Mr. David Lawrence made a numbered time (Fixed) Deposit for twelve calendar months, valued at (eight million, seven hundred thousand USD) in my branch. Upon maturity,I sent a routine notification to his forwarding address but got no reply. After a month, we sent a reminder and finally we discovered from his contract employers, the Hong Kong Solid Minerals Corporation that Mr. David Lawrence died from an automobile accident. On further investigation, I found out that he died without making a WILL, and all attempts to trace his next of kin was fruitless.

I therefore made further investigation and discovered that Mr. David Lawrence did not declare any kin or relations in all his official documents, including his Bank Deposit paperwork in my Bank. This sum is still sitting in my Bank and the interest is being rolled over with the principal sum at the end of each year. No one will ever come forward to claim it.

According to Laws of Hong Kong, at the expiration of 5 (five) years, the money will revert to the ownership of the Hong Kong Government if nobody applies to claim the fund.

Consequently, my proposal is that I will like you as a foreigner to stand in as the next of kin to Mr. David Lawrence so that the fruits of this old man's labor will not get into the hands of some corrupt government officials. This is simple, I will like you to provide immediately your full names and address so that the attorney will prepare the necessary documents and affidavits that will put you in place as the next of kin. We shall employ the services of an attorney for drafting and notarization of the WILL and to obtain the necessary documents and letter of probate/administration in your favor for the transfer. A bank account in any part of the world that you will provide will then facilitate the transfer of this money to you as the beneficiary/next of kin.

The money will be paid into your account for us to share, upon completion of transfer. There is no risk at all as all the paperwork for this transaction will be done by the attorney and with my position as the credit officer guarantees the successful execution of this transaction. If you are interested, please reply immediately to my email address.

Upon your response, I shall then provide you with more details and relevant documents that will help you understand the transaction. Please send me your confidential telephone and fax numbers for easy communication.

You should observe utmost confidentiality, and rest assured that this transaction would be most profitable for both of us. I shall require your assistance to invest my share in your country.

Awaiting your urgent reply.

Thanks and regards.

Marco Lee

P.S WRITE TO MY PERSONAL BOX [email protected] OR SEND FAX TO +852-301-47285

Another Dead Bank Customer letter. The e-mail actually comes from, surprise, Lagos - just plug the IP address into good old RIPE (www.ripe.net) . So, Standard Bank Hong Kong is doing business out of Nigeria these days, hmm, really?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

JIM GATES

Dear Mr. Lee,

Sorry I don't know what this is about. I don't have any relatives in Hong Kong.

I am on patrol tonight and probably on leave tomorrow; I will look for your reply when I get off duty. But I think you might have made a mistake.

J. Gates, 3rd Civilian Company

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MARCO LEE

Subject: Hello Jim Gates

Date: Thu, 29 Jul 2004 14:38:47 -0700 (PDT)

Hello Jim,

Thanks For Your Urgent Response, It is Necessary I Educate You a Bit on the Next of Kinship as Attainable in the Banking Policy and Globally at large.

You See, Next of Kinship is Not Limited to Relations of the Deceased, Nor is it Confided to the Circuit of Parental Relationship, Rather it is By Choice of the Benefactor as Regards to Whom He Wish to WILL it to (Beneficiary) Either Formally By Write Up, Or Informally By Secret Information Disclosure to Beneficiary be Him/Her Business Partner, Relation, Kinsmen, Or Friends or Well Wishers.

Therefore, By Virtue of the Above Stated, You can Claim to Be the Next of Kin of the Deceased,

Hence, on Your Acceptance to This, We Will Communicate to You the CONFIDENTIAL INFORMATION of the Deceased as Contained in Our Security Bank File Diskette, So That on Your Readiness to Forward Claim Application to the Bank, We Will Direct You and Reveal to You the Necessary Information Which You Will Enclose in Your Application to the Bank.

Therefore on Correspondence of Bank Confidential Information With What are Contained in Your Application to them, They Have No Alternative Other than to Release the Fund to You, Believing that You are the Next of Kin Originally, As he Has No One for such Claim.

Please, With the Above Explanations, I believe You Can Now Observe How Safe it is For You to Get involved in this Mutual Beneficial Transaction,

Therefore I Request You Declare Your Interest Immediately For the Fund Claim and Transfer Directives to You.

Awaiting Your Immediate Response.

Feel free to write to me for Further Clarification if Need Be. Thanks for your time.

