A. BOOZER

I'm sure that joke is hysterically funny, when the picture is available...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Oops! Sorry, this picture will not paste here. (Practical advice on how to do this is welcome, as I do not profess to be a computer buff!)

Had this job application today, she is interested in moving to Thailand, can you help her?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Deer Sir,

I waunt to apply for the secritary job what I saw in the paper. I can Type real quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting.

I think I a m good on the phone and no I am a pepole person, Pepole really seam to respond to me well.

I´m lookin for a Jobb as a secritary but it musent be to complicaited.

I no my spelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety. My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth,

I can start imeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser. ...

hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.

& nbsp;

Sinseerly,

Peggy May Starlings

PS : Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me taken at my last jobb. (scroll down)

scroll down

Employer's response:......

Dear Peggy May,

It's OK honey, we've got spell check.

Does this ring any bells?

A letter received by the B+Q customer services department

Dear Sir/Madam

My congratulations to you on getting a yacht to leave the UK on 28th November 2004, sail 27,354 miles around the world and arrive back 72

days later.

Could you please let me know when the kitchen I ordered 96 days ago will be arriving from your warehouse 13 miles away?

Yours Sincerely

John Roberts

Hi guys,

I've lived here a few years and have learned to deal with barking street dogs at night - i can sleep through it no problem.  However, I've just moved into a cosy little private neighbourhood and out of all the nice houses on this quiet little street, I had to rent the one next to an eccentric old woman who keeps 12 street dogs in her house!  They don't just bark, they practise symphonies at intermitant times throughout the day and night!  Besides that, the smell of K19 urine is, at times, unbearble.  What I won't to know is this...  Is there an animal centre or something you can call to lodge a comlaint and have the dogs relocated?  Surely what she is doing can't be legal.  I've spoken with my other neighbours, and while they are very polite and respectful, I can tell they all want to kill this woman and her mangy muts.  (I know it sounds heartless - but you try living here for a week)

Help much appreciated

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

TIT, suppose if it really became unbearable, you could always relocate.

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.

When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised

himself a vacation after the next big score. Then he clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the

source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.

"Yep," the parrot confessed, and then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"

"Moses," replied the bird.

"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird

Moses?"

"The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler, Jesus."

THE LARK PROGRAM

A liberal wrote a letter to the White House complaining about the treatment of a captive taken during the Afghanistan/Iraq war. Attached is a copy of a letter he received back from the White House.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The White House 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington, D.C. 20016

Dear Concerned Citizen:

Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda detainees currently being held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

Our administration takes these matters seriously, and your opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington. You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like you, we are creating a new division of the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or LARK for short In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one terrorist under your personal care.

Your personal detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence next Monday. Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of admonishment.

It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers.

We will conduct weekly inspections, in conjunction with the Red Cross, to ensure that your care for Ahmed is commensurate with international standards and those you so strongly recommended in your letter.

Although Ahmed is a sociopath, extremely violent, and was trying to kill at least 20 women and children as we captured him, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem" will help him overcome these character flaws. I might add that he will bite you, or worse, given the chance.

However, perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences.

We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling. Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. We do not suggest that you ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with your wife or daughters (except sexually) since he views females as a subhuman form of property. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him, and he has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress code that Ahmed will recommend a more appropriate attire. I'm sure they will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the bhurka - over time. Just remind them that it is all part of "respecting his culture and his religious beliefs" - wasn't that how you put it?

Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you, who know so much, keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. You take good care of Ahmed - and remember...we'll be watching.

Good Luck!

Cordially,

Pres. Geo. W. Bush

CC: Donald Rumsfeld

I never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much, nor the whole Venus and Mars thing.

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says,

"I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

" I said "WHAT???!!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you, she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled " WHAT??!!! "

I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I won't be having sex again until sometime after pigs fly over a frozen ######

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when

he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a

little Chinese man, clutching a clip board and yelling, "You Sign! You

sign!"

Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts.

Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man

starts to yell louder, "You Sign! You sign!"

Nelson says to him, "Look, you've obviously got the wrong man", and

shuts the door in his face.

The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it, the

little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads.

He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling, "You sign! You

sign!"

Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes the little

Chinese man back, shouting: "Look, go away! You've got the wrong man.

I don't want them!"

Then he slams the door in his face again.

The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he

hears a knock on the door again. On opening the door, there is the

same little Chinese man thrusting a clipboard under his nose,

shouting, "You sign! You sign!"

Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts. This time

Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little man by his

shirt front and yells at him: "Look, I don't want these! Do you

understand?

You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?"

The little Chinese man looks very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and

says:

(It's a beauty)

(wait for it)

(Get your best Chinese accent ready)

"You not Nissan Main Dealer?"

Wow, it is a very down-right hilarious piece of "modern constraints" casted upon an historic epic. We are so used to modern day 'horrors' [constraints levied by legislations and regulations] that many a times, we are unabel to feel that such horrors exist until we bring them to the past!

Good efffort in letting us reflect on such horrors! and having to laugh them off!!

You made my day, Sir!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

:ph34r:Thank you for your response and civility, but please don't call me 'Sir', I started in the 'ranks' and will be there until my dying day!

The Battle Of Trafalgar blow by blow if it were fought today! (or aka

"How Things Have Changed!)

Nelson: "Order the signal, Hardy."

Hardy: "Aye, aye sir."

Nelson: "Hold on, that's not what I dictated to the signal officer.

What's

the meaning of this?"

Hardy: "Sorry sir?"

Nelson (reading aloud): "England expects every person to do his duty,

regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or

disability. What gobbledygook is this?"

Hardy: "Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, sir. We're an equal opportunities

employer now. We had the devil's own job getting 'England' past the

censors, lest it be considered racist."

Nelson: "Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco."

Hardy: "Sorry sir. All naval vessels have been designated smoke-free

working environments."

Nelson: "In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the main

brace to steel the men before battle."

Hardy: "The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. Its part of the

Government's policy on binge drinking."

Nelson: "Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on with it. Full

speed ahead then."

Hardy: "I think you'll find that there's a 4 knot speed limit in this

stretch of water."

Nelson: "###### it man! We are on the eve of the greatest sea battle in

history. We must advance with all dispatch. Report from the crow's nest

please."

Hardy: "That won't be possible, sir."

Nelson: "Whaaaaaaaaat?"

Hardy: "Health and safety have closed the crow's nest, sir. No harness.

And

they said that rope ladder doesn't meet regulations. They won't let

anyone

up there until proper scaffolding can be erected."

Nelson: "Then get me the ship's carpenter without delay, Hardy."

Hardy: "He's busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the fo'c'sle

Admiral."

Nelson: "Wheelchair access? I've never heard anything so absurd."

Hardy: "Health and safety again, sir. We have to provide a barrier-free

environment for the differently abled."

Nelson: "Differently abled? I've only one arm and one eye and I refuse

even

to hear mention of the word. I didn't rise to the rank of admiral by

playing the disability card."

Hardy: "Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is under-represented in

the

areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency."

Nelson: "Whatever next? Give me full sail. The salt spray beckons."

Hardy: "A couple of problems there too, sir. Health and safety won't let

the crew up the rigging without hard hats. And they don't want anyone

breathing in too much salt - haven't you seen the adverts?"

Nelson: "I've never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the

men to stand by to engage the enemy."

Hardy: "The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral."

Nelson: "What? This is mutiny."

Hardy: "It's not that, sir. It's just that they're afraid of being

charged

with murder if they actually kill anyone. There are a couple of

legal-aid

lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks."

Nelson: "Then how are we to sink the French and the Spanish?"

Hardy: "Actually, sir, we don't"

Nelson: "We don't?"

Hardy: "No, sir. The French and the Spanish are our European partners

now.

According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in this

stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation."

Nelson: "But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil."

Hardy: "I wouldn't let the ship's diversity co-ordinator hear you saying

that sir. You'll be up on a disciplinary."

Nelson: "You must consider every man an enemy, who speaks ill of your

King."

Hardy: "Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this multicultural

age.

Now put on your Kevlar vest; it's the rules. It could save your life"

Nelson: "Don't tell me - health and safety. Whatever happened to rum,

sodomy and the lash?"

Hardy: As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu! And there's a ban on

corporal punishment."

Nelson: "What about sodomy?"

