November Rain Posted June 5, 2007 Share Posted June 5, 2007 I really don't see how this is an issue. Unfortunately, there will always be women who decide to try it on with guys who are in a relationship already (isn't the American word for them "skanks"? ) The issue is how your guy reacts to them, IMO. Like Boo's hubby, my BF was a musician & used to have women coming on to him all the time. Guess it's the groupy thing Anyway, he was totally faithful to me. Came home to me every night, came straight over to my table (if I was there) any time he got a break, basically gave them no time whatsoever. If you have a guy like that, you don't need to send any messages to the women, your guy does it for you. If your guy is encouraging them, I think you have to ask yourself why you're in a relationship with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fruittbatt Posted June 5, 2007 Share Posted June 5, 2007 For years I was the jealous, defensive one, fending off the simpering flirtations, blatant propositions, and pointed gestures of sexual interest in "my" tall man. And feeling like <deleted> every time some new woman tried it on with him or he responded, even politely. Until I realized that you can never control anyone, nor is it your right to tell your partner how to behave. If he wants to cheat or flirt, he will. It is up to you whether you can deal with that behaviour or not. And you need to be clear about what you find offensive about it. Is it because you can't "make" him into what you want that you get angry? Is it because you consider him your "property" that you want to ward off intruders? Or is it because his behaviour indicates a lack of shared values and commitment to you? In the end we can only know our own values,why we have them, and whether we can live with people who have different priorities. These days my husband is a daily magnet for Thai women and girls' attention. We both find the scenario amusing sometimes, annoying and embarrassing at other times (like the Japanese woman who offered herself to him in the lift!). The possibility that he might be unfaithful is just not an issue for me. I trust him and his love for me implicitly. That trust takes a long time to develop and "come-ons" are a test of both parties' ability to trust. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
girlx Posted June 5, 2007 Author Share Posted June 5, 2007 again, it's not my boyfriend i had the problem with, and if he decides to go off with another girl, well then maybe she is better for him than i am (likely, because i don't want a long term commitment). but the girls really piss me off when i set boundaries right off the bat and they proceed to overstep them, as if they are challenging me, right in front of me! i just don't really understand this behavior! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fruittbatt Posted June 5, 2007 Share Posted June 5, 2007 again, it's not my boyfriend i had the problem with, and if he decides to go off with another girl, well then maybe she is better for him than i am (likely, because i don't want a long term commitment). but the girls really piss me off when i set boundaries right off the bat and they proceed to overstep them, as if they are challenging me, right in front of me! i just don't really understand this behavior! hi Girlx, I'm not sure how you "set boundaries" up front to stop flirtation/ unwanted come-ons. Seems to me that laying down the law could be seen as a challenge by some women. It is pretty obvious that you are a couple. Many people will respect that, some won't - probably a measure of their own sexual desperation and greed or sheer b*tchery. If you can trust yourself to speak to the woman without losing it maybe you could tell her how her behaviour shows complete lack of respect for you and your boyfriend, and ask her not to come around again? However, if she insinuated herself onto your boyfriend's lap already, it sounds like he is not exactly an unwilling participant and doesn't care whether the b*tch respects either of you or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
girlx Posted June 5, 2007 Author Share Posted June 5, 2007 sheer b*tchery hehe a new word for the vocabulary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ave Posted June 26, 2007 Share Posted June 26, 2007 I lived most of these soap operas, mainly out of boredom. It has been like going back to teenage years. There was me, unaware of girlfriend number 2 attacked by naive farang girlfriend number 1 who came back to claim her thai boy after three months of not even giving him a phone call. She tried to pick up an argument with me but I showed immediately my total empathy for her and we both ended up having a go at him, instead, who was sitting there quietly in embarrassment. If that happened in my twenties I would have probably got very upset and maybe even aggressive. Fortunately, with age and determination, most people get more in control of situations. More confidence certainly helps to face the most challenging situations. I have also found out that some people tend to attract certain situations and types of people, just like a magnet, despite their intention to go the opposite way. The more I tried to steer away from Thai men by making myself invisible and the more appealing they saw me, especially for the prospect of a long term relationship. And after nearly ten years of living like a spinster, taking little care of my body and image, I felt ready to get back in the game. With my second - and last, I'm taking a break - Thai boyfriend I felt initially very insicure although he had usually been very caring, maybe too possessive at times. What happened is that he sensed my insecurity and used it as a confidence boost for himself. That made him feel free to let girls flirt with him. When I realised that I changed my attitude as quickly as deeply as possible. I became more assertive and stopped assuming that another woman would eventually try to get her claws on him. I