himachal

I would suggest that Xenophobia is as prevalent/rare in Thailand as it is anywhere else.

The OP's question might be rephrased: "To what extent do Thais conform to the racial stereotype that they are xenophobic?"

Xenophobia, ironically, knows no borders! One person might be more xenophobic than another, irrespective of race/nationality.

Can't we get beyond statements like "Thais are friendly", "Farang have more money than sense"?

Farangs: Have you ever assumed a Thai was being friendly and were subsequently disappointed/ripped off? (As occasionally happens. I stress that races are interchangeable here - could equally be an African and an Eskimo).

Just how useful are these generalisations?

At last! A rule I can agree with:

"male students must wear shorts below the knee."

Let's hope that includes boxer shorts, leaving the area above the knees open to view.

A possible safety concern, though, if all the male students are hobbling about campus with their shorts around their ankles!!!

On the other hand....

Might be handy for lecturers wondering which students to offer good results to!

'Half the country' fears another coup: Poll

BANGKOK: -- More than 50 per cent of respondents to an Abac Poll fear there will be another coup within the next six months, the pollster said on Sunday.

Abac Poll by Assumption University said that of 3,404 people surveyed, 55.6 per cent said the military might launch another coup during the next six months, and 54.6 per cent expected some unexpected, violent event to occur.

Only 53.6 per cent of respondents surveyed from May 6-10 expect Samak Sundaravej to remain as prime minister.

There has not been a military coup since Sept 19, 2006, when the army unseated prime minister Thaksin Shinawatra.

Some 87.8 per cent of people said they expected to face more expensive commodity prices and 80.1 per cent were braced for increased crime.

-- The Nation 2008-05-12

Someone once asked me if I took ABAC polls seriously. The result was unanimous!

Germany was the home of both Hitler and Einstein.

0/2 Must try harder.

Hitler was Austrian. Einstein was Swiss.

Albert Einstein was born in Germany, had german citizenship and lived in Germany till age 15 when the family moved to Italy. he later completed his studies in Switzerland and during that time acquired swiss citizenship.

So can we blame Einstein for Mussolini and Pinocchio?

Dear OP.

PLEASE don't get a gun.

If it's really burglars you're worried about, surely a lost TV is better than a body on the floor?

I'm sure you'd agree if - heaven forbid - it was your wife's body. Dead burglar's family revenge also worth considering, I reckon.

Perhaps your wife can have a friend stay over when you're not there. Might help allay fears.

All da best

Get the gun. The first time I got burgled the guy was walking around our bedroom. Only for the fact he knocked something over we'd never have heard him. We got done again a few weeks later but we were away. This time my 2 dogs were poisoned due to them needing time to remove the safe from my house. They took nothing else even though they had all night to do so. Burglars here always come tooled up. To use a stun gun you'd have to have physical contact which I'm sure he aint going to allow and you wouldn't want either. Also they're after small things like mobile phones, money or gold. TV's and the likes are no good to them.

Dear Coventry

very sorry to hear about your break-ins and loss of your dogs. However, would a gun have helped you? As you say, first time you were asleep and second time you weren't there.

TV, mobile, gold, whatever. If you're prepared to kill or die for it, get a gun, sure.

Sorry to be so frank, but that's what it may well come down to if you're unlucky enough to have uninvited guests again.

Take care - H.

MIDDLE-AGED MAN MOWING LAWN NOMINATED FOR TURNER PRIZE

"It turns out I'm an iconic representation of the inherent contradictions of globalisation."

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/arts-%2...ze-20080514951/

And thanks for the link. Hysterical indeed!

This comment in the OP - "nothing in human behaviour is entirely new" was uttered by King Solomon in Israel, 450 years before the Lord Buddha was born in India - "there is nothing new under the sun." Still true today and forevermore, quoth the raven.

Actually, I think this OP is a continuation of what Guesthouse wrote earlier this week - that the Thais are responsible, almost solely, for anything that ails Thailand.

Not that our home countries have birthed only geniuses of total wisdom and compassion. Germany was the home of both Hitler and Einstein.