Hardy: "I believe that is now legal, sir."

Nelson: "In that case .... kiss me, Hardy"

DEAD DUCK.

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your pet has passed away." The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure? "Yes, I'm sure. The duck is dead," he replied. "How can you be so sure", she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something." The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog and took it out and returned a few moments later with a beautiful cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed the bird from its beak to its tail and back again. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly, jumped down and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck." Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys, and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "£150!" she cried."£150 just to tell me my duck is dead?!!" The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20. But what with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it all adds up."

For centuries Hindu women have worn a red spot on

their foreheads. We have naively thought it had

something to do with their religion. The true story

has just been revealed by the Indian Embassy in

Washington: After one of these women gets married,

her husband scratches off the red spot to see

if he has won a convenience store, a gas station, a

donut shop or a motel in Florida.

i have been following this case as i did the Kirsty Jones murder back in august 2000.

I don't know which is worse,knowing who murdered your child and them possibly getting away with it or not knowing who the murderer is ,but knowing that the thai police bungled the case from the very begining.

If it was tony blairs son or daughter both cases would no doubt be done and dusted by now!!

Let the brits have jurisdiction when a british citizen is involved,maybe thailand would then get its act to gether.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Can't see how this would affect this case, as the perpetrator is a Thai and therefore not a British subject.

For me the Toyota is the winner.

An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of

Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came

along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him

on the horse and they rode off.

The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the man would let

out a "Y-e-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!" so loud that it echoed from the surrounding

hills. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service

station, yelled one final "Y-e-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!" and rode off.

"What did you do to get that man so excited?" asked the service station

attendant.

"Nothing. I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his

waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off," the woman

answered.

"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles."

This is not really a joke. There was a news item a few days ago on BBC about a longstanding law in Oklahoma that allows householders to kill burglars entering their homes without fear of prosecution.  The law is known as the 'Make my day' law.  Apparently, there was a concern after the law was passed that some people might use the law by inviting their enemies around for a drink at their house and then killing them. Only in America.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Or LOS

Chonabot and DaveThailand are in a Pattaya Bar/Knocking shop and a sexy bar girl decides to go "Long Time" with the pair of them 

Whilst walking down the road the sexy girl stumbles falls forward and gets her head stuck in some railings.

Chonabot quickly goes behind her lifts up her mini-skirt pulls down his pants and procedes to give her one 

After he has done his dirty deed he looks over at DaveThailand and says "Right, your turn"

Dave starts getting hysterical and is crying like a big baby

Chonabot asks him "What the hells wrong with you"

Dave blubbers back

"My head wont fit in them railings"

   

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Loved it!

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the

pearly gates. "In honour of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must

each possess something that symbolises Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter.

He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said.

"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.

He shook them and said, "They're bells".

Saint Peter said "you may pass through the pearly gates".

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and

finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just

what do those symbolise?"

The man replied, "They're Carols"

Tennessee Folklore

A guy from Tennessee passed away and left his entire estate to his beloved widow, but she can't touch it 'til she's 14.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How can you tell if a Tennessee redneck is married? There's dried tobacco juice on both sides of his pickup truck.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Tennessee to 32? It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Tennessee? Documentaries.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Where was the toothbrush invented? Tennessee. If it had been invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teeth brush.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>

An Tennessee State trooper pulls over a pickup on I-64 and says to the driver, "Got any I.D.?" and the driver replies "Bout wut?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did you hear about the $3 million Tennessee State Lottery? The winner gets $3.00 a year for a million years.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The governor's mansion in Tennessee burned down! Yep. Pert near took out the whole trailer park. The library was a total loss, too. Both books - poof! up in flames , and they hadn't even finished coloring one of them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A new law was recently passed in Tennessee . . . When a couple gets divorced they are STILL cousins.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At the scene of the accident a trooper asked the Tennessee driver what gear he was in at the! moment of impact. He replied, "tractor hat and camouflage hunting outfit"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Folks in Tennessee now go to movies in groups of 18. They were told

"17 and under are not admitted".

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An Tennessee man spoke frantically into the phone, 'my wife is pregnant and her contractions are only 2 minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?", the doctor asked. "No ya dummy" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"

Miss Bea, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed cut glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Bea," he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl. "Oh, yes," she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking downtown a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would prevent the spread of disease. And you know I haven't had a cold all winter!