Regards,

Marco Lee

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

JIM GATES

Hello Marco,

Thank you for explaining. I'm still a bit confused but I guess you would know since you're a banker.

The thing is, I know you don't have to be someone's relation to inherit something, but there has to be something in the dead person's will. Are you saying someone named David Lawrence in Hong Kong left me money?

That is pretty wild, well what do I have to do?

I'm off duty now, tomorrow working, but on base, reinforcing the Fence. I don't know if you've heard about what's going on in the western parts of our country. Well I guess you all have problems of your own in Hong Kong. But to be honest, some cash would come in handy with what we're facing here.

So, let me know the drill.

Walk Safe Roads,

J. Gates, 3rd Civilian Company

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MARCO LEE

Subject: Hello Jim

Date: Sat, 31 Jul 2004 00:44:54 -0700 (PDT)

Return-Path: <[email protected]>

Received: from [195.166.239.114]

Dear Jim

I have considered your response and i am convinced you have an understanding of the need for absolute secrecy of this pending project. We would proceed without any reservation to bring you into the complete picture of the pending project. Before doing this, I would again like to reiterate the importance of confidentiality, as we are career bankers who are still active staff of Standard bank plc. and would not like our names to be brought to odium, or our long tenure in office jeopardized. You should also, understand the fact that we are family men and would not also want to put the good name of our families to disrepute. Due to the strict monetary regulations and scrutiny on transferring large amounts of funds precipitated by the events of September 11, I must ask for your trust in realizing that this funds are legal and thus minimum risk.

The gains of the pending project can only be enjoyed by us all (including you) after the transfer and we have disbursed the funds with absolute peace of mind, knowing that the project and the transfer itself is known to us partners (plus you) only. You would agree with us, that successful transfer of the funds per se, without the guarantee of total enjoyment of the funds,with absolute peace of mind, is no success. In our country, we have a proverb, which says, Money, which he cannot enjoy, does not make him rich?. You can therefore understand why we are hammering on the importance of confidentiality, as a non-religious observance of this basic essential, is the only thing capable of importing risk into this project, which under our perfected modalities is 100% risk free, and we expect the same from you being the 100% confidentiality about the affairs of this project.Please do not let us down. If you follow our instructions religiously, promptly, and accordi ngly, as originators of this project. the project will be accomplished.

Once we are able to convince the bank that you are the beneficiary Next of Kin to the deceased. This will be our home work and you inturn have to display this boldness that you are the true beneficiary to the funds. This is our guarantee to you. You can count on it. We recognize the magnitude of trust involved in availing us your facilities for the project. We also recognize the corresponding duty, which this relationship imposes on us,as originators of the project to ensure that neither your name nor that of your family is brought to disrepute because of this project. We know what we are doing and we will not engage in this project, were we not confident about success in all ramifications. We would not let you down.

Now after you have been placed as the next of kin and the transfer initiated we would not have a hold as firm as we now do towards this fund and will thus be sort of at your mercy. I would want a confirmation from you that the money in your possesion will not bring about new claims such as increased percentage(40%) or new requests as the sharing pattern already stated is the best as i assure you we have insiders here whom we would also give their various shares.

Within the next few days we would be presenting a past attorney to the deceased who will bring out documents linking you as our late client's choice as Next of Kin in the past and would state that the deceased has declared informally that you would be his Next of Kin when he would make his Will. We would set the ball rolling by writing to the bank thru this attorney that you have been located and have been given his personal items which has been in his possesion that he also wanted you to have. As soon as this is done, it is a normal procedure that the bank would reach you for confirmation, and the verification process concluded. I would at this point require from you, your full names, personal address, work address, home phone number, office phone number and fax numbers.Also a scanned copy of your International Passport or Drivers Licence. This would enable us establish a relationship with the attorney initiating your claims.

As for your fencing project,I dont understand what you are building?But you will explain to me soon.Is it like fence of Isreal around their country?

Regards and GOD bless you.

Marco Lee

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

JIM GATES

Hi Marco,

I am just coming off duty. I didn't realize the haste. I hope we are still good. I will be on base all week and able to answer promptly.

My name means a lot to me too. If there's any 'disrepute', I wouldn't want to be involved.

If you still want to deal with me, here is the information:

James Gates (Capt.)

personal & work address:

3rd Civ. Co., 1st Batt., 5th Reg., 5th Division

HDF Sisseton (Barrack A)

Sisseton, West Dakota 57263

Calling the base would be unwise, I think you understand. I could try to get the license scanned but here's the ID# for now: HDF-3155-JMG-1990A.

