Longsands

Don't sleep with your feet poking out of the bottom of the blankets - a gecko will come along and bite one of your toes. If you are unfortunate to be in this position then you'll have to stick your finger up your arse to make the bugger let go!.

The above was told to me by some Khon Kaen students. Not sure if it's a true belief or if they were just having me on.

Crackdown on unintentional suicides.

I'd go for the Grand - it's more central and 'alive'. It has roof top bar/restaurant with good views of Nong Khai. The Royal has views of the river but whenever I'm there it's like a ghost town. One plus for the Royal is that it has a larger swimming pool, although at this time of year you'd be a brave man to take a dip!

After UBC went down (again!) and subsequent email to them I received this reply. I wonder if the technicians wear numbers and I get to choose the one of my fancy?

Dear Mr. XXXXX,

Thank you very much for your support in our service. With regards to your inquiry, UBC would like to inform you that we have already resent the signal for you. Please check your signal once again. If you could not recieve the signal, please reset your decoder again. If the problem still persist, kindly inform us back and we will arrange the technician to service you. We are deeply sorry for the inconvenience that may have caused.

Should you have any further queries, please contact our customer service at tel: 0-2271-7171 or email; [email protected]

Best regards,

Customer Service Support

A bottled gas delivery truck's rear axle had broken on the Udon ringroad (fairly fast traffic) - the driver had placed 3 or 4 large bottles on the road 20 yards behind the truck to 'warn' others that he'd broken down. Just had to laugh.

I'd say that -

"Thailand's Busiest and Best (not to mention emptiest ) Teaching and Ex-Pat Lifestyle Forum"

proves that it has been hacked.

Stutter

There's a theme coming through on this thread that UK food is crap...well I was in the States a few years back when Michael Jackson was on tour. He was performing 7 nights at the local arena which had a MacDonalds just outside: they put on a "Michael MacBurger" special. Tasted like 38 year old meat between 12 year old buns.

(Apologies to Kevin Bloody Wilson et al)

Away days watching Newcastle.

A pint of Pedigree or Theakstons XB.

Kebabs and Midget Gems.

Watching Sky's live Sunday game in the pub surrounded by slabs of Cheddar, chunks of black pudding, pickled eggs, pickled onions and pickled mates.

Taking the dogs on the beach.

#

Unfortunately, over recent years, I've seen a steady influx of ex-Pattaya bums arriving here, and acting in the same manner as they did in Pattaya. Many, although certainly not all, are of the Scandahooligan brand - Instant A.s.s.h.o.l.e - just add alcohol (preferably for breakfast).

It's in the old city hall.

As you arrive in Nong Khai from Udon go through the first set of lights (just after Lotus) and when you arrive at the 2nd set, it is the building directly ahead of you. It is white so it could be the one you are thinking about.

There's a couple of Yanks who hang around at Brendon's (Noy's Cafe). To get to it from the Danish, go down the soi towards the river. When you get to the bottom turn left and it's 20 yards on your left.

If I pay at Telewiz, they don't send me an SMS 'thank you', but if I pay at a bank they do. I'm glad that they do this as in the past, on more than one occassion, the banks have credited DTAC instead of AIS, resulting in me being cut off.

You can take the THAI Limo (van) to NK for 100 B. Ticket office is on your right as you exit the terminal.

Double post. Sorry

Tell her that her family are welcome to stay as long as they want, just that when they are there, you will be staying in the nearest 5* hotel. The thought of all that money going to waste will dramatically reduce her hospitality!!

Expect the kid, which is only fair, but lay down some heavy ground rules with respect to her extended family and "cousins".

You'd both be in the same sh1t !!

Get up to Nong Khai if you don't want serious nightlife.

From Udon airport take the Thai Airways 'limo' (100B/person) to Nong Khai, about 40 minutes away.

I recommend staying at the Mut Mee Guest House, which is on the bank of the Mekong - the rains have come and it is once again 'mighty'.

Spend some time at the Indochine Market (Tha Sadet) which runs along the bank of the river , eat lunch at one of the riverside restaurants there.

Take a tuk tuk (150B return) to Sala Kaew Koo - a temple with some pretty weird statues of Hindi/Buddhist figures. Visit Wat Po Chai on the way back - there is a much revered Buddha image there, and the story of its journey from Laos to Thailand is depicted on the walls inside the temple.

There many different kinds of restaurants - Daow or Julian at the Mut Mee will point you in the right direction.

NK generally closes at around 10pm, though you can listen to strained versions of the Thai national anthem (Hotel California) at either the Winner or Mitre Pub (1am closing).

There are a few falang orientated bars and cafes, although some of them attract flotsam and jetsam that have made their way up here from Pattaya.

There was a 2 baht coin quite a few years ago, the about size of the older, larger 1 baht coin: however they proved very unpopular and were withdrawn.

Sorry about that Longsands,  my dads said that I'd go blind if I kept at it, and obviously he was right.   

Your dads?

So are you Danny De Vito or Arnold Schwarzenegger?

Danny's body with Arnie's right arm, perhaps?

Isn't there talk of a censure debate happening real soon?

This comes out every time he wants to deflect the public gaze.

Goat,

I've sent you a PM.

Are you talking about the guy who accidently shot himself?

If so I'll go and speak to some one who I know knows him. I personally haven't seen him for 6 plus months but that's not unusual.

The church collection bowl

The church roof appeal

The Church of England - one of the largest, if not THE largest land owner in England.

It's all take take take.

Finally some bloke in a dress gives you some valuable words as the cancer finally takes your last breath. Then he asks your grieving loved ones for a donation. The money trail continues.

Of course they need money to send the parish perverts to deepest Africa so that they can carry on their filth away from the western media which is now waking up to them.

Are you talking about Keith who worked on movie sets?