bifftastic

Wasn't looking either. All of the relationships I've had in the past have been the same in that respect. My girl is independent thinking, hard working, knows what she likes/doesn't like, has been through similar trials and tribulations to myself, despite the difficulties (distance, language, culture etc.) we 'click' and make each other happy. Finances do play a part, as they do in any relationship, and now she is able to work from home and be with her children. It's still a little 'hand to mouth' but she and the kids are happier, as are the extended family.

I've got nothing bad to say about the women I've had relationships with in the past, or western culture. It is what it is.

My Thai g/f has said to me that if she wanted a guy who plays around, drinks too much and doesn't treat her well she could easily find one closer to home. I said there are plenty like that in my country too!

There are plenty of cultural stereotypes available to throw around but people are people. She doesn't do the 'dutiful asian wife' thing, nor would I respond particularly well to that, I like a person to be an individual not a role. We are, hopefully like any other couple, learning about each other all the time, but the recurring theme seems to be love and laughter. Long may it continue.

As the title says, my g/f's nephew is getting married next month. He's 18, second son of g/f's sister, marrying a local girl of the same age. I'm having this discussion with my g/f obviously, but I'd like the opinions of the members here too.

Don't want to put too much, but definitely don't want to put too little!

Anyone got any previous experience or suggestions?

If it's relevant, the family farm some land, grow tobacco and corn, live in a normal Thai wooden house, aren't rich but aren't dirt poor. G/f's sisters side of the family are from Korat, (I'm helping to pay for Mum to come up to Chiang Saen for the wedding) sister married into a local family whose land they all live on.

Any ideas?

Cheers,

Biff

Apologies to the OP for going off topic, but if we are all so nice and chummy here in the Rai, why didn't more people stop by to pay their respects to the happy couple. I would have loved to if I'd been in the country and why don't we at least smile or say hello in BigC? Very good point, I was all smiles in BigC and got blanked quite a few times. Is it really that hard to be nice or at least civil in public? It shouldn't be. That really bugs me too. (Sorry, just had to get that off my chest.)

I did a direct SWIFT transfer once from Halifax to Bangkok Bank, Halifax took £9.50 and Bangkok Bank took Bt700 but they took it out of the money transferred so the amount deposited was Bt700 light rather than passing the charge back to my UK bank.

Now I use Moneybookers and the charge at the UK end is £1.60 (ish) and Bt200 is taken by Bangkok Bank, again they take it out before the deposit in Thailand, haven't heard of a charge coming back to bite me in the UK.

Bit of hassle setting up the Moneybookers in the first place but cheap and easy thereafter.

Oy...oy...oy.. ( sometimes Thai women say that during sex )

.. i used to live in Belguim, and parents would say... Oy.. oy.. oy !!! to their children when they were angry..ok, not the same.. one is to express pleasure.. the other to express anger..

signed: homonym

you sure it's pleasure?

there are the obvious ones that have been 'transported' over like computer but then that's done in many languages too, modern devices often have the same or similar names in many tongues, 'remote' (leemote) for the remote control for the 'Tee Wee' has obviously come from English. OK seems universal

what did surprise me was CaaLott carrot, how did that happen?

you've already shown them you've got more money than they could ever dream about so I would expect they will ask for quite a bit, however, what quite a bit is to them I'm not sure, as someone already mentioned, I don't think you have to worry about being seen as a 'dupe'. Seeing as money isn't really a problem for you, and they're doing very nicely thank you on what you are giving them now. They will probably expect a million baht! You've already spent 3 mill on the house after all so it would have to match!

Everyone in the village knows they've struck it rich already so you might as well go the whole hog and double it for show at the wedding and get it given back afterwards or buy them a pick up truck/tractor/more land etc. etc. with it. Talk to them and see what they want/expect.

Good luck and I hope it goes well for you and you enjoy the wedding and many years of happiness afterwards.

If the OP feels very bad treated, maybe he should opt for leaving and/or put the family ties on hold (or less and less contact).

Never cut the family ties (burn bridges) totally.

One never know how people change over time.

Very good advice.

Not surprising the family is anti Thai wife,considering the constant Thai negative feedback in the Media...

Surprising how some people can form opinions from this brainwashing kind of trash.

So which is it then? Surprising or not surprising?

and this constant negative feedback in the media..... what form does that take exactly? Can't say as I've noticed it to be honest.

I have noticed that people have varying remarks/opinions when they find out I have a Thai girlfriend, many many people have either been to Thailand themselves or know of people who have relocated there and want to see photos and hear all about the place. Most do say 'so she wants to come over here then?' The view in the UK is that everyone wants to come here.... and I suppose the inference is that that's why she's with me.

I think, to some degree anyone's motives for leaving their home country will be questioned by some people. Immigrant families aren't made all that welcome, comments like 'the country's awash with immigrants' etc. and mixed relationships involving immigration can bring out the worst in people, either here or in Thailand (the current gossip in my girlfriends village is that i'm not rich enough to buy her a house! ie she's stupid enough to love me for nothing! if I was then I'm sure the gossip would be she only wants my money!)

