Man Beats Up A Woman

[richard10365]

I had to send a fax late last night (tax problem). Afterwards, I was driving home taking short cuts inside the moat through the city. I went down a small dimly lit soi and passed an angry looking man standing over a crying woman.

As I passed by the man looked at me angrily and threatening. About 25 meters away I heard the woman scream so I stopped and looked back. He had just slapped her. I turned my motorcycle towards them to observe what he would do next.

He was yelling at her loudly while she cried. Grabbing her by the hair, he pulled his hand back and hit her with his fist. I turned my motorcycle more towards the two hoping he would be embarrased and leave.

He went inside and came out and hit her again. Then he looked at me and shouted in Thai..."arai!!! arai!!!"

Not sure of his intentions, what weapons he might of had, who might have been in the house with him and me being completely alone on a dark street I decided it was too risky to get directly involved.

I set out to find the police. I reached the main road next to the moat and immediately saw the police making a u-turn on a motorcycle. I tried flashing my lights and yelling at them. The one on the back looked at me but they just kept going.

I looked around for a bit and then drove up and down the road looking for the police but none were around. I looked for about 5 to 10 min and went back to where I saw the man beating the woman. They were both gone.

Not ever being in this situation before, I wasn't sure what the right course of action was.

I am curious what others would have done in that same situation or if they think I did the right or wrong thing and why.

Edited June 9, 2007 by richard10365

[Ulysses G.]

I think that most old time expats agree that interfering in a domestic dispute here is a no win situation.

You did the right thing, but if you have a cell phone and can speak Thai, maybe call the police next time?

[Tywais]

Not ever being in this situation before, I wasn't sure what the right course of action was.

I am curious what others would have done in that same situation or if they think I did the right or wrong thing and why.

Sounds like you did try to do something and I don't know how I would react in the same situation. Getting directly involved could be a dangerous thing as you indicated. Couple of issues regarding the police. 1st, they will rarely get involved in a domestic dispute unless it involves 'serious' injury to the party. I've seen that many times, police come, look, say family issues - not their business. 2nd, if the police do arrive and in the unlikely event they take direct action, good possibility he may take it out on her later.

[richard10365]

It still feels wierd not doing anything directly. Even if it is the right thing to do. I felt very ugly inside for leaving her alone with that man.

[Ulysses G.]

I know exactly what you mean.

[Blinky Bill]

It still feels wierd not doing anything directly. Even if it is the right thing to do. I felt very ugly inside for leaving her alone with that man.

In my previuous life many years ago I worked as a cop in Melbourne, Australia. One of the most dangerous things a cop (and an innocent bystander) can do is get involved in domestic disputes.

This is not unique to Australia.

[DragonQuest]

well theres 2 things you could of done, call or get the police, or act like superman and save her day, if i saw someone hitting someone profusely I would not stand idely by, especially if it was a kid or grandma getting beat, if there was no gun i would try to stop it, if there was a gun involved your taking a risk, let me ask you something, if you saw your mom getting beat would you walk away and call the police? I didnt think so.

[Blinky Bill]

well theres 2 things you could of done, call or get the police, or act like superman and save her day, if i saw someone hitting someone profusely I would not stand idely by, especially if it was a kid or grandma getting beat, if there was no gun i would try to stop it, if there was a gun involved your taking a risk, let me ask you something, if you saw your mom getting beat would you walk away and call the police? I didnt think so.

Get real!!

[BossHogg]

Sadly, this is one of the "Dark sides" to Thai society. Domestic violence is not unusual here and the police rarely take an interest if ever.If the abused woman has the money she may be able to get the police to press charges.As a westerner these situations make me sick to the stomach.

I could not walk away and turn a blind eye, even knowing the risks involved.

Does anyone know of a charity here that offers help to victims of domestic abuse? They would get my support.