>As for your fencing project,I dont understand what you are building?But you

>will explain to me soon.Is it like fence of Isreal around their country?

More like the Great Wall of China. The Israelis' fence runs along part of one side of their country, they're trying to keep out bombers and snipers, and it's short compared to ours. Our Fence runs through the middle of our country, eventually from Mexico to Canada, and we're trying to keep out something else. Have you not heard? It's been a disaster for our farming community.

The Fence is to keep out MegaRoos, to keep them on the west side of the Fence. That's why I'm interested in your project. Our government hasn't fully funded our local section of the Fence, which I'm responsible for. It was one of the president's campaign promises - No Roo Left Inside. But this war in Iraq is sucking up all the money. I don't know much about politics but I know I have to get Link 51 completed on time.

Anyway, if you want to go on, let me know and I'll give you the lowdown on the Fence and the Roos. Meanwhile you can forward my details to the attorney. I think you came along at the right time, and I apologize for delaying you.

Walk Safe Roads,

J. Gates

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MARCO LEE

Subject: We are still On

Date: Thu, 12 Aug 2004 00:43:34 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Partner,

Thank you very much for sending us the required information necessary to document the application for the funds release. This marks the commencement of this project in earnest. We are also very glad to inform you that we have after all resolves unanimously decided to welcome you onboard to this project. You have not shown any sense of greed to us and you have so much composed yourself as a gentleman of honour to whom we can lay our trust on. We promise you also as gentlemen of honour that our words will remain our bonds. We will not let you down in as much as you remain very honest and abide by the processes which we have layed down for the smooth sailing of this transaction. We count on you as you count on us. It is only in total partnership and solidarity towards us and this transaction that we will stand and reap the benefits of this struggle.

We are pleased, to inform you that we will tommorrow, officially file in the application for the funds release here at the Standard Bank which will be forwarded to the paying firm. This will be done by the International Remittance Department after proper ratification has been done on the application and documentation which our lawyer will forward to the Bank. We will busy ourselves for the next few days preparing an adequate foundation upon which, this project will stand. This application and probate documents will be transmitted certainly from the office concerned here at the Standard Bank to the paying firm. We will use our influence to pursue this using our attorney accreditted to your case at the Standard Bank to engage in the ratification exercise as prompt as possible. We will put all records in order to fit you as the beneficiary Next of Kin and that you have been recorded from a time preceding the deposit of the funds. We will get an attorney who will sign the probate at the court tomorrow. We will then, back date the certificates based on the assessment records. This would better solidify your stand on this claim as no one will be the wiser as to whether your name was recorded or not during the time of deposit. We will also make an "under table" arrangement to have your name recorded in all computer archives of the Standard Bank as the legitimate Next of Kin and use our influence to have this registration back dated to a time preceding of our transaction with the deceased as regards the transfer of the said funds to the financial firm.

But we still need you to scan your Driver's Licence or your National I.D. so that the Judge that will sign will know that you have been located and he can put his signature to it.

We will keep you informed as to the day-to-day progress.

Once again, thank you very much for your partnership and total support thus far.

Best regards,

Marco Lee

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

JIM GATES

OK Marco,

Good enough.

The talk about "under the table" doesn't square with your talk about honour, but I can't be fussy because we need the money. The Fence is behind schedule. The Anglo guys don't like the low rates I can pay, plus they are scared of the Roos. The Mexican guys work hard as heck, but they're scared too and I don't blame them. A mature Roo is f***ing scary. One of them got an enlisted man last week. A mature one can hop an eight-foot fence, and take a cow. So the workers insist on a guard for each man, and that costs $$$. My C.O. doesn't want to hear about this, he just wants results.

I'll tell you how the Roo thing started next time, I need to get off the computer. We don't use a national ID, but I can scan my license. My buddy Conrad, he's a fellow officer, he has housing in town and has his own computer setup that I can use. He won't bug me for details - he's a "don't ask, don't tell" kind of guy. Conrad is pretty scary himself - you should see his collection of Roo heads.

One last thing - 40% of $8.7 million is $3.48 million, right? How long will it take to arrive? I might start a separate bank account over in Nippising - the local bank clerk is my cousin and you know how it is in a small town, or maybe you don't - I've seen pictures of Hong Kong and it looks like you all are living neck and neck.

I'll get that license to you.