Kirk was walking down the street when he was accosted by a

particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a

couple of dollars for dinner. Kirk took out his wallet, extracted ten

dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer

with it instead?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man

replied.

"Will you use it to gamble instead of buying food?" Kirk asked.

"No, I don't gamble," the homeless man said. "I need everything

I can get just to stay alive." “Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" Kirk asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf

in 20 years!"

"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district

instead of food?" Kirk asked.

"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the

homeless man.

"Well," said Kirk, "I'm not going to give you the money.

Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my

wife Kim."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with

you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty

disgusting."

Kirk replied, "That's okay. I just want her to see what a man

looks like who's given up beer, gambling, golf and sex."

The president of Chase Manhattan Bank decides he should take a vacation/business trip. Since the president has heard how much fun Taipei is, he decides to visit the offices there. He books two tickets, one for him and one for his secretary.

After his arrival in Taipei, the president receives an urgent message from headquarters that the richest man in Taiwan wants to put all his money into a Chase Manhattan account. Since the account would be quite substantial, the president decides to meet personally with the man.

The next day, the president and his secretary go to meet the Taiwanese at an exclusive restaurant. Throughout the dinner, the president tries to bring up the subject of opening the new account but the prospective client only seems interested in the president's secretary.

After dinner, the businessman asks the secretary to spend the rest of the evening seeing the sights in Taipei with him. Not wishing to offend the prospective client, the president orders his secretary to go ahead but tells her that she must be diplomatic and under no circumstances is she to insult the man by rejecting him outright.

After going to a dance club for a few hours, the businessman takes the secretary aside. As he holds her hand and looks her straight into her eyes, he tells her that he loves her. Then, he gets on his knees and asks her to marry him.

Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her boss told her. Don't reject the guy outright. So, she tries to think of a way to dissuade the businessman from wanting to marry her.

So, after a few minutes, the woman says: "I will only marry you under three conditions. First, I want my engagement ring to be a 75 carat diamond ring, with a matching 200 carat diamond tiara."

The Taiwanese man pauses for awhile then, with a nod of his head, answers: "No problem!! I buy. I buy."

Realizing that her first condition was too easy, the woman says, "My second condition is a 100 room mansion in New York. As a vacation home, I want a chateau built in the middle of the Gironde in France."

The man pauses for awhile. He whips out his cellular phone, calls some brokers in New York, then he calls some real estate agents in France. He looks at the woman, nods his head and says, "Okay, okay. I build, I build."

Realizing that she has one last condition, the secretary knows that she'd better make this a good one. She takes her time to think and finally, she gets an idea. A sure-to-work condition. She squints her eyes, looks at the man and says, rather coldly, "Since I like to have sex, I want the man I marry to have a 12-inch penis."

The man seems a bit disturbed. He cups his face in his hands and rests his elbows on the table. All the while, he's muttering something in Chinese.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, the man shakes his head, looking real sad, says to the woman,

"OK. I cut. I cut."

An old geezer in an old people's home takes a fancy to a woman who is also staying there. One day he plucks up the courage to go and talk to her and after a while he says he would like to make love to her. She agrees that when everybody else goes on a day trip they both stay behind at the home and get down to it.

The old man goes to the woman's room and asks her how she likes to be made love to. She tells him that she loves a man to go down on her and asks him if he would mind. He says he would love to do that for her and goes for it.

After about 30 secs he comes back up and says that he is sorry but it just smells too bad down there. She thinks for a minute and tells him that it must be the arthritis. He looks and her confused and states that surely you can't get arthritis down there and even if you could it wouldn't cause that smell.

She says "No it's the arthritis in my shoulder, I can't wipe my ass properly!"

Good one! Unfortunately, but just about the truth in this day and age.

My choices:

Indian

Thai

Mexican

My wifes: Indian

English, particularly lamb dishes, which I find unusual as most Thais that I know turn their noses up at lamb.

Thai

My wife now simply refuses to go to Thai restaurants in the U.K., saying that she can cook better herself, and must admit that I agree. Ask her if she wants to eat an Indian meal and it's running shoes on!