[wasabi]

If I was Tony Jaa I might get involved but in real life fights are very dangerous, you could lose an eye, a limb your life. There are circumstances I would fight but not likely in the event of a stranger, of course I have compassion for them but you can't save the world.

[Ulysses G.]

well theres 2 things you could of done, call or get the police, or act like superman and save her day, if i saw someone hitting someone profusely I would not stand idely by, especially if it was a kid or grandma getting beat, if there was no gun i would try to stop it, if there was a gun involved your taking a risk, let me ask you something, if you saw your mom getting beat would you walk away and call the police? I didnt think so.

Get real!!

Blinky Bill has been here a long time and can handle himself better than 99% of the rest of us.

Listen.

[sceadugenga]

Sceadugenga's 10 point procedure for interfering in domestic disputes.

1) Stand between the couple.

2) Speak clearly and reasonably to the man.

3) Suggest he might like to pick on someone his own size.

4) Woman combatant then strikes you on the back of the head with nearest heavy object.

5) You fall to ground semi-conscious.

6) Male participant then puts in the slipper.

7) Both parties continue kick you for several minutes.

8) They then go inside to continue domestic dispute in peace.

9) Try not to move in case you have spinal injuries.

10) Ambulance arrives.

[Puwa]

I understand how you feel--both how you felt at the time and your misgivings today. I am not sure what I would have done either. If I were to try anything, it would be talking to the guy (from a distance): "jai yen-yen na pi.." etc. If the victim were a kid, though, I would probably would have interceded, come what may. (Not that a woman is less deserving of help, but protecting children is every adult's duty.)

But if it makes you feel better, chances are that this is not the first incident for this couple, and the neighbors and others are probably well aware of what is going on. You were a chance traveler down that soi.

By the way, there are many good organizations that help women victims of domestic violence. There was a thread on this a year or so ago, and several of us posted orgs, addresses, etc. so if someone is interested to contact them, just search the forum.

Edited June 9, 2007 by Puwa

[Donnyboy]

Sceadugenga's 10 point procedure for interfering in domestic disputes.

1) Stand between the couple.

2) Speak clearly and reasonably to the man.

3) Suggest he might like to pick on someone his own size.

4) Woman combatant then strikes you on the back of the head with nearest heavy object.

5) You fall to ground semi-conscious.

6) Male participant then puts in the slipper.

7) Both parties continue kick you for several minutes.

8) They then go inside to continue domestic dispute in peace.

9) Try not to move in case you have spinal injuries.

10) Ambulance arrives.

Donnyboys addition to Sceadugenga 10 point procedure for interfering in domestic disputes.

11) another ambulance arrives, both teams of paramedics fight over you while you lie in pain,with blood everywhere

12) surrounding neighbours hear the comotion and have a look

13) hour passes by while the paramedics argue whos patient you belong to

14) local somtam stall re opens as a huge crowd gathers to see what has happened

15) you in the meanwhile pass away

16) argueing couple come back outside after settling their petty dispute

17) police arrive after football game has finished on tv

18) boys in brown take statements from bystanders who didnt see anything

19) boys in brown conclude suicide - victim jumping from the low rise, case closed

20) news is reported in ThaiVisa- R.I.P.

[p1p]

I second Blinky Bill's comments - in spades. I have a close friend and ex-employee in the UK who is serving a long sentence because he intervened in a dispute between a woman and a man outside a West End pub in London. She was being severely beaten and he stepped in to break up the fight. He was then attacked by the guy and three of his friends.

He stood up for himself and came out on top, but ended up being charged with causing grevious bodily harm to both the girl and the guy who was her attacker. His word against all five of them!

Call the police - but don't get involved, it can ruin your life to do so.

[realthaideal]

"I think that most old time expats agree that interfering in a domestic dispute here is a no win situation.