never had a problem with that again. I pushed it away and made it irrelevant. I simply concentrated on other things instead. Good luck! Curious how many of you have this same problem- a good looking Thai husband or boyfriend that other farang women try to steal from you. I have noticed that farang girls on holiday are ruthless! They don't care if the guy is hooked up already or not! I recently had a situation in which I told the girl I was with my boyfriend. She refused to back off and came over every day freshly showered, wearing perfume, dressed like a tart. Tried to manouver her way into my guy's lap even when I was sitting right there. Just wouldn't leave! Finally she hooked up with a different Thai guy, but it shook my confidence quite a bit, and things with my guy haven't been the same since (he didn't hook up with her but he didn't try to get her to go away either). A couple of my girl friends mentioned having this problem in the past, just wondering if others thought it was common? I guess it's a good test to see if you can trust your guy, but ###### girls! Get your own man eh?!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seonai Posted June 26, 2007 Share Posted June 26, 2007 As has been mentioned loads of times before (yawn) the issue of unfaithfullness or people coming on to your partner cannot be generalised into 'Thai' and/or 'Farang'. This all smacks of mass generalisation and I know girlx won't like me saying this but I agree with the poster who said that if you feel secure in your relationship you don't have to worry cos you just know your man wouldn't actually 'do' anything from a harmless flirt. I agree it's annoying tho girlx, so I see your point. I am quite tall and can give a real mean look if anyone flirts with my hubby so I don't usually have probs in that way !!!!! To answer the op, if anyone was really causing me grief in that way I'd tell him/her to back off - usually does the trick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PlainJane Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 Adapt the Monkey-See, Monkey-Doo attitude. If he seems to enjoy the flirting, look around and smile at the guys around you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ave Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 Adapt the Monkey-See, Monkey-Doo attitude. If he seems to enjoy the flirting, look around and smile at the guys around you. exactly! that'll distract him and draw the attention back on to you.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PlainJane Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 (edited) Adapt the Monkey-See, Monkey-Doo attitude. If he seems to enjoy the flirting, look around and smile at the guys around you. exactly! that'll distract him and draw the attention back on to you.. Not only that. It also shows that you are not insecure and that you are level-headed. Normally, a guy will push buttons to see how far you will chase the ball - like what most dogs do. When you don't give him that satisfaction, he will start respecting you for having a backbone and for being level-headed. Then he will know that you are not afraid to walk away from him and from the relationship. If he likes you, he'll start trying harder and even do his 50% share in the relationship. If he doesn't, then let it go. He's not worth it anyway. Edited June 27, 2007 by PlainJane Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasminette Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 Firstly, I totally agree with the fact that in most cases you can't talk about Thai/farang behaviour and then point out that one group is worse as there a bad apples everywhere... I have never experienced any big problems with Thai or farang girls who have been interested in my Thai bf as the moment they found out he wasn't available they normally backed off, end of story. The real headache begins when I think about this one farang girl who lives very close to us and is a regular customer in my bf's bar. She kept trying on him for more than a year - even when we sitting next to each others and planning of what kind of house we would built. It looks like she has finally starting to give up though as my bf hardly even says "hi" to her any more when she comes to drink in his bar. The thing is that she only takes Thai guys and goes after new guy every single night. Pretty much everyone in the area knows her by now so she only needs to pick a guy and 10 min later they are off. And the only reason she kept on trying him was that she got no as an answer. Samui is a party island and a lot of young people come here with one idea in their heads:care-free party. If you combine a single person, young mind and a party paradise you can expect to get some level of troubles -serious or not- especially if your bf isn't the most ugly one. But like many have stated out: If things are ok in the relationship there is nothing to worry about - besides, it's always nice get looks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
girlx Posted June 27, 2007 Author Share Posted June 27, 2007 the issue of unfaithfullness or people coming on to your partner cannot be generalised into 'Thai' and/or 'Farang'. er, actually it can. it is most definitely farang girls on holiday i have this problem with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stiggy Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 Ladies if your man takes up the offers thats when you should worry. Being overprotective etc just drives fellas off its human nature. Been married 12 yrs now still go out with boys and shock horror may even talk to some women.... Would I cheat with one of these Hubby grabbingg tarts out there.....Absolutly not most blokes see these tarts for what they are. To minging or insecure to get there own fella. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 As I've said before, I've never had a problem with the farang girls, as soon as they see we are together they don't bother. Same with Thai girls (except for that one, many many years ago). However, if it were to happen to me, what would bother me most about these behaviors wouldn't be worry over what hubby will or won't do, its the lack of respect it shows to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seonai Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 I'm with you SBK, women that meet my husband know and see that we are very much together so there is never really a problem. Perhaps girlx has a problem because she states catagorically that she is in a relationship that she doesn't consider to be either serious or long term........ in which case..... why are we all letting her once again cause debate over this same issue????????? Sorry but it's time for her to be pulled up about this. Girlx always says that ALL Thai men are unfaithful and we all know that she's wrong. I'm personally having no more of it. I would venture to say that she has nothing much else to do except start these threads...... it's not even clear in this one whether she's talking about her own boyfriend or some 'friend's' partner - she said so herself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seonai Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ave Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 Adapt the Monkey-See, Monkey-Doo attitude. If he seems to enjoy the flirting, look around and smile at the guys around you. exactly! that'll distract him and draw the attention back on to you.. Not only that. It also shows that you are not insecure and that you are level-headed. Normally, a guy will push buttons to see how far you will chase the ball - like what most dogs do. When you don't give him that satisfaction, he will start respecting you for having a backbone and for being level-headed. Then he will know that you are not afraid to walk away from him and from the relationship. If he likes you, he'll start trying harder and even do his 50% share in the relationship. If he doesn't, then let it go. He's not worth it anyway. Absolutely. It's all about self confidence. And in reality I think that in the end we could end up getting tired with games like 'if he starts smiling and flirting with that girl I'll do the same with other guys' or similar stuff. A little too juvenile. Once I got my confidence back I started feeling quite proud of the fact that other females found my quiet little man attractive..! Shame it's over now.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chaiyen Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 the issue of unfaithfullness or people coming on to your partner cannot be generalised into 'Thai' and/or 'Farang'. er, actually it can. it is most definitely farang girls on holiday i have this problem with. I agree with you 100% girlx, I have had the same problems with my past and current boyfriend. It does stand true that it is up to him, if he goes with her or not but in most cases, with a thai or especially a farang girlfriend the guy simply cannot say no. Typically if it is an ex-girlfriend that has come back to find him (for a 3 week fling) and he is flattered, etc,etc.... In the end if you care or not, it is very annoying as well as disrespectful for a girl who is on holiday to drop by, disrupt your life and leave. My ex has gone off before and luckily it was sooner into the relationship than later and it was adios to him, my current has had girls come back, but has remained faithfull. I agree with you that a relationship (strong or not) does not need interferances from floozies on a holiday... Also especially since most men already have somewhat of an ego that doesn't need to be fed, do you also think that is part of the issue?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
girlx Posted June 28, 2007 Author Share Posted June 28, 2007 Girlx always says that ALL Thai men are unfaithful and we all know that she's wrong. i am not talking about thai men being unfaithful, i am talking about farang girls being disrespectful and aggressive. chill out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seonai Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 I am chilled out girlx it's you who's not chilled dear!!!!! Get a real man and you won't have to keep posting here!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
observer21 Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 From what i have observed the situation with ferang women and thai men (husbands/boyfriends) is simialr to that of ferang men with thai women. The ferang women tend to be unatractive and/or older than the thai guy - therefor a half decent looking ferang girl thinks she has a good chance if she makes a move on the guy. I have never really seen an atractive ferang girl with a thai guy - seem to be mostly bohemian/hippy types. PS Try a bit of makeup and perfume, and take regular showers - like the girls who try to move in on your guys Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boxingbeauty Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 From what i have observed the situation with ferang women and thai men(husbands/boyfriends) is simialr to that of ferang men with thai women. The ferang women tend to be unatractive and/or older than the thai guy - therefor a half decent looking ferang girl thinks she has a good chance if she makes a move on the guy. I have never really seen an atractive ferang girl with a thai guy - seem to be mostly bohemian/hippy types. PS Try a bit of makeup and perfume, and take regular showers - like the girls who try to move in on your guys Ha ha! I'm taking it that you're joking ...? I have seen some fit farang men with Thai women, and not to 'blow my own trumpet', but I'm younger than my Thai guy, toned, and I turn heads! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