Walk Safe Roads,

J. Gates

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

JIM GATES

OK Marco,

I tried my best, but I couldn't get any more handsome ha ha! I think I moved the license when I closed the scanner. I don't use it much anyway, my military ID is usually enough.

I'll have to explain the Roo problem next time, I am packing for a weekend with my kids. I can tell you that it has ruined things around here. They even had to move the Souperbowl to Houston. Their section of the Fence is complete (our president is a Texan after all), but the whole time I couldn't stop watching the RooAlert. It spoiled the event for me, and I love competitive cooking.

Got to go, I'll check mail Monday. Again, please confirm my cut is $3.48 million.

Walk Safe Roads

Jim

This "license" wouldn't fool anyone, would it? But "Marco" is back. Probably he's figured it out and he's just amusing himself. Isn't he?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MARCO LEE

Subject: How was your weekend?

Date: Mon, 16 Aug 2004 12:45:38 -0700 (PDT)

Return-Path: <[email protected]>

Received: from [195.166.239.114]

Dear Partner,

How was your weekend with your Kids go?Hope alright?

Actually,It is my son that writes english for me.He is 21yrs old.Very understanding!!!I speak abit of english not too good.

Your percentage is correct.40%.You will also help us to invest our share for my sons future education in the USA.

You keep talking about Roos?But we dont seem to know the kind of animal that would make America spend so much on fencing project?Only Osama or Saddam make America spend money like that.Ha HA HA.

It is with great pleasure that we inform you that our letter of claim has officially been accepted by our International Remittance Department of the Standard Bank. Our lawyers have informed us that the Letter of Claim was filed in today after the Probate has been duly signed and is presently under scrutiny. For the fact that the claim is being investigated by committees composed of representatives from the paying firm,this means their hands were tied by the laws governing the Bill of Exchange. The Standard Bank is a signatory of Multilateral Investment Gaurantee Agency (MIGA), International Centre For Settlement Of International Monetary Disputes (ICSIMD) and United Nations Commision On International Fund Laws (UNCIFL) . We signed on with the ICSIMD in march 25, 1991 and entry went into the first of convention on June 19, 1994. We have established via this Letter of Claim, that the Standard Bank indeed owe you funds which initially belong to our deceased client in which you where duly registered as the Next of Kin to the deceased . Although, our lawyers had to doctor one or two documents to further certify and solidify your claim.

Within the next few days we will know for sure whether they will rule in your favour or not. Do not worry, we are not leaving this decision to chance, as we have used our very little contacts to speak with the members of the deciding commitee from the Standard Bank and have greased their palms to decide in your favour. Though, we did not give them too much money but, it is what we have available that we could give. Luckily for us, it was enough to gain their conscent in ruling in our favour. Another reason we felt it was necessary to grease their palm is that,so that they will not carry out a lengthy and thorough investigation about the claim which will ordinarilly be the due process.

By tommorow we will know the outcome of our claim. Once the claim has been approved they will instruct the paying bank to remove the lein on the funds. As you know this will be conditionally, the exact condition we do not know yet but, what we know is that it will be released to you and to you alone. They may also set other conditions as to where the funds will be wired and through which avenue the transfer will proceed. As you know the restrictions on funds transfer especially after the events of september 11th in America. We just have to keep an optimistic appraisal of the situation and pray for the best.

We expect your response as we await for more development.

Once again, thank you very much for your strong resolve towards our presently strong partnership.

Best regards and God bless,

Marco Lee.

"Marco" is using the same IP address. Maybe he's running the scam from an otherwise legitimate business? Or maybe he works for a scammer who owns a cybercafe?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

JIM GATES

Dear Marco,

It was really nice. I see them every other weekend. It's hard to be apart, but there isn't enough housing on base.

Thanks to your son for the translation. If you have that much money, you can put him through any school. Out-of-state and foreign costs for U. of West Dakota run $15,000 per year, plus room and board. Or if your son becomes a legal resident, in-state tuition is $6000. Either way no problem for you. Not that I'm saying UWD is the best place, it depends on your interests. What would your son like to study? I'm a loyal son of UWD myself, I studied civil engineering. Anyway you're the banker, so I guess you don't need my advice on investments.

To get the business out of the way - I set up a separate account over in Nippising so we're good to go.

I think I need to clear something up. The Fence has nothing to do with Iraq. It's hard to believe foreign news stations don't cover the Sisseton Project. We have bigger things than "Osama" on our minds, believe me. I didn't want to bore you with the whole story, but OK.