You did the right thing, but if you have a cell phone and can speak Thai, maybe call the police next time? "

I agree, rare to break the cycle just by your 1 interference, and likely you will be subjected to harm. But then also wishing you could do something. I suggest you try honking your horn too next time and waking people up. Surely this added noise would draw people out and create pressure to lower the intensity of the arguing / beating going on. Also, the Thai emergency # used to be 191. Is it still ? I saw a guy pass out (drunk), driving by me on Hang Dong rd. about 3 yrs ago. He must've been going about 100km/h. The car whizzed by, fishtailed, then slammed into one of those big cement power poles. He had been ejected from his car and was on the ground bleeding out his head. I was the first one there and dialed 191. My Thai was rough but I was able to give the beginnings of the details and locations. Then some other Thais came along and explained more clearly. That call saved his life. Supachai did live, but his head didn't feel so 'Supa' afterward (sorry, couldn't resist)- I did go visit in the hospital too, just to make sure.

As for women's shelters for abuse, anybody know the name or whereabouts of any of them ? Any way to donate, volunteer, etc ? Might be a good thing to post on this thread.

[miltonbentley]

As hard as it is I have to agree with the majority that have said before don't get involved directly in domestic disputes - anywhere. The risks are huge and it is very unlikely you will receive support from either party.

Unless you are prepared for dire consequences limit yourself to reporting the incident to the authorities and even that can have its drawbacks.

[richard10365]

Thanks for all the comments everyone. After reading everything I feel a little better about what I did. I hope the lady is ok and ends up getting help in one way or another.

[eek]

Oh i really feel for you, because it is a horrible position to be in.

I think that you did the right thing based on the circumstances. Had you tried to intercept verbally or physically it could have antagonised the mans anger further and ended up with the woman (along with yourself) actually coming out worse than having not interfered.

I idea of the bike horn sounds like a further thing to try help break up the problem, however he would probably just take the fight elsewhere.

I wonder how a thai man would react if a western woman rather than a man were to try intercept? Hit both women? I guess hitting a women means he has no respect for them.

Also, is it not seen as acceptable to hit GF's and wives if they do something the man sees as inappropriate here? I read a lot of stories about women being hit if they 'step out of line'.

Very sad.

[expatwannabe]

Getting involved in a Thai - Thai dispute is the fastest way to:

1) get the shit kicked out of you

2) get killed (then or later, after they've followed you home)

3) get kicked out of the country for fighting

You can either save yourself or save no one. You have no chance of saving the girl.

[Wizzard of Oz]

Yeah, I would not get directly involved in Thailand with a Thai person.

Back in Australia I may do it - knowing the situation much better.

In any case - what is the phone number for the police here in thailand if such a thing happens? And is there any chance any of the will understand english?

[Austhaied]

Invest in a stun gun.. Very discreet and look just like a phone..Perfectly legal as well.

[realthaideal]

"In any case - what is the phone number for the police here in thailand if such a thing happens? And is there any chance any of the will understand english?"

Again, the emergency phone # used to be 191 - just as in the USA it's 911. Not sure that it's still in effect as only used it once in 2004 or so. Imagine it is. Had a feeling it was all in Thai, I managed to ramble my way thru it when I made the phone call though I didn't understand everything said back n asked of me.

[bernie66]

Best that you did nothing brother. If you have the kind of luck that I do. If I had intervened he would have turned out to be a cop. But anyway at that point their is nothing to do but give him a taste of his own medicine. Which might have made it worse for her behind closed doors. Men who abuse their women physically have control issues. Him losing control by you beating on him would have made him blame her and incited more violence later. And just maybe, the fact of the matter just might have been that it was her husband that caught her with another man and she might just might have deserved it. You'll never know. He could have had you arrested for assault and had you kicked out of the country. So don’t feel cowardly for looking the other way. Especially in an Asian country no police would have taken your side had you been picked up.

[JimsKnight]

Richard its a humbling experience when you see this. You have to remember that these things happen all over the place, when we come across them its an ugly reminder of the dark side of a person. He's likely got some karma coming around to knock him senseless but...