Only one reaction in the UK so far, was openly negative, I mentioned I was going back to Thailand again to see my girlfriend and this lady remarked 'that's just disgusting' !!! quite where she formed her views and what she thought was going on is of no interest, but there are ignorant people everywhere.

It's hard for people who have loving, caring families to understand but some people are hateful and uncaring.

Sadly, the OP seems to have some in his family

I was just joking, inferring I find intelligent women a zillion times sexier than not intelligent, unlike the men who only date farmers daughters and get offended thinking that a woman with a brain might have more to offer.

and why would you assume that someone who's father is a farmer would be unintelligent? un-educated, perhaps, but education can take many forms, some happens in schools, some happens in life. I hope some happens in yours.

So the poll shows what I believed - most TV members partners are not pure Thai.

Not doubting what you're saying, just genuinely interested, pure Thai, if there is such a thing, would be, in your opinion, from where exactly?

It's funny. As I am no longer willing to tolerate my families abusive/insulting behaviour and slowly distance myself from them, their small mindedness, ignorance and prejudice, they have lovingly accussed me of thinking that my wife and I are "above them"???? and are no doubt attacking us even more.

Sigh.

Painful as it may be you've found out what your family thinks about you and your wife and how small minded, ignorant and prejudiced they are. Then if they accuse you of thinking your 'above them' by all the ways that this could be measured, you are above them aren't you?

No doubt they are still talking about you but as my g/f says when anyone talks about me or her or farang this and farang that, 'they have mouth, can talk if they want...up to them' family are ok they don't say bad things but they hear them said, what can you do mate? If your family won't accept your wife as your wife then they obviously don't respect you or your choices in life.

They will try and make out that, if there is a breakdown of your relationship with them that it was your doing when, in fact, it was theirs.

Good luck with everything. Hope it works out.

just out of interest, where would 100% Thai people be from mainly? Given that Thai/Chinese would be Lanna Thai as in up north? There is a fair mix of Burma and Laos there too, Central Thai as in Bangkok? I thought that was a Thai/Chinese mix too, are these 100% people you refer to from the south? Or are you suggesting by the use of this poll that there is no such thing as 100% anything?

btw I voted Thai/Laos

I myself am 25% german 25% dutch 25% french 25% scandinavian (ie 100% english!)

what no Irish?

nope

I asked my wife what am I to do with these fish in a bottle. She told me if you get one it is a sign of respect. I thought what have I done to deserve respect. I couldn't think of anything. My wife told me that I went with him to his home on the 1st offer that was respect to him.

So the man is somewhat traditional and it is his way of showing thanks for a good deal on the bike. You now have a local friend who feels a tad of bunkhun towards you. So shed your ex-pat bubble and enjoy the real Thailand. Now go back to a local shop and buy a bottle of Sangsom and invite him over to share it with you.

I would agree, he likes the bike, he liked the price, maybe he thought you needed to feel more welcome in the area and now he has the deal over the bike as a reason to get to know you more despite the language difficulties. Enjoy. Watch out for the regular drinking though! Can upset the misses! or so I've heard!

just out of interest, where would 100% Thai people be from mainly? Given that Thai/Chinese would be Lanna Thai as in up north? There is a fair mix of Burma and Laos there too, Central Thai as in Bangkok? I thought that was a Thai/Chinese mix too, are these 100% people you refer to from the south? Or are you suggesting by the use of this poll that there is no such thing as 100% anything?

btw I voted Thai/Laos

I myself am 25% german 25% dutch 25% french 25% scandinavian (ie 100% english!)

a few calls from the UK at 2am 3am 4am 5am showing 'private number' ..... only costs me 1pence a minute

people lke this are <deleted>, they don't realise or don't care how much distress they are causing

this photo is not the best I'll admit but you can see (I hope) there are sand banks visible in the middle of the river. This was taken 2 days ago in Chiang Saen

Jingthing does it again! Thought-provoking post

I think nationalism has a kind of rational aspect to it in that it makes sense for groups of people (which is what nations are) to have pride in the way they do things in order for that particular 'way' to thrive and be successful.

That is in a very basic social grouping, the way nations developed and became nation states is when these ideas and cultures came into contact with others, and differences in language, primarily, led to mis-understandings and conflicts.

In order to define a nation state it is necessary to encourage feelings of 'otherness' in that 'they do things differently over there' which leads a group to decide that 'our way is the best way' so that the way that group is organised can thrive.

So, in that sense it is perfectly rational.

Rational doesn't mean healthy. It's another argument completely as to whether or not nationalism is good for the world as a whole. Certainly it has defined many aspects of the world we know today, but there are always people who desire to stretch the boundaries, move across the borders and make contact on a human level and blur those national differences. This is one of the ways our species progresses.

