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ravip

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About ravip

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    Not all uniforms are worn by Generals.
  • Birthday 12/18/1958

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    Planet Earth

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  1. When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me 3K dollars. That is why in the Navy, the Captain goes down with the ship.
  2. An insurance agent approaches a cowboy, trying to sell him an accident policy. The agent inquires, "Have you ever had an accident?" "Never," the cowboy responds. "However, just recently a horse kicked in two of my ribs, and back a couple years ago a rattlesnake bit my ankle." "Wouldn't you call these accidents?" says the puzzled agent. "Nah," the cowboy replies. "They both did it on purpose!"
  3. A plane is about to crash. The pilots were the first to jump, they left two parachutes for the three remaining passengers: The smartest man in the world, a priest and an art student. The smartest man in the world takes one without thought and says: "It is evident that the world will need the likes of me. As I am one of the only individuals that could make the world progress to its full potential." He soon jumps without looking back. The priest looks at the student with resignation. "My child, take the last parachute, as a good christian, it is m
  4. Doctor: you've been bitten by a radioactive shark Me: so i'm gonna get shark powers, right? Doctor: you no longer have legs... Me: just like a shark!
  5. I just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest and disingenuous.
  6. A WW2 pilot visited a girls school. He was talking to the pupils about his time in the battle, and he said, “I was flying in formation when three f*ers came up behind me”. The teacher quickly interjects, “young ladies, you must understand the ‘Fokker’ is a type of German aeroplane”. The pilot replies, “yes, but these f*ers were flying Messerschmidts”.
  7. The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister of Sweden. The first thing he'll do is to assemble his cabinet.
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