The horn blast sounds best as you can keep your distance.

A stun gun (electro-projectile type, not the touch-type) might be worth a look, but they are a one-shot wonder weapon so make it count otherwise you're essentially unarmed. Its also useless if there is more than one attacker.

If he's unknown to the girl then I'm all for saving the day, but if he's her husband/Bf then it can get complicated. If you do put the guy down and save the girl what then? You get her back to your place, police come and sort it out. (The police always take ages to deploy to a night-time call-out)The girl goes back to her place and he finds out where you live. Now you are a marked-man and need to get the fck out of dodge!

Intervening in a domestic means taking on all the burdens that they have. I don't know of anyone who has successfully done the have-a-go hero and come out on top.

[britmaveric]

domestics are ugly - best to ring police. I've seen people get involved and get <deleted> beaten out of them by the abuser and the abusee. Not to mention a group of his mates might be around. Best bet is to ring the MIB and let them deal with it.

[miltonbentley]

Invest in a stun gun.. Very discreet and look just like a phone..Perfectly legal as well.

Not legal everywhere, including the UK where stun guns are classified in the same category as firearms so beware if you plan to own one and take it abroad.

There was a time in the UK when I was having problems involving some particularly nasty characters so I did carry one for a while despite the legal risks. I figured I would rather take my chances in court than having a knife in the gut while walking home.

One day I had some troublemakers in my pub (in London) with a reputation for extreme violence. I wanted them to leave and just in case got the stun gun out the safe and popped it in my trouser pocket before confronting them. As it happens they left peacefully.

Later in the day I absently put my hand in my pocket and thought 'what's this?'. I unconsciously pressed the button and zapped myself with 50,000 volts right near my unmentionables. Must have been for a millisecond before I let go of the button but I was in bits for about 10 minutes. Racing pulse, the shakes, out of breath. It gave my staff and customers a good laugh at my expense. Stupid <deleted> I know but a good demonstration of the effectiveness of stun guns

I don't recommend owning one unless you are in a very fearful situation as they are a potentially lethal weapon and good have serious consequences. But if you do try not to zap your privates.

[Austhaied]

Invest in a stun gun.. Very discreet and look just like a phone..Perfectly legal as well.

Later in the day I absently put my hand in my pocket and thought 'what's this?'. I unconsciously pressed the button and zapped myself with 50,000 volts right near my unmentionables. Must have been for a millisecond before I let go of the button but I was in bits for about 10 minutes. Racing pulse, the shakes, out of breath. It gave my staff and customers a good laugh at my expense. Stupid <deleted> I know but a good demonstration of the effectiveness of stun guns

Sorry Milton but i just fell off the stool in stitches just visualizing your ordeal.. Wish i had of been there.

[farangsay]

domestics are ugly - best to ring police. I've seen people get involved and get <deleted> beaten out of them by the abuser and the abusee. Not to mention a group of his mates might be around. Best bet is to ring the MIB and let them deal with it.

Funny reading your words Brit. Reminds me of a pal of mine who was heading home in London one night when he saw a guy slapping a girl around. Being a frisky can-do guy himself he took the fellow to one side and , when he got a bit obstreporous , slapped him a bit. Next thing he knew the girl was beating him around the head with her handbag. Exit stage left.

On a more serious note , I think the OP did the best he could (and more than most would do) and he made the right decision in not personally intervening.

[Johpa]

It still feels wierd not doing anything directly. Even if it is the right thing to do. I felt very ugly inside for leaving her alone with that man.

In my previuous life many years ago I worked as a cop in Melbourne, Australia. One of the most dangerous things a cop (and an innocent bystander) can do is get involved in domestic disputes.

This is not unique to Australia.

Listen to Bill! I have many pals who are cops here in the US, including my next door neighbor. Nothing causes them more concern for their own safety than domestic disputes because they are situations that are totally unpredictable.