True enough, and England of Thatcher and Winnie the Pooh . Thailand of.......... no, let's not follow that road!

MIDDLE-AGED MAN MOWING LAWN NOMINATED FOR TURNER PRIZE

"It turns out I'm an iconic representation of the inherent contradictions of globalisation."

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/arts-%2...ze-20080514951/

If he's a poet

To what does he owe it?

Here's a few more ....

Alec Guinness becomes Genuine Class

Semolina becomes Is No Meal

The Public Art Galleries becomes Large Picture Halls, I Bet

Contradiction becomes Accord not in it

This one's truly amazing: "To be or not to be: that is the question, whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows

of outrageous fortune."

And the Anagram: "In one of the Bard's best-thought-of tragedies, our insistent hero, Hamlet, queries on two fronts about how life

turns rotten."

"That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind." Neil Armstrong

The Anagram: "A thin man ran; makes a large stride, left planet, pins flag on moon! On to Mars!"

PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA can be rearranged into: TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS

Truly excellent. How many Sundays did the Shakespeare one take?

LIAM'S TEXAN WISH = SEX WITH ANIMALS

Cobras are excellent swimmers.

I believe 'all' snakes can swim.

They're by your front door? Sooner or later you're gonna step on one and then if it's poisonous you may die and it will probably die from being stepped on. Get them removed, quick!

In the meantime, do you have a back door you can use???

Tread safely

Just about any "old hand" here will tell you they have heard the "my ex prostitute is different" story about a million times. Do you feel lucky?

Exactly.

And, as PB suggests, come to Thailand and check out the other 20 million Thai men (except mine!) before making your mind up.

Good luck

Hello, I'm interested in constructing a Sala House in a rural locale (a few hours outside of Bangkok). I havent done much research at all, thought I'd start out by posting to this forum.

If anyone can recommend any 'local hands', small construction firms, etc, feel free to post or PM.

Any assistance would be much appreciated.

Hi

By 'sala house' I take it you mean a central Thailand traditional wooden house (curvy roof and all).

Ayuttaya is a famous centre for firms specialising in teak (and other woods) made to customer's spec houses. Many firms there. As to prices and competence, I can't help you.

General rules, though: choose a firm that's been recommended to you (maybe you can visit some houses you like the look of and ask the owners what they thought of the builders and how much it cost them). Also, go with a carpenter or builder you trust to check out their work.

Good luck

Dear OP.

PLEASE don't get a gun.

If it's really burglars you're worried about, surely a lost TV is better than a body on the floor?

I'm sure you'd agree if - heaven forbid - it was your wife's body. Dead burglar's family revenge also worth considering, I reckon.

Perhaps your wife can have a friend stay over when you're not there. Might help allay fears.

All da best

The Tazer and I

Not too long ago, I saw something at the gun shop that sparked my

interest. The occasion was our 10th anniversary and I was looking for a

little something extra for my wife. What I came across was a

100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized tazer.

The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long

term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to

retreat to safety. Needless to say, this was way too cool. Long story

short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA

batteries in the thing and pushed the button. Fxxk all! I was so

disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND

pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get a blue arc

of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to my wife what that burn spot is

on the face of her LG convection oven.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it

couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right? Yea. There

I sat in my recliner, my cat looking on intently, the trusting little

soul, while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really

needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must

admit I thought about zapping Kitty for a fraction of a second, but

thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat and, as most of you

already know, hel_l hath no fury like a cat pissed off. But, if I was

going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger,

I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and my rugby jersey,

with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose,

directions in one hand, tazer in another. The directions said that a

one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second

burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily

control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop

on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three

seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at

this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in

circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA

batteries thinking to myself "no flipping way!"

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.

I'm sitting there alone, the cat looking on with her head tilted to one

side as if to say, "don't do it, you stupid man," reasoning that a

one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thingy couldn't hurt all

that bad. I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck

of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and

HOLY MOTHER OF @@@!!!!, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION, CRAP ON A STICK,

F@&$ ME GEORGE!!!!! I'm pretty sure THE RUGBY TEAM ran in through

the side door, picked me up, body slammed me on the carpet over and over

and over again and then slammed the recliner over my head as a just for fun.