It is, I think, natural for people in any country you care to mention, to compare 'their' way of life to others. It's very difficult to compare a way of life because in order to make a real comparison you would have to rid yourself of your cultural heritage which is impossible.

What we can do, and what often happens, is that when we really meet the 'others' we see that despite our differences we share more than we thought and have the most important things, love, family, desire for happiness and security, in common.

This can be seen in particular in Europe, (probably in many other places too, but Europe is what I know a little about) where for thousands of years, the 'otherness' of language and culture meant that bloody wars would rage, practically non-stop for centuries. In WW1 both the British and the Germans thought 'god is on our side' or gott mit uns'. After that conflict there was an upsurgance of more political ideologies which seemed to try and replace the centuries old religious-based doctrines. This caused even more conflict and, arguably, lead the continents great rivals, Germany and France, to decide that despite the 'other' being the hated enemy of many conflicts, union was the only way forward.

Now, the states of Europe, whilst still different, and still populated by people who regard their state as 'better' are not slaughtering each other. Indeed many share a currency and have borders which are open to each other.

So, is it rational? Yes, I think it is. Is it a good thing? Depends on what it leads you to do.

I think it's part of our social evolution.

I know this question was posted for the women to answer but i feel I have something of value to add so, I hope you will all accept my input.

When I first met my girlfriend we kind of fell into a reasonably deep heart-to-heart exploration of our past, good and bad things that have happened to us. It was that that made the initial connection, over and above the usual attractions. I notice that there are always class/education connotations given to relationships or interactions between people and, whilst formal education and the kind of family you were raised in do have some bearing on your personality, as does the culture you grew up in, there is still room for individuality to show through.

It is true that in day to day life we do not necessarily delve into each others pasts and we have reached some 'ok ok finish talk about that' points, when more detail would upset one or the other, but we definitely know, and have talked about some of the painful things that have happened to both of us and this is part of what binds us together.

As for our respective upbringings, mine could be regarded as 'urban poor' as an earlier poster described it, hers as 'rural poor' migrating to 'urban poor'.

I left school at 14, she at 12, we have both pretty much looked after ourselves all our lives. Not had the 'benefit' of too much formal education. Not had the support network that more middle-class families have, but that doesn't seem to have resulted in us being incurious or unable to think about things other than our immediate survival needs.

People are affected by their upbringing and culture but are more than the result of location and wealth or social status.

OP, thank you for the question.

It will be whatever the UK Embassy requires to issue the letter verifying your income.

UK Embassy Scroll down the page.

LB that link's broken

Edit, ok now it works, mods can you remove my post please? Thank you

So, is everyone in CR this friendly? I'll find out this autumn anyway, when I start my permanent reassignment (read: retirement) and visit this intriguing place.

Well I can't say if they are in real life or not, having never met any of them, but certainly here on this CR forum they are a friendly and helpful bunch. I suspect that given the size of the province and the fact that everyone is probably fairly spread out geographically it's not a group that meets up too often. For myself, in my brief visit to CR I found it to be a very beautiful place. As with anywhere it depends on the people in your immediate area and, perhaps more importantly, on yourself and your disposition/personality and your reasons for relocating.

I wish you all the best with your relocation plans and hope you can find a nice corner of 'The Rai' that warms your heart and soul.

Cheers, Biff

Long Live the King!

seconded!

thirded! can something be thirded? anyway, Long Live The King!

Im a Scottish shoe maker. Ive based my studio in Bangkok. PM me if you would like a pair handmade for you.

bangkokpost.com/leisure/leisurescoop/32720/a-man-and-his-shoes

Cheers

Are Scottish shoes very different from other shoes?

oh and the last pair I bought from edisons were 49 baht so i'm not sure they'll cater for the OP's taste in footwear!

Som Tam (papaya salad very spicy)

Pad Krapow Neua Kai Dow (minced beef herbs and spices with a fried egg)

Tom Yam Gai (clear soup with vegetables, spices and chicken)

something g/f's BiL made with cabbage (I think) onion, garlic and fish (phet phet aroi mak!)

steamed fish fresh from the river (i asked what it was called and was told 'pla' so...fish! lol) home cooked with a very dark super phet phet sauce to dip it in

and all of the above seasoned with smiles and sanuk sanuk people

As someone posted earlier, mai phet mai arroi

ok golden Buddhas it is then maybe not as 'off the beaten track' as earlier posts (these are from Sob Ruak or Saam Liaam Thong Kham) the smaller one is in a tiny 'house' which I had to bend over to get in, and is, apparently, 1700 years old and Lao in origin. The Wat itself (below the old Lao site which is pretty much in ruins) is still under construction and the Nagas and details are yet to be decorated. View of Mae Nam Kong is from about halfway up the steps.

Bit 'touristy' maybe but it's a nice place all the same

still waiting for the latest photos but these were taken on 03/02/2010 about 5km east of Chiang Saen.

g/f's brother in law said the water gets much higher (which is why they built up the bank) but now, it seems, people are commenting on how low it is.

riverweed.AVI