observer21 Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 (edited) From what i have observed the situation with ferang women and thai men(husbands/boyfriends) is simialr to that of ferang men with thai women. The ferang women tend to be unatractive and/or older than the thai guy - therefor a half decent looking ferang girl thinks she has a good chance if she makes a move on the guy. I have never really seen an atractive ferang girl with a thai guy - seem to be mostly bohemian/hippy types. PS Try a bit of makeup and perfume, and take regular showers - like the girls who try to move in on your guys Ha ha! I'm taking it that you're joking ...? I have seen some fit farang men with Thai women, and not to 'blow my own trumpet', but I'm younger than my Thai guy, toned, and I turn heads! Really, what a waste PS i am one of the fit ferang guys you have seen with a thai bird Edited June 28, 2007 by observer21 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GracelessFawn Posted June 29, 2007 Share Posted June 29, 2007 I am chilled out girlx it's you who's not chilled dear!!!!! Get a real man and you won't have to keep posting here!!!! How dare you talk to girlx like that in the women's forum? Or were you joking? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted June 29, 2007 Share Posted June 29, 2007 From what i have observed the situation with ferang women and thai men(husbands/boyfriends) is simialr to that of ferang men with thai women. The ferang women tend to be unatractive and/or older than the thai guy - therefor a half decent looking ferang girl thinks she has a good chance if she makes a move on the guy. I have never really seen an atractive ferang girl with a thai guy - seem to be mostly bohemian/hippy types. PS Try a bit of makeup and perfume, and take regular showers - like the girls who try to move in on your guys Ha ha! I'm taking it that you're joking ...? I have seen some fit farang men with Thai women, and not to 'blow my own trumpet', but I'm younger than my Thai guy, toned, and I turn heads! Really, what a waste PS i am one of the fit ferang guys you have seen with a thai bird yes, well, I am sure that makes you happy but please don't come onto the Ladies forum making broad generalizations based on the chip on your own shoulder. Please read the rules for this board before posting again, thanks This section of ThaiVisa.com is dedicated to women living in/travelling to or interested in Thailand.All posters male or female are welcome to post here but this section is predominately for women. Please keep topics on track & posts relevant to the subject. This is not a place for male posters to express their views on western or thai women & are asked to contribute to a topics relevance only. As such I ask that you do not abuse/flame or troll here. That includes making derogatory comments towards women or men or abusing posters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bina Posted June 29, 2007 Share Posted June 29, 2007 observer21 older then husband, petite, well preserved au naturale, and hopefully wouldnt attract the likes of some callow and shallow young guy like u bina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
girlx Posted June 29, 2007 Author Share Posted June 29, 2007 (edited) I am chilled out girlx it's you who's not chilled dear!!!!! Get a real man and you won't have to keep posting here!!!! seonai you obviously have a major problem with me and i can tell you just where to stick it... moderators shouldn't be talking like that. I have never really seen an atractive ferang girl with a thai guy - seem to be mostly bohemian/hippy types. hmm, not where i live. most of the farang girls here with thai boyfriends are young and gorgeous. Edited June 29, 2007 by girlx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seonai Posted June 29, 2007 Share Posted June 29, 2007 Girlx my comment was directly in reply to you telling me to chill out if you remember. The reason I said get a real man is because you keep talking as if it's you who's had all this trouble with farang women but then you clearly said it is not your boyfriend you are refering to. You continue by saying that you don't want a serious relationship with your current boyfriend - so why all the worry about farang women? No beef between you and I. It's just confusing that's all. Write to the admin team if you think 'Moderators shouldn't be talking like that' and you feel upset about it please. I have no more time for this topic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rainman Posted June 29, 2007 Share Posted June 29, 2007 I guess if you have a good relationship with your boyfriend/girlfriend, especially husband/wife, you can talk with them about it 1-on-1. You might just both find it funny and that's it. If you however can't even talk about that or she/he flirts back constantly, you might want to re-think your relationship, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wangnoi Posted June 29, 2007 Share Posted June 29, 2007 Girlx my comment was directly in reply to you telling me to chill out if you remember. The reason I said get a real man is because you keep talking as if it's you who's had all this trouble with farang women but then you clearly said it is not your boyfriend you are refering to. You continue by saying that you don't want a serious relationship with your current boyfriend - so why all the worry about farang women? No beef between you and I. It's just confusing that's all. Write to the admin team if you think 'Moderators shouldn't be talking like that' and you feel upset about it please. I have no more time for this topic. whoa, hold on there, seonai. don't want to gang up on you here, but you came on here in the midst of the discussion at hand and brought up previous threads where you and girlx have disagreed (thai male (in)fidelity) which don't relate to the topic. Then, you got personal by suggesting that perhaps she had nothing better to do that bring up topics like "these." And now she's at fault for telling you to chill out?? Have to say, I would've told you to "chill out", too, especially coming from a moderator. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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