About 10 years ago, Sisseton became a "sister" city to a town in Australia. "Sister cities" are a friendship gesture between towns. They exchange cultural stuff like music and visits and whatnot. No one paid attention really.

Then the mayor imported a few Roos, very cute, ha ha, but they got loose. They breed like crazy and eat everything in sight. America is the grain basket of the world, my friend, so this isn't just our problem. I'm proud to be the son of a West Dakota wheat farmer, but it's tough enough without another pest eating the crop. Then some idiots thought it would be cute to feed Roos that wander into town. Big mistake. They lost their fear of humans.

The state started paying hunters to fly over in helicopters and hunt them, but it's not so easy to spot a Roo in a field of high wheat. They spread west, over the years, to Utah. That's where they did the nuclear bomb testing in the 1950s. Nowadays it's all underground testing, but some say you can still be hurt by the radiation.

Well the radiation didn't make the Roos sick. It made them big. A normal Roo is no bigger than a man, you can fight one off with a stick. Now they're much bigger, and vicious. Just last month they attacked some Hells Angels outside Salt Lake City. (The Angels are antique auto enthusiasts, they travel route 80 looking to help motorists with flat tires or any kind of trouble.) That just about killed tourism. Even Greyhound won't run that route any more.

Anyway, the Fence should be complete by Jan. 2005, and we can start isolating the Roos and putting them down. That reminds me - my buddy Con, I told you about him, his job is to electrify the Fence. I'd like to include Con in this deal, he's a good man and the burden of secrecy is kind of weighing on me. But I won't tell him unless you say it's OK.

OK let me know when we can move ahead. To be honest, your talk of greasing palms and whatnot makes me uneasy, it sounds like we're doing something illegal. I'll be glad when it's over.

Walk Safe Roads,

Jim

I SERIOUSLY doubt Marco will respond to this. Got to go now... one of the Roo traps out back seems to have caught something.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

More to come?

Hey,

The shiteographer.

Nice one.

Sick Buffalo/Mother story(well thats a new one).No job.You had to interrogate her to find out the truth.Give us a break Man Falang.Wait the 3 +- weeks and if she is still around the try to get it sorted.

propel the peopel .

So what has all this got to do with Thaksin buying Liverpool football club???

Or Man Utd or or or

HELP!!!

Open another thread, Paddy. I will indeed help you out there.

Sounds like parting the whiskers again!!!

HELP!!!

Sounds like a straight up run of the mill Aussie to me!!!

Goto the chat for some real stiff stick!!!

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/index.php?act=chat

Have fun parting the whiskers!!!

Hi Corn,

My gf has a shop unit here in Bangkok(Petchburi Road).3 year lease,10,000 Baht down and 5,000 a month rent.Total floor space is 54sq/m.

Hope this is of some help.

Always is in August,full of Italians and 4 by 2's.

Hi Scampy,sorry Percy!!!

http://www.bangkokbank.com/Bangkok+Bank/Ab...lub/default.htm

Troll

Ambassador: Yan Ting'ai

Address: 57 Rachadapisake Road, Dindaeng, Bangkok 10310

Tel: 0-2245-7043; 0-2245-7044

Residence of Ambassador: 57 Rachadapisake Road, Dindaeng, Bangkok 10310

Tel: 0-2245-6866

Office Hours: 08:30-12:00 / 13:00-15:00 (Monday-Friday)

Consular Office: 09:00-11:30 (Monday-Friday)

Visa and Consular Office:

Tel: 0-2245-7032, 0-2245-7033, 0-2245-7036

Fax: 0-2247-2214

Don't bother calling them as they NEVER answer the phone.Call in to the office early morning and collect the application form.MAKE SURE you get a ticket number from the counter and then fill in the forms and sit and wait for your number to be displayed.

U will need to pics also.

The visa costs 1,100 Baht and can be collected in 4 days.They will issue a visa in 1,2 and 3 days but the price increases upto 2,200 for next day collection.

Best of Luck.

Splitlid the GRASS.

The brits had it good in the 50-60 when all they had to worry about was the Irish and we built most of the motorways for them then.

Thanks guys. Can you come back and fix them now please?

Ahh,the goods auld days.

Get that &lt;deleted&gt; off your nose Scampy.

Stay on the topic.

Appleman Thai,

I am from Northern Ireland, the counties which should belong to us are Cavan and Monaghan who cares anyway its a waste of time even thinking in the past, sure soon it will belong to the new European community. Are you from Armagh the apple county.