slappyharry

my first customers...

as i lift my head off my knees i see a group of 4 guys...yes ,thats when i realised i was a success,im gonna pack em in day in day out, i slowly come to realise that they must be aussie tourists as 2 of them have there diks out in there hand as they walk to there seats,tears start welling up in my eyes as i slowly rest my forehead on the table, i wonder to myself y the fok would thailand allow aussies into their country and decide to take this up with somchai, i start planning on the best way to tell somchai that having aussies in the bar puts off normal ppl,but realising that somchai thinks all white ppl are from farangland i realise i need a new plan,a new slant, oh yes,yes,yes,i can do this cos i am management material.

1pm and we are open..

yes yes this is my domain,i have 6 gals up on stage doing the thai 2 step in there bikinis, there is still an overwhelming stench of vomit but i sent the cleaning lady out to buy air freshner.

now we need some customers for me to practise my charm and wit on to build up our clientele base,,yes i did business studys at school 30 yrs ago so i know wots needed,somchai employed me cos of my busines acumen.

i look in my wallet and count out 2724 baht, rent day tomorrow, i wonder if i can get an advance from somchai.

the cleaning lady hands me a carrier bag of sprays and i thank her,as i look into the bag i see she has bought 10 cans of foking insect killer spray,i slowly rest my head on my knees and wonder wot the fok are these ppl thinking.

its now 12.30 and ive seen a few gals go in there but they werent so pretty,at first i thought they were beggars but my waitress assures me they work there,i pay my bill and nonchalantly stroll across the road, this is my domain,i am a god here, i keep repeating this in my mind as i open the door, i see some fat old thai gal with a loud voice and remember from past nites here she is the mamasan,she rushes up to me and grabs my crotch as i try to struggle away from her,she says we not open yet, i try to get her hands off of my crotch as i try to explain to her that somchai gave me the job as bar manager,she looks at me strangely while all the other girls just ignore wots happening.

i get to the door of the bar and find its already open. i wonder if somchai is already here but cant see his mercedes. as i walk in i see this old hag mopping the stage and realise she must be the cleaning lady. i decide that i should assert my authority as the new manager of this fine establishment but the old hag beats me to it and says, sorry not open. i smile meekly and try to explain that i am the new manager for the bar,she looks at me blankly,i decide to go across the road for breakfast first.

huski pls dont interupt me

i wake up to the sound of the brats next door.my head is throbbing and i think i must have eaten somebodies carpet the way my mouth feels. i lay there in my pit looking up at the dirty fan swirling round, dreaming my dreams of sexual conquests at my own personal harem,i put my hand under the pillow and grope for the key,yes i can feel the heat from it, somchai has 67 girls on the books and a high turnover of staff.i wonder to myself if i can get a discount on viagra for bulk purchases.

i go to the local shop and buy some mekong and soda and ice,ok i know its only 1pm but i got to celebrate my new life style.

the motor bike taxi drivers all start laughing at me as i walk up to them with my offering in my hand,fok wot really did happen last nite. somsak opens the ice box and gets out the communal glass and its party time.

after the 3rd bottle of mekhong i take somsak to one side and ask about last nite, his english is not very good but from wot i understood it involved a lady man and i deciding who had the biggest dik,i won but not by a long shot, they all know her and call her katoey hum yai wotever that means.

YES THE WORLD IS GREAT..............................

i got the job and it turns out somchai is also a policeman,well he has a gun so he must be.

he will pay me the princely sum of 20,000baht a month for doing something every man dreams of.

i am in pigs heaven, i do the day shift from midday to 7pm,my own personal harem and i start tomorrow, i even have my own key.

life can be so good sometimes.

as i walk upto them i try to do my best fumbling wai but stumble over an empty beer bottle, as i get off the floor i realise they are not laughing at me so i hold out my hand, they look at me as though i am holding out a handfull of <deleted> for there appraisal,foolishly i drop my hand and say hello, somchai smiles so i feel a million times better,the 2 cops just stare at me as though i wa the man from mars.

i get off the motorbike taxi and tell somsak the driver that i will pay him tonite, i was going to ask about the dog but thought better of it.

as i walk into the bar i notice the smell of stale beer, ciggarette smoke, urine and vomit, i realise they are going to have to invest heavily into air fesheners.

i see somchai sitting behind the bar with 2 policemen,fok this is all i need, talking to him about working and here i am on a tourist visa.

YES<YES

somchai wants me to meet him at the bar at midday.fok im in..my dreams have come true.my life will be a continual party of wine women and beer.wot more could a man want in life.

fok i aint got no clean clothes,the owner is nearly the same size as me so i goto see mr lek.

after dressing i look at myself in the mirrow. lek obviously has a shorter inside leg measurement than me but wot the ###### these thais dont know wot fashion is.

so off i go.

i found my jeans in the usual place on the floor and opened my wallet..

fok only 4,700baht left, my rent was due in 3 days so that was 2000baht gone...

lets hope they turn the electric back on real soon so i can check for emails from interviews i had in the last week..

yesterday i had an interview with mr somchai,he needs a new manager for his gogo and wants to start doing shows for the customers.. if only i could get that job..

still if the worst comes to the worst the laptop can be put in the porn shop and that will give me another week here of drunken sexual pleasure..

well i had been here 4 weeks and the money was running out real quick..

i woke this morning bathed in sweat and feeling queasy, the electric was out again and the family next door had there brats screaming.

my head ached and i thought back to last nite,did the motor bike taxi drivers really bbq the dog they caught??did i eat any of it??i stagger to the bathroom as i realise i had eaten something last nite.

farmers need sex aswell