I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears

in my eyes, body soaking wet smelling like piss, both nipples on fire,

testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in

the oddest position, and pins and needles in my legs. The cat was

standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking

my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "Do it again, do it again you

stupid aas!"

Please take this from the voice of experience - there is no such thing

as a one-second burst when you zap yourself!!!!. You will not let go of

that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing

about on the floor! Three second burst would be considered conservative.

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at

that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and

surveyed the landscape. My bent and forlorn reading glasses were hanging

miserably on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up get there? My

triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt

like it had been shot up with Novocain, and judging by how my jaw hung

listlessly, my bottom lip must have weighed 88 lbs. By the way, at this

point my testicles, feeling like they withdrew into my body somewhere

around my ribcage, are still waiting for the all clear signal to emerge

from the bomb shelter. Now I know how Tom Hanks' character felt when he

had to go search for Private Ryan. I felt like I should offer a

significant reward for their safe return. Even now, I experience

shrinkage when I plug anything into the socket.

So if you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a tazer to test it,

take my advice!

Repeat after me...here, kitty, kitty, kitty....

Hate myself for laughing so hard at your misfortune, Saiyan.

A thought re "nipples still twitching": OP was looking for a burglar deterrent for his lonesome wife, not an entertainment!!!

My wifes at home in the sticks by herself and considering we got burgled a couple of years ago I was thinking about getting her one of those Tazors (electric shock guns) you see on Sukhumvit. My question is to anyone in the know are they very dangerous or are they what I'm looking for a good deterrent, I've seen the ones that are charged direct from the mains these I would think would be the stronger type.

Any help much appreciated.

If there's someone there permanently to look after it, I'd suggest a dog (Thai variety like a 'bankaew'). The dog can go outside and zap burglars so you don't have to wait till they're inside before zapping 'em.

Apart from which, people with knives generally don't like getting zapped!

If you do go for a Tazor, be careful not to choose one that resembles a vibrator

I just thought of this today. Normally when I am speaking Thai, people will generally understand but have a wee laugh & giggle at my pronunciation etc. I wondered what reaction you guys (who speak perfect Thai) get when dealing with a Thai who has a smaller vocabulary than yourself.

Maybe vocabulary is not the right word

, perhaps intelligence. What I am trying to say is what is the reaction when you use a sophisticated word in Thai, to a Thai person that they don't understand the meaning of ? Has it happened ? What was the reaction ?

I am reading a book at the moment about the evolution of the species and am humbled that I will come across words that I don't know the meaning of. I will then have to look it up in the dictionary.

Interesting......

Is there a prize for sentences like this?

(I spotted it first! )

A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as

he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. Tears formed in

his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders.

Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her

to see what work of God had captured her attention. He noticed she was

looking at two spiders mating.

'Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?' she asked. 'They're mating,'

her father replied.

'What do you call the spider on top?' she asked. 'That's a Daddy

Longlegs,' her father answered.

'So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?' the little girl asked.

As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he

replied 'No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.'

The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then

took her foot and stomped them flat, saying 'Well, we're not having any

of that brokeback mountain shit in our garden.'

Brings a tear to your eye...doesn't it?

Like it. (BTW: shouldn't that be 'bareback mountain'?)

Don't see many films, do we?

The film that the late Heath ledger starred in was Brokeback Mountain

Of course, Njpski. 'Twas but a joke. Pardon me! - H.

Still good though!

And worth booting back to the top of the list for a re-run, I reckon.

(I remember one other, from snooker. Probably Ted Lowe who said: "This is a difficult plant for Steve Davis, with balls at least two feet apart.")

Private Eye's Colemanballs has loads more.

Any new ones, folks?

Bangkok Thailand = Had a talking knob

AN ENIGMA = A MEANING

FAESAL CAME = A SAFE CAMEL !

FRANK'S WHITE FOAM = IT'S TIME FOR A WHANK

A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as

he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. Tears formed in

his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders.

Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her

to see what work of God had captured her attention. He noticed she was

looking at two spiders mating.

'Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?' she asked. 'They're mating,'

her father replied.

'What do you call the spider on top?' she asked. 'That's a Daddy

Longlegs,' her father answered.

'So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?' the little girl asked.

As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he

replied 'No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.'

The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then

took her foot and stomped them flat, saying 'Well, we're not having any

of that brokeback mountain shit in our garden.'

Brings a tear to your eye...doesn't it?

Like it. (BTW: shouldn't that be 'bareback mountain'?)

A boy went up to his father and asked him, 'Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically?'

The father thought for a moment, then answered, 'Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.' Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars,and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a Million dollars Come back and tell me what you learn from that.

So the boy went to his mother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'

The mother replied, 'Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!'

The boy then went to his sister and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'

The girl replied, 'Oh my God! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat! Are you nuts?!?'

The boy then went to his brother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'

'Of course,' the brother replied. 'Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?'

The boy pondered the answers for a few days, then went back to his dad.

His father asked him, 'Did you find out the difference between potentially and realistically? The boy replied, 'Yes...

Potentially, you and I are sitting on three million dollars, but Realistically, we're living with two sluts and a poof.'

nice one!

I don't get it

You must read out aload...... get someone to listen to you, then you will get it

IE Our meeting is scheduled for next week! Wai Yu Kum Nao

If read out aload - Wai Yu Kum Nao = Why you come now......

What a <deleted> joke! = AI NOH LA FING

I nearly forgot this one

Why does Harrow have some many Chinese?

because when they get the taxi at Heathrow Airport, the first thing they say to the driver is ' Hawoo '

It was once remarked that if you laid all the Chinese people out in a straight line......................

.........................................you could run them all over without having to steer!

and:

How long is a Chinese man?

How Long is a Chinese man

And....

The wisdom of Chairman Mao:

.............."Social and agricultural reform leads to widespread famine and mass emigration."

And...

Chinese innovation:

(after 4000 years of toilet paper, gunpowder and fine porcelain) "Uh, guys, I think we need a wheel."

I don't get it

You must read out aload...... get someone to listen to you, then you will get it

IE Our meeting is scheduled for next week! Wai Yu Kum Nao

If read out aload - Wai Yu Kum Nao = Why you come now......

What a <deleted> joke! = AI NOH LA FING

There's these three guys, best friends since childhood. One of them is dating an absolutely stunning babe, and is always bragging to his buddies about the sex they have.

Then one day, for who knows what reason, the guy decides that he's getting tired of the lovely lady, he needs some new thrills in his life, and pulls a complete 180, declaring he's gay.

"dam_n," his friends say, "you know that you're probably going to get AIDS and die!"

Hey, I'll take my chances," he says. "I just needed some kind of change, and wow, did I find it!"

Well, to make a long story short, in a couple years he indeed contracts AIDS, and is told he only has a few months left. As he's lying on his death bed, he calls his old friends together one last time.

"Guys," he gasps, "you've got to promise me one last thing."

"Sure," say his mates. "What can we do for you?"

"When I'm dead and buried, will you make sure I have the nicest tombstone you can find?" he asks. "And will you make sure something's written on it that everyone will remember me for?"

They promise him, and with one final gasp he dies. Remembering their promise, his friends found a beautiful granite stone, and had it engraved:

Ashes To Ashes,

Dust To Dust,

If You'd Stuck To Pussy,

You'd Still Be With Us.

Willy. I really don't think perpetuating this PREHISTORIC belief that only gay people get AIDS will save any lives.

PS. I don't normally mind a sick joke, as long as it's funny. This one was not.

One more addendum (and last one, I promise)... from the same source as above... and please forgive me guys, but this was kinda interesting...eh?

P. Penis Length

Bogaert, A. F. and S. Hershberger. 1999. The relation between sexual orientation and penile size. Archives of Sexual Behavior. 28(3): 213-321.

• This study utilized a sample of 5122 males and found that the self-identified homosexual men had larger penises than the heterosexual men.
  

Would gays with short dicks volunteer for this survey?

And who identified the hetties, I wonder?

.........interesting nevertheless. Thanks PC